inspired by bluebubbles

[bubbly1126]

First off, a big thanks to bluebubbles as she inspired me.

I am calling it quits with my BF of 5 years. I took a long hard look at our relationship; where it''s been and where we are headed and just can no longer run away from a fact that I''ve known for so long in my heart; We''re just not right for each other. At least not now.

There are a couple of key factors that played a huge role in my decision. One, I couldn''t trust him the way I wanted. He hurt me in the past and it''s something I''ve been trying to get over for the past 2 years and well, I just can''t. Two, I feel like I''ve depended on him so much in the past 5 years that I don''t know how to be on my own. I don''t know where he ends and I begin, if that makes any sense. I want to start fresh and work on me. My life has not panned out the way I hoped at all... and I guess part of that is because I let love consume me. I know it is true. At this point I feel as though I''ll be nothing without him and that''s something that needs to change. I need to get myself together before I can expect anyone to love me. Plain and simple.

Three, there are a lot of things lacking in our relationship and it''s stuff I''ve brought up several times and yet, he still doesn''t try to fix it. Yes, I know every relationship has their issues but eventually there just comes a time where you have to admit to yourself that maybe it''s just not meant to be. While I love him very much, I have come to terms with the fact that I am not in love with him. I have simply grown comfortable and it''s about time I step out of my comfort zone. I also know that I deserve more than what he has been giving me.

I am remaining a member of this board, as I love to come here and read everyone''s stories and I hope it''s okay to still lend some advice. (However, I will be removing my name from the LIW list.) I thank all you lovely ladies for being there and cheering me on over the last couple months. I appreciate it.

Good luck to you all. I wish nothing but the very best for you!

 

[misscuppycake]

I''m sorry to hear that but you sound pretty secure and even positive in your decision. I hope you''re doing okay!

 

[EricaR]

Bubbly - it sounds like you are comfortable with your decision and that is the only thing that matters. Good luck discovering who you are!

 

[FrekeChild]

Wow Bubbly. Not something I was expecting at all. Congratulations on having the courage to walk away! I know how hard it is, and I applaud you because not many women are strong enough to do what you''re doing. Comfort is a very hard thing to throw away. I''ve seen so many girls that haven''t had the courage and they always seem to get heartbroken in the end. I''m so glad that you''re staying here, and I look forward to seeing you find the man you fall in love with!

We will be here to support you, no matter what!

 

[bubbly1126]

Thanks, ladies!

Yes, I am comfortable in my decision as this is something I''ve been trying to figure out for a couple weeks now.

It''s hard, I''m not going to lie. But I also know I need to do this for myself.

FrekeChild, yes, comfort is very hard to walk away from... but in the end, I want love; real love and will not settle for anything less. I know someone is out there for me.

Again, thank you for your support!

 

[monarch64]

Bubbly, I am amazed and your post is so heartfelt and truthful it made me want to cry...and then jump for joy! You have a very refreshing POV and I wish you nothing but the best...you seem to really have your head on straight and I think nothing but good will come to you in this life. You go, girl. I hope you realize just how very strong and capable you are, because that''s the resounding theme your post bears.

 

[bubbly1126]

Date: 1/29/2008 1:45:35 AM
Author: monarch64
Bubbly, I am amazed and your post is so heartfelt and truthful it made me want to cry...and then jump for joy! You have a very refreshing POV and I wish you nothing but the best...you seem to really have your head on straight and I think nothing but good will come to you in this life. You go, girl. I hope you realize just how very strong and capable you are, because that''s the resounding theme your post bears.

Monarch, wow... your post about made me cry! I hope I am as strong as I come off... I truly do. I feel I am but we shall see!

It''s taken me a long time to see what, or shall I say wasn''t, in front of my face... and it''s just time to move on. I know it''s the best thing for me.

I am only 23 and have so much more to experience out there and hopefully one day my prince charming will find me!

Thank you for your kind words!

 

[Patiently_Waiting]

Bubbly - It takes a very strong woman to do what you are doing, and I wanted to say that I am very happy for you in the decision that you made. Take some time just for you, don''t rush back into the dating scene, and discover who you are. Only when you fully understand yourself and what you want, need, etc. and are happy just being with yourself will you truly be ready to be happy with someone who truly deserves you and who will be ready to put into the relationship as much as you will. I''ve been there before and took several years to discover myself after a bad breakup, and it was the best decision I could have made at the time. Good luck to you, and please do stick around. We love having you here! *hugs*

 

[Erin]

On a light note - there''s bubbles popping everywhere

Seriously, it''s hard to admit these things to yourself. I think there are many women out there too scared to look at the truth and what it means - especially given the ramifications of such a decision. I''m so proud of you for being able to be honest with yourself and more importantly, doing something about it.

