Is this Completely Inapproprate? Do I have a right to be Upset?

[Emeraldfan]

I''ve only posted a few times when I was deciding on the shape of my stone and have just been so busy that I''ve not gotten a chance to really post here. I am so upset over this and feeling like I should have known better and it was totally my fault that I need some consoling.

Well we decided on a completely different Original Radiant cut and I am very happy with it. The jeweler brought in a few EC''s but they weren''t within my specs and after I saw this one I knew this radiant was the one. It has larger facets and doesn''t have so much of the shattered glass look a lot of radiants have. It was just finally finished but my boyfriend said I can''t see it until he gives it to me.

Anyway, after it was finished we shipped it to a friend''s office (long story). So I get there to pick it up and all the women office assistants know what it is and are dying to see it. My friend wants to see it too and since he was kind enough to let me send it there, I agree to stand out of the line of view while he opens it and shows it to them. I SHOULD have known I was asking for trouble cause the next thing I see out of the corner of my eye is this one girl grab my ring out of the box and stick it on HER finger and exclaim "wow, it fits perfectly"!! Aaaaggghhh!!!!

My friend grabbed it right back and sort of told her that it was inappropriate but the damage was already done. I haven''t even seen it yet, let alone put it on my own finger!!! It was custom done so I know no one else had it on before her. Now the only thing I keep thinking about is that she was the first person to wear MY ring!! I know I sort brought it on myself, I was just so excited to let other people see it and get their reactions that I gave in. Now I can''t take that moment back and erase it from my memory. Should she not have known that this was completely inappropriate? She did know that I had not seen it or even tried it on. Am I overreacting? I know it shouldn''t really matter that I am the first person to wear it and what matters is when he finally gives it to me and puts it on my finger for the first time. I guess I just thought it was obvious not to do something like that with another persons ring - especially when that person hasn''t even worn it themself.

 

[Emeraldfan]

I was so upset I spelled "inappropriate" wrong in the title.

 

[Scooba]

I don''t think you can be mad, it sucks, but people are stupid, what is getting mad gonna do? My fiance wouldn''t allow anyone to even see the ring before I did, so no offense but maybe you should have told them to wait until it was on your finger or that you think you deserve to be the first to see it.

I''d be annoyed too but there''s nothing you can do about it so put it out of your mind and be excited!

 

[~*Alexis*~]

You have every right to be upset. I would have been ticked off and po''ed to. There is no reason that she should have been so rude. The only thing you can do now is wait and then rub it in her face.

 

[diamondfan]

I understand that you are upset, but let it go...she is an idiot clearly, who should have known better, but try not to let it get to you...

 

[Emeraldfan]

Do you think it would be bad if maybe I tweaked the ring a little and that way it is kind of like a new ring and not the same one she put on? Without seeing it I already know from what by jeweler told me that the band is thicker than I wanted so maybe I could make it a little thinner and it would feel like MY new ring??

 

[CourtHorn]

If you want to change the ring because it isn''t exactly like you want it to be- then ok. It seems a little dramatic to change it just because she put it on her finger. I guess i just don''t worry about those kind of things.

I hope it all works out for you.

 

[decodelighted]

I've actually thought a bit about this because something similar happened to me TWICE. The first time a friend of mine went to the jeweler to look at the "finished product" & report back to my fiance YEA or NEEDS MORE WORK. While she was there another couple shopping for rings asked to look at it!!! The jeweler was of course eager to show off the "custom creation" blah blah ... I have no idea if she tried it on & didn't ask. THEN, when my fiance went to pick it up IT HAPPENED AGAIN. Also -- no clue about the trying on part. Didn't ask.

But here's what I realized ... you NEVER KNOW if someone has tried on the ring ... the man MAKING it had it on HIS FINGER at certain points .. you never know if someone in the back said "Ooooh -- lemmie try that one".

SOOOOOOO. I wouldn't get too worked up about it. And I wouldn't make changes without seeing the ring first yourself. Plenty of time for that when you can make an educated, experienced based decision -- instead of one in your imagination.

** Chin UP .. they can play with it all they want, YOU'RE the one taking it HOME!! ***

 

[HOUMedGal]

Yes, that was very rude and inconsiderate of her, and she should not have done that!

