Find your diamond
Find your jewelry
shape
carat
color
clarity

Informing ex-boyfriends about engagements?

Status
Not open for further replies. Please create a new topic or request for this thread to be opened.
J

june48

Rough_Rock
Joined
Dec 9, 2005
Messages
33
I have a particular problem you ladies could help me with. I have an ex who I'm still in contact with over email and AIM (we dated for years and years so it's important for me to maintain our friendship) and I'm a bit stressed about how to tell him when I get engaged. I think he'll take it pretty hard because I was his first love and he hasn't dated anyone since we broke up two years ago.

Would it be a good idea for me to tell him that I'm really serious w/ my SO about a 1-2 months before I think we'll get engaged so he can get used to the idea? I'm guessing he already knows we're pretty serious, but I definitely don't think he's expecting engagement anytime soon. I'm just wondering what the kind thing to do would be because I really care about this guy as a friend even though we're not together anymore. Thanks in advance for your advice!
 
Wow. Hm, that's a very difficult position to be in. Do you know whether he still has hopes of getting back together? It sounds that way since he hasn't dated anyone else ever since the two of you broke up. In this case, I think it's better for you to tell him that you and your SO are serious and may be thinking about marriage. Two years is a lot of time to recover from a break up, IMO, and if he's still hanging on to threads, then that's not healthy. Sorry if I sound harsh, but it's better that he hears from you than anyone else.

It will also hit him harder when he hears about your engagement without any idea about how serious your relationship has gotten. Hope this helps.

ETA: I don't know when you're planning to get engaged, but if you think that he'll be that crushed, I think letting him know as soon as possible that the two of you are serious is better than waiting until 1-2 months before the engagement.
 
Date: 12/14/2005 5:28:14 AM
Author: Cinderella
Wow. Hm, that''s a very difficult position to be in. Do you know whether he still has hopes of getting back together? It sounds that way since he hasn''t dated anyone else ever since the two of you broke up. In this case, I think it''s better for you to tell him that you and your SO are serious and may be thinking about marriage. Two years is a lot of time to recover from a break up, IMO, and if he''s still hanging on to threads, then that''s not healthy. Sorry if I sound harsh, but it''s better that he hears from you than anyone else.

It will also hit him harder when he hears about your engagement without any idea about how serious your relationship has gotten. Hope this helps.

ETA: I don''t know when you''re planning to get engaged, but if you think that he''ll be that crushed, I think letting him know as soon as possible that the two of you are serious is better than waiting until 1-2 months before the engagement.
Click to expand...
I agree with Cinderella. Kind of ease him into it.

Being friends with your EX can be tricky especially when one still holds feelings. If you think he still has feelings of wanting to get back together than I think that issuse needs to be dealt with as well. It''s not healthy to for him, after 2 years, to still have feelings for you (if he still does) and could be potentially harmfull to your SO. HOwever, this could also be something where the reality of you getting married to someone else is just not something he''s thought of but shares the same feelings as you and does not have feelings of wanting to get back together.

BTW,
24.gif
MORNING!
 
Hi,

Well it''s just my opinion, but I wouldn''t pussyfoot around.

The most important attribute of a good friend is honesty. If the friendship is solid, it will survive this piece of news.

If i was that friend, i would feel more hurt because you felt you couldn''t tell me.

If he still has feelings for you, he is living with false hope. The sooner he knows you intend to get engagement, the sooner he can acknowledge that it is definitely over and move on with his life.

good luck.....dyanne
35.gif
 
Ex relationships are tough! My ex (the important one anyway) definitely knows that I am engaged, but did not hear it from me. I am still close with his best friend, who was actually the person who set us up.

