Is it customary for the groom to thank the guests at the reception?

[Sha]

Hi,
I'm wondering about this. After guests give their toasts, is it the custom that the groom says thanks on behalf the couple? This is what I've seen done most times.

ETA: Also, what is the order of toasts at a wedding reception? As a guest, do you prefer when there are set toasts (Toast to the groom's family etc ) with specific persons doing them? Or when there's an open floor? We're trying to decide what to do at our reception.

Thanks,

 

[Pandora II]

The UK weddings I go to are very big on the formal speeches and they tend to take around an hour for the 3. Quite often there is a sweepstake amongst the guests - you pay a pound and guess the combined total in minutes - winner gets the pot!

First Speech: The Bride's Father.

He thanks the guests for coming and those involved in organising the wedding. He then tells amusing and affectionate anecdotes about his daughters early life and achievements. Then he welcomes the groom into the family and concludes with a toast to 'the bride and groom'.

Second Speech: The Groom.

He thanks the father of the bride for his speech on behalf of him and his new wife (big cheer). He then thanks the guests for coming and the bride's parents for hosting the wedding (if they have). He then thanks his parents for raising him and the best man for his support. Gifts are then given to the mothers, the bridesmaids and the groomsmen by the couple. Then he talks about his beautiful new wife and concludes with a toast to 'the bridesmaids'.

Third Speech: The Best Man.

The BM's speech is normally the highlight. He begins by reading out messages from friends and relatives who were unable to attend. He then does his best to embarrass the groom - it must be witty, suitable for all guests, and never shocking or smutty - by telling stories and anecdotes (I'm pretty sure my FI's top secret teddy-bear collection that only I know about will be making itself public knowledge

). Then some stories about how the bride and groom met, their relationship and some compliments to the bride. He concludes with a toast to 'Mr and Mrs Newly-weds Surname'.

Speeches are normally over coffee at the end of the reception meal and are one of the major highlights of the wedding. My father, FI and the BM have already started writing their speeches for next July - I'm helping gather evidence for the BM (dodgy haircut photos from younger years, phone numbers of people with good stories and I'm going to be taking pics of the teddy-bear collection

).


We were all quite surprised at FBIL's wedding. FSIL's father got up at the beginning of the reception to do what we thought was Grace, but turned out to have been his speech - it lasted all of 1 minute. So may be you have much less formal and shorter speeches in the US. Anyhow, I thought I'd throw out what the traditional speeches are over here.


Personally I would never do an open floor - at my sister's wedding her FIL decided to do an impromtu speech and it was frankly embarrassing. He was drunk and started crying, and then started talking about money and how much he reckoned the wedding had cost (he hadn't given a penny, my father paid all of it and never got a thank you from them), and how much it had cost him to come over from Ireland for it. All my relatives looked horrified and the groom looked as if he wished the floor would open up and swallow him.

Although I don't have anyone coming who is likely to behave in that way, I want my wedding to be strictly traditional.

 

[labbielove]

We kept our formal toasts simple at the reception-
My 3 sisters (bms) got up and toasted
Best Man toast

Blessing over Meal by the Deacon

But then after our first dance my DH did do some ''announcements''/thank yous to everyone for coming, it was very nice and we used that time to honor our niece and nephew who each had a milestone birthday that day (13 and 21!)
DH is a good speaker, and had people chuckling throughout.
It was a nice personal touch and I think as long as it is kept short people will appreciate it.

 

[laine]

At most of the weddings I''ve been to lately, both the MOH and BM have given a toast. I''ve been to one wedding where both dads gave short toasts, but that was filling time because of some sort of technical difficulty/delay.

I actually rarely see the bride/groom thank their guests for coming, and I think they should. It only takes a few seconds and is a really nice touch.

As for other toasts, open floor, etc--I tend to think the fewer the better. A few more is ok, as long as they keep it short. When they drag on, it just gets awkward and boring, and I''d avoid just opening it up for toasts--who knows what could happen then. If you''d like to give more people the chance to speak, maybe do it at the rehearsal dinner, where its a more intimate and more casual group.

 

[Sha]

Thank you for your responses. Our wedding is going to be very small, just about 16 guests, so it should feel pretty intimate.

Pandora, thanks for sharing. I don''t think we would want anything too structured or formal - to me that be more appropriate for a large, formal wedding. I think having an open floor would make it less structured, and I''m pretty sure no one would really say anything embarassing. However, since the group would be so small, I don''t want people to feel pressured to give a toast - it would be kind of hard to hide in a small setting. I''m thinking about maybe just a Toast about the groom, a Toast about the Bride, and then just two other toasts to the bride and groom, and that''s it.

And I agree it''s a nice touch if the groom says thanks to everyone for coming. We had forgotten that part. My fiance is shy so I''ll know he''ll feel nervous about it though.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

DH and I spoke at the RD but not the wedding. We only had three speeches (MOH, BM, and my dad). My dad was the "host" so he did thank everyone.

 

[Sha]

Thanks Tacori. We are leaning towards just about three speeches as well. FI will do the ''thank you'' speech - he hates those things but I think it''ll be a nice touch. And I''m for sure not doing it!