If you got to choose....

[gwendolyn]

Let''s say that you know you and your SO are on the same page when it comes to getting engaged. You don''t have any exact time in mind when you will get married and are flexible with time of year so that doesn''t play a part in when you get engaged. You and your SO have an heirloom ring that is and option to use; it is pretty and sentimental but not at all like what you would choose and there is no option to reset it. The ring you *would* choose would take at least 6 months to save for in the current economy. You also in general are trying to save money for the wedding itself, buying a house, and other sundry items to settle down together.

Taking all sorts of factors into account (those listed and any additional ones you may think of), which would you want to happen and why?

A) SO proposes with the heirloom ring relatively soon (within the next 2 months, say) and it is your forever ring.

B) SO proposes with the heirloom ring relatively soon and you later get *your* ring as an anniversary present or similar.

C) SO proposes 6-9 months from present after the money is saved and *your* ring is ordered.

D) Other

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

That''s tough Gwen, but I''m always on the side of getting more rings

I like the idea of him proposing with the heirloom, so you get to save money for the wedding and everything else in these tough times, while still getting your dream ring (Torchiere???

) later down the line (one year anniversary maybe?

) And then you have a great heirloom RHR to wear after you get "your" ring

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 3/7/2009 5:16:09 AM
Author: Brown.Eyed.Girl
That''s tough Gwen, but I''m always on the side of getting more rings

I like the idea of him proposing with the heirloom, so you get to save money for the wedding and everything else in these tough times, while still getting your dream ring (Torchiere???

) later down the line (one year anniversary maybe?

) And then you have a great heirloom RHR to wear after you get ''your'' ring

Hehehe, it''s maaaaaybe based on my current situation

, although the choice isn''t mine--I asked James to decide, since I''ve got plans to be very, VERY involved when we purchase our ring. The first one isn''t one of my choices, though--it wouldn''t be my forever ring, but I figured I''d put that out there in case that''d be someone else''s choice in this sort of position.

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

Date: 3/7/2009 5:23:23 AM
Author: gwendolyn

Date: 3/7/2009 5:16:09 AM

Author: Brown.Eyed.Girl

That''s tough Gwen, but I''m always on the side of getting more rings

I like the idea of him proposing with the heirloom, so you get to save money for the wedding and everything else in these tough times, while still getting your dream ring (Torchiere???

) later down the line (one year anniversary maybe?

) And then you have a great heirloom RHR to wear after you get ''your'' ring

Hehehe, it''s maaaaaybe based on my current situation

, although the choice isn''t mine--I asked James to decide, since I''ve got plans to be very, VERY involved when we purchase our ring. The first one isn''t one of my choices, though--it wouldn''t be my forever ring, but I figured I''d put that out there in case that''d be someone else''s choice in this sort of position.

Hehe. Well my second choice after this is wait for the ring you want. I know you love the Torchiere and if it''s worth the wait to save up for it (and you know you guys could save up for it within that time, no other expenses that would reduce the ring fund, etc.) then I think that''s a great option too.

 

[Deelight]

I am a forever girl, ring and one I want to marry so I would wait but take that with the fact I am a hopeless romantic as well.

*SQUEEEEE* I almost answered B) in the hopes of swaying your choice somehow so we can celebrate your engagement sooner

.


That of course is assuming that this hypothetical is related to you and James

.

 

[Bia]

hmmm tough one...

I say get engaged now!!!

LOL okay okay...I don''t know. Let me think on it for a bit...I''ll get back to you

 

[sammyj]

I picked C because I''m also a forever girl (like Deelight) and you said yourself that the heirloom ring wasn''t really your style (although very sentimental).

Can I just say how adorable your new avatar is?!?!!? Sooo cute!

 

[neatfreak]

How about another option-Get engaged NOW with the wedding band or no ring and then get your dream ring down the line. I guess I am an anomaly on a diamond board, but I don''t think you *need* a ring to get engaged.

But if that isn''t a good option I''d vote to get engaged now with the heirloom and get your dream ring later.

And J is a CUTIE!

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

Date: 3/7/2009 8:50:16 AM
Author: neatfreak
How about another option-Get engaged NOW with the wedding band or no ring and then get your dream ring down the line. I guess I am an anomaly on a diamond board, but I don''t think you *need* a ring to get engaged.


But if that isn''t a good option I''d vote to get engaged now with the heirloom and get your dream ring later.


