I''m losing my patience over here!

[bubbly1126]

BF and I went out last night to a bar w/ his cousin who is visiting from Italy and well, I got a little tipsy and asked how long I'd have to wait for my proposal. BF tells me to please not ask him, especially then, b/c he's been drinking and he doesn't want to spill the beans and ruin it. I get a little sad and he says I will only tell you that it's less than a year. Of course I push for more info and he made it clear that it will not be in 2008. At this point, although I knew in my heart he wasn't going to do it that soon, I was deflated. It just sort of dashed my hopes that he would totally blind side me and do it when I totally wouldn't expect him to (this year).

Now, yes, he could have just said that to throw me off but it was the way he said it that makes me totally believe that it, in fact, isn't going to be that soon. So, needless to say, I am upset and frustrated about that.

Then today I find out that my ex got married. This was my "first" love and although we dated back when we were seniors in high school, I never saw him as the type to get married at this age. I always thought he'd wait until he was at least 30. (he's my age, 24) Anyway, it only upsets me b/c of the fact that HE got married, of all people, and I'M not even engaged yet. Yes, I know, it's called jealousy in a way and I'll admit that of course, I am, haha, but it's mainly just because I feel like everyone is beating me to the punch. And it's all the people that everyone thought would wait a long time or just never settle down. (ETA: I realize people change drastically between 18 and 24 but the age isn't what I'm focusing on here.)

I told BF that he got married and the only thing he said, with a slightly annoyed tone, was "well, what can I say?" (Without me having to say it, I think he knew that I was shocked and upset that I am not yet.)

His reply upset me even more. It was like he didn't care that we're not at that stage yet and that I should just get over it and deal with it. And perhaps I should.

I really wish I could just relax and let it happen but I find myself getting more annoyed w/ the waiting every day. Especially b/c I don't understand what he is waiting for. When I ask, all he says is that it's a good reason and when it does happen that I will understand why he waited. Maybe then, I will but what about right now? How do I cope w/ the wait?!?!?!

But I guess if you ladies knew the answer to that then you wouldn't be here waiting too! lol... Ahh, I don't know. I just HATE waiting! Have I ever mentioned that!?!?! I'm sure I have! lol

Thanks for letting me vent!

 

[IloveAsschers13]

Hey-

Maybe it would be better NOT to bring something up about your ex to your boyfriend when you are trying to mention getting engaged sooner. Just a thought... He might not feel too good about that. I can feel your pain we just extended our timeline (and rightfully so ha)

 

[bubbly1126]

Good point! I didn''t see it that way, really. He knew him and he knows that is waaayyyy in the past but I do see how it could upset him in a way. Bad move on my part.

 

[Dannielle]

I can understand your frustration, but I think you should maybe keep some of your thoughts and frustrations to yourself and not share them with your partner.
It sounds to me that he is planning something really special, and with all the poking and prodding for information the suprise element might be ruined.
This is his time just as much as it is yours, so let him do his thing

(and hopefully he will do this thing sooner rather than later

)

 

[Sabine]

Hey, maybe he''s planning a New Year''s proposal so it wont'' be in 2008...

 

[LaraOnline]

What can I say... I feel ya, girl!
Everyone''s experiences are different, so I guess I can''t help.
It sounds like he''s going right into the whole big proposal thing...
guess you have to grind your teeth, put a big smile on your face, and wait!!

 

[SailorsSweet<3]

I agree that mentioning the ex was probably pouring salt in the wound for your SO, but I can understand your reaction and naturally, you wanted to tell your SO because you''d just spoken about engagement the other night and you probably share with him whenever youre upset, regardless of what. Don''t beat yourself up about it, but maybe apologize for alluding to your lack of engagement when mentioning your ex''s marriage.

On that note, you dont need to harbor jealousy over your ex''s marriage. You dont know his situation, you dont know his now wife or her personality - whether there was any pressure for them to get engaged and married. You dont even know if they have a good relationship (which, lets admit, tons of people dont have a great relationship and still push it into marriage) You need to focus on your relationship not anyone elses and ESP not your exes - thats just bad energy.

Finally - Theres been a lot of advice administered on this site about the side effects of waiting for an engagement and I think the best advice (and most often given) is just to try and be optimistic about your eventual proposal. Its worked out for the better when us girls get most of our worries and angst out on the site and try and keep our LIW woes away from our SOs. It sounds like your SO is a little aggravated with your questions. I''m sure its not because he doesnt love you or because he doesnt want to marry you but maybe he wants it to be a surprise and he''d rather not give you clues or hints. If you keep asking him he''ll just get more annoyed because its ruining his plan and he''s repeating himself regarding the subject. Just give him some space and concentrate on your work/school/friends/family whatever you need to distract you, it''ll happen soon enough

 

[sctsbride09]

Stock up on wedding ****

and try to be patient, sometimes they make you wait longer if you keep bugging them. (my best friends fi made her wait 5 YEARS cause she wouldnt relent)

 

[bubbly1126]

Sailor, thank you so much for that! I think that was the wake-up call I needed. I need to look at the big picture here and be happy that I have my BF and that we''re even talking marriage. I know I''m lucky. I just lose sight of that knowledge sometimes.

Dannielle, I agree that I should channel all my LIW-itis to only you lovely ladies on this board and not my BF. I need to stop poking and prodding and just let him do his thing. I know it''ll be worth it in the end.

Sabine, I thought about a New Years proposal. ESP considering he said the proposal is definitely going to be on a THURSDAY. So New Years day definitely qualifies! But I don''t know... I honestly don''t think it''ll be that soon.

Lara, yup, I just have to smack a huge smile on my face and deal!

Sctsbride, well, we''re going on 6 years on November 26th... and although he says it''s less than a year away, I have a feeling he''ll be making me wait almost up until our next year anniversary, which would be 7 years! He''s a butt like that! lol.

 

[Amanda.Rx]

I''d be careful about trying to anticipate & read too much into the proposal too... you''re setting yourself up for more dissapointment, and possibly an argument!

True, 2009 at 12 midnight is not 2008, but are you going to be upset if it doesn''t happen then? Just because you consider something "the perfect opportunity" doesn''t mean he will.

I know waiting is hard, but getting angry about the wait & losing your patience takes the excitement out of the proposal. He''s got something he''s waiting for... and I think you should be willing to wait for it too.

When do does finally pop the question, you want to say "Yes!" not "Geez... finally!"

 

[sctsbride09]

Well in that case I would say hes building up to an awesome proposal, I know it sucks to wait but think of how great it will be when it does happen and a surprise is always nice too

unless you hate surprises

 

[LaraOnline]

I didn''t have to wait for my proposal... but I didn''t get a fancy proposal... and I didn''t get a fancy ring, either!
Still waiting / hoping / dreaming for that!

Saving for a ring takes a LOT of dedicated effort, and time.
If he is in fact saving for a ring, he deserves a LOT of respect. So, if you suspect that that is what is going on, for gods sake it''s an ordeal enough as it is, for him.
So don''t nag him!

 

[radiantquest]

honey, you just have to wait. it is the hardest thing. and i dont think they quite understand how much we want them. i have been thinking back to things that i wanted so badly and once i got them i thought hmmm what was the big deal? so just try and remember it will probably be that way with this too.

oh and if it makes you feel any better read my post, i am beyond frustrated