insecure about my diamond jewelry (not what you think)

[partgypsy]

I just read the soon to be mrsfonzo posts and realized I have the opposite problem. I like diamonds but I am wondering what my friends will think. No, not that my jewelry is too small, but that I am wearing diamond jewelry, and to some people I know, well it''s not considered pc. I guess I straddle two worlds. Most of my family lives in Chicago and people there have no problem wearing large jewelry. My Mom''s family always loved jewelry. However I live in North Carolina, most of my friends are artist/musician types, I work at the VA and pretty much noone is showy with jewelry, houses maybe, but not jewelry. But I love gemstones and jewelry. On my wish list is a 1/3 carat diamond pendant necklace. Yes, actually very not big in the scheme of things but I can honestly imagine some people I know pointing it out, or not saying anything but judging me silently. I would like to say I''m being paranoid but i''ve already gotten one forwarded email about how jewelry (gold, etc) is distructive to the environment. I kinda takes the joy out of it.
Does anyone else have this problem?

 

[Skippy123]

Your friends should like you for who you are and if they treat you bad then they aren't friends. If they say things about your jewlery a quick way to end that topic is to say something like "I understand that is your opinion but I rather not discuss it because I am happy with jewlery and that is really all that matters." Or tell them the subject is not up for discussion. ETA: Oh FG has a good point too; I like her thoughts on the matter better.

Come talk to us about your jewlery loves

we will listen. heehee

 

[FireGoddess]

People can only make you feel bad about yourself if you let them. You should enjoy your jewelry since you love gems and baubles and not let anyone make you feel bad about it. The email about ''jewelry being destructive to the environment''???? Please - it''s not like you can''t name a million other things that are MORE destructive to the environment. I would seriously try to let their point of view just roll off you like water off your back, because it''s a shame that it''s starting to take the joy out of something you do enjoy very much. People can judge all they want. Only you can control whether you let that bother you or not.

 

[Nicrez]

I have actually had the problem both ways. Some where it was too obvious and others where it was dwarfed in comparison to asteroids on a ring... I have taken off things or turned them around when I felt I didn't want to deal with the stares or what have you.

In the end, I HAVE seen people judged for their jewlery, especially enagement rings. So I know it happens the other way as well. My very close friend have a very sizeable three stone ring and is a social worker. She used to work at Riker's Island. Her friends all have 2-3ct+ fine quality stones and hers is average for her set. At work in Rikers, she would turn it in or take it off and just wear a simple band. She now works for the Legal Aid and doesn't care who sees it and judges her.

I want to say who cares what others feel, but sometimes it's more an annoyance...? If they are your friends, who cares, wear it proudly, whatever you like.

I used to be VERY girly for my set of friends when I was young. My nickname was "Heels" because I NEVER wore flats. They always said I always overdressed to go to the movies or dinner. When we all grew up, they changed more than I did. My flat wearing make-upless friends now all shop for shoes and bags, and frankly, I am no different than they are, if not maybe i lag behind now...(i DO wear flats now, I HAVE to!) Part of what makes you well, YOU is your love of jewlery... so who knows, you may be able to convert them!

I have friends who are animal rights activists, PETA members, and Vegans. Doesn't stop me from loving steak and wearing leather and such. I just try not to over-do it too much in front of them...the nagging...

But they laugh about it, and it's always a personal choice, which ever choice is made.

 

[Independent Gal]

I can sympathize a little. Almost no one in my circle of friends or family wears nice jewelery. It''s just not something people consider interesting or important. So, everyone is a little puzzled by my fixation, but they aren''t at all judgmental. They sort of roll their eyes adn tease me about it is all. BF calls me his ''little magpie'' since I''m attracted to things that sparkle.

If your financial house is in order, you have your retirement fund, mortgage, ''cushion'' etc. under control, you give to charity, etc., and then you have something left over, why not spend it on whatever makes you happy? Some people buy fancy cars. Some people go to lots of hockey games and sit in good seats. Some people get big screen tv''s or buy lots of shoes at Neiman Marcus. That''s great for them. As for me, I take the bus, sit in the cheap seats at sports events, buy shoes on sale, and I don''t even own a tv. And I save my extra money after I meet my obligations to buy things that sparkle. That''s what makes me happy and it''s no one''s business but mine!

