If you aren''t picking out your specific ring...

[absolut_blonde]

Have you discussed where he will be buying the stone/ring from?

I am fairly certain that SO will be popping the question within a year (and I tend to think/hope it will be sooner than that). He doesn't have the ring yet. The more I hang around PS, the more I tend to think it would be a better deal for us to buy online. I'd much prefer we don't pay the B&M store premiums, particularly since I suspect he wants to spend a decent chunk of change (for us, anyway).

So... how do I bring this up tactfully? I should note, I'm a bit less involved in the ring process than some gals on here b/c SO is really into the 'surprise' thing (since that's important to him, I'm trying to respect that). I just don't want to TELL him where to buy it. I was going to send him a link to a few good diamonds online - he'll have no issue with that, I've sent him ring ideas before. But I feel like it's worth mentioning why I feel online is a better route and why I feel it's safe/not sketchy.

Just not sure how to approach it. I don't want to come across like I trying to seize control of the whole thing because as I said, it's important to him to do certain things his way/as a surprise. Plus with the whole LIW aspect, I don't want to be pushing the topic or delay things.

Any advice?

 

[FrekeChild]

Hahahaha. Just the other day I made him a revised list with EVERY detail-size of the stone (gemstone), what the carat weight should be around, shape, broad color range (this is where I trust him), what stone *species* I want, and who I want to cut it. Then it has the details for the setting (which is a plain old solitaire, so I''m not really worried about the details of that). And THEN it has a list of vendors down on the bottom. So basically all he has to do is hunt down the vendors (which isn''t hard because I gave him their contact info) and give them the sheet of paper and see what they have that fits those specs and makes his heart race. And blam! Done.

I think you should be honest with him. Heck, send him to the ladies in Rocky Talky and let them take care of him. BF wants it to be a surprise as well, but I''ve said my piece and now it''s up to him. A few girls around here have made books of rings they like, diamond specs they like and given them to their BFs. I think it''s a good idea. Mine is a bit weirder because I don''t want a diamond, so I had to spell things out for him, but I don''t think that that would be over the top. If you''ve talked about it before, I don''t see a problem with putting something together and giving it to him, you know?

Good luck, and tell us how it goes! (No matter what you decide to do!)

 

[absolut_blonde]

Date: 7/29/2008 2:05:15 PM
Author: FrekeChild
Hahahaha. Just the other day I made him a revised list with EVERY detail-size of the stone (gemstone), what the carat weight should be around, shape, broad color range (this is where I trust him), what stone *species* I want, and who I want to cut it. Then it has the details for the setting (which is a plain old solitaire, so I''m not really worried about the details of that). And THEN it has a list of vendors down on the bottom. So basically all he has to do is hunt down the vendors (which isn''t hard because I gave him their contact info) and give them the sheet of paper and see what they have that fits those specs and makes his heart race. And blam! Done.

I think you should be honest with him. Heck, send him to the ladies in Rocky Talky and let them take care of him. BF wants it to be a surprise as well, but I''ve said my piece and now it''s up to him. A few girls around here have made books of rings they like, diamond specs they like and given them to their BFs. I think it''s a good idea. Mine is a bit weirder because I don''t want a diamond, so I had to spell things out for him, but I don''t think that that would be over the top. If you''ve talked about it before, I don''t see a problem with putting something together and giving it to him, you know?

Good luck, and tell us how it goes! (No matter what you decide to do!)

You know, I REALLY want to send him to Rockytalky... but I''m afraid that I''ve posted too many specific details about us on the LIW board. I just don''t know that I''d want him to stumble upon this and read all of my neurotic rants. Seriously. Is that a strange concern? PS won''t even let you go back and edit old posts, either.

I like your list idea, though. Maybe I will try that... I guess I''d have to figure out what I''m actually talking about first though! I''m a bit of a diamond novice, as it stands.

