I''m picky... but he''s old fashioned. HELP!

[patient1]

Hi all! Let me just stress that I think this is a great forum! I have visited off and on for the past year and I''ve finally decided to join.

So this is my second post (I''ve added myself to the list of ''ladies in waiting'') and I have this dilemma:

I am too informed for my own good. I have a really really good idea of what engagement ring I want. If anything, I know qualities of rings that I really don''t want. And I sorta-kinda have my heart set on a particular setting... The trouble is that my boyfriend of (soon-to-be) 6 years really wants to surprise me with a ring and proposal. He''s great about letting me ''geek-out'' at times about wedding thoughts (possible times of year, colors, locations) and even when I start to talk about characteristics of rings I like, he listens. But I''m afraid he may not remember the things I ''hint'' at.

Any suggestions on how to let him know what I''d like while respecting his wish to surprise me?

I know this may sound terrible; he''s a really wonderful guy -- he''s just not the best at remembering things. I have nightmares about him getting me a ring that ''he thought he remembered me mentioning I liked'' and it be one I didn''t like. He can read me like a book... so he''ll know if I don''t 100% love my ring.

Thanks in advance for any help. I love this forum and hope to get out some of my anxious-crazy-thoughts here.

For a little background: We''ve both been waiting until after graduation and getting jobs (ie. saving some money) to get engaged. We don''t live together now (although we really want to) and we''ve decided not to move in together until we''re engaged. His lease is up in May, and he started his (very well paying) job in January. I suspect a possible proposal by May, so I would like to figure out some possible solutions besides flat-out telling him I would like to ring shop/browse with him or leaving a list. Thanks again!!!

 

[Independent Gal]

Just give him a cram sheet with information, links to internet sites, style numbers, etc. Then leave it alone.

 

[sunnyd]

Equestrienne made her guy a Ring Book, which contained settings, stone qualities etc etc, what she wanted and didn''t want. I''d suggest that. Some people pick the stone together and let him pick from a few settings that she really loves. You could do that with the stone or both! Are you really picky about other jewelry you have? Does he know this? Might be a good time to clue him in if not!

My SO was like yours in the beginning, wanting to be traditional and have me input nothing, but now we''re doing it all together and I''ll butt out toward the end because well, I know more than him!

Welcome to PS too!

 

[chizzy1982]

Hi and welcome to PS

Ditto to what Indepedent gal advised. You could also try casually having a look at some web pages of settings you like while he''s with you and just mention you really like that particular setting and that you have saved the page as a "favorite"........ so its there for his future reference.

 

[bee*]

I agree with the others. Give him pictures of what you like and then leave him to it. That way you get what you like and he gets to do the traditional thing of picking the ring and proposing.

 

[patient1]

Thanks all for the welcome wishes! These are great suggestions! I have some ideas bookmarked on my home computer, I guess I could find a way to let him know they are there.

I really like the idea of the ''RingBook'' mentioned by sunnyd... I would just need to get the courage to do something like that and give it to him. I feel silly crafting ways to ''leave hints'', but in a way I think it preserves the surprise for him.

That''s the funny part, sunnyd, he knows I''m extremely picky. So I assume he''ll try finding out information... But by what method: I have no clue.

(sigh) I should just talk to him.

But I worry about hurting his feelings...

This seems to the internal debate I keep having: whether to bring this up to him or not. He can be sensitive on issues like this, and I don''t want to make him feel bad. As if I don''t trust him to make a good decision...

 

[Smurfysmiles]

a lot of ring sites have links that say "drop the hint" and it will email a picture of the ring you like and you can add a message that says something like "i was bored and was looking around online today and whenever you decide to start thinking about rings, heres one i really like a lot"

 

[sunnyd]

The way I see it, and I''m not alone in this, is that as the person having to wear the ring for rest of my life, I should have some say in it. My guy didn''t even think about it like that. I told him and he agreed with me. Must be a macho thing...you will like what I pick out!

 

[CrookedRock]

Talk to him. I had to do it too... My bf admits he would have totally bought me something I wouldn''t like... The way he put it to me is that: I have to wear it forever, and considering that a large amout of money goes into rings, he would prefer I get exactly what I want. He is def the more traditional type too, but he had no problem letting me in on this one! We decided to pick out the stone together and do the design together, but after that I don''t get to see it til he proposes.
I really like the ring book idea... Look for the thread with the pics of the book in it, it was fabulous. That might really work for your situation! Good luck and keep us posted!

By the way... What is it that you really want... we love pics around here!!!

 

[patient1]

Once again, great point sunnyd! (maybe it is a macho thing, lol) I guess I lost sight of that point.

Maybe I''ll finally hit one of those ''send a hint'' buttons Smurfysmiles.

Once again, thanks for the suggestions! I love this place.