As for the environment thing, if your friends drive cars rather than take public transport, or even if they eat meat on a regular basis, and certainly if they don''t diligently recycle, they are making choices that are far, far worse for the environment than wearing jewels. Sadly, humans can''t live comfortably on this planet without leaving a big footprint. But nothing makes me kookier than people ''in glass houses''.

 

[KristyDarling]

Mine is probably not a popular opinion, but here goes anyway.....

Ultimately, it''s all about making YOURSELF comfortable while wearing jewelry among your different social circles. I know that it has become very common to tell people to do whatever they want, whenever they want, regardless of what others may think, but for some people (including me), that''s easier said than done. I''d prefer to put MY comfort level first, above all. If something bothers me, I''ll do something about it. I.e., I won''t wear my big diamond ring around my closest girlfriends because I don''t like wearing something so obviously expensive around people who are very casual and low-key....*I* would feel uncomfortable with the disparity. I also will not wear my big diamond ring around my maternal side family, because I''d be able to feel their judging eyes on me and well, that bothers me.

There''s nothing wrong with feeling uncomfortable about wearing your jewelry in all different kinds of scenarios. I mean, unless you''re dealing with much deeper self-confidence issues, do not feel bad about your diamond discomfort. Personally, I''m much happier and more relaxed when I adjust my jewelry to whatever social situation I''m in.

 

[partgypsy]

Thanks, you guys are all great! It''s something I''ve been thinking about because I am totally of the mind one you shouldn''t care what other people think (i.e. the jones''es my ring is too small) but then realized I did care about what other people thought regarding myself. The people I know are really conscientious (use public transportation, reuse their bathwater, recycle etc) so no they are not hypocritical. I''m sure there are some things they spend money on that I don''t (what is it about shoes and women?) but noone is perfect. I know my friends love me regardless, I guess they don''t understand because it doesn''t align with the way I live my life in other ways. But then I think of the women in Italy I saw who in a sense live close to the earth (wear nice clothes but wear them for a long time, eat local, live in modest but historic quarters), but wear fabulous gold jewelry.
Thanks for letting me rant, and I''m glad that it sounds like there are others like me out there (thanks independent gal!)

 

[Independent Gal]

Teeheeee! Kristy Darling, you made me remember that I don''t yet own anything blingy enough to really cause anyone to raise an eyebrow rather than rolling an eye!

And I probably won''t for a long time.I hope someday to have enough jewelery to be ABLE to adjust it to social situations! Haha. For now I''ll just enjoy looking at everyone else''s here on PS. Yay PS!

Part Gypsy, you go right ahead and enjoy your bling, girl!

 

[Nicrez]

Date: 4/18/2007 2:34:43 PM
Author: KristyDarling
Mine is probably not a popular opinion, but here goes anyway.....

Ultimately, it''s all about making YOURSELF comfortable while wearing jewelry among your different social circles. I know that it has become very common to tell people to do whatever they want, whenever they want, regardless of what others may think, but for some people (including me), that''s easier said than done. I''d prefer to put MY comfort level first, above all. If something bothers me, I''ll do something about it. I.e., I won''t wear my big diamond ring around my closest girlfriends because I don''t like wearing something so obviously expensive around people who are very casual and low-key....*I* would feel uncomfortable with the disparity. I also will not wear my big diamond ring around my maternal side family, because I''d be able to feel their judging eyes on me and well, that bothers me.

There''s nothing wrong with feeling uncomfortable about wearing your jewelry in all different kinds of scenarios. I mean, unless you''re dealing with much deeper self-confidence issues, do not feel bad about your diamond discomfort. Personally, I''m much happier and more relaxed when I adjust my jewelry to whatever social situation I''m in.

Agreed KristyDalring! I agree with you 100%. It can be important at times to wear what is situation appropriate, but with an engagement ring that is tough, because you want to always wear it. Many I know who have big rings don''t even wear them. They put the jewels in banks or home safes, then wear the simple bands. So that''s your decision to make part gypsy. But don''t let it take the joy away...

I think of it as the same if you see a politician dressed in their best suit working at a soup kitchen for the holiday, when a plain pair of jeans would do just fine...?