And J is a CUTIE!

I like Neatfreak''s idea too

 

[Deelight]

Date: 3/7/2009 9:01:11 AM
Author: Brown.Eyed.Girl

Date: 3/7/2009 8:50:16 AM

Author: neatfreak

How about another option-Get engaged NOW with the wedding band or no ring and then get your dream ring down the line. I guess I am an anomaly on a diamond board, but I don''t think you *need* a ring to get engaged.



But if that isn''t a good option I''d vote to get engaged now with the heirloom and get your dream ring later.



And J is a CUTIE!

I like Neatfreak''s idea too

Me too, I would have no issues doing it in reverse - I kinda always wondered why the e-ring was generally more expensive and bigger to-do then the wedding ring.

 

[CNOS128]

Get engaged soon! You''ve waited long enough!!

 

[LaraOnline]

I think lots of people are in the same boat - there are so many expenses connected to actually getting married, that somehow the budget might not stretch to the fancy engagement ring as well as everything else.

I compromised and got the cheapest, prettiest ring that I could find...and I have to say, I have REALLY got value for money! My husband is wonderful!

So, unless the heirloom is really a taste disaster for you, I would tread the wellworn path of taking your man''s love-token with the greatest sense of excitement and respect...and making a note to yourself that ''the real engagement ring'' comes five years into the marriage. (or similar)

Let''s face it, over five years, you''ll be able to save for the ring yourself!

A happy marriage really has nothing to do with the ring, although it IS fabulous to be able to celebrate your love with beautiful jewellery.

I am so incredibly happy with how the ''upgrade'' business has worked out for me, and, apart from the minor niggle of whether I should turn my 5-year solitaire into a RHR after all this (as it gets nearer I''m realising that I''m not sure I can bear to put my original set back on my dressing table), I couldn''t have hoped for a better arrangement.


So... get engaged now! You''re a great girl, and all of us at PS would be so happy for you!

 

[ckrickett]

for choice B do you get to keep the heirloom ring and get your ring. If so thats what I choose.

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 3/7/2009 8:50:16 AM
Author: neatfreak
How about another option-Get engaged NOW with the wedding band or no ring and then get your dream ring down the line. I guess I am an anomaly on a diamond board, but I don''t think you *need* a ring to get engaged.


But if that isn''t a good option I''d vote to get engaged now with the heirloom and get your dream ring later.


And J is a CUTIE!

Hehehe, I totally agree (especially about J being a cutie

) and told J that we didn''t need any ring at all to be engaged but apparently I''ve conditioned him so well over the years that he wants me to have at least *some* sort of ring. He knows how long I''ve been researching diamonds and looking at settings (about 15 years) and knows it''s important to me.

The idea of using my grandmother''s ring was just because I have it already--it''s mine now, and I thought that might put it to good use instead of as a right-hand ring if we didn''t have the money to get the ring I would really like in the near future.

No matter what, I''ll be excited, but I just wondered what you ladies would think in my place.

 

[purselover]

personally I would wait for the ring I want

 

[happydreams]

Personally, I would wait. It didn''t sound like you were in a hurry anyway, Gwen...wasn''t he waiting for you? Which one are you leaning towards?
Side note : love the new pic. Your BF is so cute!

 

[mrscushion]

Date: 3/7/2009 8:50:16 AM
Author: neatfreak
How about another option-Get engaged NOW with the wedding band or no ring and then get your dream ring down the line.

I think this is a great idea and probably what I would do in that situation -- just get engaged with the wedding band. That is how it''s traditionally done in some parts of Europe, by the way. Also, your avatar is adorable. You are a very handsome couple.

 

[Definitely. Maybe]

I say get engaged now and give it a few years for *your* ring. Who knows your tastes may change just a bit after saving. Plenty of women on here have their first and an upgrade anyways. Also, with this economy, if you are worrying about money... I'd say use that 'ring' money for the wedding and other daily expenses as needed, or better yet, put it in savings.

Here's **dust** to seeing your engagement thread SOON!!

 

[Bliss]

These are awesome choices, Gwendolyn!

I'd go with the 6-9 month wait. You only get engaged once... And it's such a special time. Everyone will be gushing and grabbing your hand. You will be happy with or without a ring, but it's extra nice to be glowy about the ring, too. If I didn't wait, I think I would have been over the moon, but not quite so giddy when people were grabbing my hand. You'd be able to see it in my face that it wasn't my "forever" ring. Maybe I'm sentimental in my old age. But I would want that to be THE ring...and something I'd be giddy over every time it caught my eye.