My ex and I were really close, but- just not right for each other. So we ended up staying "friends"- as in we talked on the phone about every other day... which worked fine as long as I was not dating anyone. I started dating my FI about a year after our breakup. And then the ex started making really lovely jealous DRUNK phone calls to me in the middle of the night, with his super classy friends. So that's when we stopped talking frequently. My bf at the time didn't think I should talk to him anymore when he was acting like that, and I agreed. So I stopped calling him back- and we've talked a few times since then, but not since perhaps around March now. It's just too weird. I don't know if he'll ever be ok with me being with someone else.

I think it's exceedingly difficult to stay friends and have all parties involves (including current SO) be comfortable with the situation.
 
Date: 12/14/2005 4:44:23 AM
Author:june48
I have a particular problem you ladies could help me with. I have an ex who I''m still in contact with over email and AIM (we dated for years and years so it''s important for me to maintain our friendship) and I''m a bit stressed about how to tell him when I get engaged. I think he''ll take it pretty hard because I was his first love and he hasn''t dated anyone since we broke up two years ago.

Would it be a good idea for me to tell him that I''m really serious w/ my SO about a 1-2 months before I think we''ll get engaged so he can get used to the idea? I''m guessing he already knows we''re pretty serious, but I definitely don''t think he''s expecting engagement anytime soon. I''m just wondering what the kind thing to do would be because I really care about this guy as a friend even though we''re not together anymore. Thanks in advance for your advice!
Click to expand...
I can relate as I was in your ex''s position.

I dated this guy through college. He was my first love. When we broke up (he broke up with me b/c he wanted to date other people) I was crushed. He said it was important for us to stay friends and we did for a few years. There was always this tiny bit of hope in the back of my head that we would get back together. He called me all the time (so it wasn''t just me calling him) and we saw each other frequently as we hung around the same circle of friends. He still flirted with me and used to kiss me on the check when we met. I guess you could say he was leading me on a bit. I know his girlfriends were NOT happy that he still kept in touch with me.

Then one day we met for lunch. He had been dating his current girlfriend for about a year or so. He told me he was considering marrying her. I felt this huge pit in the bottom of my stomach. I wished him a lot of luck then made some excuse to leave.

A few days later he showed up at my work unannounced just as I was ready to leave. We went to a park and talked for about an hour. He told me how special I am and always will be to him. He then kissed me but I had to break away as it was just so hard. I told him that we couldn''t talk or get together anymore. He knew that I wanted to get back together, and I think in some way he LIKED knowing that. He called he several times after that but I never returned his calls. It was so hard to do, but I needed to do it for myself.

I guess the point of my story is that I couldn''t get on with my life until I broke all ties with him. Maybe that''s what your ex is doing - hoping in some way that you''ll get back together. I could never understand why it was so important for him to remain friends with me -- I know why I wanted to remain friends with HIM. It certainly isn''t a healthy situation. If your ex hasn''t dated anyone since you broke up, maybe he too is hanging on to false hope.

It also doesn''t make things any easier for your current boyfriend. I totally understand why my ex''s girlfriend was upset that he still talked to me. I too thought why is my ex talking to me when he has this girlfriend that he wants to marry?

If you two really are just friends (and he has no false hope) then I would tell him you''re serious about your boyfriend sooner rather than later. Don''t just spring it on him a month before you get engaged. You would probably tell all your other friends as soon as possible, right? Why treat him differently?

Oh, I did find out my ex got engaged to his girlfriend through my mom of all people! He actually showed up at my mom''s house one day looking for me. I wasn''t there and he talked to my mom for a while. Then right before he left it was "oh, by the way, I''m engaged". I''m so glad I wasn''t there when he showed up. Even though I was dating someone else it was just better for me to have absolutely no contact with him.

I agree with Icekid that it''s a difficult situation for all parties to stay friends and be OK with it. What does your boyfriend think about this?
 
I''m in a similar situation, and I''ve let me ex know how serious thiings are with my BF so he isn''t surprised when it happens. I think he''s happy for me, though maybe a little wistful about how things change in life. He''s dating someone also, but they aren''t very happy together, which makes it worse. I think it''d be a lot better if he were in a good relationship. But maintaining our friendship is very important to me, so I figured being honest from the beginning was the way to go.
 
