inner envelope addressing help

[jcrow]

i need feedback asap, as my invitation list goes to the calligrapher tonight and i can''t figure out what''s proper for the INNER envelopes.

example:

john and jane doe

my cousin (queen of etiquette, in my mind at least) says that it should be mr. john and mrs. jane (if they are older and not immediate family like your aunt or mom)

online i see mr. and mrs. doe

FI swears he''s NEVER heard of either and he insists on using john and jane on his list.


also, let me say that we are in the south. don''t know if that matters. i never realized that we may differ down here- as i found out the rest of the world insists (for the most part) on a seating chart for a buffet- which is unheard of down here.

when FI came to Louisiana, he thought it was weird that we call people, like friend''s parents Mr. John rather than Mr. Doe.


please help!! what''s the proper way?

also, is it customary to send an invite to the priest/officiant of the wedding??

 

[jcrow]

anyone? i''m worried i''ll do it wrong.

 

[SoonIHope]

Hey jcrow! I don''t have the ultimate etiquette advice, but I have some "what I would do" advice! For people I would think might care about etiquette, I would do Mr. & Mrs. Doe, as I have seen that written in bridal mags etc. But for 90% of my guests, I would write "John & Jane" or even "Aunt Jane" or whatever I call them (or Mr.John if that''s what you call the person). I have seen this done before sooomewhere (not sure where), but even if it''s not officially the "right" way, I like the idea of having the inner envelopes just be what you actually call the invitees. If you really want it to be formal and correct no matter what, I''d stick with Mr. & Mrs. Lastname though.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I was hired to address some invites awhile ago and on the inner envelope they had me use their first names.

 

[JulieN]

I think inner envelopes, it would be fine to write what you call them, Nana, Poppy, whatever. Outer envelope, social name with honorifics, also on inner if that's what you want.

First names usually go with a younger sibling. Ex: I'm the oldest girl, so I would be Miss N. But my little sister would be Miss Jackie, esp if we are together.

 

[diamondfan]

I think it does depend on the formality of the event, but think it is fine to have the mailing envelope say Mr and Mrs. John Doe and on the inside, Emily and John Doe. Of course, if you are being more formal in the event, just repeating Mr. and Mrs. John Doe is not wrong either. I like seeing my name somewhere, which I would not on the mailing envelope for a formal event. Seeing it one the inner one seems nice. Also, if you want to have the officiant attend the wedding, it is nice to send out a formal invite too...but I am not sure what is "right" or "wrong"...

 

[curlygirl]

Yes, it definitely depends on how formal your event is.

For my black tie wedding (super formal), we addressed the inner envelopes as Mr. and Mrs. Smith. We had 2 teenagers there who we put on their parents invite and the inner envelope for that one said: Mr. and Mrs. Jones and then on the next line: Bobby and Susie Jones. For people who we invited with an unknown guest, the outer envelope just said Mr. Bob Jones and then the inner said Mr. Jones and Guest. Hope that helps!

 

[appletini]

I put inner as Mr. and Mrs. Doe, and outer would be Mr. and Mrs. John Doe. I didn''t send an invite to the minister, because he was obviously going to be there anyway, but we did send him and his wife an invitation to the rehearsal dinner (which they declined).

 

[MelissaSue]

I had issues with this too.. then I realized there was not really any right or wrong answer.. So I ended up doing each persons differently.. For friends of mine or close family friends I used just first names.. (not john and jane doe, just John and jane) Most of my fiances family I wrote Mr and Mrs. blank.. I basically did what felt comfortable for each person..
I have NEVER EVER heard of "mr. john and mrs. jane" though.. doesn''t make sense to me to use a title with just a first name..

 

[laine]

I think the Mr John and Ms. Jane thing is definitely a southern thing. It denotes respect (I grew up calling everyone mr and mrs), but is a little less formal. Like my pre-school teacher, who now goes to my church. Ms Lastname would be too formal, I've known her my whole life, but just Pat would feel weird as shes much older than me, so Ms. Pat is the perfect compromise.

I've always heard the inner envelopes get addressed as you would address the person, so for her, I probably would put Ms. Pat.

ETA: I just reread what your cousin said, and I think Ms Jane and Mr John would be really weird if you didnt actually call them that (but its fine if that is what you call them). I think Jane and John or Mr and Mrs Doe would be fine, depending on how you would normally address them.

 

[jcrow]

Date: 9/7/2006 2:55:12 PM
Author: laine
I think the Mr John and Ms. Jane thing is definitely a southern thing. It denotes respect (I grew up calling everyone mr and mrs), but is a little less formal. Like my pre-school teacher, who now goes to my church. Ms Lastname would be too formal, I''ve known her my whole life, but just Pat would feel weird as shes much older than me, so Ms. Pat is the perfect compromise.

I''ve always heard the inner envelopes get addressed as you would address the person, so for her, I probably would put Ms. Pat.

ETA: I just reread what your cousin said, and I think Ms Jane and Mr John would be really weird if you didnt actually call them that (but its fine if that is what you call them). I think Jane and John or Mr and Mrs Doe would be fine, depending on how you would normally address them.

well that''s the thing, i call my cousin''s friends mr. john and mrs. jane. not by their last names.

what i did was for my married personal friends i did mr. and mrs. doe.
for FI''s side we just did john and jane.
for my cousin''s friends and my other distant relatives i did mr. john and mrs. jane

so, a mix of all three.