Interesting perspective of a former BM...

[Gypsy]

I was at dinner with my BF and her other BF we''ll call her N, who I am friendly with but have never had any significant relationship with (don''t know her address or phone number though she lives 30 minutes away from me, and BF lives in TX).

Anyway, we were discussing weddings and she asked me why I''m only having one attendant, my BF as matron of honor. She said that she and one another person we the attendants to a recent wedding of about 60 people and they just didn''t have any bandwidth and were run ragged. So she thought it would be too much of burden on BF to be my only attendant.

I hadn''t considered this. My family is OVER FLOWING with very capable, responsible, opinionated women and I know they will help out to make sure all goes well. So I actually thought my BM''s duties, beyond helping me with my gown and all were going to be pretty easy. I''m not having a bachelorrette party, my mom and John''s mom will handle the showers. My aunts in addition to the site wedding coordinator will be more than willing to marshall the guests to and fro from ceremony to reception (all at same venue)... so, what am I missing?

Should I add another attendant? I wouldn''t even know who to ask. My close friends and I have largely drifted, so I''m a bit out to sea. I could ask one of FI neices or sisters I guess, but the nieces are useless for any help to BM, and would honestly be more of a hinderance. And if I did one of John''s sisters, the oldest one is the one I am closest too... but it still doesn''t feel right. Don''t know.

Thoughts? I''ve never been an attendant. Persian weddings aren''t known for them.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 1/10/2008 9:28:07 PM
Author:Gypsy
I was at dinner with my BF and her other BF we''ll call her N, who I am friendly with but have never had any significant relationship with (don''t know her address or phone number though she lives 30 minutes away from me, and BF lives in TX).

Anyway, we were discussing weddings and she asked me why I''m only having one attendant, my BF as matron of honor. She said that she and one another person we the attendants to a recent wedding of about 60 people and they just didn''t have any bandwidth and were run ragged. So she thought it would be too much of burden on BF to be my only attendant.

I hadn''t considered this. My family is OVER FLOWING with very capable, responsible, opinionated women and I know they will help out to make sure all goes well. So I actually thought my BM''s duties, beyond helping me with my gown and all were going to be pretty easy. I''m not having a bachelorrette party, my mom and John''s mom will handle the showers. My aunts in addition to the site wedding coordinator will be more than willing to marshall the guests to and fro from ceremony to reception (all at same venue)... so, what am I missing?

Should I add another attendant? I wouldn''t even know who to ask. My close friends and I have largely drifted, so I''m a bit out to sea. I could ask one of FI neices or sisters I guess, but the nieces are useless for any help to BM, and would honestly be more of a hinderance. And if I did one of John''s sisters, the oldest one is the one I am closest too... but it still doesn''t feel right. Don''t know.

Thoughts? I''ve never been an attendant. Persian weddings aren''t known for them.

You answered your own question. Plus you have a coordinator. As you know, I had my brother, which was the equivalent of having no attendants at all. If you are going to be a bridezilla and need that much help, it''s probably nicer to torture one person instead of multiples.

Seriously...it really doesn''t sound like you need one nor want one.

 

[Gypsy]

As we will be in the bay area, I''m going to have a ton of help, even with my mom now permanently disabled

(but alive thank god). The only things I''d going to be doing are ordering (cheap) invites, doing my own flowers for the ceremony (with about 75 guest likely to attend that''s not a ton of centerpieces), booking a photographer and MAYBE, if I can find a decent cheap one a DJ (otherwise it''s the IPOD and FI''s nephew). I''m very capable and knowledgable about all this stuff, and wouldn''t WANT anyone else but John making these decisions and choices with me. She needs to pick out a brown dress for herself that is tealength, preferably from Ann Taylor''s celebration and show up to do the day of stuff... photographs, precede me down the aisle, hold my bouquet, help with gown, keeping crazy people away from me, and MAYBE getting me some drinks. What ELSE do attendant''s do?

 

[Fancy605]

I think you don''t really need another attendant. On my wedding day, my girls basically hung out with me and looked pretty. I mean my MOH and one BM went out before the rehearsal and bought a garter (I couldn''t find mine anywhere) and the mascara that my make up girl wanted to use on me. But other than that no one really had any day of jobs. I guess they helped me with my dress, but it wasn''t too bad to put on other than all those lil buttons. The coordinator did basically everything at the ceremony and the caterers and and their staff did everything at the reception.

Call me crazy, but I''m not even sure what a bridesmaid would need to do on the wedding day aside from hang out w/ the bride, help her get ready, and participate in the ceremony. I''ve been in lots of weddings, and I have never been expected to do much more than that the day of other than the things listed. I guess I did have one friend who did a lot of DIY stuff, and some of us volunteered to help out with that a few days leading up to the wedding, but that''s about it.

 

[KimberlyH]

My husband and I managed to plan and execute wedding with a bit of help, and I mean a tiny bit, from my parents, no attendants necessary. If you''re comfortable with things as is, leave them be, it will all work out just fine.

 

[neatfreak]

You'll be FINE. We had two attendants and they didn't have to do much at all (but then again we were a very laid back bride and groom if I do say so myself). My MOH did a few things but that's because she wanted to, she's a control freak by nature (a good thing!) but things would have run smoothly even if we had no attendants.

As your wedding I imagine will be simple like ours, I think you guys will be FINE!

 

[gtn]

One BM should be fine. The BM/MOH''s job is to help keep you sane. Anybody can bustle your dress, help you use the facilties and fix your hair and makeup. If one person can do that for you, than that is all you need.

 

[Gypsy]

Okay. Whew! I was really bothered by her comments (there are some reasons why we aren''t close) as it made me sound like such a bridezilla, when I was trying to be anything but. I''ll stick to just the one.

Now I have to figure out what to do with my 14 year old flower girl.