It''s not about the ring.

[meepcat]

For the past few weeks, I''ve been going ballistic in my mind with envy and frustration over the lack of engagement that I have with my BF. However, after another heart-wrenching discussion we had last night, which resulted in a lot of tears, caused me to strongly consider the origins of my own discontent.

It''s not about the ring. The ring has nothing to do with what''s making me unhappy. It''s not about being engaged, or waiting, or the nagging sensations of asking a barrage of questions on the when, how, where the ring, or planning of engagement and marriage will work out.

It''s about me. All about me. All about what I''m trying to cover up with the projected image of what being engaged will be for me. Never mind what his family thinks, or his sister, who reminds me to be more patient. Never mind what he feels, or if he thinks I should be more patient until he can financially assess the process of purchasing the ring. No. It''s about the deeper-seeded sadness that I''ve carried around for years, hoping to excavate like a long-rotten cavity from the porous depths of my exhausted heart. Past relationships and hurts that haven''t fully-healed contribute to decay. My hope is that more time will pass, allowing those pains to fade.

I am happy with my BF. There is no doubt about that. We have our share of difficult arguments, but primarily due to his inability to be more proactive in communicating. We make great strides, every time we argue, because we gain a bigger desire to trust and believe. For that, we are in love.

Perhaps there are others who may dig this deep in their minds and hearts, to discover the origin of their impatience or frustration.

 

[monarch64]

Hi meepcat...that was a pretty insightful post you made there. You seem to know yourself very well, and that''s a good thing. It''s also great that you''ve come to this self-realization and understand that it IS only a ring, and that you have some other deeper issues that are causing you grief over the whole thing. I''ve been through a lot of things in my lifetime (as we all have) that cause me to react to situations negatively too. My husband and I went to a marital therapist recently who had a very wise thing to say: "it''s not the other person''s action that causes you to react--it''s your own crap." So true! It''s all about our own perceptions and fears, and sometimes selfishness.

When I was worried over getting engaged, and when he would ever propose, I think the biggest discomfort I had over it was living in "limbo," meaning I didn''t want to move on, nor did I want to stay with someone who wasn''t ready to marry me. Fortunately things worked out for us and we only dealt with the issue for a few months. We were both at a crossroads in our lives and realized we either had to make the decision or live to regret it. I remember at times thinking all the soul-searching wasn''t worth it, but I also had better days when the wait was TOTALLY worth it! Looking back, it was also a time of nervous excitement and anticipation, probably one of the most exciting times in my life. Of course I can say that now because I''m happily married, but if it had turned out differently I wouldn''t be posting this right now and on another path in life.

It''s really good that you take responsibility for your feelings and don''t blame them on other things or people, esp. your BF. I think that is absolutely key to a healthy relationship, and maybe some others will benefit from your words. Hang in there, and try to remember that we all have good times and bad times. Life''s just too short not to keep the positive things at the forefront of your mind and heart.