Job searching anxiety + wedding anxiety = not feeling so well

[larussel03]

I need some tips for dealing with anxiety ...

As a lot of you know that I''ve been laid off as of August, and am job searching. And I am getting so discouraged because I keep becoming the runner up to someone with like 14 years experience in sales...which I dont even understand b/c these pharma co''s send you away to train you for 2 weeks to a month at a time, so really I''m more "malleable" etc but whatever (that''s my ''angle'' haha). How can you get experience if you don''t get hired??? Plus, I keep getting the "well, you''ve made it to this round, you should be proud, you''ve beat out 98% of applicants" but then when I keep coming in 2nd (ok, it''s been twice so far but still) it just stinks, I NEED A JOB TOO!!! So, I''m anxious because I have unemployment until January but I am so nervous about it. I literally spend from 10am till around 5pm (plus breaks, of course) online researching jobs, reviewing interview questions and applying for jobs.

Then the wedding is next month, and I''m so excited and almost everything is in place, yet I have anxiety about it and I''m not entirely sure why. I still have expenses to pay off for the wedding, and I have the $$ saved plus some savings, so I shouldn''t be as money anxious, considering unemployment covers my bills for now, but I still have a hard time parting with money, in general, but especially right now. Plus all the planning is nearing completion and I''m just so excited and a little nervous all at the same time about it. I''ve also been planning the wedding, which is in MA from MI which can be a bit difficult.

I have been having awful anxiety attacks at night, it''s at the point where I take benadryl before bed to make sure I sleep through the night. I get racing thoughts, nausea, heart burn, and I just can''t get my mind to shut up. Even if I am not thinking about job or wedding stuff, it''s like I have even songs playing so loudly in my head that it drives me crazy -- and it''s only because I want to not think about anything and just rest, so my mind like substitutes a song I heard that day and just keeps racing through it. Today I had a bad one while I was job searching (although I kept going until 5) and it felt like I was over caffeinated and ready to jump out of my skin.

The anxiety as well as irritability is definately circumstantial - I normally do not have anxiety like this...

Tonight I decided to treat myself - ordered Chilis takeout and I''m having a glass of red wine, and just watching bad reality tv, which is helping a little bit, but I know it''s a temporary fix until I face job reality again.

How do you deal with pre wedding + external stress anxiety???

 

[OUpearlgirl]

As someone who has coped with anxiety for years, I definitely think you should get in to a doctor.. A little medication or therapy until your life is smooth sailing again can''t hurt, even if this is temporary. Panic attacks are not something to just brush off. One thing that was helpful to me is called "thought stopping." Every time I started to freak out about something if I just yell very loudly (in my head, not spoken haha) STOP, it helps. I also got a rubber band and snapped it every time I started thinking negatively or freaking out. At first, I thought it was stupid, but it actually ended up helping.

I hope you start to feel better and if you have any questions just ask!

 

[larussel03]

Date: 10/15/2007 11:33:21 PM
Author: OUpeargirl
As someone who has coped with anxiety for years, I definitely think you should get in to a doctor.. A little medication or therapy until your life is smooth sailing again can''t hurt, even if this is temporary. Panic attacks are not something to just brush off. One thing that was helpful to me is called ''thought stopping.'' Every time I started to freak out about something if I just yell very loudly (in my head, not spoken haha) STOP, it helps. I also got a rubber band and snapped it every time I started thinking negatively or freaking out. At first, I thought it was stupid, but it actually ended up helping.

I hope you start to feel better and if you have any questions just ask!

I appreciate the help, and I did think that, (even my dad reccomended seeing someone and getting some meds to help in the short term - my mom is taking anxiety meds now because they''re moving my dad''s dental practice, which is super stressful and she''s doing alot of the wedding planning and anxiety and depression run in my family), but I don''t have any insurance right now. I will after FI and I are married next month, (getting on his insurance because it''s cheaper than anything any job would offer me and is just as good) but until then I have to try to go it on my own. I''ll try the STOP technique. What I usually do is (at like 3am), get into a hot shower to relax me until I''ve calmed down enough to go back to bed.