 

[ladypirate]

Date: 7/29/2008 2:05:15 PM
Author: FrekeChild
Hahahaha. Just the other day I made him a revised list with EVERY detail-size of the stone (gemstone), what the carat weight should be around, shape, broad color range (this is where I trust him), what stone *species* I want, and who I want to cut it. Then it has the details for the setting (which is a plain old solitaire, so I''m not really worried about the details of that). And THEN it has a list of vendors down on the bottom. So basically all he has to do is hunt down the vendors (which isn''t hard because I gave him their contact info) and give them the sheet of paper and see what they have that fits those specs and makes his heart race. And blam! Done.


I think you should be honest with him. Heck, send him to the ladies in Rocky Talky and let them take care of him. BF wants it to be a surprise as well, but I''ve said my piece and now it''s up to him. A few girls around here have made books of rings they like, diamond specs they like and given them to their BFs. I think it''s a good idea. Mine is a bit weirder because I don''t want a diamond, so I had to spell things out for him, but I don''t think that that would be over the top. If you''ve talked about it before, I don''t see a problem with putting something together and giving it to him, you know?


Good luck, and tell us how it goes! (No matter what you decide to do!)

Oooh...who''s cutting it for you? I''m a HUGE fan of Jeff White''s work--I may or may not have dropped several hints to FF that I would love to own some.

 

[KCCutie]

I was in the same situation. SO didn't and still doesn't want my help choosing my ring.

Here's what I did I worked in the shape(s) I like into random conversations starting about 6 months ago. I love the asscher cut and fat little ECs too. So I slipped in comments about how a round like his sisters does nothing for me and how I like EC square and rectangular. Any time we went into or near a jewelry store I gravitated to what I like and he'd usually start up a conversation about it. We've since had a few conversations about how much I like step cuts and why. When his cousin got engaged it gave me an in to talk about settings she had a princess in a wide yellow gold cathedral, so I explained I like white gold/platinum, thin bands, and how all the facets in the princess cut were just distracting to me and I loved the deep look of step cuts.

Then at some point he talked about how he would be broke after he bought my ring and I sent him an e-mail suggesting he check out PS b/c people here are so helpful and he could save money and find a great step cut with their help. I mentioned (and had brought up in conversation before) how I think B&M stores have inflated prices and gave him a link to PS. You know what his answer was...."I am still a little unclear as to what you would perfer as far as solitare or whatever." LOL! So having an opening I jumped on it and told him the basics of what I liked. The size we agreed on the metal type, the thickness of the band and I worked in the l/w ratio I like in ECs. He hasn't asked since.

So just look for little openings in conversation and slowly layer in hints. If you just blurt it out all at once he may not listen but if he hears about the same thing a couple times he may listen and remember.

ETA I was a little worried he'd read my LIW posts too but then I realized that he's a guy and just isn't that nosy and doesn't have near enough time for all that.....and well if he does it's all true and it's nothing bad about him, it's just how I was feeling at the time.

 

[meresal]

IMHO, that I think you should let him do it all on his own if that is what he wants. I'm going strictly by how I would expect my guy to react if he told me this, and then I still tried to control it. Especially since if you're not picky, and a self proclaimed novice.

I picked out my own setting, but C is in charge of the diamond. Yes, I could have told him about online vendors here, but he wanted to do it all by himself. And honestly, not all B&M stores are going to rip him off. C got my diamond at a local jeweler that his family has worked with for almost 30 yrs, and we got a teriffic deal that was very similar to online prices.


ETA: I like what KCcutie did. If it comes up in conversation then I say all for it, but I wouldn't go sending random emails about prices just quite yet. Let him come to you. Do you know what his budget is, or would you be sending him stones that you think are in his budget?

 

[aliciagirl]

My SO is kind of afraid of online vendors. He''s very economical, though and I''ve explained a thousand times how much he would save buying online. He says that since I like EC''s and they are hard to buy without seeing them that it would be better to get it at a store. I recently pointed out sites like James Allen that let you see a photo of the actual stone and he seemed interested in that, so we''ll see.

