I witnessed a harsh LIW moment over the holiday

[fieryred33143]

My FI''s cousin, who is I think 1 year younger than him so she''s 28/29, has been dating her bf for three years. They live together in a studio that is attached to their grandmother''s house.

For Thanksgiving, we all met up at their grandmother''s house for dinner. After dinner, we put on some music for dancing and that''s when it all started.

My FI''s brother (who is the oldest of all the cousins and was a little drunk) started asking the BF when was he planning on proposing. That set everyone off and they all started asking and talking about their wedding. Their grandmother said something to the effect of "you don''t pay me that much so you must have money saved." It was awful. You can tell that they were both very uncomfortable.

Then the BF messed up. Out of being uncomfortable and not knowing how to handle the situation/questions, he decides to make a "little" joke. He says "well she gave me a deadline of 11:59PM, 12/31 but she''s been saying that for 2 years now so we''ll see who wins that night"

It was one of those moments where you couldn''t really tell if he was joking or not but even if he was, it wasn''t funny and she wasn''t happy about the comment.

Here''s to families making life so uncomfortable

 

[Bia]

LOL Amazing.

You gotta love family, but they can be a MAJOR PITA! Poor girl, she was probably FUMING.

 

[bee*]

ooh that doesn''t sound like it was a nice situation! Ouch!

 

[tabu]

Yeah, that is not a nice thing to say at all, even if he was just joking and under pressure. I for sure would have been upset.

But hopefully he apologized to her the next day and they are alright...? Stupid boys

But we love ''em

 

[jcarlylew82]

oh my!

 

[Dreamgirl]

That''s just wrong. The whole thing.

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

I feel really badly for her, but also think it could be good. If he''s stringing her along, then little situations like that may be what she needs to help her make up her mind to go or stay.

If I gave a boy an expiration date, and he embarassed me with it or acted flippant about it, I''d be more inclined to stick to it.

 

[fieryred33143]

I''m hoping she does stick to it because I don''t like him LOL. Neither does most of the family. He''s a little too "loud." But she adores him and he makes her happy so I''m wishing for the best.

I did feel really bad for her and so did FI''s mom who thought it would make the situation better if she reminded her that I waited 6 years. I told FMIL that it doesn''t really help an anxious LIW to hear that she could technically wait another 3 more years LOL

 

[Dreamgirl]

Hey, I''ve been with FF for 10 years and we will probably get married in 3 years guessing.....(so you could imagine my LIW feelings)

Sometimes that''s just how it goes.

 

[J-in-B]

Wow, that is pretty bad.

But mine wasn''t far from it either.

Thanksgiving Dinner with my bf''s family. We talk about how a BJ''s is about to open near us soon. So my bf puts his arm around me and anounces:
Her and I will get a membership there. How''s that for a commitment?
Uncle 1: What, in lieu of a ring?
Uncle 2: I want to walk down the aisle with you, the paper towels and cleaning products aisle, that is, hahaha!
BF: I want to spend the rest of my life with you! Well at least until next Tuesday. Here is your BJ''s card. Hahaha!

How about that?

Sorry, I''m new here and start venting right away. I''m trying to let that wedding stuff go. Bf has been talking marriage on and off for two years now. Recently I asked for a timeline and he said he has a plan but isn''t there yet, financially.
None the less, he jumps back and forth between one minute suggesting venues for our reception or planning which room will be the nursery, and the next minute switching the channel with the NFL game because they show the Kays ering commercial.
So I decided just to relax and not take any of this seriously. But here we go, we had a jolly TG dinner with some good laughs and I came back to work today to find my coworker all beaming and presenting her new ering.
So I''m a little down today and obsessively searching the net for ladies who can relate. And just found you girls.

 

[swingirl]

When BFs make comments like that at family gatherings I hope it's a wake-up call to the GFs. What more does someone need to say other than, "Back off! I ain't interested."

Like Billy Crystal said in "When Harry Met Sally", "I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."

 

[honey22]

Ouch! Bet he didn''t get an holiday loving

 

[Inanna]

OOOF!

I bet that BF got an EARFULL at the end of the night.

This story has actually given me a larger appreciation of my own family and (now) FI (thank goodness they''ve never put me in a similar situation, or even close). I''d go ballistic.

