Hello everyone,
My name is Rebekah and I am new to this forum. I am sooo glad that I have finally found somewhere to vent!! And people with the same feelings as myself. I honestly thought I was mad with all this constant wedding thoughts. It''s driving me insane.
Ok so I am 27 as is my partner and we have been together for 6 1/2 years. I was ready for marriage after being together for 2-3 years. He wasn''t even thinking of the idea until a month ago. He said it would probably happen but that was as far his thoughts got. I forgot about it and then brought up a few times ever few months or so and he just did that plain refuse to talk about it at all thing. I would vent late at night in bed to him and he would listen but say nothing. Gee so much for communication! Any way I assumed that as we were in rented accomodation and were saving up for a house that this was his priority to provide a home for us.
We have now been in our new home for a year. During whichI have again dropped regular hints and just plain talking to him but nothing from him still - he wouldnt talk. Persuming he wasn''t ready I didn''t say anything else but spent many an hour crying myself to sleep wonder where the hell we were going. I wanted to know! It wasn''t fair I was put on hold all this time without knowing a thing. I set myself a mental guideline of the end of October to see what happened. Giving him space and us more time to settle into our new home. If nothing else and he refused to talk then I was going to leave.
A month ago one even we were sat on the bed and the conversation of marriage suddenly came up! And he brought it up not me! I was delighted finally after all these years he was communicating with me! But what he said wasnt delightful ...
He went on about how confused he was. How he didnt know why he didnt want to marry me as we have been so happy together and nothing has bothered him up until now. I guess he had been thinking of marriage for a couple of weeks or so and had been pondering. He said he wasn''t sure if he was ready to settle with me - I am his first girlfriend. And he didnt know if there was someone else out there and whether he wanted other relationships and to sleep around as he had never done this. Well that stung right to the core of my heart. How can you love someone and think this? He said he was in love with me and loved me so deeply and that there was no doubt in his mind about his love for me. He said he was doubting over us as we are complete opposites and he was thinking we don''t spend enough time together. But he said again this hs never bothered him before so why is he thinking this now? And that I don''t support him enough in going out with him and his mates. I always stay at home and let him have his social life and he wants to me to join in with this.
I said the last 2 were things that could be worked on and that if we can work on things then why throw away all these years we have spent together. I suggested counselling but he said he wouldn''t do it as he thinks he would struggle badly. It was hard enough for him to open up and tell me all this as it was. Let alone tell this to a stranger!So he said he is really confused and that he had been here a few times before but he had always come back to the thought that he was being selfish wanting to sleep with other people and that he knew it would be stupid to throw away something so special to him for sex elsewhere.
Well the next day I spent the whole day in tears. He came home to findme crying and he held me and I think had a little cry himself. We barely ate anything at tea. We both miserable. The next day I felta little better knowing I just had to give him time to sort his head out. And that either way in an odd way I was delighted that he had opened up and shared with me!!!
The first time in all these years. I had been asking for it for so long. HeE asked if I was upset and I said of course im upset with what you said but I am delighted that you have finally opened up to me. He thinks im mad at being so ahppy about that lol. Any way we cuddled and kissed and were so close after this a few days later. I felt so emotionally close to him and we were much closer spending more time together. About a week later I was still upset and he picked up on this. He said he had now settled down and that he was going through a "phase". He said as always he came back to the conclusion that the only person he wants is me. And told me not to worry, he wasn''t going any where. He kept on reassuring me. I left it for a few more weeks. But recently it has been playing badly on my mind again. So last night I asked him again if he has settled down still or is he worrying. He said that he is still settled but that he might change his mind in the future. You never know ... That started me worrying again. I asked if we would get married and he said later. The he said stroppily it will probably happen just be patient, stop harrrassing me. So I''ve stepped back again. I''ll give him til the end of January now and see what happens in the mean time. He has no qualms about talking about a wedding and discussing some options. And we have even had the children talk. And last night he said if we have a baby I want to teach it its first word which will be bitty! lol. So to be honest I am still panicked from time to time. I don''t know if he has said all this to calm me down whilst he is still doubting? Or has he made his mind up he wants to leave me but it scares him so he tries to forget? Maybe he is just scared of all the wedding stuff and is unsure. He did say that he had never been in a relationship let alone at the wedding stage so doesnt know if these doubts are normal or not?
Sorry to vent on my first post! And such a long post!!
Just wondering if anyone can shed any light on this? Does there sound like there is hope to you guys? Has anyone been here before? And how the hell can I stop myself from being petrified that he will choose sex and other women over me?
ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH!!
My name is Rebekah and I am new to this forum. I am sooo glad that I have finally found somewhere to vent!! And people with the same feelings as myself. I honestly thought I was mad with all this constant wedding thoughts. It''s driving me insane.
Ok so I am 27 as is my partner and we have been together for 6 1/2 years. I was ready for marriage after being together for 2-3 years. He wasn''t even thinking of the idea until a month ago. He said it would probably happen but that was as far his thoughts got. I forgot about it and then brought up a few times ever few months or so and he just did that plain refuse to talk about it at all thing. I would vent late at night in bed to him and he would listen but say nothing. Gee so much for communication! Any way I assumed that as we were in rented accomodation and were saving up for a house that this was his priority to provide a home for us.
We have now been in our new home for a year. During whichI have again dropped regular hints and just plain talking to him but nothing from him still - he wouldnt talk. Persuming he wasn''t ready I didn''t say anything else but spent many an hour crying myself to sleep wonder where the hell we were going. I wanted to know! It wasn''t fair I was put on hold all this time without knowing a thing. I set myself a mental guideline of the end of October to see what happened. Giving him space and us more time to settle into our new home. If nothing else and he refused to talk then I was going to leave.
A month ago one even we were sat on the bed and the conversation of marriage suddenly came up! And he brought it up not me! I was delighted finally after all these years he was communicating with me! But what he said wasnt delightful ...
He went on about how confused he was. How he didnt know why he didnt want to marry me as we have been so happy together and nothing has bothered him up until now. I guess he had been thinking of marriage for a couple of weeks or so and had been pondering. He said he wasn''t sure if he was ready to settle with me - I am his first girlfriend. And he didnt know if there was someone else out there and whether he wanted other relationships and to sleep around as he had never done this. Well that stung right to the core of my heart. How can you love someone and think this? He said he was in love with me and loved me so deeply and that there was no doubt in his mind about his love for me. He said he was doubting over us as we are complete opposites and he was thinking we don''t spend enough time together. But he said again this hs never bothered him before so why is he thinking this now? And that I don''t support him enough in going out with him and his mates. I always stay at home and let him have his social life and he wants to me to join in with this.
I said the last 2 were things that could be worked on and that if we can work on things then why throw away all these years we have spent together. I suggested counselling but he said he wouldn''t do it as he thinks he would struggle badly. It was hard enough for him to open up and tell me all this as it was. Let alone tell this to a stranger!So he said he is really confused and that he had been here a few times before but he had always come back to the thought that he was being selfish wanting to sleep with other people and that he knew it would be stupid to throw away something so special to him for sex elsewhere.
Well the next day I spent the whole day in tears. He came home to findme crying and he held me and I think had a little cry himself. We barely ate anything at tea. We both miserable. The next day I felta little better knowing I just had to give him time to sort his head out. And that either way in an odd way I was delighted that he had opened up and shared with me!!!
Sorry to vent on my first post! And such a long post!!
Just wondering if anyone can shed any light on this? Does there sound like there is hope to you guys? Has anyone been here before? And how the hell can I stop myself from being petrified that he will choose sex and other women over me?
ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH!!
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