 

[Haven]

Oh, Sweetpea, I''m sorry to hear you''re having such a difficult time. I''m sure it''s totally normal to feel this way since you are about to get married, which is an enormous life change (I get anxiety just thinking about THAT alone!) and on top of that you''re looking for a job.

I''ve never taken any meds for anxiety so I can''t help you there, but I''ve always used books to escape from my own world when things were too hard to handle. My favorite escape book is The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood by Rebecca Wells. It''s funny and it''s sad and I''ve been reading it over and over since 1994. If I had your mailing address I''d overnight it to you straight away--I''ve made every woman in my life read the book because it''s just so darn therapeutic. I don''t even know why, but it is.

A really good movie always works too--Steel Magnolias? When Harry Met Sally? The Big Chill? My old standbys.

Good luck with your job search. I''m confident that you''ll find something, your posts prove that you are intelligent and capable. It''s not fair that the lack of experience gets in your way, I remember thinking the same thing: how am I supposed to GET experience if nobody is going to hire me until I HAVE experience? But you know what? Eventually I did get a job, and now I have experience, and all that agony is a thing of the past.

Go get yourself some chick lit, a pair of cozy pajama pants, and your favorite sweets. Take some time out and escape into someone else''s life for an evening--it works, I promise!

 

[larussel03]

Date: 10/16/2007 12:03:45 AM
Author: Haven
Oh, Sweetpea, I'm sorry to hear you're having such a difficult time. I'm sure it's totally normal to feel this way since you are about to get married, which is an enormous life change (I get anxiety just thinking about THAT alone!) and on top of that you're looking for a job.

I've never taken any meds for anxiety so I can't help you there, but I've always used books to escape from my own world when things were too hard to handle. My favorite escape book is The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood by Rebecca Wells. It's funny and it's sad and I've been reading it over and over since 1994. If I had your mailing address I'd overnight it to you straight away--I've made every woman in my life read the book because it's just so darn therapeutic. I don't even know why, but it is.

A really good movie always works too--Steel Magnolias? When Harry Met Sally? The Big Chill? My old standbys.

Good luck with your job search. I'm confident that you'll find something, your posts prove that you are intelligent and capable. It's not fair that the lack of experience gets in your way, I remember thinking the same thing: how am I supposed to GET experience if nobody is going to hire me until I HAVE experience? But you know what? Eventually I did get a job, and now I have experience, and all that agony is a thing of the past.

Go get yourself some chick lit, a pair of cozy pajama pants, and your favorite sweets. Take some time out and escape into someone else's life for an evening--it works, I promise!

Thank you!! today I actually landed a 2nd interview at a company I'd love to work for, so hopefully that will work out, so I'm going to just spend time going over interview questions and stuff.

I just hate that anxiety feeling and can't wait to land a job and have it be over with!

 

[omieluv]

I am not familiar with pharma sales, however I do feel your pain. It is so hard to get started in an industry, especially when you are new to it. When I finished grad school, I found it very difficult to find a job in what I studied and with it being post 9/11, it was next to impossible to find anything. So, I stayed in a job that I could not stand and about a year ago said "enough was enough" and took a job as a contractor at a large Fortune 500 organization. I never thought I would be a contractor (was at my former job as a permanent employee for over 5 years), but it has worked out well so far (gaining new experience, make more money, benefits are fine).

This is not to say that I am suggesting that you go out and become a contractor, it is just something that has worked for me. My point is, sometimes you have to get creative and push your comfort zone and sometimes other opportunities follow.

Without knowing your professional background, it is difficult for me to offer suggestions (not that you have asked for career advice here), however, does your next career need to be in pharma sales? For instance, have you thought about medical device sales? Also, have you started building a network?

I googled pharma sales websites & here is what I have come up with:
http://pharmacology-jobs.jobcircle.com/jobs/pharmacology-jobs.html
http://www.napsronline.org/entryleveltraining.html
http://salesandmarketingnetwork.com/news_release.php?ID=2016174&key=Glaxo (networking & job site)
http://www.inc.com/resources/sales/articles/20050201/notimenetwork.html
http://www.medicalsalescareer.com/ National Association of Medical Sales Representatives (NAMSR)

ETA: just saw that you landed a 2nd interview, congrats!!!