I remember one of the ideas that made me saddest is the invested time that could have been, no, should have been. That made me sad like all that time was a waste and that my hopes had just vanished. This is simply not true. The time you spent was necessary, repeat, necessary in order for you to get to the truth and the future. Both of which look very bright for you indeed.

Now, go cut all your hair off like we recently broken up girls like to do

 

[Miscka]

bubbly, I am sorry that things did not work out the way you thought, but I think you are making the right decision. Your post comes off very mature and well thought out, and your reasons are totally valid. I am happy for you that you will get this chance to spread your wings. I am also glad you will stay around!! Have you already done it? Please keep us posted.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I think that what you are about to experience--separating yourself from a relationship that has not been fulfilling for you, really focusing on yourself, being on your own & boosting your self esteem and really focusing on becoming a completely self-sufficient, independent woman--is going to be one of the biggest growth periods of your life. I''m really excited for you and the fact that you were able to step away from your relationship and see that it was not what you wanted takes real strength and maturity. I know it''s hard, but you already know it''s the best decision for you and in 6 months or a year, you''re going to wish you''d done it sooner! congrats to you, bubbly!

 

[ladypirate]

Bubbly, I''m sorry that you''re going through a hard time, but I''m really happy for you at the same time because you''re looking out for yourself and not settling for anything less than what you deserve--congratulations!

I went through something similar with a guy I dated for 4 years when I was in college--even though it was REALLY hard at the time, in the end it definitely ended up being the right choice and I was so happy that I went through with it. It allowed me to grow into myself and become truly a whole person so that when someone who was really right for me came along, I was able to give myself without losing myself (if that makes sense).

I''m so glad you''re staying on the board, and I wish you all the best.

 

[Isolde]

Congratulations! Truly. I know it may sound slightly odd, as typically "congratulations" seems most appropriate when someone gets engaged (at least in this section). Congratulations for having the courage and strength to let yourself to be happy! Congratulations for walking away (as hard as it is), and allowing yourself to find the kind of love you deserve! Congratulations for starting anew, and commencing a different, happier chapter in your life! Good luck to you!

 

[bee*]

Wow-bubbly! I think that it is great that you are going after things for yourself. You definitely sound strong and confident and the world is your oyster. I know it will be tough but you are doing what is right and you definitely deserve real love.

 

[sunnyd]

Bubbly, I know exacttly how you feel, I went through the same thing last year. It was the hardest and happiest time of my life, and I know you''ll be okay. I found the love of my life a month later, and finally know what it''s like to be me, and to appreciated for being me. Good for you for having the courage to do the hard thing instead of remaining comfortable. You won''t regret it!!! Good luck!

 

[rubybeth]

I''m so proud of you!! You''re a strong, intelligent woman, and you deserve all the best. I''m sure if you leave, you''ll get the happiness you desire.

 

[Livinthedream]

All I can say is GOOD FOR YOU GIRL! You are showing such amazing strength! Although for different reasons, my friend just ended her long relationship (they were engaged for 3 years) and it has brought out such an incredible, independent side of her! I hope it does the same for you!

 

[appletini]

Bubbly,

Ditto what everyone else has said. You always have to look out for #1(you)!. The rest of your life is really long time and I''m glad to see that you are taking the chance to see everything that life has to offer. For me 23 started what I call my personal growth years and I am such a different and better person now and I know you will be too.

 

[redfaerythinker]

It''s always sad to take someone off the list for this reason, but I''m really glad that you''re gonna stick around. We would have missed you a lot! I wish you all the luck in the world as you search for Mr. Right.

Much love,

 

[Julianna]

bubbly! I did the same thing, at the same age, after the same amount of years together.

You will be fine, you''ll do great out there alone! I''m sure you''ll find yourself to be great company for yourself.

Best of luck to you and I''m glad you were able to pick a path for yourself that you''ll feel good about.

 

[bubbly1126]

Thanks, ladies!!

I have not done it yet as I have been with my mother the last couple days... but I will be seeing him tomorrow and he knows that we need to talk. I''m not sure what his reaction will be...