I would maybe just be like, "Oh, *friend* sent me this link. You can see actual pictures of the diamonds, how awesome is that? Oh, and look at that price! That''s a deal!"

I''m not overly picky. He knows I like step cuts and white gold and antique looking, very dainty settings. The boy has fabulous taste (and has been called metro on several occasions) so I really think that he won''t go wrong, whether he buys in store or online.

 

[absolut_blonde]

Date: 7/29/2008 2:21:06 PM
Author: meresal
IMHO, that I think you should let him do it all on his own if that is what he wants. I'm going strictly by how I would expect my guy to react if he told me this, and then I still tried to control it. Especially since if you're not picky, and a self proclaimed novice.

I picked out my own setting, but C is in charge of the diamond. Yes, I could have told him about online vendors here, but he wanted to do it all by himself. And honestly, not all B&M stores are going to rip him off. C got my diamond at a local jeweler that his family has worked with for almost 30 yrs, and we got a teriffic deal that was very similar to online prices.


ETA: I like what KCcutie did. If it comes up in conversation then I say all for it, but I wouldn't go sending random emails about prices just quite yet. Let him come to you. Do you know what his budget is, or would you be sending him stones that you think are in his budget?

I'm mostly just worried he'll break the bank unnecessarily. Several of his friends have gotten engaged lately with rings that cost 15-20k from B&M stores (one came from the Canadian version of Tiffany's-- so high markups. And one might've even been over 20k). While beautiful, I feel they could've spent significantly less for the equivalent if they'd gone elsewhere. Which is not a big deal, because it's their call of course!

I just know he's got a lot of male pride and will want to give me something really beautiful. But at the same time I'd rather we not spend as much as his friends did, you know? I know how guys can be and I'm worried he'll feel pressured to get me something that's in the same ballpark. I just want him to see that we don't have to spend as much as they did to get something that's still nice.

ETA: Not that I even care whether my ring is in the same ballpark. I don't have any expectations regarding the ring. I just don't want to get ripped off when we're not exactly rolling in the dough. Whether that's with a 5k or 10k ring is immaterial, I just think B&M is *usually* a ripoff.

Really, if he proposed with a pipecleaner, I'd say yes on the spot-- and I've told him so!

 

[KCCutie]

I totally understand. I have the same fear. I don''t want my SO to spend more than he has to. No matter what his budget is I''d rather he get the best deal for his money. After I worried about it for I while I realized that this e-ring is his big thing and I just have to let him do whatever he wants. I trust him that it will be beautiful and perfect for me and if he doesn''t mind overpaying a little so that he can shop in person I''m going to have to be okay with it.

In the end I know that it''s not about where or how he got the ring or what he paid for it it''s that fact that he picked it out for me b/c he wants to spend the rest of his life with me....when I think of it that way I have a hard time caring about the specifics anymore.

 

[absolut_blonde]

Date: 7/29/2008 3:28:38 PM
Author: KCCutie
I totally understand. I have the same fear. I don''t want my SO to spend more than he has to. No matter what his budget is I''d rather he get the best deal for his money. After I worried about it for I while I realized that this e-ring is his big thing and I just have to let him do whatever he wants. I trust him that it will be beautiful and perfect for me and if he doesn''t mind overpaying a little so that he can shop in person I''m going to have to be okay with it.

In the end I know that it''s not about where or how he got the ring or what he paid for it it''s that fact that he picked it out for me b/c he wants to spend the rest of his life with me....when I think of it that way I have a hard time caring about the specifics anymore.

That is totally true. I guess I just feel protective sometimes -- like SO probably would if I were shopping for... expensive power tools! Haha. I have just been freaking about money in general lately, which spawned this new hybrid LIW-money fear. LOL. I need to go to yoga...

 

[LaurenThePartier]

My husband knew 3 things . . .

