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Just a little upset..

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meresal

meresal

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 13, 2007
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If I need to be put in my place, then please do, I probably deserve it...

A couple that we know got engaged about 3 weeks after us. We were beginning of August, they were end of August They are not close friends of ours (won't be attending each other's weddings), but FI and the other guy went to HS together, and play softball together now. They have a group of mutual friends. Though we all live in Houston, I am from Fort Worth and the other girl is from Dallas. We were both planning on having our weddings in our home towns. I knew this, and being a people pleaser(ie, my guests), I wanted to avoid ANY overlap at all possible.

In September, right after they got engaged, we found out that they were thinking late June (27th), so we went with July 25. Well, found out tonight that thier date fell thru, and they have settled on July 18, in Dallas.

There are probably about 20/30 people that will be on both lists, and all of these people will be traveling from Houston. Would this upset anyone else? I may just be emotional right now, but even my FI is a bit bothered by this... It's just the wonder, that some of our friends may not make it?

Sorry, I just needed to share. I wanted to avoid this at all costs, and thought we had, until tonight. Thanks for listening.
 
I think it is fine that you and FI are irritated. I would be, too.

But, I also think that you shouldn''t let it get under your skin too much since you cannot do anything about it. My guess is that it won''t impact attendance for either wedding, though. Your friends will do everything they can to make it, even if it means two weddings in one month, because weddings and friendship are both that important. It is possible that your guests from the area will even take the week to visit home and may even appreciate it.
 
Everyone is allowed to get annoyed at "stupid" little things we really don't have the right to be mad about, but I think it is all about how you deal with these issues.

For example, I will worry about things that are really dumb to lose sleep over, but after a few days (and a few vents) my irritation magically disappears. HOPEFULLY this will be the case for you, as you have a lot to worry about with the upcoming wedding.

As for your guests, this will probably be an inconvenience, but it is out of your control. All you can do is give your guests PLENTY of notice (get those save-the-dates out, and I saw yours, they are beautiful!) and hope they are able to accommodate. Besides, the guests who really want to be there for you will be there. They won't let a little distance get in the way!
 
Yeah, I would be annoyed and sad. Hopefully it''ll wear off, though, as (unfortunately) other issues come up that you''ll have to deal with. As you said, the other couple''s initial date fell through, so at least they didn''t purposely choose the weekend before yours. The other girl/couple might even be upset for the same reasons you are. It''s possible that the guests who overlap could make it to both weddings, especially since it''s possible to drive from Houston to Dallas. But it sounds like the friends that overlap are more peripheral to you anyway. Will you be super upset if they don''t witness your wedding day? I know you were trying to make things easier for your guests and not put them in a position of having to choose between the two weddings and that is totally considerate of you. I''m learning though that you (you in the general sense) can''t worry about everyone''s individual circumstances your you''ll drive yourself crazy.

I hope you feel better about the situation soon!
 
I''m sorry that you are upset, Meresal. I don''t blame you. There will always be people who think that you are justified or not to feel as you do, however, as a fellow to be bride - I can completely relate - right or wrong. You tried to avoid this type of deacle and somehow, out of your control, you''ve kind of ended up right where you didn''t want to be ... who enjoys or appreciates that. Vent away until you feel better!! Please remember with all the energy and effort you are putting into your wedding day planning - your day will still be that - your special day ... no matter what else other people have planned.

(hugs)
 
Oh meresal, this sucks, I too would be upset. Im sorry girl - i wish i could think of something good to say.........
ughhhhhhh-
you are not wrong though, i would be bummed too - can either you or your fiance talk to them about the situation? let them know you picked YOUR date based on them doing june.? let them know having them so close with HURT both weddings.
maybe they''ll consider changing it once they know all this. -
 
Thanks girls. My heart isn't as heavy this morning, but it's till on my mind. I think the overlapping will depend on how many people they are inviting. I didn't feel like it was appropriate for me to ask those questions, right after hearing that their date is a week before ours.

I know I shouldn't let these things bother me, but when you're a people pleaser your going to get screwed over by a few. It has happened before, and undoubtedly, will happen again. Oh well.

Izzy, I stayed up till 2 AM finishing the addressing on all of FI's friends list, so that they can go out today. I would feel horrible for him, if some of these friends decided not to make the trip twice. (Though, I peeked at their venue, and it doesn't look like it would hold more than 100-150... so we may have the small guest list thing on our side)

However, this is not my problem. I did everything I could to avoid putting this type of financial burden on a bunch of friends that don't have that type of "discretionary" funds to be throwing in a 1 week span. If they don't come, then they don't come. It's all about myself and my soon to be new DH, and there will be plenty of people there that we love. Everything will work out!!