I''m a fan of clean breaks...out of sight, out of mind. How does your BF feel about your frienship with your ex? Chances are if he hasn''t dated anyone in the two years since you broke up, he''s still hoping there is chance for you to get back together. Let him know you and your BF are serious and even though you want him as a "friend" I think you should start to slowly phase him out of your life. These types of relationships can sometimes be more trouble that they are worth. Your friendship with him might be whats keeping him from moving on and finding someone else who is right for him.
 
I was recently contacted by my ex from 4 years ago (!!), with whom I''ve had no recent contact, and it was clear that he wanted to get back together. I hinted, then I was gentle, then I was blunt as I made it clear that I was very happily taken and not interested in pursuing anything from the past.

While I think that''s a little different, I''d still take the same type of approach. I wonder if, like pebbles'' ex, you kinda like knowing that maybe he''s still pining after you, and that''s why you haven''t said much about your SO until now. Otherwise, why wouldn''t you be gushing in your excitement? While I don''t think there''s anything wrong with that sort of feeling, I do think it''s time to address it.
2.gif


Tell him now. Bring it up casually at your next lunch, say you two went ring shopping. Talk about it like you do with your girlfriends! He might break contact with you, but if so, then you know your suspicions were right, and he needs to make that decision so he can do what''s best for his life.

ETA: I thought this thread was going to be about sending wedding announcements to exes... I''ve long considered doing so to one particular ex, only because he was a nasty piece of work during our breakup and insisted that nobody would ever love me.
29.gif
Gotta love karma... his life is less than peaches right now.
11.gif
 
I only have one ex that I talk to anymore, I just told him while IMing. He was asking about my holiday plans and I said I was hoping VanDerveer would propose. He was shocked, and that made me feel a bit odd. But I think I was right to tell him, he has not IMed since then and somehow I doubt I will see him over break.
 
Date: 12/14/2005 9:47:38 AM
Author: appletini
I''m a fan of clean breaks...out of sight, out of mind. How does your BF feel about your frienship with your ex? Chances are if he hasn''t dated anyone in the two years since you broke up, he''s still hoping there is chance for you to get back together. Let him know you and your BF are serious and even though you want him as a ''friend'' I think you should start to slowly phase him out of your life. These types of relationships can sometimes be more trouble that they are worth. Your friendship with him might be whats keeping him from moving on and finding someone else who is right for him.
Click to expand...


Yeesh, tough situation. I agree with Appletini.

If he hasn''t dated anyone in two years, and you even suspect he''s still pining - the best thing you could do for him is to give him some distance and space.If you do genuinely care for him you may have to let this relationship go. He might actually need you out of his life to get over you - and not to be reminded of your happiness, what he doesn''t have, and his unhappiness.

I''ve been in a similar situation. I think women in particular want to hold on to relationships that were important to them. We DO still want to be friends. I think this is harder for men. I guess I believe in THEORY that''s possible, but in my personal experience it''s never been possible. The ex-men in my life have either gotten bitter, tried to restart something, or tried to sabotage my relationship.

There will be other important friendships. My suggestion is you focus your attention on other relationships that you want to build and encourage. This one might just be unhealthy for both of you.

Scintillating...
 
Date: 12/14/2005 9:47:38 AM
Author: appletini
I''m a fan of clean breaks...out of sight, out of mind. How does your BF feel about your frienship with your ex? Chances are if he hasn''t dated anyone in the two years since you broke up, he''s still hoping there is chance for you to get back together. Let him know you and your BF are serious and even though you want him as a ''friend'' I think you should start to slowly phase him out of your life. These types of relationships can sometimes be more trouble that they are worth. Your friendship with him might be whats keeping him from moving on and finding someone else who is right for him.
Click to expand...
You took the words right out of my mouth.