 

[jenna_g]

I''m a bigtime lurker, but I just had to respond when I saw this post! I have the same feeling that you do when it comes to my bling. I''ve been into gemstones since I was too young to even remember. I don''t even know how the obsession got started; it definitely wasn''t something I picked up from my family. Now that I''m an adult, none of my friends share this passion!

I, too, tend to be friendly with a crowd similar to your own. They are people that not only lack interest in such things but in some cases find them offensive. So, in the past there have been times when I felt more comfortable leaving the diamonds, etc... at home. But I''ve recently decided to change that. I have jewelry because it makes me happy to wear it, so I might as well wear it! If others decide to form an opinion about me based on something I wear, then I need to share my free time with better people.

 

[kcoursolle]

A while back I posted a question on a similar topic, "Should I wear my bling in front of my modest relatives?" Here''s the link: https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/should-i-wear-my-bling-in-front-of-my-modest-relatives.47555/

 

[allycat0303]

Well here''s my take on it, people that aren''t really *into diamonds* don''t tend to notice it, so I don''t think that your friends will remark that you are even wearing expensive jewelery.

I say this because 3 years ago I thought I was SO NOT into jewelery. Didn''t notice it etc. Well my aunt came to visit that summer, I spent days with her and never noticed anything.

Anyway, fast forward 3 years, where I am OBSESSED. My mom and I were casually talking and I apparently missed the fact that she was wearing (the whole time she was here) a 5 carat + ring. I nearly fainted when I realized I spent all this time with her and never noticed. Not to mention how I keep telling my mom to invite her back so I can have a proper drool session. Unfortunately, their from Texas and they don''t come down to Montreal often!

I ask myself over and over, how could I have missed that??

 

[hikerchick]

Date: 4/18/2007 6:40:10 PM
Author: allycat0303
Well here's my take on it, people that aren't really *into diamonds* don't tend to notice it, so I don't think that your friends will remark that you are even wearing expensive jewelery.

I say this because 3 years ago I thought I was SO NOT into jewelery. Didn't notice it etc. Well my aunt came to visit that summer, I spent days with her and never noticed anything.

Anyway, fast forward 3 years, where I am OBSESSED. My mom and I were casually talking and I apparently missed the fact that she was wearing (the whole time she was here) a 5 carat + ring. I nearly fainted when I realized I spent all this time with her and never noticed. Not to mention how I keep telling my mom to invite her back so I can have a proper drool session. Unfortunately, their from Texas and they don't come down to Montreal often!

I ask myself over and over, how could I have missed that??

So true, allycat . . . I also rarely noticed diamonds before I became addicted to learning about them and looking at them here on PS. Once I started becoming obsessed with them, now I notice diamonds, big and small, all shapes an d sizes. If they are sparkly I will now see it a mile away, on the bus, in the subway, at work, on the street, in the mall . . . never realized before how many diamonds are out and about.

Back to the original topic. I am actually very nervous about the reaction my ring will get from various family and friends for various reasons. Though mine isn't some ginormous diamond, it feels really "big" to me, partly because it is going to be the biggest among my circle of friends, most of whom are hikers and campers who are more into the latest tent on the market than jewelry.

I am also a little nervous about the reaction I will get from my boss and co-workers because everyone knows that my boyfriend and I are not the most wealthy people. I have over $60,000 in college loan debt that I am in the process of paying off and renting in Boston is really expensive and I still have a car note so it is general knowledge that I struggle to put money into savings. I am always limiting my going out drinking or eating out etc and always have money "excuses" for not doing expensive things with people from work. Also, my BF makes about half what I do and though he doesn't have any debt, he isn't wealthy and also works very hard to save a little each month. So, this ring feels extravagant and I am nervous that people in my life will judge the ring as being too extravagant a purchase. However, my BF has saved quite a bit of money over the last 20 years, since he was 15 and he had a set budget for the ring (about 20% of his savings account) and we didn't even spend the whole budget. But I don't necessarily want to have to explain all that to people. I guess I will just have to wait and see what comes out of my mouth or how I feel when I finally get the ring and show it to them.