 

[Independent Gal]

OK, one very strong word of advice. Don't hint. Don't insinuate. Don't 'let him know' there are some pics of rings you like that he can find if he looks for them. Be VERY VERY direct. Say "honey, if you ever decide to buy me a ring, here are some things I like and some I don't like. Just file it away for later, OK!"

It is a very common cause of strife between husbands and wives that wives 'hint' and husbands feel like they are expected to read the woman's mind. So practice being direct about your wants, needs, and desires now, and many happy years of marriage await you!

Otherwise, he may well 'miss the hint' or not get how strong your feelings are about it, and get you something you dislike, then you'll not only be disappointed, but annoyed that he didn't 'get your hint'. If you say what you mean, directly, it's idiot proof.

 

[patient1]

haha Great call IndependantGal! That's exactly what I needed to hear!

He and I have often had that same discussion, and every time I agree I need to speak more directly. Yet, I always seem to overlook when I make the 'hinting' error again. He uses the extract phrase 'mind reader' too. (You gave me chills, lol)

I'm attaching two pictures of Ritani rings that I have drooled over for (gulp) years now. Endless Love collection. Oval, halo setting. One with pave diamonds on the band and one without...

Enjoy!

(And yes, I've seen ChelleBelle's ring! It's gorgeous!!!

 

[patient1]

and here''s the other!

 

[hisdiamondgirl]

Welcome!!!

Those rings are beautiful, and I agree that you need to tell him straight out, especially given that you like them yummy ovals!!!! Most guys I know only know "round" and "square" and wouldn''t think of buying anything else!!!

 

[LDubs]

AHHHH!! I am totally in the same boat - down to the dream ring! My bf is cah-lue-less when it comes to picking stuff like that out. And even if I mention what I like, he forgets (case in point, Christmas earrings that I emailed him a direct link to - and he still managed to delete it in his email, and later had to ask me to resend)

I''m sure he''s not ready to really *think* about an engagement, but when the time rolls around, I''m going to have to approach delicately, and make sure I''m part of discussions - because otherwise my dream oval halo will never happen! lol silly boys...

 

[patient1]

Wow! Similar down to the ring!!! Impressive, LDubs.

I think after all these suggestions, I'm definitely going to let my SO (heehee I love the lingo here!) know that I want input on my ring. He can decide if that entails a RingBook, an email, a spreadsheet, a smoke-signal, a trip to a ring shop, etc. I think that's fair...

Thanks again for everyone's help! I feel so much better!

 

[patient1]

To update:

After all the guidance I received here, I went over to my SO''s apartment after work and told him about wanting to help pick out my ring. After going over the ideas suggested here, and he was really receptive!

He said, "Well it comes down to what do you want more, to be suprised or to get the ring you want?"

You can all guess my answer, lol!

He then told me he really liked the idea of a Ringbook!!

He said he really thought it would be cute and that I should feel free to get as detailed as I liked. And that if I changed my mind at anytime, I could always update the book.

I am SO excited!! I can''t wait to get started. A BIG THANK YOU to everyone who answered me today... This is a huge weight off of my shoulders (and I think his too!)

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Everyone has great ideas, just wanted to say welcome to PS, very exciting you are soon-to-be engaged!!

 

[monarch64]

Patient1, so glad to hear that he was receptive to your ideas and that everything seems to be working out! You''re a very lucky lady to have a man who''s so cooperative!

Can''t wait to hear how it all turns out, and to see your ring, etc.

 

[patient1]

Thank you SarahlovesJS and monarch64! It''s amazing how supportive everyone here is. I''ll be sure an post pictures as soon as I finish the book and then when he proposes. It''ll probably be a few more months, but that''s soon enough for me! Yippee!

 

[glueck]

I am LOVING the ring book idea. if it is beautifully done, it would be a sweet keepsake too. Wish I would have thought about that in my trinket buying process!!

Its a great idea! All he has to do is take it to the store and show it to someone! With 2 or more choices, he can surprise you, and the time can be a surprise still... even when he buys it! AND you get what you want. WIN WIN.

What a cool idea! Enjoy making your book. Sounds like so much fun!!!

 

[patient1]

Thank you glueck! I cannot WAIT to get started! I've been thinking about how I'll decorate it, if I'll hand write it or type it, etc.

It'll be hard to focus at work today...

 

[glueck]

I see a GREAT trip to the craft store in your near future. I definitely see lots of funny frames being made around the ring print outs to make them look like portraits...and lots of rhinestone stickers! hhaha.... sound like so much fun!

Perhaps if your guy is shy shy shy and doesnt want to show off his bling book to the strange jeweler behind the counter, you might want to make the pictures and really important info like a diamond cheat sheet- removable (With those 4 corner tabs) so he has the option to take them out and just take the pic into the store.

I wish I could help!!! What fun

 

[patient1]

Great suggestion glueck! Maybe I''ll make a few ''boring'' pages in the back -- Packets he can take to a jeweler without glitter and confetti hearts spilling out on the counter.