Isn''t it interesting? Semi-Off Topic

[SarahLovesJS]

Am I the only one that thinks it''s very interesting how weddings, babies, and funerals really bring out who your true friends are (whether family or not)? I mean you really discover who cares about you and who doesn''t..was wondering of others had this experience. I know there are a bunch of us around that experienced some level of wedding drama, so that would make me think yes..but thought it was worth asking.

 

[Dannielle]

Your right.

When it comes down to it people only really care about themselves, I know FI and I only have a handful of people we can rely on.

Its funny to think though, if the people who always let you down feel that way about people in their lives?

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Lol Dannielle that is a good point! I bet most of them do feel the same way...now whether they''re right or not is probably debatable considering that it seems like a lot of us here on PS go out of our way to help others and in the end it''s just not returned. But alas, that''s life!

I am going to go to sleep now!

 

[bee*]

Yeah it does seem to show peoples true colours. I have my hen night this Saturday and I''m hoping that no one backs out of it. So far everyone has been great, so I''m hoping that things stay that way.

 

[Lanie]

This could not be more true SarahLovesJS. I had always heard this, but never knew it until I was going through my own wedding planning.

If nothing else, I''ve learned to be a better friend and gracious guest. And a gracious bride!

 

[Italiahaircolor]

This is very, very true. During the course my wedding, I certainly was able to weed out the true friends from my less-than friends. It''s sad really, people you put a lot trust and faith in turning out to be nothing more than a passing aquaintance.

 

[Patchee]

Yes yes yes... actually with 60 days till my wedding and my shower this weekend I am learning who my friends are. All so far but one who I have known for 10+ years. All of the sudden she''s not reponding to my shower, then wishy washy as to if coming. The wedding is another thing! She said something like if my boyfriend is not going to go (because he backs out of everything and I told her I do not and will not eat the catering costs for him telling you 20 minutes before you are to be there that he is not going) she said oh I will just bring a girlfriend ... WHAT? A person I do not know what so ever??? No way! The saga is sure more to come!

 

[musey]

Definitely. I've seen others make that observation around here many times.

Luckily we didn't have any issues like most seem to, except with our extended family. Seeing who made the effort to get out here to the wedding (or at least expressed regrets at not being able to), and who didn't. Most of my family just RSVPd "no" and didn't even put in the effort required to say "wish we could make it!" It was a big bummer (and a surprising one) - but a wakeup call as just to how much that family cares about us.

 

[Haven]

It''s interesting, because I think weddings sometimes make brides lose sight of what is actually important. I understand that it can feel like people aren''t "there for you" when they can''t make it to your shower or bachelorette party, but honestly, if someone who I considered a good friend told me she couldn''t make it to one of those things, my first thought would not be "OH MY GOSH she is not here for me! What a crappy friend." it would be "Wow, I hope everything is okay with her, it sounds like something really important has come up." I think the bride who fails to recognize that her loved ones might have other, more important things going on than wedding events, and that they might not feel like sharing the details about what those important things are, is actually the one showing a lack of caring. But that''s just me.

However, funerals really do show you who is there for you and who isn''t, in my opinion. I just lost someone important to me last week, and we hosted the shiva (a gathering to honor your loved one) at our house. So many of my dear friends and colleagues came to the funeral and to the shiva, and THAT was what reminded me of who really cares. A party is easy to attend, a house of mourning, not so much. (It also reminded me of what is really important in life, and I can tell you, it''s not showing up to parties and social gatherings, despite the fact that I love hosting both very much.)

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

Date: 5/12/2009 3:59:13 PM
Author: Haven
It's interesting, because I think weddings sometimes make brides lose sight of what is actually important. I understand that it can feel like people aren't 'there for you' when they can't make it to your shower or bachelorette party, but honestly, if someone who I considered a good friend told me she couldn't make it to one of those things, my first thought would not be 'OH MY GOSH she is not here for me! What a crappy friend.' it would be 'Wow, I hope everything is okay with her, it sounds like something really important has come up.' I think the bride who fails to recognize that her loved ones might have other, more important things going on than wedding events, and that they might not feel like sharing the details about what those important things are, is actually the one showing a lack of caring. But that's just me.

