inflorescence
Shiny_Rock
- Joined
- Dec 11, 2010
- Messages
- 133
Hi ladies, thank you for all your help through the last few years.
This might sound really stupid but when I was younger I made a reasonable personal timeline of how long I would like to be dating someone before the question is asked, anything longer than that maybe he's not the one (you have a lot of time to figure that out, or he thinks you're not), or he should have stepped up to the plate by then if it is love. So I have a mental time when I check out. The bf knows this, I made it very clear shortly after we started dating. One of my last relationships I moved in with the guy after uprooting my entire life to relocate for his career... I moved without a ring, gave up my life for what I thought was our life.. and when the relationship didn't work out I promised myself I would never do that again... honestly I feel that you should be engaged before moving in... but I haven't followed through with that. Idiot! Seriously why don't we listen to ourselves more often? We really do have a great sense of what's going on around us for the most part. ARGH!
So the bf constantly says how he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, I'm the one BLAH BLAH BLAH... He's been singing the same song for a LONG time... but he hasnt really done more then just talk. He suggested he had a ring, but I am realizing it was just talk. He has never asked me what I like, in fact I wouldn't even care to get a ring. I really had the wool over my eyes when we were in Paris and got caught up in the romantic bliss that was going on, I bought his "I want to spend the rest of my life with you shit, I want to marry you"... but nothing.. just talk...3 years of what I'm realizing is just mind games and false promises. So I move to a new city with him for work him knowing how I feel about living together without being engaged. He implied that he would once he got settled into his new job in the fall or before March at the latest. Ok so I buy into the he's committed, he's doing this for us... I convince myself going against my values is ok cause technically we'll be soon enough. Hmm, this sounds strangely familiar. I seriously thought this was different because of the ... "Before March 2012". So I stupidly give up my financial security by leaving my old job so he can work in this city, I am taking classes but because the school is so far away I have no extra time for a job...I'm in debt up to my eyeballs, completely dependent on him (Which I hate! I have always carried my own weight for everything)...
Here we are no real sign of commitment and now last night we had another big talk because we found out his friend got engaged last night. He tells me he has no plan in the near future to......excuse me? That's not what you told me in Europe. Him: "At LEAST another year... maybe, I want to get you a ring that you can show off".
"WTF, seriously ?!
You obviously don't know me... I am not the type to show off anything... EVER and that is not what I want! I want you to show me you're committed to me like I am to you AND respect my morals and values. I have been more than accommodating. You are getting all the perks of being married but without the next step. To you there is no reason to go to the next step because you are comfortable, you have everything you want... because I have given it to you."
Seriously ladies I'm sick of these excuses, if he wants to be with me step up.. if not let me get on with my life because he's not respecting me.
Life is short and I can't wait around while you make your life perfect for you just for you to decide if me not being Jewish is ok for you... which I can almost guarantee won't be if I don't convert... another commitment you want me to make without you showing me anything from the other side.
It's always his timeline, his wants, (from the decision when I was pregnant 9 months into our relationship-I thought about adoption as an option and he would not stand for it, to traveling, to the city where he works..) and yesterday I said this is not fair and I'm not going to take it anymore... it's all about me sacrificing and contributing to this relationship and he hasn't. I don't get it... I really don't. And now I'm heart broken because this was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with... but then I realize that person wouldn't do this to me... and would understand that I don't want a $10000 ring...I want what that ring says and it can be a $100 ring from a mall store for all I care.. I just want the respect of the commitment... I would just elope, but clearly that's not on his agenda.
I think I'm done. Please take me off the list I won't be getting engaged anytime soon: it looks like a breakup is in the future. You ladies have been awesome, congrats to all who've found their love. Time for a sabbatical from love! Going to have to work 3 jobs while in school to pay for rent in this city... grossly expensive for a bachelor. Who knows maybe I'll see you again in a few years
Cheers, xox
This might sound really stupid but when I was younger I made a reasonable personal timeline of how long I would like to be dating someone before the question is asked, anything longer than that maybe he's not the one (you have a lot of time to figure that out, or he thinks you're not), or he should have stepped up to the plate by then if it is love. So I have a mental time when I check out. The bf knows this, I made it very clear shortly after we started dating. One of my last relationships I moved in with the guy after uprooting my entire life to relocate for his career... I moved without a ring, gave up my life for what I thought was our life.. and when the relationship didn't work out I promised myself I would never do that again... honestly I feel that you should be engaged before moving in... but I haven't followed through with that. Idiot! Seriously why don't we listen to ourselves more often? We really do have a great sense of what's going on around us for the most part. ARGH!
So the bf constantly says how he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, I'm the one BLAH BLAH BLAH... He's been singing the same song for a LONG time... but he hasnt really done more then just talk. He suggested he had a ring, but I am realizing it was just talk. He has never asked me what I like, in fact I wouldn't even care to get a ring. I really had the wool over my eyes when we were in Paris and got caught up in the romantic bliss that was going on, I bought his "I want to spend the rest of my life with you shit, I want to marry you"... but nothing.. just talk...3 years of what I'm realizing is just mind games and false promises. So I move to a new city with him for work him knowing how I feel about living together without being engaged. He implied that he would once he got settled into his new job in the fall or before March at the latest. Ok so I buy into the he's committed, he's doing this for us... I convince myself going against my values is ok cause technically we'll be soon enough. Hmm, this sounds strangely familiar. I seriously thought this was different because of the ... "Before March 2012". So I stupidly give up my financial security by leaving my old job so he can work in this city, I am taking classes but because the school is so far away I have no extra time for a job...I'm in debt up to my eyeballs, completely dependent on him (Which I hate! I have always carried my own weight for everything)...
Here we are no real sign of commitment and now last night we had another big talk because we found out his friend got engaged last night. He tells me he has no plan in the near future to......excuse me? That's not what you told me in Europe. Him: "At LEAST another year... maybe, I want to get you a ring that you can show off".
"WTF, seriously ?!
You obviously don't know me... I am not the type to show off anything... EVER and that is not what I want! I want you to show me you're committed to me like I am to you AND respect my morals and values. I have been more than accommodating. You are getting all the perks of being married but without the next step. To you there is no reason to go to the next step because you are comfortable, you have everything you want... because I have given it to you."
Seriously ladies I'm sick of these excuses, if he wants to be with me step up.. if not let me get on with my life because he's not respecting me.
Life is short and I can't wait around while you make your life perfect for you just for you to decide if me not being Jewish is ok for you... which I can almost guarantee won't be if I don't convert... another commitment you want me to make without you showing me anything from the other side.
It's always his timeline, his wants, (from the decision when I was pregnant 9 months into our relationship-I thought about adoption as an option and he would not stand for it, to traveling, to the city where he works..) and yesterday I said this is not fair and I'm not going to take it anymore... it's all about me sacrificing and contributing to this relationship and he hasn't. I don't get it... I really don't. And now I'm heart broken because this was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with... but then I realize that person wouldn't do this to me... and would understand that I don't want a $10000 ring...I want what that ring says and it can be a $100 ring from a mall store for all I care.. I just want the respect of the commitment... I would just elope, but clearly that's not on his agenda.
I think I'm done. Please take me off the list I won't be getting engaged anytime soon: it looks like a breakup is in the future. You ladies have been awesome, congrats to all who've found their love. Time for a sabbatical from love! Going to have to work 3 jobs while in school to pay for rent in this city... grossly expensive for a bachelor. Who knows maybe I'll see you again in a few years
Cheers, xox
300x240.png)