If It Meant Getting Your Ultimate Wedding... Would You Do It?

[hawaiianorangetree]

Hi All

Ok.. this might be long and there''s a couple of parts to it so thanks in advance for sticking to the end!!

So i had always just assumed that my parents would give me the same amount of money for my wedding that they gave my sister when she got married. When we got engaged my mother grudgingly said to me ''well i suppose i will have to give the same amount of money that i gave your sister for her wedding'' I told her not to worry about it.. i didn''t really want to take her money if she wasn''t willing to give it to me.
Then she couldn''t wait to tell me how she had spoken to my dad (they are divorced) and she had asked him if he was going to give me some money towards the wedding, he replied with something along the lines of ''well that wont be happeneing, she wont be marrying him'' (another story entirely over why that was said) anyhoo, so he wasn''t too forthcoming with the money either.

Fine, whatever, i can pay for my own wedding. We are having it at home, our budget isn''t huge ($7000) but i am fairly confident that we can make a nice evening out of it.

My ''wedding inspiration'' if you will is Bali style, think lots of day beds, lounge chairs, cushions, relaxed style atmosphere in a garden... So i have been planning away and i have been researching furniture hire etc here in Perth i thought that i was going to have to go with hiring normal trestle tables and chairs that needed covers for my marquee as that''s all there seems to be around.. and then i came across this site..

www.villakula.com.au

This is like my dream, ultimate, perfect wedding style. I didn''t have any wedding envy EVER until i came accross this site, it''s just absolutely what i dreamed, wanted, envisioned for my own perfect wedding.
The girl who runs / owns the business had her own wedding featured it the latest Cosmo Bride "Best real weddings" (it''s the bali wedding at the back for those girls in Oz with the mag) and i even ''post-it noted'' this wedding for my own inspiration!!

Anyway, so you can hire furniture and stuff from this events place (like the day beds, lounges, everything i want etc) but it''s pretty pricey and i couldn''t afford to do it with our budget (we can afford the tressle tables and the crappy chairs with covers)... BUT... we could do it if my dad chipped in with the same amount of money that he gave my sister. (he gave her $3000 12 years ago, i figure $1000 - $2000 would get me all the furniture i need)

SO my question is.... If it meant getting what you absolutely dreamed of.. would you ask you parents (dad) for the money to do it?

He has the money, money has never been an issue to him.. he is very financially secure, just boasted to me about how he spent $5000 on a dining table for his pub.

I have been quite proud over the fact that i am doing this whole wedding thing myself without their help, but then part of me aches for this furniture that would take my wedding up to a whole new level. I have never asked my dad for money ever, and what he has given/done for my sister, he has done the same for me and vice versa and now i''m completely torn, do i go with my pride or my dream?

Thanks again if you made it this far.

 

[LilyKat]

Personally? I wouldn''t ask for the money.

He has already been approached to give you money and has shown reluctance (apologies if I misunderstood, but that''s how it sounded). Accepting it if he was actively offering it and encouraging you to take it would be a different matter. Second, money is rarely if ever truly "no strings attached". You might have to change your plans to accommodate his preferences, and feel indebted to him in the future.

The most I would do, if I were in regular contact with him, would be to discuss your ideas in a general sense and see if he makes an offer. If not, I''d let it drop and do what you can afford on your own.

 

[makemepretty]

Money shouldn''t be asked for, it should be offered.

A $7,000 budget isn''t that bad for a wedding. A wedding is one day, a marriage is a lifetime so I don''t think you''ll be looking back wishing you had spent more money on your wedding. I think you''ll be much happier if you stay within your budget without asking for help. I know they gave your sister money but that doesn''t mean they have to give you the same amount or even any money. If you do it yourself you''ll feel better about your choices. That''s just my opinion though.

One of my favorite dvd''s is the Best Of Platinum Weddings. While I love watching that dvd, the couple gets lost in all the hoopla, it''s all about the "stuff".