1. I wanted an Asscher - didn't care about size, colour, clarity - just wanted an Asscher.
2. I wanted to wear a plain 2 mm pipe cut wedding band.
3. It had to be from Whiteflash . . . I didn't set that out in specifics, but I certainly talked enough about them, showed him PS threads, etc.

I was lucky in the my DH is a digital artist, and found modeling diamonds and settings in 3d fascinating!

 

[FrekeChild]

Date: 7/29/2008 2:17:37 PM
Author: ladypirate
Oooh...who''s cutting it for you? I''m a HUGE fan of Jeff White''s work--I may or may not have dropped several hints to FF that I would love to own some.

My ideal would be a Supernova Oval from Barry Bridgestock, but as outlined in "The Sheet" I will also take a round cut by Barry or by Dan Stair. But I love love love those chunky facets in the Supernova.

Jeff White is fabulous of course, but the problem there is that he''s always so backed up with work, that I think when FF finally decides to pull the trigger it''s going to be an instant gratification thing and the wait would make him go nuts. So that''s my reasoning. The thing I haven''t told him yet is that it''ll probably be a wait for Barry and Dan too-but hopefully not as long. I''m actually really tempted to drop Barry an email to see if he has any rough lying around that might work. But I think I need to feel FF out a little bit before that happens. I do want the ring from a local jeweler so that won''t take as long to get the completed ring in his hot little hands, but I think he''s underestimating the time it will take to get this moving....I should write it on "The Sheet"!!!!

ANYWAY! Back to the OP!

 

[Bia]

BF knows what I like, as I sent him a few pictures of styles--mostly solitaires. The problem is I couldn''t really get into the diamond part with him. First of all, he doesn''t have the attention span to listen to me talk about the specs of a good (my desired) diamond, and even if he did, he wouldn''t understand what the hell I am talking about. And secondly, he wants it to be a TOTAL surprise. I have mentioned once or twice that he should check out PS...not sure if he has.

Here''s my dilemma. I just found out that he and his mother will be looking for the ring. Now, his mother knows diamonds, she''s a diamond girl herself, BUT I don''t know how much she knows. She also helped her now SIL pick out her daughter''s diamond--which, can I just say, is 1.6+ carats of diamond heaven, just gorgeous (she had it on this past weekend and I couldn''t stop staring!). This all means that he will most likely leave it up to his mother, if I know him at all. I guess I should be glad, she''s probably more knowledgeable than I, but I''m still a little bothered that I won''t get to know anything about the stone itself.

I must be asking too much...

 

[Mannequin]

I am one of the girls who made a book.

I''ve been engaged before and the last time, I picked out my setting and my exFI chose the center stone. He didn''t get the best diamond that he could have gotten had we known about PS before, so this time around, I wanted my sweetie to be prepared. He had also expressed a bit of anxiety about how to choose a ring, so I came up with a folder of information for FF.

The "Bling Book" I made this past winter detailed all of the things I felt were most important in selecting a stone for me. I included info on the shape I preferred, the 4 C''s, and I gave names and links to vendors I thought he should use that were well-respected by PSers. I also included a section on settings and gave him links, prices, and photo references on the types of settings I would like the most. Lastly, the very back page of the booklet was about the proposal, where I told him I preferred something private but that this part was completely up to him. I also gave him my parents'' contact information because it is important to me that he tell them his intentions and ask for their blessing as a show of respect.

By doing this, I get to give a lot of input as to what ring I will receive, but he still gets the opportunity to select a ring and surprise me. I am hoping that he''ll get the chance to actually start using that book by next year. We''ve hit some serious financial setbacks and we''re worried about his job in automotive right now. There won''t be a ring for at least another year or two now as I see it.

 

[Diamond Confused]

This is how I gho about saying anything I want to hint at:

I was reading this article about how... and in your case "about how purchasing diamonds online is a much better option than in stores".