Is it better/easier for men when addressing questions?

[fieryred33143]

We have 3 people in my Department that are all on the engagement block, LOL. Myself, another girl, and my male coworker. I noticed that whenever we (myself and the other girl) get asked, its always more awkward. When they ask the male coworker, he can give his excuse…not ready, she’s too young, I’m looking for a ring, etc. But what do you say when you’re a girl? Um…I don’t know why he hasn’t proposed…maybe he doesn’t like me? LOL

What are your thoughts? Is it easier for men to address the “when are you getting married” questions than women?

 

[aliciagirl]

It blows my mind that so many people encounter others who ask these types of question!! I''ve never had someone who wasn''t close to me ask when I''m getting married. Maybe I''m just not very approachable.

I don''t see why ladies couldn''t use the same excuses, "we aren''t ready" "I''m still in school" "Maybe in a couple of years" "We''re both still so young" etc, etc.

I would tell them it''s none of their business, personally. Or tell them that whenever you and your SO decide that you''ll be sure to let them know.

 

[KCCutie]

I think the reason it's more awkward is b/c the girl really has very little, if any, control over the issue. I don't think that makes it uncomfortable for the ones asking the questions but it sure makes it harder for us to answer.

Until about a month ago, when people asked me I had to say " I really don't know" and I sometimes even said "you'll have to ask him that that's all him" and the perceived lack of confidence in this answer I think was misconstrued as lack of confidence in the relationship. For the most part the people who were asking me really wanted me to be happy and wanted the best for me so they weren't asking to be mean but after a while the questions (and my lack of answers) really got to me. I talked to my SO about it and now when people ask I can tell them with confidence exactly when I think it will happen (if I want to tell them, of course).

 

[Bliss]

I know!!! It is SO much easier for men to answer the question. I feel it implies that the guy isn't sure about the woman, which totally is not the case. Geez, do people wait to get to know each other anymore? I guess people think that you should get engaged asap. Really healthy, people! Responsible people actually do look at life situations and proceed with tender love and care because people want to get married for life. It's not an impulse purchase! LOL.

HANG IN THERE! It's not you, it's them. They're usually projecting their views on to you. And you're too fabulous to let someone do that to your life and relationship! Pshaw!!!

ETA: Here's a good response. He wants it to be a surprise so I don't know exactly when!

 

[Ms.Dreamy]

Date: 6/4/2008 2:44:06 PM
Author: Bliss
ETA: Here''s a good response. He wants it to be a surprise so I don''t know exactly when!

hey, that''s a good one!!! if someone asks me - i''ll try this one out.

 

[gwendolyn]

Guess I''m weird, but I don''t mind people asking because the ones who''ve asked me aren''t nosy/mean co-workers like what some of the ladies here have experienced; they''re friends and family who I know care about me, so I answer them honestly (I''m not ready, we don''t live in the same city, want to live together first, etc.).

 

[fieryred33143]

I''ve mentioned before but my family/his family never asks. They just kind of know. I don''t think my mom has ever asked me, ever. She did see a bridal magazine in my home once and asked if we were planning to get married. We weren''t...I''m my best friend''s MOH so I''m helping her plan. But other than that, no questions.

Just from the nosy mean coworkers...it just happened again BTW. Although I didn''t mind this one guy''s question because he''s sort of a diamond buff so I asked him about a radiant cut.

 

[Patiently_Waiting]

As several others have said, most that ask are just asking because they are family/friends and just care about us and want us both to be happy. That said, there are the occasional nosies at work, etc that I may not know as well who ask me from time to time and in those cases, it can be a little stressful, especially given that we''re older (later 30s) and live nearby to each other and have been dating a few years. People often wonder "what are you waiting for" etc. Personally, I just usually respond very honestly in that we are both very happy together right now and will do it when the time is right for us - end of story. If they are rude enough to persist, I will just change the subject. I even had one co-worker who asked not once, but twice, why I didn''t have children yet - huh?? Who asks that? Ummm, let me get engaged & married first please, as I am a little old fashioned in that regard.

 

[Bliss]

On a positive note, men do feel pressure as well. 2 out of FI''s friends are not married and their colleagues always ask them, too. I think the partners at their firms also question them. In the corporate world, men do feel pressure to be married at a certain age (30+) because firms do have a view that married men are happier, normal and more stable. It helps with the image of a partner, I guess. I know... it makes little sense. But wanted to say that men also feel pressure and there are some desperate guys out there who really do want to meet The One and settle down! When their friends start getting married, a lot of single men seem to start to feel scared deep inside, too. Everyone wants love.

So feel lucky! At least you''ve found Your One!

I know so many people still waiting... We are all so blessed to have found love, some of us the second or third or whatever time around. It''s a miracle, isn''t it?