However, funerals really do show you who is there for you and who isn't, in my opinion. I just lost someone important to me last week, and we hosted the shiva (a gathering to honor your loved one) at our house. So many of my dear friends and colleagues came to the funeral and to the shiva, and THAT was what reminded me of who really cares. A party is easy to attend, a house of mourning, not so much. (It also reminded me of what is really important in life, and I can tell you, it's not showing up to parties and social gatherings, despite the fact that I love hosting both very much.)

Well said Haven!

I also think that sometimes you have to take into consideration how much time and money these events can cost attendees. I know we all say that the shower isn't about the gifts but how many times have you attended a shower and not brought a gift? Bachelorette parties have ended up costing me small fortunes over the years and I don't even like to go out bar hopping. It's never been my thing and since most my friends know this about me, they understand when I decline their invitation. Thank goodness I have such understanding friends! On the flip side, I am very understanding when my friends can not make it to certain events thrown on my behalf. As I often say, life gets in the way...

I think the only time I would be very upset was if I made very special arrangements for a friend who then bailed or if someone very important like my maid of honor bailed without reason.


ETA - Close family (i.e. siblings) should try to make the sacrafices to be there IMHO.

 

[shimmer]

I totally agree.

My sister couldn''t come to our wedding in Hawaii earlier this month ''because of $$'', but has somehow managed to take a family trip to Jamaica at the END OF THIS MONTH!!!!!

 

[teapot]

good point. I know that I learned a lot about some of my friends when I got married.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Haven and Keepingthefaith..good thoughts, but I'm not talking about isolated incidents. It's just the lack of involvement or even interest in the wedding from people even in the wedding really made me rethink what kind of relationship I actually have with these people. And then reflecting upon that combined with the way they've acted about other important things in life (and the fact that I realized they don't even know me or FI that well), it became very clear that they don't care about me or FI much at all really. So the wedding served me very well by opening my eyes about my relationship with these people. Also, sorry for your loss Haven..sending prayers.

ETA: Just also wanted to say these are situations where money, time, etc., is not an issue.

 

[musey]

Date: 5/12/2009 3:59:13 PM
Author: Haven
It's interesting, because I think weddings sometimes make brides lose sight of what is actually important. I understand that it can feel like people aren't 'there for you' when they can't make it to your shower or bachelorette party, but honestly, if someone who I considered a good friend told me she couldn't make it to one of those things, my first thought would not be 'OH MY GOSH she is not here for me! What a crappy friend.' it would be 'Wow, I hope everything is okay with her, it sounds like something really important has come up.' I think the bride who fails to recognize that her loved ones might have other, more important things going on than wedding events, and that they might not feel like sharing the details about what those important things are, is actually the one showing a lack of caring. But that's just me.

I think you definitely have a point there.

In my case, the only people I had an ah-ha moment about were absent family members... and it wasn't because they were absent, it was because they weren't even sorry to be absent. We got nothing from them other than the negative reply card (though I'm glad they were thoughtful enough to at least send that) - no email/phone call to say they were disappointed that they couldn't make it, no "congrats" e-card, not even a not scribbled on the back of the RSVP saying they wish they could be there. Nothing, just an X on the line for "regretfully decline."

So it wasn't a lack of attendance or something like that that disappointed, it was that obvious lack of any kind of effort on their part to show that they cared in the LEAST that I was getting married. As though the wedding invitation was a middle school graduation announcement or something.

Our BP wasn't volunteering their assistance left and right, but I didn't expect them to. The only thing that reminded me that BP is involved in stuff like that was visiting PS and seeing the "my bridesmaids aren't giving me feedback on fabric swatches!" threads.