I need my sister

[Diamond Confused]

My sister and her boyfriend of 9 years broke up the same day as I got engaged. I ran into her house to tell her the exciting news and when she hugged me to congratulate me she started crying and told me waht had happened. They broke up because he decided he didn''t ever want children.

We are not competitive with eachother so I know she''s not bitter and is genuinely happy for me still i imagine it makes her feel worse.

Yesterday she said she wasn''t going to help me with planning the wedding. It made me really sad to hear her say that because I want her to be there with me. I didn''t say anything because I know she has her own issues to deal with but it doesn''t make it any easier. I don''t want to be selfish so I am not going to pressure her or talk to her about the wedding none stop.

I wonder if as time goes by she''ll change her mind. She is the person I love the most in this world and I need her.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

This blow is still very raw for your sister. And while she is probably thrilled for you, she is probably aching all over and completely numb at the exact same time. Although you''d love for her to be right there helping you along the planning I commend her for being honest with her limitations right now.

I would bet she''ll come around. Maybe not quickly. But, I''m sure once her heart heals, she''ll be more up to the challange of helping you plan your big day.

 

[jcarlylew]

Date: 9/17/2008 3:05:02 PM
Author: Italiahaircolor
This blow is still very raw for your sister. And while she is probably thrilled for you, she is probably aching all over and completely numb at the exact same time. Although you''d love for her to be right there helping you along the planning I commend her for being honest with her limitations right now.

I would bet she''ll come around. Maybe not quickly. But, I''m sure once her heart heals, she''ll be more up to the challange of helping you plan your big day.

i couldnt agree more. You can let her know how excited you were to plan with her, but you understand that now is not the time. just however and what ever you say, do not make it any way possible with quilt attached to it (not that you would, just watch out for the wording).

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I also agree that she will come around in due time. Trust me, she WANTS to be able to be a part of planning it, the only reason she can't is because she's trying to heal. It's hard and I really feel for both of you

A very good friend of mine got engaged the week I ended my relationship. I was so happy for her, but she really respected my need to separate myself from anything wedding-related because it was painful. It was around the 2-month mark when I was really fine with talking about it and I let her know by asking her about her wedding. She didn't bring anything up until I did and I really appreciated it--once she knew I was okay (after bringing up her wedding several times), she knew it wasn't taboo anymore. I would suggest the same--let her bring it up when she's ready.

 

[fieryred33143]

Date: 9/17/2008 2:34:24 PM
Author:Diamond Confused
My sister and her boyfriend of 9 years broke up the same day as I got engaged. I ran into her house to tell her the exciting news and when she hugged me to congratulate me she started crying and told me waht had happened. They broke up because he decided he didn''t ever want children.

We are not competitive with eachother so I know she''s not bitter and is genuinely happy for me still i imagine it makes her feel worse.

Yesterday she said she wasn''t going to help me with planning the wedding. It made me really sad to hear her say that because I want her to be there with me. I didn''t say anything because I know she has her own issues to deal with but it doesn''t make it any easier. I don''t want to be selfish so I am not going to pressure her or talk to her about the wedding none stop.

I wonder if as time goes by she''ll change her mind. She is the person I love the most in this world and I need her.

I wouldn''t ask her for any help right now. Breaking up with someone after a 9 year relationship is devestating, even if it was her idea. She needs time to heal. And as her sister you should give her this time. You don''t need her to plan the wedding but I can understand you wanting to share this time with her. Give her the space and she''ll come around.

 

[bee*]

Date: 9/17/2008 3:05:02 PM
Author: Italiahaircolor
This blow is still very raw for your sister. And while she is probably thrilled for you, she is probably aching all over and completely numb at the exact same time. Although you''d love for her to be right there helping you along the planning I commend her for being honest with her limitations right now.


I would bet she''ll come around. Maybe not quickly. But, I''m sure once her heart heals, she''ll be more up to the challange of helping you plan your big day.

I totally agree. I''d say that she definitely will come around in time-she''s probably just so hurt at the moment. Be there for her and I''m sure in a few weeks to a month, she''ll be doing the same for you.

 

[LaraOnline]

Aw, you are lucky to have such a wonderfully close relationship with your sister. She will be enjoying seeing you so happy, even as watching you plan your wedding might bring even starker contrast to her own feelings of loneliness and isolation.
However, these feelings of hers will pass, and it sounds like you are both mature and close enough to be the best you can be for each other.
I wouldn''t be upset with her if she finds it difficult to ''recover'' quickly. However, do your best to draw her into the ''fun'' side of things, like the parties and perhaps bridesmaid gift shopping

, without leaning on her to work at more unpleasant tasks, and she will gain strength and support from you.
You also need to be there for her at this time, regardless of the wedding timing.

 

[SailorsSweet<3]

It sounds like all your sister needs is a little healing time. I''m sure once she sees you planning and she starts thinking about being there for you and helping you with decisions she won''t be able to resist! You''re very lucky to have such a strong bond.

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

Give her some time to heal.

Even once she has started to heal she may not be able to deal with helping you plan. It is up to you to accept that. I have a good friend who made it very clear to me that she was happy for me but wanted nothing to do with the wedding (other than attending) because it was bothering her too much that she was not moving forward with her relationship. Yes, it bothered me very much initally but having been in her situation one too many times, I am leaving her alone out of respect for her feelings. It''s been about three months and she is just beginning to very carefully ask about the wedding and in turn my responses are courteous but not detail oriented.

 

[icekid]

Diamond Confused- If I recall correctly, you said you''re not getting married for 4 years yet anyway, right? I wouldn''t think anything for wedding planning is pressing just yet in that case. There is probably plenty of time for her to do some healing and be very involved in your wedding. Give her time; I suspect she will come around when she is ready.