For me, it had to be that way. Looking back now, I was just hanging on to false hope, and my "friendship" with my ex kept me from moving on. Once I stopped all contact with him, it was easier to move on. No, it was not easy - there were many times I wanted to answer his call or pick up the phone and call him, but I knew I couldn''t. Plus, it wasn''t fair to his girlfriend. I didn''t want to look like the psycho ex, and him keeping in touch with me also didn''t allow him to fully concentrate on his current relationship. I consider it a lose-lose situation. Not all people feel that way, but for me, it was the best way to handle it.

I also have seen people cheat on their current boyfriend/girlfriend with ex''s too. I''m certainly not saying that''s what is going on here, but I have seen it with my own friends. I never cheated with my ex - that one time he really kissed me I got the impression that if I didn''t break it off it would have lead to something much more.

One of my girlfriends kept in touch with an ex-fiance. Her new boyfriend was not happy about it at all and asked her several times why she felt like she needed to maintain this friendship. What was missing from their relationship that she needed to go elsewhere to get? It caused a lot of problems. One day they had a huge fight (not over the ex, but something entirely different) and who did she turn to for support? -- the ex. I told her she was playing with fire and if she wasn''t careful she would get burned. Long story short, she wound up cheating on her boyfriend with her ex. Her boyfriend found out and broke up with her. She got back together with the ex. They wound up breaking up a few months later. She realized she couldn''t maintain the friendship with her ex because she herself couldn''t give her heart fully to someone else. It was only after she stopped all contact with her ex that she could fully move on.

I think I hung on to my ex for so long because I kept thinking of all the good times. There were plenty of bad times, but for some reason I just kept romanticizing about the good. The good weren''t just good, they were GREAT in my mind. It was only after I stopped living in the past - and stopped making the past better than it actually was - that I was able to fully give my heart to someone else. I''m not saying you have to erase every memory you have, but realize that they are memories, and sometimes that''s all you need.
 
I will ask the same question as the others have asked. how does you current boyfriend feel about this?

This is by far more important than how you ex-bf might feel. I can tell you because I am the boyfriend and my girlfriend has had guys call her. Now we have talked about this so its not an issue and I understand her side. She was more worried about hurting their feelings and has no interest in them, but would like to stay friends. As she started telling them how serious we are they have backed off. Guys always have "alterior motives", I''m a guy, trust me. So my assumption of you will be the same, thats just my assumption. You probably know your ex has some feelings for you and you have avoided hurting his feelings. If your current ex doesn''t know how much you have NOT told your ex bf, he might be a bit upset and wonder why you are hiding your relationship from him and if there are any feelings that you still have for him. First talk to your BF and let him know exactly what is going on so he knows, than let you ex know ASAP that you are happy (if thats the case) and that your taking the next step of the relationship. Good luck
 
Date: 12/14/2005 11:43:09 AM
Author: Scintillating

I guess I believe in THEORY that''s possible, but in my personal experience it''s never been possible. The ex-men in my life have either gotten bitter, tried to restart something, or tried to sabotage my relationship.
Click to expand...
Absolutely, unequivocally, 100% agree.

In theory, it''s nice, but I just don''t think it works.

I don''t keep in touch with my exes. We are exes for a reason.
 
I dated and was engaged to my ex for over four years. I couldn't bear to have a friendship with him afterwards because of all the heartache and depression he caused me (it would just prolong all the bad memories for me), even though he tried to be friends with me for a year after we broke up. I talked to him and saw him sometimes for that first year, but it was mainly one-word responses that I gave him. So when I got engaged again another year later (almost 2 years after the break up), I didn't tell him, but I didn't hide it either. I didn't feel it was any of his business. I'm sure he found out through other means. He's a shady character anyways because as soon as he found out, he proposed to his girlfriend (who had been pressuring him for a long time and was engaged 3 or 4 times before) and they rushed to get married before me (I wanted to wait a little, because of my past experience). He even gave her the same design ring as he gave me, it looks almost identical (I'm sure he would've given her my ring if I had returned it to him in the first place)! Oh and get this... Their wedding date... Is the exact same date as it was when I was engaged to him. I think either she's preggo or she/he is trying to recreate our past relationship for some sick reason.