 

[kittybean]

Ugh, that just makes my heart hurt for her. Who refers to proposing or not proposing as "winning?" I hope she gave him a piece of her mind later.

 

[Rhea]

I feel bad for both of them. What a bad situation for both of them to be in.

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

I would have felt bad for him had he handled it better, but instead of taking the family''s insensitive pressure with grace and shielding his girlfriend, he threw her under the bus and saved himself. He put all the embarassment on her and stepped away. Shame on that family, and shame on that boyfriend. I can''t tell really if it was just her family, or members of his family too, but if it was his family too, then he gets even less forgiveness.

 

[fieryred33143]

Date: 12/1/2008 5:16:35 PM
Author: Guilty Pleasure
I would have felt bad for him had he handled it better, but instead of taking the family''s insensitive pressure with grace and shielding his girlfriend, he threw her under the bus and saved himself. He put all the embarassment on her and stepped away. Shame on that family, and shame on that boyfriend. I can''t tell really if it was just her family, or members of his family too, but if it was his family too, then he gets even less forgiveness.

Nope. Just FI''s family (which is her family). Thing is it started off as a joke. We were outside and FI''s brother (who is 37) was talking about being excited to have a niece or nephew that he can pick up for a day and drop off when its time to change the diaper (as a joke of course). So FMIL chimed in with her usual when are you getting married, when are you settling down, you can''t be a bachelor for life, give me grandchildren, etc. etc

. The cousin''s bf started laughing at him and that''s when he says "well, when are you proposing funny guy" The bf got embarrassed and ran inside which of course gave a bunch of drunk men more fuel.

But that''s when the ladies started and it was just a disaster after that LOL. We never had to go through that with them because my FI has a very serious demeaner and people just don''t play around with him that way. He actually made his comment about the deadline to her best friend that was giving him a hard time too.

Funny note: as soon as he said that FI turns to me and says "if I had said that, I would be sleeping on the couch right" and I said "yes...the couch at your mother''s house"

 

[allycat0303]

I would have thrown my fiance out the window if he embarassed me that way. REALLY. A very high window. I despise those kind of macho, disrespectful comments when a man purposly makes a woman feel like fool. And really, he made her look like a weak, doormat of a girl. ON PURPOSE. Jerk. I think comments like that show what a man is really made of.

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 12/1/2008 5:27:07 PM
Author: allycat0303
I would have thrown my fiance out the window if he embarassed me that way. REALLY. A very high window. I despise those kind of macho, disrespectful comments when a man purposly makes a woman feel like fool. And really, he made her look like a weak, doormat of a girl. ON PURPOSE. Jerk. I think comments like that show what a man is really made of.

Ditto!

 

[FrekeChild]

OUCH!!!!!That''s horrible!!! His @$$ would be grass...

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 12/1/2008 3:05:28 PM
Author: swingirl
When BFs make comments like that at family gatherings I hope it''s a wake-up call to the GFs. What more does someone need to say other than, ''Back off! I ain''t interested.''

Like Billy Crystal said in ''When Harry Met Sally'', ''I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.''

I don''t think it''s that simple. SO and I have been dating for 5+ years, but people have been asking us about marriage since about year 2, long before it was a consideration for either of us. And between friends, family, SO and I, there is probably a LONG list of harsh or inappropriate things that have been said, mostly to displace uncomfortable attention or pressure by others. SO was seriously convinced for a while that I never wanted to get married as a result of some of the things that I said.

It''s hard to get people to back off and just let your relationship move at its natural pace. I talk about my SO all the time, but I don''t like to talk to my friends about intimate things (love, sex, marriage, etc). To me, those things are very personal and special, and they represent a vulnerability that I love sharing with SO, but not with others. (aside from the fact that I am talking about them anonymously on the internet...

) But my response in public never had much to do with my response in private, and as long as the couple knows how they are doing, yes, it might be inappropriate or embarrassing, but it''s not quite the crisis everyone is making it out to be.

I''m not saying that THIS situation was necessarily that way, just that all situations are not the same, and having been in a relationship where both people like to do and say cray things to entertain friends and get a laugh, sometimes people go too far, but it doesn''t always equal a relationship in crisis.

 

[radiantquest]

ooof. that was harsh. i can just feel the embarassment.

 

[Amanda.Rx]

EEeesh! Poor girl- the family tends to bring out the worst in people, sometimes.