is your SO the type of man......

[mimzy]

for those of you with SO's that fall into the 'why rush it' category, how do you cope? does it bother you to see other men proposing asap and yours taking his time? i know the majority of the responses will be along the lines of "i'm glad he's doing it on his own time", etc but i still thought i'd ask.



also, has anyone thought their SO fell into one category, but it turned out they really belonged in another?

 

[beesknees]

going on 4 years....so he''s definitely the "taking my own sweet time" type. i wouldn''t say i''m "glad" about it, but i guess the waiting will be worth it in the end.

 

[sunnyd]

i don''t know if i really count...it''s only been 9.5 months for us!

but still...i''m already ready when he is "ready to share his burdens with me". he''s so cute. : )

 

[Miscka]

I voted #2, it''s like he knows he wants these things with me, and knows it will be soon (within a year), but is just "slow". But he is a cute "slow"

 

[Aloros]

I think most ladies in LIW will fall into the latter two categories, as a rule

.

My guy talks about how much he wants to marry me, etc., etc., but that he still can''t think of a proper way to propose to me (he''s even asked me for ideas). To which I am tempted to reply...think harder!

 

[aliciagirl]

My SO is very excited about engagement and a wedding. I think he talks about it more than I do and he already planned where the honeymoon would be (even though it''ll be at least 2 years before we''re married). I know that right now the only thing keeping him from proposing is the whole poor college student thing and I know that as soon as he starts working in May it''s the first thing he''s saving for.

So, come next Sept or Nov, maybe I''ll find out he actually is in one of the other categories, but for now I picked number 1.

I am definitely a tomboy kind of girl and I have tons more guy friends than girl friends. I know that a lot of the guys in serious relationships that want to marry their SO say they ''don''t want to rush it'' only because they don''t want to say ''i''m really poor right now, give me some time to save.'' They also take their time because they want it to be great, the perfect ring, at the right time, at the right location, perfect lighting, blah blah. It''s silly and cute all the things guys think about. Even unsentimental guys want it to be the perfect engagement you''ve always dreamed of, so I''m sure they feel a lot of stress and pressure.

 

[DMBsGirl]

My FF is the second type. He wants to get married but has taken his time with it. At 27 I guess he is considered young in "guy world" for marriage, and he will probably be the first out of his group of friends to become engaged.

 

[Lannie]

I answered even though I'm already married. I voted #1 as our premarital relationship was very(!) short.

My husband and I had a long distance relationship until 2 months AFTER we were married. We met on a cell phone forum (geeky, I know). Neither of us were looking for a relationship per se, but we got to talking and the more we talked the more we liked each other. After a month of talking, I decided to take the 12 hour bus trip to see him and get to know him better. I knew he wasn't a crazy psycho stalker as he worked for the person that owned the forum (who was someone I was acquainted with and friends with a lot of my friends). We were wary of long distance relationships as he had been burned in the past and I was just unsure that I could do it. Once we saw each other for the first time, we knew that we were meant to be together. We spent the next few weeks going back and forth to visit each other for a few days at a time.

One night while on the phone (and here comes the LAMEST way to get engaged ever) we were just talking about random things and he says to me "Do you want to get married", to which I replied "Uhh, I guess?". There was silence for a few seconds and he said "So, uhh, are we engaged now?" and I said "I think so...". Yep, yep, that was it. Classy eh? I don't even remember the exact date to be honest. I know that it was at the beginning of November.

Want something even more lame? We didn't have much money, so I got a cheap little ring set and we got him a wedding band. As he was the one ordering them, they all had to be shipped to him. We weren't going to have the chance to see each other for a while and he wanted me to be able to wear my ring...... So he mailed it to me. On top of that, he didn't mark the package as a gift and when it arrived, I had to pay $70 for duties (which was a little more than 1/4th's of the set's cost all together).

We got married on February 14th, 2005 and were finally able to start living together on April 3rd, 2005 (Those first two months apart were torture!). Long story short (or technically longer!), we were dating for around 5 weeks, engaged for 2.5 months and we've been married for almost 3 years (got my upgrade set at 2 years. ).

Sometimes when you know, you KNOW...

Anyway, now that I've gotten a tad off track, I suppose we should get back on!

 

[mintve]

Yeah, my SO is slow to and he always thanks me for being so patient with him. He tells me good things comes to those to wait.

I''ve always been an impatient person, so I suppose someone up above is trying to teach me patience

I am not complaining though. Our relationship is fantastic and I know we will be engaged and married one day. And when he is finally ready to ask me, I know it will be because he is truly ready and not because I pressured him.

 

[sandia_rose]

>for those of you with SO''s that fall into the ''why rush it'' category, how do you cope?
>does it bother you to see other men proposing asap and yours taking his time?

