I wanna upgrade *whine* Advise plz?

[recran]

DH is so sweet - we''ve been together since high school and managed to make it through college and my law school. We got married 1 year and 9 mos ago, and I''m now in my first year of practice. In high school, I was very into being unique, so I wanted a unique engagement ring - I didn''t want a diamond. Junior year of college, he proposed with the ring I''d wanted in high school - an emerald in yellow gold. Well...by the time he proposed, I wanted a diamond in white gold. But we didn''t have any money and I didn''t have the heart to tell him anyway.

So I''ve been wearing my emerald for about five years now...and I still think it''s pretty but not what I want. Upon close inspection, it doesn''t look that good either - it has a few little scratches. I recently found out my side diamond was loose, and that reminded me all over again of how much I want another ring. So I started looking. Turns out I can get what I want for about $12K. But he''s balking. He can''t believe I''d want to spend even half that much on "just a piece of jewelry," esp. when we''ve already gotten married with different rings. I used the haircut/clothes analysis on him (neither of us has the same haircut we had 5 years ago, why should I be stuck looking at a ring I don''t love every single day?) but it didn''t work so well.

Any advice in how to convince him that I should get to have what nearly every girl wants - a diamond? TIA!

 

[Matata]

I''ll probably be in the minority on this, but why not keep your emerald as your engagement ring and buy yourself a diamond RHR.

 

[AChiOAlumna]

Or how about a compromise and keep the emerald (but I'm biased with any EC stones!!

), but get it reset into something that suits you more now....that'll save him moeny and provide you with an opportunity to get a setting that you like in the WG. Then, when you're making even MORE money, then you can upgrade the center stone at a later time!!

It'll be a gradual, ongoing upgrade!

 

[diamondlil]

Well, since you''ve only been married for less than 2 years, maybe you could get a diamond for your milestone 5th anniversary. I would keep the issue allive for the next 3 years.

A little story along the same lines: My mother wanted to go to Hawaii. My dad kept saying no, too much money. My mother decided that she wanted to go to Hawaii for their 25th anniversary, so around the 20-year mark, she told everyone she knew that they were going to go to Hawaii for their 25th (tongue in cheek of course). My dad started out saying no way, but by the time their 25th anniversary rolled around, she had told enough people the plan that he says he "had to take her."

It''s a big joke in the family.

I''m not saying nag him or anything, but just let it be know to him and everyone else you associate with that this is what is going to happen. Your 5th anniversary will be here before you know it. By then, he won''t want to disappoint you.

 

[sparklelover]

Let me share a story of a girl I know.


She wanted a 1 ct RB for e-ring. He said too much $$ why don''t I get you something like a nice CZ ring on HSN, they look the same to me...

She smiled and said: Honey, the difference between a CZ and a diamond to me is like a Honda and a Harley to you.

He immediately got the idea. He is a die-hard Harley rider.


She got her diamond. End of the story.


I guess you just need to explain it to DH in a way that would make sence to him. I am sure DH wants to make you happy when he understands what the diamond would mean to you.

 

[AChiOAlumna]

Date: 4/14/2005 1

4:41 PM
Author: sparklelover
Let me share a story of a girl I know.

She wanted a 1 ct RB for e-ring. He said too much $$ why don''t I get you something like a nice CZ ring on HSN, they look the same to me...

She smiled and said: Honey, the difference between a CZ and a diamond to me is like a Honda and a Harley to you.

He immediately got the idea. He is a die-hard Harley rider.

She got her diamond. End of the story.

I guess you just need to explain it to DH in a way that would make sence to him. I am sure DH wants to make you happy when he understands what the diamond would mean to you.

This is a really good point! My husband also has problems equating money to things and has a difficult time with value concepts. One day, we were at a Home/Garden show and my husband saw a BBQ he really liked!! i explained to him that the cost of the BBQ was almost twice what it would cost us to go to Jamaica (my husband LOVES Jamaica and foriegn travel in general!)...at that moment, he got the message of the value of that BBQ and decided he didn''t want it...

I realized that explained value and cost in terms of travel seems to help him grasp the concept!

 

[MissAva]

Would you be willing to have that be you x.mas/ birthday/valentines day present for the next year? How old are ya''lls cars? Is it a concern that he might be wanting a newer car soon? Do ya''ll own a home? I would ask him if any has reasons other then sentimental value....I hope this helps!

 

[jaysonsmom]

I have a few tactics that I use on my husband, and so far I''ve gotten several rings out of him....we''ve been married almost 5 years, and I''ve gotten a new setting, new band or upgrade for every anniversary. You have to do the whining when he''s in a really good mood, and preferably after great sex

1. Don’t you want your wife to have the best of everything? It shows YOUR success! (playing on my husband’s ego always works).
2. I gave you two of the most precious gifts (our kids) so I deserve to have precious gifts in return.
3. I contribute all my income to our joint funds, and never get to have any reward for all my hard work (I’m a full time working mom).
4. So and so (insert friend’s name) doesn’t cook, clean, work full time, or have any kids to take care of, and HER husband got her a huge rock! I’m the model wife, so shouldn’t I have something just as nice as hers, if not nicer?


I''m soooooooooooo bad!

 

[Logan Sapphire]

Even though we''re a few years away from having kids, I''ve tried the whole "push present" concept with my husband- not an upgrade, but some sort of commemorative bauble. He just snorts and tells me kids are just as much a present to me as they are to him. Darn!

 

[recran]

Well, we just bought our first house in September so we''re not saving up for a d/p anymore. We have 2 cars that are paid off, but we do need to get a new one within the next year or two. I would *totally* be willing for a ring to be my one present from him for the year! Heck, I''d be willing to pay for the thing myself. But we have that deal about getting approval on large purchases... He just can''t believe I''d want a ring that costs more than an incredibly cheap car. (I tried to tell him that cars depreciate and rings generally don''t, but he just gave me this who-cares look.)

So... maybe I''ll start saving up for it myself... and start telling everyone I know how I''m going to get this great ring for our 5 year anniversary... and I''ll talk him into it using a paintball gun analogy. Thanks for the ideas! And if anyone has any more of them, please share!!!

 

[Mara]

When I approach hubby about upgrades, there are two various ways...the first is to plant the bug as someone else was saying and then just keep dropping hints. Over time I guess he gets more used to the idea and then if I can end it by ''selling'' it to him with how much extra it will be, what that means for future gifts (aka this is going to be my birthday, VDay and Xmas so you are off the hook the whole year!), how it affects our goals etc...

The second way is to just skip that first step of laying the groundwork and going straight for the sales tactics.

I find the first way is best for LARGE purchases or something that is a big deal and really takes alot of thought and feeling comfortable with. The second way I can employ if it''s something smaller such as $1k or something where it''s not breaking the bank and is the equivalent of something else we''d get anyway, etc. aka I''d rather have this new earring set than the new patio set or something where he could care less if we had the new patio set or I had a new diamond (oh and it gets him off the hook for a long time re: gifts!! he loves that part!)

I do make comparisons to his ''hobbies'' vs what I like..and that does make some sense to him. aka you love spending money on cars and I love diamonds!

Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn''t!

But be patient and respect his wishes...over time he will hopefully begin to see your point and come around to realize it''s important to you. Good luck!