On the other hand, I have a lot of exes that I'm still friends with and I told all of them that I was engaged. They're very happy for me, but they said they're jealous too. I think if the relationship is truly over and you're still friends, you should probably tell him. If he finds out from someone else or by other means, he might be a little hurt that you kept it from him. He'll probably be hurt regardless because of your long past together, but it'll hurt more if it doesn't come from you directly.
 
Appletini hit the nail right on the head.. I totally agree..

I dont see any purpose of remaining friends with an ex? im not with mine.. i saw him a while ago after we had been brokenup for like 3 years. saying "hey let me take you to dinner" i looked at him like Umm noo i have a boyfriend.. and he looked at me like I Was crazy lol! did ya think i was going to be single forever. weird.. but yeah once you break up just let it go.. im also one of those people who believe men and woman cannot "just be friends" one is always going to end up liking the other..... plus i would never dream of talking to a man(even as friends) while im with my bf.... i think its rude.
 
Wow, thanks for all the responses! I love this board! I should add that it's not me who's prolonging the friendship right now; while it's really important for me to eventually be friends, I've repeatedly told him that maybe we should cut ties for a few months until he feels completely over me. He has always agreed with this but contacted me anyway. I would just feel like a total jerk blocking him on AIM or something.

Although he was *definitely* not over me as recently as 9 months ago (I could tell because of things he said), I have little reason to be believe he's not over me now except for the fact that he hasn't dated anyone since me.


Edited to add: my current boyfriend is completely comfortable with our friendship. He understands very clearly that he shouldn't be threatened by this guy and knows he's an important connection to my past I want to maintain.
 
Date: 12/14/2005 3:14:35 PM
Author: Evie75
Appletini hit the nail right on the head.. I totally agree..

I dont see any purpose of remaining friends with an ex? im not with mine.. i saw him a while ago after we had been brokenup for like 3 years. saying ''hey let me take you to dinner'' i looked at him like Umm noo i have a boyfriend.. and he looked at me like I Was crazy lol! did ya think i was going to be single forever. weird.. but yeah once you break up just let it go.. im also one of those people who believe men and woman cannot ''just be friends'' one is always going to end up liking the other..... plus i would never dream of talking to a man(even as friends) while im with my bf.... i think its rude.
Click to expand...
Am I reading that right? You don''t have male friends? Just curious
1.gif
 
Date: 12/14/2005 4:02:50 PM
Author: icekid
Date: 12/14/2005 3:14:35 PM

Author: Evie75

Appletini hit the nail right on the head.. I totally agree..


I dont see any purpose of remaining friends with an ex? im not with mine.. i saw him a while ago after we had been brokenup for like 3 years. saying ''hey let me take you to dinner'' i looked at him like Umm noo i have a boyfriend.. and he looked at me like I Was crazy lol! did ya think i was going to be single forever. weird.. but yeah once you break up just let it go.. im also one of those people who believe men and woman cannot ''just be friends'' one is always going to end up liking the other..... plus i would never dream of talking to a man(even as friends) while im with my bf.... i think its rude.
Click to expand...

Am I reading that right? You don''t have male friends? Just curious
1.gif
Click to expand...

Yeah, I disagree with the statement that men and women can''t "just be friends." All of my friends my whole life had been male, mainly because any female friend I had betrayed me in some way. I now have a handful of female friends, but the majority of my friends are still male. My fiance doesn''t have a problem with this (a lot of them are his fraternity brothers) because he trusts me and knows that it''s who I am. I don''t think it''s rude, unless I''m doing anything inappropriate with them in front of my fiance (never happens). Every time I see them, they give me a hug and a kiss on the cheek, but everyone knows it''s a platonic thing and never more. Yes, I''ve had instances in the past where a couple of friends ended up developing a crush on me, but they never acted on it if it wasn''t appropriate or if it wasn''t wanted. A friendship is a mutual understanding of each other''s boundaries and mutual respect for those boundaries. That''s why some of them have been my friends for over 10 years. Just my opinion and past experience....
 