My parents will also be shocked. They have struggled all our lives to provide for us and I am positive they will think this is a crazy, unneccesarily expensive purchase of no real "value" and so I am not expecting them to understand.

Then, there is the opposite problem from my extended family . . . particularly one of aunt's . . . nothing will be good enough or atleast as good as her boys and their significant others. She is likely to turn her nose up at it.

And finally, I have a number of good friends who are opposed to diamonds based on the whole treatment of the people who mine them, etc . . . and their reactions are going to be the most in my face.

So, I am nervously waiting to see how my happy news goes over both in terms of the interracial thing (some extended family don't know about BF yet) as well as with the bling . . . but even with all these worries and nervous, I am DYING with all this waiting, WHAT takes a man so long?????? That ring is in this house, ARGH !!!!

Anyway, back to your regularly scheduled program.

 

[lumpkin]

Hikerchick, I can relate. My husband''s family thinks jewelry is a complete waste of money and I found myself not wearing my ring around them a lot. Eventually I decided this was silly. If ever they were to ask me about it I would probably say I got it on line, isn''t it great, got a great deal on it, couldn''t pass it up, or something on that order. I have caught them looking, but not a word has been said. I also have an aunt like that!!! I lovingly refer to her as the wicked witch of the west. Her kids are the most educated, the most successful, the most accomplished, yada yada yada. Don''t pay any attention to your aunt.

I can also relate to the bit about your friends. When my older son was a baby I joined a play group that was made up of a lot of really wonderful women who did not approve of conspicuous consumption. Several didn''t watch TV, have cable, wear leather, or eat meat. One of them asked about my car, which was a used BMW, and I felt put on the spot. I felt so self conscious because I lived in the nicest home, drove the nicest car, and really had the nicest of everything within that group. Not that we live the life of Ryan, by any means! But, one of the ladies grew a lot of her own vegetables and belonged to a farming co-op. They lived in a TINY home in the country -- no bigger than my first (cheap cheap cheap) apartment. I learned a lot from them and I hope they got something back from me. But in the end, I didn''t want to belong to a co-op, grow my own vegetables and become a vegan. As our kids got older and we had nothing in common anymore, we just slowly drifted away. I just believe that true friends are not going to expect you to justify how you live, how you choose to spend money, etc. I''m hoping your friends won''t expect you to. And don''t ever feel the need to apologise for your success.

 

[hikerchick]

Date: 4/18/2007 11:55:15 PM
Author: lumpkin
I also have an aunt like that!!! I lovingly refer to her as the wicked witch of the west. Her kids are the most educated, the most successful, the most accomplished, yada yada yada. Don''t pay any attention to your aunt.

I am ROTFLMAO . . . we call my aunt, Cruella Deville

And, thank you for the words of encouragement, I am sure it will be fine . . . and if it isn''t I am sure I will find an appropriate way to deal with each situation as it happens to come up.

 

[neatfreak]

Part Gypsy, Hikerchick, and others,

I also have friends in various circles. Some of my friends are the kind I can call to go shopping and to starbucks with and some are the kind that would never step foot in a chain store and buy all organic, yada yada. I too was really worried about how some of my friends would react when they found out we decided to get a diamond ering. I fretted about it and worried that it would make me uncomfortable, and in the end, it was practically a non-issue.

If your friends are really your friends they won't say anything but "We're so happy for you!!!" Some of my friends are very much on the "anti-diamond" bandwagon. Most of these friends were kind enough not to mention anything to me but "congrats!" which I was really really relieved about. A few not so close friends made a semi-negative comment like "that must have been crazy expensive! I could never spend that much on a piece of carbon", but NONE of my close friends even made a peep about their viewpoints on diamonds.

My family also is NOT into jewelry. My parents are semi-hippies who don't even wear wedding bands. But you know what my mother said anyway? "It's gorgeous and we're sooooo happy for you." So hopefully you will receive a positive response too!!! And friends who judge you based on your desire to have a gorgeous ring aren't really friends IMO.

Best of luck to you and I can't wait to see the final rings on your fingers!

 

[monarch64]

Yup, to me it all comes down to what kind of person you are and how your friends and family view you in that perspective. All the extras actually should fall by the wayside when it comes to interpersonal relationships.