BUT, I think it''s kinda silly to consider tweaking your ring in some way ONLY because she put it on her finger. I mean, if there really is something you don''t like about it, then by all means, get it fixed so that you like it, but don''t do it if she''s the only reason for it.

I can understand why you''re upset, but remember this: YOU''RE the rightful owner of the ring who gets to wear it and swoon over it every day...she only gets to dream about the 2 seconds that it was on her finger! Try not to let her inconsiderate actions ruin your beautiful ring and the meaning behind it!!!

 

[FireGoddess]

Ditto - stupid idiotic thing for this girl to do, trying on your ring before you''ve even seen it, but the damage is done and it''s best not to worry about it. I would definitely not tweak the ring JUST because she tried it on first. As others have said, you don''t know that the maker, etc didn''t put it on a finger either.

 

[Matata]

I immediately emphathized with your situation but then tried to put it into another perspective -- heck neither me nor FI entered the relationship as virgins, so if it didn''t bother me that he had been "tried on" why would I get upset because I wasn''t the first to wear the e-ring. LOL!

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 6/8/2006 11:37:02 PM
Author: Matata
heck neither me nor FI entered the relationship as virgins, so if it didn''t bother me that he had been ''tried on'' why would I get upset because I wasn''t the first to wear the e-ring. LOL!

LOL I was thinking the EXACT same thing ... but didn''t want to assume anything about dear EmeraldFan or her beau ...

 

[strmrdr]

have your guy have it steam cleaned to wash the cooties off and go on with life.

 

[strmrdr]

ROFL! and OOWWWW! the thought.... that will teach me to read the entire thread before answering LOL!

 

[Emeraldfan]

Matata - you are too funny. lol. I never thought of that but that does give it some perspective doesn''t it.

This just happened yesterday and I posted because I guess I just can''t believe how much it did upset me. I know I would never do that with someone''s ring so I didn''t even think someone else would have.

I think everyone is probably right about not tweaking it - at least until I see it. It''s been such a long process and I started out with such indecision that I agreed to show it to them cause I wanted affirmation that it is beautiful. It is driving me crazy to wait another two weeks to officially get it.

I think when I finally do that hopefully like everyone said it really won''t matter that she wore it once when I am the one to get to wear it forever.

Diamondfan - I LOVE your 9ct EC!!! You are my inspiration for my e-ring and one of the reasons I decided to bring in the EC''s to look at. If I could have got a 3ct or more I would have gone with the EC. Unfortunately, (I''m certainly not complaining) I could only do a 2ct so I went with the Radiant to get a little more bling factor. Also, funny but I saw you have a house in tannersville and I grew up about 35 minutes from there.

 

[Mara]

hehee...i agree with deco in that other people could have worn your ring while it was being made, and i bet you the shop girls tried it all on too before they shipped it out.

i don''t think you should be upset, but you will have to determine that for yourself. i think you should just focus on how exciting it is to be engaged soon and not that some random girl loved your ring so much that she had to try it on (even though she was stupid). i knwo some people get all weird about people trying on their rings, but i don''t care...i let all my friends try on my ring and i love trying on other rings too!!

 

[Matata]

Date: 6/9/2006 12:13:11 AM
Author: strmrdr
have your guy have it steam cleaned to wash the cooties off and go on with life.

OMG, Storrrrrrrrrm, you made pinot gris come out my nose!!!! This is one of my all time favorite quotes...right along with the that guy who posted about "pooping the question" to his girl!!

 

[Lorelei]

That girl is a silly overeager twit who should have known better but didn't.

I would be mad too with a brand new ring - especially custom - that some hysterical wench went and shoved it onto her revolting hairy finger

but as the others have said this happens and you don't know how many folk have actually tried it on etc. Pity her, as YOU are the one with the gorgeous custom ring, made for YOU with love. SHE is the one who got overexcited and grabbed it and put it on - a sort of back handed compliment! Think how bad you would feel if your fiance opened the box infront of a crowd of salivating women and there was nothing but silence....

Give it a good wipe with a cloth and try to put it behind you - there is a lot of love and planning and thought went into this special ring from you and your fiance, THAT'S what matters, this girl can't take that away from you.