 

[Independent Gal]

Hey there SP,

Sorry to hear you''re having a tough time! Here are my suggestions for what they are worth:

1) Valerian root! Definitely konks you out. Smells foul though.

2) EXERCISE! Whenever I''m seriously wound up or anxious, an hour of hard exercise at the gym pretty much chills me out.

3) Before you go to bed each night, make a list of what needs to be done and a schedule of when you''ll do it. Or, if you''re fretting over ''WHAT IF!?!?!?'' scenarios, make a list of possible outcomes, and how you''ll deal with them. That can help relax your mind before you get into bed.

Hope you feel better soon, hon!

 

[AmberWaves]

Wow, SP, despite my actually having a job right now, it''s looking like after the first of the year, I''ll not have one.

I kept saying, it''s NOT a good time for this!

I take advil pm to sleep through the night, although it''s starting to catch up with me. I have no advice, but I want you to know that you''re not alone!! I swear, I''m going through the same thing, with my wedding 18 days away.

It''ll be okay. You sound like a very sweet, brilliant person who would be a valuable asset to any company- things will work out.

 

[iheartscience]

Here are a few anxiety relieving techniques that always work for me, although of course everyone is different!

1. Breathe in through your nose, out through your mouth.
2. Make lists in your head-cereals, bands, whatever. You can also make it more complicated by going through the alphabet and picking a cereal, shoe brand or whatever for each letter in the alphabet. Like A-Alphabits, B-Bran flakes, C-Corn Pops, etc.
3. Think of a time in your life when you were really happy and calm and focus on that time, what you were doing, what it felt like, etc.
4. Sing a particular song that you like and that makes you happy in your head over and over again.
5. Read a book, watch tv or a movie, etc.
6. Think about the big picture: say to yourself, "Am I going to still be jobless in 5 years? Nope. How about 10 years? Nope." and so on for anything you may be worrying about.
7. Exercise always helps to wear me out before bed. Do you have a treadmill at your house you can run on? Or can you go to the gym at say, 8 or 9 o''clock, depending on when you go to bed? You''ll be wired right after exercising but then you''ll get tired pretty quickly.
8. Get out of bed and make a list of everything you''re worrying about and all the solutions to them. Sometimes it helps to just get it down on paper.
9. Flex each muscle group starting at your head and working down your body all the way to your feet. Tense up each muscle for 5 or 10 seconds and then release it and go on and do the next muscle group.

Hope this helps!

 

[larussel03]

Date: 10/16/2007 2:07:21 PM
Author: omieluv
I am not familiar with pharma sales, however I do feel your pain. It is so hard to get started in an industry, especially when you are new to it. When I finished grad school, I found it very difficult to find a job in what I studied and with it being post 9/11, it was next to impossible to find anything. So, I stayed in a job that I could not stand and about a year ago said ''enough was enough'' and took a job as a contractor at a large Fortune 500 organization. I never thought I would be a contractor (was at my former job as a permanent employee for over 5 years), but it has worked out well so far (gaining new experience, make more money, benefits are fine).

This is not to say that I am suggesting that you go out and become a contractor, it is just something that has worked for me. My point is, sometimes you have to get creative and push your comfort zone and sometimes other opportunities follow.

Without knowing your professional background, it is difficult for me to offer suggestions (not that you have asked for career advice here), however, does your next career need to be in pharma sales? For instance, have you thought about medical device sales? Also, have you started building a network?

I googled pharma sales websites & here is what I have come up with:
http://pharmacology-jobs.jobcircle.com/jobs/pharmacology-jobs.html
http://www.napsronline.org/entryleveltraining.html
http://salesandmarketingnetwork.com/news_release.php?ID=2016174&key=Glaxo (networking & job site)
http://www.inc.com/resources/sales/articles/20050201/notimenetwork.html
http://www.medicalsalescareer.com/ National Association of Medical Sales Representatives (NAMSR)

ETA: just saw that you landed a 2nd interview, congrats!!!