I agree with Aphis, all of my friends have been male, but my boyfriend DID have a problem with it. Actually, because like Evie, they were mostly ex-boyfriends or guys who had liked me at some point. (Completely being not gloaty- they were freaks). When my boyfriend and I moved it, our friendships (minus one) all seemed to wither. Maybe it was the fact that I was no longer available, but it kinda hurt. The male friends I have now are all the real kind, who also hang out with my boyfriend. Even they were MY friends first. I guess you never know.
 
No I do have male friends. BUT i dont chat with them on the phone. Regardless if nothing is happening, I just dont think it would be respectful if i had phone conversations with another man other than my bf. especially my Fiance or husband. Whats the point? I know i wouldnt feel comfortable at all with my BF talking to a girl on the phone. thats just how i feel.

And im just saying that its only human nature. men and woman have relationships that are usually more than just platonic. and how many stories have you heard of "this one night i got drunk and made out with my best friend" "i was really depressed and he was there for me"............. im not saying anyone is wrong for having close male friends while having a BF at all.. im just saying i dont.

I mean a long time friend is a different story i guess.. But when you get a boyfriend / girlfriend that kinda fades out. I guess its about growing up too.

I never really had a lot of girfriends either.. just a few close ones... I was mainly friends with guys,, a lot had other intentions but a lot didnt either.

as far as remaining frreinds with ex''s, thats just asking for trouble.
 
June,
I think you have absolutey nothing to lose by telling your ex. If he''s really over you, he''ll be happy for you, as a friend should be. If he''s still harboring some hope of getting back together, the sooner you tell him it''s not going to happen, the sooner he can give up false hope and move on with his life. As for being friends with exes, it''s really not that uncommon. I do think though that you need some space and time after the relationship ends before you can transition to friendship. And it helps if both people have moved on with their lives. I"m friendly with an ex whom I dated a few years ago. He knew all along when I first started dating my now husband, then got engaged and married and has been happy for me. He himself is now happily marriedl and I''m genuinely happy for him. My husband knows that i''m in touch with this guy and it doesn''t bother him in the least since he has no reason to be insecure about it.
 
I would just tell him when it happens. If you''re that close, he''ll know its coming anyways and will be happy for you. I only talk to one ex, and I only dated him for a month--he actually gets along well with my bf (they''ve met a couple times), but we were never serious. In all honesty, my bf would not like me still talking to anyone I had a long term relationship with (actually his words were anyone I''d slept with before) and I honor that b/c I know how much it would bother me if he contacted past gfs.

But if you still managed to be friends with an ex, which is huge in my book, that''s hard, then I wouldnt do anything special to tell him, just tell him like you would anyone else.
 
I agree about cutting ties. Sometimes it can help a relationship forge into a friendship. I am very good friends with my old boyfriend to whom I used to be engaged too. We talk often and he''ll sometimes be flirtatious but I doubt he ever thinks about us as a couple. we both figured out a long time ago that we were better friends than boyfriend and girlfriend. We were together almost 7 years and broke up over 5 years ago so maybe that''s why we''re such good friends now? There was a time when I had to cut ties temporarily but as we had mutual friends we would see each other more often than I wanted too. It was hard at first but eventually it got easier and now we''re great friends. He is a very good friend and one I know I could turn to in a tie of need. My bf is totally cool with it and I think he kinda likes the fact that he has me while no one else does (if that makes sense). My old bf knows I''m serious and also knows I''m hoping to get engaged soon. I think we''ll always be friends. He will call me and tell me about the girls he''s dating and I know he''s looking to settle down but I don''t for an instant think he ever entertains thoughts that it would be me! I even set him up with one of my friends but unfortunately it didn''t work out for them.
 