Enjoy your lovely ring and I hope you feel better about it soon!

 

[fountainfairfax]

Ditto to what has been said before- that girl is a complete and total idiot. And while I think it''s weird that you didn''t just say to everyone that you would promise to come back and show it off AFTER the engagement (once it was open there was always the chance of you seeing it,) I''m also surprised your friend let anyone touch it!

Anyway, trust us, someone has had that ring on before. Many jewelers take hand shots of their custom work to show proportion and fit for their own records. When I was looking for someone to create my ring my jeweler was kind enough to send me links to some of his private files (photos of his work that isn''t on his website) and there were many hand photos taken in his studio. I also know for a fact that my girlfriend tried on my 1st e-ring with my ex before he gave it to me (also custom and he had a concern & took her to see it and she tried it on, no biggie.) And it was the ex who was cursed, not the ring

Wear it happily, it only belongs to YOU!

 

[Angela1977]

Yes, you''ve got a right to be upset, but it''s also really no big deal. Tweeking the ring is above and beyond rationality. It''s yours. You own it. You get to wear it everyday...because your fiance loves you. End of story. Just get mad for a minute, and let it go. This is really, really not worth it.

 

[Evie75]

Date: 6/8/2006 11:37:02 PM
Author: Matata
I immediately emphathized with your situation but then tried to put it into another perspective -- heck neither me nor FI entered the relationship as virgins, so if it didn''t bother me that he had been ''tried on'' why would I get upset because I wasn''t the first to wear the e-ring. LOL!

hahahahahh that made me almost pee my pants!!!

The girl obviously has no brain to take someone''s ring and put it on her finger without asking.. heck i wouldnt even ask someone if i could try their ring on.. unless they say "hey wanna try it on" other than that i think thats completely wrong.. but she is dumb, dont worry its not like she tried on your new underwear lol im kidding I know it stinks, and im sure it looks much better on you so dont worry

 

[blodthecat]

Date: 6/9/2006 4:34:48 AM
Author: Lorelei
That girl is a silly overeager twit who should have known better but didn''t.

I would be mad too with a brand new ring - especially custom - that some hysterical wench went and shoved it onto her revolting hairy finger

but as the others have said this happens and you don''t know how many folk have actually tried it on etc. Pity her, as YOU are the one with the gorgeous custom ring, made for YOU with love. SHE is the one who got overexcited and grabbed it and put it on - a sort of back handed compliment! Think how bad you would feel if your fiance opened the box infront of a crowd of salivating women and there was nothing but silence....

Give it a good wipe with a cloth and try to put it behind you - there is a lot of love and planning and thought went into this special ring from you and your fiance, THAT''S what matters, this girl can''t take that away from you.

Enjoy your lovely ring and I hope you feel better about it soon!

DITTO!

Enjoy your ring....and don''t let this incident cast a shadow over your engagement.

blod

 

[Emeraldfan]

Thanks everyone. I am feeling better about it. It was kind of more shock that someone would actually do that. The reason I agreed to show my friend is cause he is looking for rings for his gf himself and he lives an hour and a half away from me so I don''t see him that often. As far as opening it and taking a peek myself afterwards, it was an honor thing since he told me I couldn''t see it. It was awfully hard though, not to peek on the car drive back

.

Strmdr - she definitely did have cooties that I need to steam off. Too funny.

 

[sumbride]

There''s a little purification ritual I do when I feel my space needs to be cleansed.... Go get some dried whole leaf sage and burn it near the ring. Say whatever you need to say to reaffirm that this is YOUR ring and feel better about it. Burning sage is an old Native American ritual and a time-tested way to make something yours again. Then maybe get it steam cleaned in case you got sage soot on it.

As for whether you can feel this way...

When I graduated from high school my parents let me pick out my new car. I had to custom order it because of the options I wanted. It took 9 months to be completed and the dealer put it in the showroom when it arrived. I was away at school, 6 hours away, and my mom called to tell me the car was ready, but I said "I''ll be home in a week! LEAVE IT THERE! I want to be the first person to drive it!" They went along with me and it was still in the showroom when I got there. but it had fingerprints all over it. My family visited it every day and lunch. really. My neice, who was 5, had touched every surface on the car and told me how to work everything. When they took it out of the showroom for me, it had 9 miles on it, so I obviously wasn''t the first person to ever drive it, but I was the first one I knew to drive it and that''s what mattered to me. Later when I moved into an old apartment, I needed to cleanse the energy and that''s when I learned about sage.

