I''m sad ...

[Amanda.Rx]

Hey ladies...

I''m the one that posted last week about my sister not being excited about my comment about being engaged soon... then I asked if you all thought 22 or 23 was too early to get engaged and if a 4 year engagement was ridiculous...

After the topic has plagued my mind for the last week... I have lost sleep, cried, and talked to all of my trusted loved ones. After everyone''s advice and trying to listen to my head instead of my heart, I built up the nerve to tell my SO that I think we should wait on the engagement. We''ve decided to postpone it indefinately, but at LEAST another year.

We talked about it for a long time, and he''s OK with waiting, but I''m so disspointed now. I mean, I know I''ll get excited again, and I''ll get over the dissapointment, but I also feel like I dissapointed HIM... I really think he''s already bought the ring, and that he was planning an extravagent European proposal over the holidays. He sounded really bummed when I asked him about it, but he understands my decision (and he''s really glad I told him BEFORE he proposed). I think he''s scared that I''ll change my mind about the ring too, but I assured him that this wasn''t about the ring. I told him if he proposed tomorrow, I would say yes, but I just think closing the gap a little between engagement and wedding would be more exciting for both of us and our families.

*sigh* ... I just don''t know what to think. I''m also confused about what I want to do with my future career (for so long, I knew exactly what I wanted)... but now I''m not so sure what I want anymore. I feel like I have a lot of big decisions coming up, and I''m started to 2nd guess them all. I just feel like I have no clear direction anymore.

Has anyone else been through a mini mid-20''s crisis or I''m I just crazy?

 

[Blair138]

I went through a mini-crisis when I graduated college, but it had nothing to do with SO or getting engaged. I had a meltdown about my job and if that was the path I wanted to take. It is totally NORMAL to be confused. Your 20''s are difficult, you''re expected to be an adult and ''know'' what you want to do about everything-but rarely is it that easy. I remember your posts vaguely, but why would you need a 4 year engagement? I think postponing your engagement is a smart idea for now, but don''t put a timeline on it. You may change your mind again or your FF might! Also, I''m still learning this myself-but it''s best to do what you want and not listen to anyone else, this includes family members and close friends. Good luck, it will get better!

 

[LaraOnline]

Urk! The early 20s!

I feel sorry for you!

Ultimately, it's about looking at issues as fully as you can - bearing in mind that you are operating with limited information, partly due to your youth (not your fault, is it) - and taking as much responsibility as you can for the decisions you make about those issues.
I know you've already talked to your man about it, but my feelings are that if you wanted to get engaged and have a long engagement, it really is no-one else's business but your own.
You should get to experience your romantic relationships on your (fully responsible, of course) terms as much as possible - it helps with your perception of your own integrity!

So, if you've decided to postpone engagement, bearing in mind that it is a step away from the fullest possible commitment to your guy (yet), take control of *that* decision and make the fullest use of your life as it is now.
Take a lesson from me, and DO NOT MOON over how it should be!!! Don't dream, be. Honestly, it seems like life is 'tougher' (less romantic/poetic) that way, but often moony dreams turn out to be big, fat, life-wasting mirages. and I've got proof on that.

So, "Seize the day"!

L.

 

[Izzy03]

I definitely had the "quarter-life" crisis last year. It went away as fast as it hit me. I I promise, you will be reassured with everything in your life soon! Hang in there!

 

[BlueSki231]

Yes i can definitely relate to the mid-20''s crisis.. I went through it, and I think I may still BE going through it. But i think part of that is just me being extremely picky about what job/s I take because I refuse to settle. but that''s just me..

I got the sense from your post that your decision to postpone the engagement wasn''t because it''s what YOU thought was best, but what you chose to do because of the opinions of those around you...

What really struck me about what you said is After everyone''s advice and trying to listen to my head instead of my heart.
Maybe it''s just me, but I''ve found your heart will take you to where you need to be, whether it''s relationship related, or job related... or in ANY situation.
The head is confusing, second guesses, and cares too much about what other people think.
What would you have done if you had chosen to listen to your heart?

 

[mariewest]

I''m 22 and my SO and I have been seriously discussing getting engaged within the next six months. I don''t feel that it is too young because we''ll have about a two year engagement so we''ll both be 24 by the time we actually tie the knot (two years for many reasons: we are planning on moving, his brother is getting married next summer, and just for financial reasons.) I just graduated with a BA in May and still looking for jobs and have no idea what I want. The current economy doesn''t help the situation is any way either. It is stressful! I have a quarter-life mini crisis every day and just want to cry. A lot of people don''t really seem to understand what we''re going through unless they went through it themselves, and for some reason I don''t feel that it''s a situation that past generations really went through. I wish you the best and good luck in the future.

 

[Carbonlove]

I don't think that what is right for one person is right for another. You should do what makes you happy.

Personally, my BF and I have been together for 11 years. We are 26/27. We both decided not to get married young because we have a lot of goals we want to accomplish before we get married.

Also, I think a lot of people have a quarter-life crisis. I got my BS and then decided I wanted to be a doctor and went back for a 2nd BS. I have to wait until 2010 to go to medical school. You are young and have plenty of time. When I was 21 and graduated from college I thought I had everything figured out, but life happens...now I'm 26 without a job and trying to do well on the entrance exam. You will find your way and your time will come. Also, I think I'm a very different person than I once was. I'm much more accepting of who I am and what I have accomplished.

My own opinion is that I wouldn't want to get engaged just to have a 4 year engagement. My BF and I have a commitment without a ring.

 

[Dannielle]

Date: 10/1/2008 12:09:22 AM Author: Namaste
Yes i can definitely relate to the mid-20''s crisis.. I went through it, and I think I may still BE going through it. But i think part of that is just me being extremely picky about what job/s I take because I refuse to settle. but that''s just me.. I got the sense from your post that your decision to postpone the engagement wasn''t because it''s what YOU thought was best, but what you chose to do because of the opinions of those around you... What really struck me about what you said is After everyone''s advice and trying to listen to my head instead of my heart. Maybe it''s just me, but I''ve found your heart will take you to where you need to be, whether it''s relationship related, or job related... or in ANY situation. The head is confusing, second guesses, and cares too much about what other people think. What would you have done if you had chosen to listen to your heart?

I agree.. No matter what you do in your life people are always going to have their opinions.. you just need to do what is going to make you happy, otherwise your life will be filled with "what if''s" and regretts.

I hope your happy in your decision and I wish you the best for your future

 

[Amanda.Rx]

Thanks for the support, ladies.

I''m not really living by the opinions of others, really... I''m just listening to those I trust- and I think they''re talking sense into me and sharing a perspective that I''ve not yet considered.

From an outside perspective, I can see how a 4 year engagment seems totally ridiculous. I really wish we could get engaged soon and then marry a year later, but between finishing school, taking the boards, and immediately starting a residency (in which I will be putting in well over 40 hours a week for a year or two)... there''s simply no TIME for a wedding until I''m done with all of it- which is 4 years away.

I think that''s why we decided to wait- so we can keep that "excitement" going and maybe actually pick a date once we do get engaged. *sigh* ... at least he''s a total sweetie- he sent me 6 long stem red roses this week because he knew I was stressed out about it all. He doesn''t mind waiting- I think he''s just freaking out a little because he already bought a ring... which is AWESOME- but sucks that I''ll have to try not to snoop for another year or so!

I think I''ll be OK, though... I just need to get it out of my head!