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mrs-b

mrs-b

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Aug 18, 2013
Messages
12,039
So here's the thing.

I don't know what the exact % is, of course, but I swear it's HUGE - the number of times women post photos of their jewelry and then..immediately....either apologize or self flagellate!

"Please forgive my cracked hands!"
"I'm so sorry about my chipped nail polish!"
"Ugh - I know this has finger marks on it - sorry!"
"Oh gees, please ignore all the loose hairs around the earrings!"
"Please try not to look at my 'man hands'!"
"Finger muffin top above my rings - YUK!!"
"Super jealous of all the members here with size 4 fingers and not my massive size 7's!"

....and on and on and on. And the thing is, most of the time I can't see what they're talking about, and the rest of the time - I don't care!

As women, are we so programmed to see our faults - even when they're non existent - that we can barely open our mouths without apologizing for the space we take in the world?

This is not all of us, I know, but it's a recurring theme on PS, and I, for one, am not gonna do it any more. If my rings are dirty - oh well. If I have fat fingers - I'm not going to apologize for them. If my hair is less than stellar in earring shots - not gonna care.

Anyone care to join me?

And in the meantime - here's something to go on with: one of the most brilliant slam poetry performances I've ever heard. Keep an ear out for her comment at 2.59 - it's life changing.

 
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I’ve noticed this as well. So many comments about dry skin! What dry skin? I only see regular skin!

Also, last time I checked, size 7 was considered standard, not “fat fingers”.

Idk what gals here expect their hands to look like in a photo. To me they look like regular hands and that’s that.
 
Done!
 
The video was amazing and true.
I try so hard not to be this way, but I still give my husband the bigger and more perfectly cut piece of pie. Next time, he gets the wonky piece.
Mom taught me this way. In Italian-American households, the men are kings. They never pour their own coffee.

About apologizing, I try not to do that.
Something I read in Cosmopolitan magazine back in the early 80s, said not to apologize for anything, but to be confident.
Also, Julia Child once said something like,
Don't tell your guests that you messed up the recipe, they'll never know.
 
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@Stracci, Many of us who are a certain age were raised this way. Heck woman couldn’t even get there own credit card until the early 1970’s. Men were treated like kings.
 
Calliecake said:
@Stracci, Many of us who are a certain age were raised this way. Heck woman couldn’t even get there own credit card until the early 1970’s. Men were treated like kings.
Click to expand...

It's so weird, isn't it?
My husband can fend for himself, yet I still tend to wait on him and pamper him.
I have to try harder at this!
 
Bravo!!!!!!!!!
 
some lovely lady apoligised the other day for having the most beautiful long graceful fingers
-she said they were spidery
i almost cried

the one good thing from my Micheal Hill mall jewlery is they never charged extra for larger sized rings :lol-2:
 
I think it's OK either way. Sometimes it's a "tiny deflator" to ward off the evil eye (see: Calvin Trillin). I am not into "prose shaming"! Men do this, too -- well, the six or seven who aren't toxic or narcissistic or what else are we always?

I will say that, more often than not, I had not recognized the "flaw" until it was pointed out to me -- and then I of course scoured that picture looking for telltale stigmata of dryness or a tired mani.
 
My skin is old, wrinkly and my nails are stubby and need oil on the cuticles. I figure ya'll don't care. If my jewelry is the focus and you don't like my hands, cringe at my fingers, we are better off not friends. If I can scare you away by my lack of polish - great! I dare you, in a way. I think I am mildly on the spectrum, so I never really fit in. I do not innately know how to be social. I work hard to maintain simple relationships. So now it's just a badge of honor. Boo and scram. We are not the same.

I used to fret and worry about it, or really care what you (in the collective) would think. I will never be skinny (probably) or wrinkle free again, or have cute shoes (my feet are fit for a Hobbit). And then I realized - I don't care. I really don't. You would have missed my value anyhow. And why would I want a mean friend? I'm so over it.
 
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Daisys and Diamonds said:
some lovely lady apoligised the other day for having the most beautiful long graceful fingers
-she said they were spidery
i almost cried

the one good thing from my Micheal Hill mall jewlery is they never charged extra for larger sized rings :lol-2:
Click to expand...