 

[monarch64]

Sumbride, that''s too funny about the new car! I can relate to that--when I drove my new truck off the lot and followed my DH home with it, we were greeted by our friends/neighbors who had walked over to our house specifically to check out my new ride even though they had somewhere to be and were short on time. Not only that, the guy across the street ALSO came right over...everyone was standing in my garage breathing all over the truck, getting in it, leaving their fingerprints all over it...I was pretty ticked off! None of them were invited, and I felt like I missed out on the excitement of keeping it to myself for a few hours and getting to know it before anyone else got it all grubby first! It had only 6 miles on it before I drove it home, so it''s not like it had been test-driven to death or anything. Yeesh...people can be really inconsiderate.

 

[Emeraldfan]

OH MY GOSH!! I have the absolute BEST boyfriend/soon to be FI, in the the world!!! He just told me the vacation he planned for us next week is not to California like I thought - we''re going to FIJI instead!!!

WHOOOHOOO!!!! I can''t believe he pulled this off without me finding out. He wanted total control of this 2 week vacation to CA. I was happy to oblige since my ring wasn''t ready for our trip in May like we thought it would be, I figured he might propose on our trip to CA. The only thing I told him I wanted was to go to French Laundry - he even helped me call a million times until we finally got a reservation. He is such a sneaker!!

Apparently, since there are two separate flights on different airlines he was going to let me think we were going to CA until we were at our stop over at LAX and then let me know we were boarding another flight. He is so cute. He decided to tell me now though to cheer me up a little and so that I could do some planning of activities while we''re there. He''s been working so much that he said he booked on the hotel and airfare stuff but really hasn''t checked out what to do around there other than lay on the beach and scuba dive.

Here''s what I know so far and I should probably start another thread for advice. We are going for a week to a resort on the Yasawa islands which is north of the main island. Then we are going to a resort called Tokoriki in the Mamanucas (sp?) for another week. Has anyone ever been there? Does anyone have any suggestions on things to do? Places that must be seen?

I AM SO EXCITED!! Kind of makes me less upset about that silly girl trying on my ring.

 

[Scintillating]

*Comment regarding obnoxious girl* - you'll have your magnificent 2 carat ring, that your fiance lovingly had custom designed just for you, for your whole life. YOU get to wear it everyday, and that obnoxious insensitive girl doesn't (and I'm sure she's jealous). So don't let it get to you. As Storm said - Have it steam cleaned to vaporize her cooties. You won't ever think of it again once your beloved pops the question - you'll hang on to that wonderful memory forever.

Scintillating...

 

[bookworm21]

Wow, that is HIGHLY inappropriate. Sadly though, I''m not shocked by what she did. Many people nowadays lack the basic manners when they socialize with others. And she had the gall to say "It fits perfectly!"? What a moron. I don''t blame you for being upset at all. I would have chewed her out for doing something so rude and insensitive, but then, I have a short fuse, and that might be overreacting.

If you want to change the ring a bit, just so you can have something that no one has worn before is going a bit far. If you''re changing it to something you like better, by all means, do it.

I''m sorry this happened. Best thing to do now is to just let it go and enjoy it for yourself.

 

[allycat0303]

I had this experience when I had to take off my ring to give it to the salesgirl to see about having a stone replaced. She put it on her finger and was admiring it on herself for a good 30 seconds!!! That annoyed me like crazy. I mean who does that? In any case, I got over it because I think it's totally unappropriate. However my unengaged friends would ask me to let them try it on all the time, and I let them. It was only that first time that bothered me

 

[FireGoddess]

It''s true, I really don''t get it....I have NEVER put on someone''s engagement ring, even if they''ve handed it to me to take a closer look. I''ve seen people do it with mine, but of course, it wasn''t before I ever wore it. Some people just wanna pretend...but it''s still rude if the real owner hasn''t even SEEN the ring!