Then again, the heirloom ring is just as special. If you LOVE LOVE LOVE it as much (or nearly as much) as you will your forever e-ring, I would not be opposed to doing that either! If it were me, I'd be torn! I'd want to be engaged sooner than later, but also with *the* ring.

All are really amazing options, though!

p.s. You two are a lovely lovely couple!

 

[LtlFirecracker]

Date: 3/7/2009 11:08:16 AM
Author: mscushion

Date: 3/7/2009 8:50:16 AM

Author: neatfreak

How about another option-Get engaged NOW with the wedding band or no ring and then get your dream ring down the line.

I think this is a great idea and probably what I would do in that situation -- just get engaged with the wedding band. That is how it''s traditionally done in some parts of Europe, by the way. Also, your avatar is adorable. You are a very handsome couple.

I think this is a good idea too. I don''t know if you could pull of a half circle channel/bead set band, but that would a ring that work as both an e-ring and a wedding band until you get the ring of your dreams.

 

[LilyOfTheValley]

I vote for B, because that''s like getting two for the price of one! LOL

 

[FrekeChild]

BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB

And did I mention B?

 

[ladypirate]

I voted B since that''s what we''re doing.

I''m actually excited about it--the ring that we''re using is very simple and pretty and I plan on getting a blingy wedding band to go with it that will also work with my forever ring that I end up getting down the line.

 

[sunnyd]

I chose B because I''m impatient

but I also like neat''s idea of the wedding band now/engagement at the wedding reversal.

 

[omieluv]

Gwen, I voted "other," sorry. Honestly, I have not followed your story, so my suggestion might not even fit with your goals, wants or needs. It sounds like having a ring during your proposal is important to you, as is having money for a wedding, home, and other life stuff. It also sounds like you are thinking of a "traditional" wedding as well. So, I vote to hold off on getting engaged and just save money right now. Like you said, we are facing rough economic times and I think it is important to get financially on track before jumping into an engagement/wedding. My BF and I have been saving money for a few years and we now have enough saved to pay for a modest wedding, and be able to put down 20% on a home in our area. He was also able to save toward an e-ring for me as well. With this said, we will probably get engaged sometime this year and we will be in an OK spot financially (assuming we manage to keep our jobs).

Of course, this works for us, as we already live together, and I am not the type of girl who has been dreaming of getting married. Again, I do not know what your situation is, so what works for us might not work for the two of you. However, I can understand the position you are in, as you want your dream ring and wedding, but on the other hand, you are a smart cookie who realizes that there are other life expenses to deal with as well. For these reasons, my BF and I opted to take our time and save some money first.

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 3/7/2009 8:46:06 PM
Author: omieluv
Gwen, I voted ''other,'' sorry. Honestly, I have not followed your story, so my suggestion might not even fit with your goals, wants or needs. It sounds like having a ring during your proposal is important to you, as is having money for a wedding, home, and other life stuff. It also sounds like you are thinking of a ''traditional'' wedding as well. So, I vote to hold off on getting engaged and just save money right now. Like you said, we are facing rough economic times and I think it is important to get financially on track before jumping into an engagement/wedding. My BF and I have been saving money for a few years and we now have enough saved to pay for a modest wedding, and be able to put down 20% on a home in our area. He was also able to save toward an e-ring for me as well. With this said, we will probably get engaged sometime this year and we will be in an OK spot financially (assuming we manage to keep our jobs).


Of course, this works for us, as we already live together, and I am not the type of girl who has been dreaming of getting married. Again, I do not know what your situation is, so what works for us might not work for the two of you. However, I can understand the position you are in, as you want your dream ring and wedding, but on the other hand, you are a smart cookie who realizes that there are other life expenses to deal with as well. For these reasons, my BF and I opted to take our time and save some money first.

Hey, no need to apologize about not knowing my situation. Can''t expect most people to know or remember my story! Just a bit of info, in case you''re curious...

We are NOT looking to do a "traditional" wedding by ANY means. He''s from England, I''m from the US (but living in England with him now), so we''ve got lots of expensive immigration paperwork to do, plus the dilemma of where to have it if half our guests would have to fly internationally, or do we have two weddings, etc. What I am leaning towards now (and have talked with J about considering) is getting married here in England at a registry office (equivalent to city hall) and then having a BBQ reception at J''s parents'' house, and me just crossing my fingers that some of my family and friends from home will be able to come. So, not a big wedding, but we *will* need considerable funds for the paperwork (which will run a couple of thousand pounds).