There is a condition called arachnodactyly which means the fingers look like spider legs. I say it's a condition because could be a sign of a few syndromes like Marfan.

Sometimes people just have long fingers but sometimes it's a genetic disorder.

I'm just parroting some info here and not judging anyone.
 
I think we’ve been conditioned by our family, by our peers, by society to feel and act this way. I read your post and the first thing I thought was “oh, sh*t, she’s right.” I just did this yesterday with a post. A whole, please don’t look at my chipped nails line.

I very rarely paint my nails nowadays because I’m a lazy self manicurist who doesn’t really care when her nail polish starts chipping off. That’s already surprisingly difficult in a world where so many women have beautiful fake nails with polish that lasts for weeks (looking at you, mom). But years ago, my husband made one or two tiny comments about my chipped nails, and I just stopped wearing polish. I couldn’t ensure they wouldn’t chip, so I just stopped painting them. All to please a man, who didn’t ask and who really didn’t care that much about it. All he wants is for me to be happy. I’m the one who changed.

Thanks for sharing that poetry slam. It was beautiful and eye opening. I can’t tell you how often I apologize for nothing. I think we all do, and it’s going to take time and practice to change how we see ourselves, but I’m here for it.
 
100% agree @mrs-b and in fact I have been consciously doing this now for a while. As women we have been programmed to apologize for things and actions that are not even our fault and we have this need to be perfect. We are human and every wrinkle and laugh line and frown line, every gray hair, etc I have earned. And if someone doesn't like it too bad for them. But as we all know most people don't really notice things about others and don't really care.


With a few exceptions people are very self involved and we are without doubt our own worst critic. Our own worst enemy at times. So yeah, be kind to yourselves. Give yourselves grace. You have earned it. You deserve it. And you rock in so many ways,

"You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove to anybody."
Maya Angelou

And believe in yourself. Allow yourself to be who you are. You are perfectly imperfect and you should embrace that...to be happy you don't need to be perfect but you do need to accept yourself and know you rock ❤️
 
Old hands are beautiful, cause I have 'em.
They're ok, they work and I can use them to display gems.
 
mrs-b said:
So here's the thing.

I don't know what the exact % is, of course, but I swear it's HUGE - the number of times women post photos of their jewelry and then..immediately....either apologize or self flagellate!

"Please forgive my cracked hands!"
"I'm so sorry about my chipped nail polish!"
"Ugh - I know this has finger marks on it - sorry!"
"Oh gees, please ignore all the loose hairs around the earrings!"
"Please try not to look at my 'man hands'!"
"Finger muffin top above my rings - YUK!!"
"Super jealous of all the members here with size 4 fingers and not my massive size 7's!"

....and on and on and on. And the thing is, most of the time I can't see what they're talking about, and the rest of the time - I don't care!

As women, are we so programmed to see our faults - even when they're non existent - that we can barely open our mouths without apologizing for the space we take in the world?

This is not all of us, I know, but it's a recurring theme on PS, and I, for one, am not gonna do it any more. If my rings are dirty - oh well. If I have fat fingers - I'm not going to apologize for them. If my hair is less than stellar in earring shots - not gonna care.

Anyone care to join me?

And in the meantime - here's something to go on with: one of the most brilliant slam poetry performances I've ever heard. Keep an ear out for her comment at 2.59 - it's life changing.

Click to expand...

YES YES YES.

And while we’re at it, perhaps also ditch the photo filters? You are beautiful AS YOU ARE.
 
We teach young girls to do this, btw. There’s a memorable scene in the movie “Mean Girls” where they’re clustered around a mirror taking turns finding fault with their appearances.

 
But if we were happy and at peace with our appearance a zillion companies wouldn't make money.
They have us convinced we need:
make up
weight loss or gain (you're never perfect, ya know)
hair ... improvement products, removal products, grey-hiding products
cosmetic surgery
this seasons clothes and shoes
self-improvement everything
a couch or a kitchen that you're not sick of
a new car that makes you cool, in the color that makes you cool
etc. etc. etc
The list is endless.