Some days are easier than others. I''ve been with my SO for two years. We don''t live together and both have children. I''m almost 40 and he''s almost 50. I''m not in any huge hurry to get married again but I''d prefer to at least get a ring from him, so that I have some outward form of commitment to wear. And lately, I''ve wanted to broach the subject of moving in together -- which, given his small home and my apartment, would require our also shopping for a home that has 3 or 4 bedrooms. We also both had bad marriages. My marriage lasted not quite 5 years and was hell from the get-go. He was married almost 20 years and 15 of those years were a slippery, manic slope downward. His ex has substance and untreated mental health issues and it took him a while to realize that her behavior was not just a temporary funk...and by that time they had 2 kids. So we''re both cautious but at the same time, devoted to each other and not quite sure where or how we want things to go.

I did get a twinge of "when''s it gonna be my turn?" over the holiday weekend. I cooked a large dinner at his house for us, our children and his mother. While I was in the kitchen cooking, my SO was in the backyard, horsing around with my son and his daughter (who are close in age). Playing ball, having leaf fights, laughing. My ex is a very serious, no-fun kind of a guy - not the type to horse around with kids - and I know my son gets a huge charge out of playing around with my SO, who is like a big kid himself when around kids. And I thought to myself, "That is so cool. That''s what family is supposed to be like." A little while after that, I called one of my brothers, who lives out of state, to wish him a Happy Thanksgiving. We chit-chatted and I asked him what''s new, and he took a deep breath and said, "Well....I just got engaged!" He''d proposed to her that morning and gave her the ring so she could wear it when they had dinner later that day with her family. I knew he''d been seeing someone a while but didn''t think they''d discussed marriage. My brother and I got divorced at roughly the same time, and the last I talked to him, he wasn''t in any hurry to get married again soon, if ever at all. So when I heard that, I was happy for my brother but at the same time a little envious.

>i know the majority of the responses will be along the lines of "i''m glad he''s doing it on his own time", etc
>but i still thought i''d ask.

Well, if you''ve read any of my prior posts, my ex proposed to me because he felt obligated - a fact that I didn''t realize until it was too late. I didn''t push him -- but we''d had our (totally unplanned) son before we were married and he caved to the pressure from his mother, friends and co-workers to "do the right thing." That resulted in the crappy marriage we had - not so much the fact that we got married, but because he had a bad attitude towards me from our wedding day onward. Almost like it was a chore to be in the same house as our son and me. He clearly resented having to give up golf and his own free time at the expense of being a family man and being present for a small child. I never got an Anniversary gift from him, no flowers on Valentine''s, etc. The only time he ever said, "I love you," was when we got married - and I am convinced that he did that because it was part of the vows. Why did I marry him, knowing he was like that? Because I caved to the "when are you getting married?" pressure, too, and I wanted my son to grow up knowing his father. The eternal optimist that I am, I thought I could make the best of a not-so-wonderful situation. People get married for a variety of reasons other than "we''re so in love that we just can''t not be married," and with the right amount of effort and communication, it can work out and work out great. Not in my situation, though -- because the effort and communication on his part was non-existent. So when I look at my SO and wish that we could eat dinner, do things, sleep in the same bed together every night, I think back to my ex. If my SO proposes to me, I want him to do it because he wants to and because it''s his own idea to do so and because he can''t picture a life without me in it full-time. I want him to pick my ring out himself and figure out how to propose himself, with no involvement or prodding from me. Otherwise, I''ll wait and hope forever and be happy with that (or move on once I''m not). I can say this because I know the alternative - been there, done that - and it sucks.

Bridget in Connecticut.

 

[musey]

FI and I had been together for a little over 3 years when he proposed, and I had to fight the little nagging thought that we might be "rushing" things. I had to remind myself that most people don't date as long as my family members do/did before getting married (usually 5+ years, I guess we just like to take our time with decisions!).

On the other hand, some other people I see posting on here are saying "all RIGHT already!" at even 1.5-2 years. I often have to fight the urge to say "wait... HOW is it that you've been together a "long time"?"

It really depends... not just on his timeline ideals, but YOURS as well. Three years feels like rushing to some, where one year feels like FOREVER to others.


Sorry I know that's kinda OT, but I had trouble with whether to vote #2 or #3 because of that.


ETA: Our age may have something (or everything!) to do with this, as well

EagainTA: Another example... my brother (26) is talking engagement within the next 6 months or so... to his first girlfriend ever, that he's been dating for a little under a year

When he announced this to us, I was absolutely SHOCKED.... and had to bite my tongue lest I sound unhappy for him. I know everyone's different, but, to me, under one year with your first girlfriend ever just doesn't spell marriage-ready!

His girlfriend, on the other hand, is telling him that he's "taking too long" (partly because she wants a 3/09 wedding). She apparently expected a proposal when they moved in together last spring!


So yeah, different strokes!

 

[~*Alexis*~]

my SO has been married before so for me I know its an eventually kind of thing. He says he is going to be so happy when he goes and buys my ring. He said I should be able to tell by the beaming look on his face when he goes and buys it.....besides once he HAS the ring....it wont be long. He is not good with keeping things a suprise. haha!!
so I guess thats good for me....as far as when I will be expecting a ring....who knows....I know it is meant to be. We have disagreements over things....but we never have an all out fight. We are a ''communication'' couple. So we just work well together. We respect each other''s opinions and we work through them together. Dont get me wrong there are times when I just want to slap him upside the head for the little quarks that he has but overall I think we fit well.