Thank you again. I know there's always an open ear here.
 
Yes, its totally annoying and thoughtless on their part if they knew when you were planning on getting married and the location of your wedding. If they didn't know what your wedding date is, then you cannot really fault them, dispite the fact that it's still annoying.

But, I have to say, since this couple isn't close to you and your Fi, then I tend to believe that they probably didn't even think about your wedding date when considering their own.

As we all know, setting a wedding date is a big deal and a lot work, there are so many variables that need to be inline to make sure you're taking the best possible date. And really, all told, 20 to 30 people won't make or break your wedding...sure, it might be smaller than you anticipated, but the number of guests isn't what makes a wedding special, its the couple exchanging vows that is responsible for making the night memorable.

Just be sure to send your STD's out quickly to nab up the calander spot...just because their wedding is first doesn't make yours any less special...those 20/30 people might prefer to attend your wedding anyway.

ETA:

My DH cousin M (whom I love and adore, BTW) got married in Buffalo New York two weeks before my wedding, and my DH married in Chicago, IL. You'd be surprised the number of people who willingly and happily made both trips. My DH and I made it to Buffalo for M & D's wedding...and they cut their honeymoon short to stop in Chicago for ours. And, the week of their wedding, I was in Iowa with my best friend who was having eye surgery...so, talk about traveling around...but people do it for those that they love....esspecially if it is to celebrate their happiness!!!

Remember...things have a funny way of working out...
 
it totally sucks... BUT it could be worse...

There are 2 girls who have alot of girls in the same group of friends... and there weddings are on the same day... Whats sad is I heard them saying one girls wedding is going to be way better than the other... so as soon as they can leave they are so they can go to the others and stay the rest of the night....The girls whose isnt supposed to be better is an emotional mess and I can only imagine whats going to happen when half her friends leave...

I think if your friends know way in advance they can plan for it :-)
 
I''m sorry you are going through this Meresal! (I''m in Dallas, too and I always love to read your posts!)

I would agree with Izzy and say that you are already a little ahead of the game and if you get your Save the Date Cards out soon, the people that are close to you will come to your wedding no matter what.

I have to back to back weddings this summer (19JUN and 20JUN) and FI and I are going to attend both. I would say to keep your guests in the loop for your other events and somehow they will feel more "tied-in" to your wedding.

I am scrambling at work, so I am probably not making too much sense. But do you have a website? One of the girls I mentioned above has one for her wedding and she did a page on the site about their friends and posted pictures and a nice blurb about why each friend (or couple, or even sorority!) is special to her. Once we saw a picture of us and the beautiful blurb she wrote, how can we not just LOVE them? Plus, they update it with information about the Bridal Showers, Bachelor/ette parties, Rehearsal Dinner, etc...Fi and I almost feel like it''s our wedding, too! (We KNOW it''s not...but you get the idea!)

It''s okay to be upset, but don''t worry about the people that can''t make it. Make a decision to truly enjoy the people who will be there to share your day with you.
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I can see where your annoyance is coming from, but honestly, those who you are close enough to to know the story, will know that you tried to make it easy on your guests and were being thoughtful, and everyone else''s opinion doesn''t really matter, you know?

Also, Houston to Dallas isn''t an unreasonable trip to make twice in a month, so hopefully the people who really want to be there for you will be, and the rest probably weren''t going to be thrilled about making it anyway.

I know it puts things in an awkward position, but in the scheme of things, I don''t think its worth devoting too much time to - I''d just do your best to let it go and thing of other, happier, things.
 
Meresal - I think you have a right to be upset about it, it does kindof put a damper on things, but it doesn''t sound like they did this intentionally, but more that the other date was not working and they had no choice. I wouldn''t hold this against them, even if it sucks. Enjoy your big day no matter WHAT
 
I don't think this is something to get upset about and let bother you. You are not close friends, and while there may some people who may not be able to make both weddings (namely yours), these people are friends, they are not your closest friends or your family.

Let it go. There's too much else to worry about. This is out of your control and fretting about it won't change anything.
 
Honestly, I would be upset too!!! It is so unfair when you think of other people and they don''t do the same in return. Don''t worry there is more than enough time for your guests to plan it out, and the most important people always come!
 
To be blunt - this sounds like a Bridezilla issue.

I had a hard time nailing down a date, and we all know how many factors there are to consider when picking a date. Perhaps this other girl had her heart set on a venue that was already booked on the day that she really wanted to get married, or maybe her childhood church was only available the week before your wedding.