Thank you for those links! I will definately check them out. I''d def consider medical device, although that''s something that you typically need more experience for, and I have only 10 months experience in sales, 4 being in outside sales. I def want something medical related because I have a BS and MS in Microbiology which lend themselves more to medical type sales

 

[larussel03]

Date: 10/16/2007 2:48:42 PM
Author: Independent Gal
Hey there SP,

Sorry to hear you''re having a tough time! Here are my suggestions for what they are worth:

1) Valerian root! Definitely konks you out. Smells foul though.

2) EXERCISE! Whenever I''m seriously wound up or anxious, an hour of hard exercise at the gym pretty much chills me out.

3) Before you go to bed each night, make a list of what needs to be done and a schedule of when you''ll do it. Or, if you''re fretting over ''WHAT IF!?!?!?'' scenarios, make a list of possible outcomes, and how you''ll deal with them. That can help relax your mind before you get into bed.

Hope you feel better soon, hon!

Thanks Indy! I''m going to check out that root stuff. Also, I have been slacking on the exercising since I got stressed so I def should start doing that again.

 

[larussel03]

Date: 10/16/2007 4:05:47 PM
Author: AmberWaves
Wow, SP, despite my actually having a job right now, it''s looking like after the first of the year, I''ll not have one.

I kept saying, it''s NOT a good time for this!

I take advil pm to sleep through the night, although it''s starting to catch up with me. I have no advice, but I want you to know that you''re not alone!! I swear, I''m going through the same thing, with my wedding 18 days away.

It''ll be okay. You sound like a very sweet, brilliant person who would be a valuable asset to any company- things will work out.

Hey Amber! I''m sorry that you may lose your job at the end of the year. It''s rough out there, and it''s like I spent some time in a job I hated before moving into the one I got laid off from, so I''m also feeling pressured by the fact that I want the next job to be something I''ll really like because I shouldn''t switch again for a while b/c it''ll look like I''m a job hopper. It''s a good time to start revamping your resume and getting it out there - the sooner you get it out there, the sooner you may even hook up with recruiters who can help you out as well when the time comes. For my job the interview process typically takes over a month, so every time I start with a new company I get slightly discouraged by the fact that it''s still going to be a long time before I even know if I got the job or not.

 

[larussel03]

Date: 10/16/2007 7:54:37 PM
Author: thing2of2
Here are a few anxiety relieving techniques that always work for me, although of course everyone is different!

1. Breathe in through your nose, out through your mouth.
2. Make lists in your head-cereals, bands, whatever. You can also make it more complicated by going through the alphabet and picking a cereal, shoe brand or whatever for each letter in the alphabet. Like A-Alphabits, B-Bran flakes, C-Corn Pops, etc.
3. Think of a time in your life when you were really happy and calm and focus on that time, what you were doing, what it felt like, etc.
4. Sing a particular song that you like and that makes you happy in your head over and over again.
5. Read a book, watch tv or a movie, etc.
6. Think about the big picture: say to yourself, ''Am I going to still be jobless in 5 years? Nope. How about 10 years? Nope.'' and so on for anything you may be worrying about.
7. Exercise always helps to wear me out before bed. Do you have a treadmill at your house you can run on? Or can you go to the gym at say, 8 or 9 o''clock, depending on when you go to bed? You''ll be wired right after exercising but then you''ll get tired pretty quickly.
8. Get out of bed and make a list of everything you''re worrying about and all the solutions to them. Sometimes it helps to just get it down on paper.
9. Flex each muscle group starting at your head and working down your body all the way to your feet. Tense up each muscle for 5 or 10 seconds and then release it and go on and do the next muscle group.

Hope this helps!

This is great, thing2! Thank you - I was looking for some sort of physical tips for things I could do to help ease the anxiety.

 

[punkin]

Hi,
I''m sorry you''re stressing. I definitely sounds like you''ve got a lot on your mind. I know a few people have mentioned exercise and I just want to say that I''ve tried it and it works. I admit I have not exercised in a while myself but I have a job that with varying stress levels from none to lots. When it gets bad, I also don''t sleep, shake - all the things you said. I tried medicating but had a bad reaction. So I started excercising - it was like magic. There''s something special about that period of time where all you can think about is your burning legs! Even a good walk does the trick. Good luck with everything. I hope you can enjoy your remaining wedding planning.