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

Do I dare to even go there

My SO is a tortis. Because he is such a slow poke, I am officially the last in my close circle of friends to be waiting for an engagement.

Truthfully, I am done waiting for him. I''m no McSpeedy over here but my thumbs hurt from too many years of twiddling.

 

[Hoping&Waiting]

At first my SO was RIGHT NOW I WANT TO GET MARRIED

As we got older he has realized that OUR TIME will come....basically we both have older siblings in line before us (I HATE THAT!)

BUT do you gals ever feel like it is SOOO EASY for some women to just talk about getting engaged and then BOOM it happens! Yay for them, but it makes me so much more anxious and envious!

 

[Independent Gal]

Well, we're both passed the 30 mark and we'd both had a couple of serious relationships in the past and knew pretty much exactly what we were looking for (and what we definitely were NOT looking for). So it took him oh.... about 3 months? before the idea of us getting married came up. Then it was mostly me saying 'WHOA there, stallion! Let's chill a bit.' But we got engaged less than a year after starting to date. When we marry, we'll have been together about a year and a half. At our age and in our circles, that's pretty normal. Plus, if you want a couple of kids, it's not wise to sit around all day past the 30 mark.

We were both ready for marriage and thinking about marriage and family before we met each other, so everything just clicked naturally.

 

[Gothgrrl]

My best friend and her guy were together about 17-18 years. My hubby asked if they are ever going to get married. I said I doubt it. Then she calls me and said they are getting married. I was so shocked, because I knew he just wasn''t the type to ask. Here''s the punchline....on the wedding night is when she got pregnant....and now 2 kids later, he is such a wonderful dad. Go figure.

 

[bee*]

We were together for over 8 years when we got engaged. D always wanted to get engaged/married but didn''t see what the rush was. He''s thrilled with himself though now that''s he''s gotten engaged.

 

[sweetjettagirl04]

>for those of you with SO''s that fall into the ''why rush it'' category, how do you cope? I try to distract myself as much as possible from NOT thinking about it. I''ll talk to my friends about it - they don''t understand knowing about the ring but having to wait for it, so that''s why I go through these forums and they really do help, because I know that I''m not the only person going through this. Also, I find that listening to "Patience" by GNR helps for some reason...

>does it bother you to see other men proposing asap and yours taking his time? The only proposal that bothered me was when my close friend got engaged in August and they had been together for 2 1/2 years (us - 5) and living together for a year (us - 4). I always joked that I would be pissed if it happened to her before me - but I didn''t realize how bad I would feel. I know it wasn''t right to feel that way - but a little tequila and a lot of talking to my best friend (who is married) helped me NOT take it on on FF. I was happy for her, but had a whirlwind of emotions - most of them angry and sad - but I think that was the tequila! I just kept thinking "why is she good enough to marry but I''m just good enough to keep around?" I know now that I was acting childish when I was thinking that, because FF loves me so much and I know that it will be so very special when it happens for me.

 

[anchor31]

My FI was in the second category. He''s a very family-oriented man and he always made it clear that there was no doubt in his mind that he wanted to get married and have children. But in my area, marrying under 30 is considered very young... So at 24 he was in no rush. He''s glad he did it though, and now he can''t wait! He''s turning 26 next week, just past the 8 months mark... And he''s definitely more than ready now.

 

[Deelight]

We have been together 9 years but we also meet when I was 18 and he was 23 so in a way it is like a don''t rush but we have both known for a LONG time we want to be together forever , we both believe marriage is forever so in that regard you get it right the first time .

 

[anchor31]

Date: 11/30/2007 9:52:11 AM
Author: anchor31
My FI was in the second category. He''s a very family-oriented man and he always made it clear that there was no doubt in his mind that he wanted to get married and have children. But in my area, marrying under 30 is considered very young... So at 24 he was in no rush. He''s glad he did it though, and now he can''t wait! He''s turning 26 next week, just past the 8 months mark... And he''s definitely more than ready now.

I meant 8 months before the wedding, of course! We''ve been together for over 4 years.

 

[lovelyrita]

I''m in the #2 category. We''ve been together 3.5 years, I''m 26 and he''s 28. We own a house together.

He says he wants to marry me but is a slow person in general. For example, we have a very nice home theater set-up and J spent two years researching everything from speaker wire to cables before he would purchase anything. Of course, we have a great set-up and got a good deal but I could never wait that long to purchase.

Oh well, I''ll pretend to wait patiently while looking on this forum at rings and hope I can contain myself.

 

[Sparkalicious]

My SO definitely wants to get engaged and married, however, he is just an all around methodical person and usually takes a lot longer to assess and do things, than I do. I think that we might be married by now or closer to it if he knew that I didn''t want to do all the traditional stuff. I think the wedding and everything involved with all that stuff kind of scares him.

Now that we have been dating for 13 years. I think we''re almost there. I think that by early next year we will be married.

I know that the 13 yrs sounds long but we''ve been long distance and I''ve been in university and graduate school and now that all of that stuff is complete, the timing is right.