But thanks again for being so encouraging!

 

[Sabine]

Just wanted to chime in and say I''m also really impressed by you! I hope the talk goes as well as possible, and hope you can stay strong and enjoy your time on your own!

 

[HollyS]

Amen and Hallelujah! You are becoming your own person, and realizing that your wants and needs do matter in a relationship. I applaud you for taking that (scary) big step and moving on. I can empathize with your grief at the passing of a relationship that has been the focus of your life for so long, but I assure you that you have done the right thing -- for yourself.

You have a lot of courage, and my respect. Let us know how things are going; we promise to prop you up when neccessary.

 

[Erin]

I just felt the need to share my thoughts. Again.

In the situation with my ex I couldn''t prove that he had been unfaithful but he was turning to another woman (single and liked him very much) for company when he and I threw our hands up in the air. No matter how many times he said ''nothing happened'' or that he knows he shouldn''t have turned to her for comfort but it was never physical in the least bit - I couldn''t trust him. I couldn''t. I tried for many months to not let it bother me but any future opportunity brought it straight back into my existence. I never did learn to let that go.

Secondly, I did feel like I was dependent on him. He had (and still has) a significantly larger salary than me and I was scared to move on my own because I wasn''t sure if I could manage. I also depended on him to be home and provide me with company and to be there to do all the fun things with me. Towards the end most often he didn''t so I didn''t find things to do on my own.

Finally, yes there were things he needed to fix. Not things like stop being a slob, but things like quit being a self consumed workaholic who has no ambition for anything in life except work. And no, he was nothing like that when we met. He was well aware our relationship was suffering and he poured himself into his work as a coping mechanism. I can see that now. But at the time he wouldn''t even entertain the idea that he was living to work, not working to live. And he never changed.

So I guess I just wanted to chime in and validate that you have very good (strong) reasons for seeing that things aren''t what you need. As paralleled in my old relationship (which ended just over a year ago) those were my reasons to.

And about 4-5 months later I found someone who is fantastic. I''m leery to jump in with both feet because my ex didn''t exhibit his undesirable traits until well into the relationship but then again I''m 6 years older now and more set in my ways while my new beau is six years older than I. I''m fairly certain I''ve found exactly what I want and need all wrapped in one.

 

[bee*]

Just want to say best of luck tomorrow. Remember you''re doing the right thing!

 

[louisvgirl]

My heart goes out to you since what you are going to do is not easy. You are a very strong and smart young lady who knows what she wants and so deserves. It''s not easy to let go especially when you''ve been with someone for that amount of time. You know what''s good for you and I applaud your strength! You will meet someone who is so right for you. Take some time for yourself and treat yourself with something great.

 

[anchor31]

I''m not going to tell you I''m sorry because I am not. GOOD FOR YOU for finding this out before it is too late! It makes me so sad to see young bright women lose themselves in relationships that don''t give them anything back... CONGRATS! for being strong enough to do this!

 

[mirre]

I''ve been really busy lately and haven''t been able to make it on in a little while but I just got a chance today and read your post.

I wanted to wish you the best of luck! There''s someone out there for you and I hope you enjoy the time that you are able to get to know yourself.

 

[ladypirate]

Hey Bubbly--

Just wanted to see how the talk went--I hope you''re doing well.

 

[bluebubbles]

Date: 1/29/2008 12:31:12 AM
Author:bubbly1126
First off, a big thanks to bluebubbles as she inspired me.

OMG!! I can not believe I missed this post. But, I guess because I haven''t came back since my decision. My goodness Bubbly, when I read your post, tears were welling up in my eyes. I feel touched to be an inspiration, but sad at the same time that you too had to let the one you thought you''d spend the rest of your life with, go. I hope you are doing well and yes, let us know how the talk went. If your b/f woke up and realized that he will lose such a great girl. Another thought that came into my mind this weeks was that, these men are quite selfish. Us women need to wise up and look at a different perspective. If we continue to be with these men that "string" us along, they are depriving us from being the the man that we so deserve to be with. They are limiting our precious time with the love of our lives. They are stripping us from the expending our efforts to that man who deserves us. We are robbing that special person of our goodness. I hope I made sense. haha. Well, I have found a great deal of comfort here and I hope you will too.

Starset, lol...I couldn''t stop laughing at your funny humor.

That''s true...bubbles are popping everywhere. Great analysis. hehe.