 

[Londongirl1]

I agree with both of the previous posts. I wouldn't ask for money. My wedding isn't going to be extravagant because for me it's not about the big dress, big wedding car, 10 course sit down dinner blah, blah, blah....The best weddings I've even been to are those where spending loads of money and impressing people wasn't the main objective. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing bad about wanting a nice wedding but you can have a lovely wedding with $7,000.

Your issue seems to be that your sister got money for her wedding. Well that was her so just let it go....

 

[Barcelona]

Are you close to your father? Why did he make that comment to your mother? It sounds like if he had wanted to give the money, he already would have.

Personally, I wouldn''t ask for the money. I''d find other ways to trim my budget if that is what you really want. Could you spend $1000 on rentals and do some of the decorating (pillows, curtains, etc.) yourself?

Money rarely comes without strings, so just think it through before you do it.

 

[Amanda.Rx]

Uh... I wrote a nice, long reply and the computer ate it. To summarize:

I think it''s compeltely unfair to have given your sister $3000 and you not a penny. I think it''s reasonable to ask since he''s your father and he''s well off. If you think he''s going to hold it over your head for years or if it''s going to damage your relationship or make him feel entitled, then you may want to reconsider.

Would you be willing to ask for a no-interest personal loan from him? My dad offered that to me, in case I go over my budget. He told me I could take my time paying him back. That could maybe save you from financial trouble over getting a loan from a bank.

It''s hard to say. If it were my wedding, I''d ask, but my relationship with my parents is different.

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

I think that i am going to keep it in my mind as a ''don''t sell your soul to the devil'' kinda of thing. I''m sure in the long run i will end up much happpier if i don''t ask for the money, even if it means i don''t get the look i was after completely.

Thanks Amanda, Barcelona, and Lilykat you all gave advice that has been sitting in the back of my head, i know money has strings and i guess if he wanted to he would have offered, best i just let sleeping dogs lie. Although i am toying with the personal load idea (thanks amanda!) he doesn''t actually know we are planning the wedding or even have a date so maybe i could ask for a loan and it wouldn''t have to be directly tied to the wedding.

 

[cindygenit]

No!

 

[lulu66]

i''d vote no, too. just keep in mind, the most important thing is that you are getting married & sharing that moment between you & FI with the family and friends you see fit. in the grand scheme of things decor is not THAT important. yes, it is nice to see your vision fulfilled; in this case it seems like a) you''re setting yourself up for a major disappointment with your dad (if he doesn''t give you the money) or b) going to receive money with strings attached which could end up compromising your vision anyway. try to make due the best you can with the budget you have. if at some point he offers the money, great! if not, stay proud that you all did it on your own!

 

[Lilac]

On one hand, if he gave the money to your sister and he has the ability to equally contribute to yours as he did hers, I think he should offer the help to you as well.

However, that said, I wouldn''t ask for it. If he offered, I would say you should accept it. But if he isn''t OFFERING it, I don''t think you should ask for it. Unfair? Maybe. But it''s not worth it if he might hold it against you or if there would be strings attached. I don''t have a problem with parents contributing to their kids'' weddings (my own parents paid for mine) but I think the parents need to really WANT to do it on their own, otherwise it can cause a lot of problems later on and personally I just don''t think it''s worth it.

 

[Kelli]

While I don''t think it was nice of them to not offer you the money after giving it to your sister, I definitely would not ask for it. I''d go with my pride over my dream, especially since it''s furniture, and not something you''ll be able to keep forever anyway.

 

[honey22]

I wouldn''t sweetie, cos in the long run it''s not worth it.

Can you push your wedding back by a few weeks/months in order to save the extra cash? It may be worth it to have the wedding of your dreams?

 

[cleokizzy]

IMHO, i would not ask for it.

it is nice to get that dream wedding BUT think about it... you started having that vision after you saw it on that website which made you lose focus on what actually matters! it''s not about the venue - it''s only about 2 people: you and FI.

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

Thanks again for your replies ladies and thanks for talking some sense into me. I know that i will be alot happier on the day knowing that i did it all on my own.