We are attempting to save money for all sorts of things right now, so a ring really doesn''t fit as a priority compared to, say, a house (which I would looooove!). However, J knows me very well and knows that I am completely a romantic sop who values the sentimentality of the engagement ring and would (ideally) like it to be my forever ring that he proposes with because I''ve explained it that way when he told me he didn''t ''get'' my love of diamonds. He understands, probably better than maybe I expected since now he doesn''t seem to want to consider using my grandmother''s ring because he feels it''d be second-best, even though it''s the engagement part that''s most important.

My residency in England expires in August 2010 and so I''m currently thinking that we should probably get married in April 2010 since I have off from work for two weeks anyway then (I''m a teacher) and it would give us enough time to do the spousal visa application after we get married. So, it doesn''t really matter to me whether we save and wait, or do it now and get the ring a couple of years from now--I have a feeling we''ll be getting married about a year from now regardless.

Sorry if that was too much info--not that I really needed to give it anyway, since I was asking what each of *you* would do in this situation, but now you know my story a bit better. Hope it wasn''t too dull!!

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 3/7/2009 9:45:02 AM
Author: ckrickett
for choice B do you get to keep the heirloom ring and get your ring. If so thats what I choose.

Heya hon, yup, the heirloom ring is mine regardless (I already have it and have it sitting on J''s bedside table so he knows where it is should he choose to propose with it

), so I get two rings no matter what! Pretty good, it''s a win-win for me!

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 3/7/2009 9:13:56 AM
Author: Deelight

Date: 3/7/2009 9:01:11 AM

Author: Brown.Eyed.Girl

Date: 3/7/2009 8:50:16 AM


Author: neatfreak


How about another option-Get engaged NOW with the wedding band or no ring and then get your dream ring down the line. I guess I am an anomaly on a diamond board, but I don''t think you *need* a ring to get engaged.




But if that isn''t a good option I''d vote to get engaged now with the heirloom and get your dream ring later.




And J is a CUTIE!

I like Neatfreak''s idea too

Me too, I would have no issues doing it in reverse - I kinda always wondered why the e-ring was generally more expensive and bigger to-do then the wedding ring.

Hmm, I was thinking more about this idea (which I do like!) and there''s one tiny complication in that I was originally planning on getting the matching plain plat band from Mark Morrell when we ordered my engagement ring because I want the dome of the bands to match and stuff...so if we did it this way, I''d have to pay extra international shipping to have them mailed separately rather than together. However, I am not sure what kind of price difference it actually is (may not be as much as I fear) so I make poke around and call a few folks to get some idea of how much it would be.

 

[gwendolyn]

Incidentally, it''s maybe not worth noting, but we are paying for the ring together (me possibly moreso than J since I make more money than he does and it''s my fault I want a diamond in the first place

), so when I talk of waiting and saving, it''s not me helplessly sitting around waiting for him to make my ring a priority--it''d be both of us putting our money aside to get the ring and his engagement computer. He''s working today and has said he''s open to working other weekends to bring in some extra money.

Just thought that might need clarification.

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 3/7/2009 10:48:04 AM
Author: happydreams
Personally, I would wait. It didn''t sound like you were in a hurry anyway, Gwen...wasn''t he waiting for you? Which one are you leaning towards?

Side note : love the new pic. Your BF is so cute!

No, not in a hurry (would be rather hypocritical since J''s been waiting for me for years!

), and I can see bonuses for either. Like, if we get engaged sooner with my grandma''s old ring, we might be able to celebrate with my family and friends when we go to the US at the beginning of April, and I think my mom would be really touched if we used her mom''s (well, her grandma''s really) ring for our engagement, even if only temporarily. It''s also already here in the flat and all he''d need to do would be to pull it out (don''t care when!) and ask, so that''s pretty exciting also.

But on the other hand, if we wait and save up for *our* ring, it''ll truly be ours (mine and J''s) and there won''t be any follow-ups to try to put money aside for a ring when we''ve got house expenses or whatnot, and I truly am a romantic sop and would love to look at the ring and remember the moment he asked and presented it to me.

So, yeah, I don''t know! They both are lovely options.