Tell him!

Most guys like it straight.

If he is really a freind - he will understand and stay a freind (he may have a shock period).

If is is just hoping that he can get together with you - you will probably never hear from him again (which would be the best in that case).

It is possible to remain freinds with ex''s. But only in the case where the people are mature enough to care for your personal well being and realize that they are not what is best for you (yes this happenes; but unfortunately not frequently).


Perry
 
Okay - I sent you a PM. Here is a public statement after reading some of the posts here.

Maintaining connections to old boyfriends is primarily a function of whether your future/current husband is completely comfortable with it and only if you are fully honest/open about this past boyfriend and your current/future communications with him.

Speaking for me, and all of my married male friends, we would not be comfortable with our gals communicating with (or seeing) old boyfriends (particularly ones they slept with). I might add that some males might say they are comfortable with you talking to an old flame (not wanting to seem insecure) but they really aren't.

Lastly, about some of the posts here saying once you tell this old boyfriend about your new finance/husband, he will move on. Ya right!
20.gif
Love is a funny thing that can't always be switched off. People can carry a torch, hoping and dreaming for a lifetime of a connection regardless of attainability. And some men are just dogs - and could care less that that a women is getting married, or is married.

Except in rare circumstances, I believe it is best just to cut the connections with old loves before you commit to your new life partner. But everyone is different, and there are always exceptions.

Best wishes.
 
I''ve kept in touch via friends & some personal contact with two old boyfriends. I enjoy hearing from them & about them. It''s fun to reminiece. My husband never minded. BUT - and a big BUT - ultimately these boyfriends and I weren''t serious. We were just having fun dating.

That said, I think it is best in nearly all cases to move on and away from a previous *serious* relationship. In the end, it''s nothing but toxic to all. Tell him you are in a serious relationship & just end contact unceremonously.

On the flip side, don''t give yourself too much credit.
28.gif
I''m saying this from experience. When my ex became engaged, he was so careful in telling me through a dear friend. Thing is - he gave himself WAY too much credit. I couldn''t give a rat''s butt about his engagement. I moved on with my life. I probably should have feigned disappointment.
 
I just wanted to add that I really think part of the key about being friends with ex boyfriends has to do with what your relationship was like. For example, my ex and I are good friends, and it really works because I think we were meant to be friends rather than lovers. There was never the really hot physical spark between us, just a true caring for each other''s well-being. I wouldn''t ever try to be friends with any of my exes where the relationships were more about the physical aspect than the emotional/supportive/caring aspect...
 
Date: 12/14/2005 4:44:23 AM
Author:june48
I have a particular problem you ladies could help me with. I have an ex who I''m still in contact with over email and AIM (we dated for years and years so it''s important for me to maintain our friendship) and I''m a bit stressed about how to tell him when I get engaged. I think he''ll take it pretty hard because I was his first love and he hasn''t dated anyone since we broke up two years ago.


Would it be a good idea for me to tell him that I''m really serious w/ my SO about a 1-2 months before I think we''ll get engaged so he can get used to the idea? I''m guessing he already knows we''re pretty serious, but I definitely don''t think he''s expecting engagement anytime soon. I''m just wondering what the kind thing to do would be because I really care about this guy as a friend even though we''re not together anymore. Thanks in advance for your advice!
Click to expand...
I realize you are friends with him, which is something Im incapable of, but give him some slack, he clearly knows you two are serious and he''s probably not thinking you two will be rekindling anything. Quite honestly, Im of the mind that the only reason to tell an ex is if you really want to make the guy jealous because you still want him.
 
Status
Not open for further replies. Please create a new topic or request for this thread to be opened.
GET 3 FREE HCA RESULTS JOIN THE FORUM. ASK FOR HELP
Jewelry Blog
PriceScope-Concierge-Ad
Find prime cuts.
Top