How and why is this so?
We are constantly consuming media, both ads and content, that convinces you you're not okay,
We become conditioned to want/need what they're selling . .............. reminds me of the dark side of religion. :angryfire:
 
kenny said:
But if we were happy and at peace with our appearance a zillion companies wouldn't make money.
They have us convinced we need:
make up
weight loss or gain (you're never perfect, ya know)
hair ... improvement products, removal products, grey-hiding products
cosmetic surgery
this seasons clothes and shoes
self-improvement everything
a couch or a kitchen that you're not sick of
a new car that makes you cool, in the color that makes you cool
etc. etc. etc
The list is endless.

How and why is this so?
We are constantly consuming media, both ads and content, that convinces you you're not okay,
We become conditioned to want/need what they're selling . .............. reminds me of the dark side of religion. :angryfire:
Click to expand...

100 percent agree with your post.

I hope no one vilifies me for the following thoughts but I am still sharing them.

I was just talking about this with my DH
We watch some of the RHO (real housewives of) shows
Those women have had much plastic surgery on their faces and bodies...to the point they look fake. Not like themselves.
But this seems to be the new norm
I am always saying you do you and if it doesn't hurt others fine
But imo this does hurt others...the younger, susceptible and most vulnerable of us
If you don't look like the new norm (full lips, tight face, filled with fillers) you are considered the "odd person out" so to speak

It reminds me of that Twilight Zone episode "Beauty in the eye of the beholder"

 
I'm actually really glad to see this. I initially came to these boards and another fashion forum with a jewellery section as a 20 or 21 year old. I'm mid thirties now. I have had an ED since I was very young. But somehow I never once thought my size 6.5 to 7 fingers were gargantuan man hands. Probably because I am a relatively small person as a 4'11 to 5 footer depending on who is measuring and my height hasn't changed one iota since I was 10 or 11 lol. Until I got to jewellery forums and was just slapped in the face reading all the apologies for what looked to me like perfectly normal fingers. Some fingers are thinner. Some fingers are larger that's true. But all of them are normal and nothing wrong with them. So obviously that never helped my issues.

It wasn't until my daughter was born that I decided just because I am disordered about my eating and my body image it doesn't mean she needs to be. And I don't need to spread the fear of how their hands look to others reading my comments. So I stopped talking about how fat I am and mostly about how ugly I look. Especially in front of her. I started trying very hard to not apologize for my hands size when I make my rare share posts. Because I would hate for my daughter to read any comments in the future like the ones I made about myself in the past and then think well if mommy is huge/has man hands. Then what do I look like? Because she is 4 and almost as tall as me with hands 3/4 the size of mine. She has the family genes to be very tall from my family and my husband's. (On my grandmother's side she was the runt at 5'6. I go to gatherings with them and only the kids and one of the wives are under 5'10 lmao.) I would just hate for my daughter to think that she's ugly in any way if it turns out that she is very tall like my husbands sisters and my cousins.

So yeah that's where I'm at with it. I'm not perfect by any means but I'm trying to be more aware of my comments about myself. Where I have a lot of struggle is apologies for dryness because I'm an overwasher. So my hands are often dry and cracked with bleeding no matter how many times I lotion. So I try to first not do hand shots. But if I must I lotion a bit and cut off any cracking that's showing just because I don't know where the line on that should be. Obviously we can't change size or age but I'm not sure anyone wants to just see my hands as they are fully either lol.
 
Thank you for posting this! ❤️

To be honest, I have had some amazing purchases in the past year that I keep meaning to take “better” photos of because my nails look bad. Or the winter is drying out my skin. Or I forgot to pick up the kids homework and sports equipment in the background.

Thank you for saying what a lot of us needed to hear. ❤️
 
I think most folks want to put their best foot forward - or hand lol! - when taking and sharing pictures. If that means you want your polish pretty or your hands lotioned up, that is fine. Apologizing for your hand or finger size, age spots and wrinkles is definitely not necessary. Chasing perfection robs you of the ability to love and embrace yourself just as you are. We are at different stages and places in our lives and I think we have to love and appreciate each stage.
No apologies needed for what is naturally unique to each one of us. Hopefully, with age comes acceptance, for the inability to accept it will make you a very disheartened person.

Share your bling in all its glory - it is the reason we are here! No apologies necessary!
 
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