 

[wishful]

I get asked that allllllll the time. Uggh. But I just say "Hey, it''s up to him!" I guess the only bummer is that after we do get engaged (whenever that will be) people will then start hounding me about when we''re going to have kids!!!!!!! ACKKKKKK!!!!!

 

[gwendolyn]

Incidentally, the last person to ask if I was married and (when I said no), said, "Why not?" was a 6-year-old boy in one of the classrooms where I was conducting my research/volunteering.

 

[Lauren8211]

Gotta love kids and their brutal honesty.

 

[fieryred33143]

Date: 6/4/2008 4:27:28 PM
Author: wishful
I get asked that allllllll the time. Uggh. But I just say ''Hey, it''s up to him!'' I guess the only bummer is that after we do get engaged (whenever that will be) people will then start hounding me about when we''re going to have kids!!!!!!! ACKKKKKK!!!!!

The story of a woman''s life:

When are you getting a boyfriend?
When are you getting married?
When''s the wedding?
When are you having a baby?
When are you having baby #2?

LOL

 

[absolut_blonde]

Date: 6/4/2008 4:37:11 PM
Author: fieryred33143

Date: 6/4/2008 4:27:28 PM
Author: wishful
I get asked that allllllll the time. Uggh. But I just say ''Hey, it''s up to him!'' I guess the only bummer is that after we do get engaged (whenever that will be) people will then start hounding me about when we''re going to have kids!!!!!!! ACKKKKKK!!!!!

The story of a woman''s life:

When are you getting a boyfriend?
When are you getting married?
When''s the wedding?
When are you having a baby?
When are you having baby #2?

LOL

Admittedly, I''ve had a lot of long-term relationships so I''ve never been subject to question #1. And I''m just getting to the age where question #2 is applicable....

But is it more or is it rude as h*ll to ask those things in the first place? Aside from a close friend or family member. Why are people so nosy?

Especially the kids thing. What if you don''t want them? Or, what if you''re trying and having no luck? I can only imagine how painful it would be to be bombarded with questions in that case.

It''s kind of like how people comment on other''s weight (negatively or positively). When did it become acceptable to be so freaking intrusive?

 

[Izzy03]

Yesterday I was asked this question and for the first time I just said "in about a year or so". And WOW, it felt good! Yes, I kinda did just pull it out my butt, but who cares! Me and my BF say to each other that we HOPE it will be in about a year, so I wasn''t technically lying. It was so much easier than than trying to explain the whole complicated situation!

 

[ringshopper2008]

Interesting topic... from a male perspective, I do get asked, and it is both family, friends, co-workers, people I hardly know, her, her friends, her family, her co-workers, and people she hardly knows. Full circle.

I know when I am going to do it, but even before I did, I generally wasn't really phased by the question. I usually just responded "when we are ready to" or "it's the next logical step right?" I think each of those generally end the conversation without me having to say too much more, and without it becoming awkward. The only problem is that now when I tell those same people (secretly) that I am going to do it soon, they then are surprised and ask "wow, recently you told me you weren't ready. What happened?" To which I then admit that I was just dodging their nosy question the prior time.

As for the work thing, I think partners at the firm I was at all were single, and the married/children types were the ones that were viewed as not having dedication to the firm. lol

As for the male friends thing, this is definitely true. As I have gotten older, most of my friends have gotten married & had children (and are having more children). The number of us "going out on the town" as a group of guys has dwindled from say 15 when we were 22, to probably 2-3 of us in our elder 20s. That includes everything from an after work drink to going to a ball game. If the guy has self confidence, it doesn't phase him (which is true of some of my friends)... If the guy lacks self confidence, then he uses the fact that he is single and all of his friends are marrying off as another springboard to further self deprication... this is also true of at least 1 of my friends, and believe me he is extremely negative about not having anyone. To the point that some people don't even want to hang out with him.

I think that covers my thoughts on each post in this one.

 

[Blair138]

I get asked ALL THE TIME at work...everyone in my department is young so those who aren''t engaged get asked whenever possible...Since 2 people in my department are getting married this summer and I am the only other one left with a serious significant other...it''s my turn to get picked on!!! Being a teacher, every time we have a break or a holiday-everyone grabs my hand when we come back-at first it was fine, but it''s been happening since AUGUST!!! and now that school is over everyone is saying "is he gonna do it before the last day of school?" "I better get an email saying you are engaged!!" I can laugh it off now because I know it is coming but a few months ago I was ready to strangle my boss after Christmas break because of her incessant asking...

I think guys get asked they just don''t let us know-I know my FF gets crap from his buddies at work, but I wish they would give him just a little more crap

 

[diamondfan]

I think so on one hand because typically the man does the asking, he is not passive in the scenario. Not that that should be the case, but it is.