I am having a destination wedding, and unfortunately it is on the exact same date as one of FI''s friend''s weddings. I didn''t do it on purpose, but there is a specific event that we want to attend on our honeymoon, which only happens once every month. We can''t have our wedding the month before because my sister is still in college, and having my wedding on that date (which I would actually prefer, since it is our anniversary) would require my sister to have to travel right before finals - and I''m not going to do that to her. Postponing the wedding would make the cost double, and I can''t justify doing that either, so I am stuck.

I really hope that this other girl is not harboring any resentment towards me because of my wedding date. We are inviting many of the same people, but I honestly don''t expect anyone outside of my family and very best friends to make the trip, if anything, having the weddings on the same date may provide many of the guests a convenient "out" from having to travel for our wedding.

If you are concerned about the inconvenience of having to travel for two weekends in a row, why don''t you encourage your guests to carpool, perhaps even give gas station gift cards as favors or something.
 
That would definitely irk me. But, as others have already said, you''ll probably be over it by the time it would affect you anyway. You''ll be totally caught up in the things that matter even more to you by then. In the meantime, I''ll be sending vibes to your guests to make them choose your wedding over the friend''s!
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I found when planning my wedding (many moons ago) I had to deal with so many issues like when the venue was available, when my bridesmaids were available, when so-and-so had their baby, what religious holiday was too close, etc. The timing of a friend's wedding may or may not have been one of those important issues I would have taken into consideration. If I didn't take the date that was available to me the next opening the venue had was Halloween, so I took it!

Although it's disappointing sometimes those decisions are unavoidable. I really doubt someone plans their wedding just to conflict with a friend's wedding.

But you still have a right to be disappointed. I think your guests will find a way to attend.
 
I can understand being irked, but if you guys aren't even close enough to be attending each other's weddings then there is no expectation to work around each other's dates IMO...
 
I would probably be annoyed, but at the situation - not the people involved. You don''t know why they switched to July 18th, or even whether they are consciously aware of your date. It''s annoying for the sake of your guests, but what can you do? Nothing.

People are used to stuff like this happening in the summer, so a lot of people will probably go to both. Some people will not attend your wedding because of it, and some will not attend hers because of it, most likely. But that''s okay. They people who are truly important to have there will be there, that''s a given - because it''s important, they''ll make it happen regardless of any inconvenience.
 
Date: 1/8/2009 1:56:40 PM
Author: neatfreak
I can understand being irked, but if you guys aren''t even close enough to be attending each other''s weddings then there is no expectation to work around each other''s dates IMO...
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That''s what I was thinking too. I can definitely understand being upset about people not being able to turn up though.
 
Date: 1/8/2009 1:58:31 PM
Author: musey
I would probably be annoyed, but at the situation - not the people involved. You don't know why they switched to July 18th, or even whether they are consciously aware of your date. It's annoying for the sake of your guests, but what can you do? Nothing.

People are used to stuff like this happening in the summer, so a lot of people will probably go to both. Some people will not attend your wedding because of it, and some will not attend hers because of it, most likely. But that's okay. They people who are truly important to have there will be there, that's a given - because it's important, they'll make it happen regardless of any inconvenience.
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This is exactly how I feel. I am not mad at them. Like I said earlier, I'm a people pleaser, and every now and then it's going to bite me in the a**. I'm annoyed with the situation and the expense that it could cause some of FI's friends that are still in school and/or just out of... but then again, if they were going to go in June then they would have to pay it anyway.

Thanks for everyone's input.
 
We ended up with one of DH''s groomsman having to move his wedding to two weeks before ours - DH was also his groomsman, and I''m very good friends with his now wife.

Both weddings were OOT - we and most of our friends live in London, her wedding was about 1.5 hours away and mine was 2.5 hours away.

All our friends made it to both weddings, and they cut their honeymoon short to be back in time for ours.

I had a choice of 3 weekends in the summer - and that was booking 19 months in advance, she had booked before us (and got engaged before us) but her venue and date fell through. I must admit it never crossed my mind that people might not come to either. Wedding season tends to get cramped when you are the age where your friends all start to get married.

Having said that, I did throw a bratty vent on here when my cousin nearly booked his wedding 5 weeks before mine, so I appreciate your concerns!

Honestly I wouldn''t worry, people will find a way to be there - just get those STDs in the post pronto!
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Bugger. Get your STDs out pronto if you havn''t already.
 
I can see the annoyance at the situation, as it is one more thing to consider. I''m glad that you are upset at the situation though, not the people. Knowing how hard it is to nail down a summer 2009 wedding date in October/ NOvember 2008... I can only imagine how hard it was to have a wedding date fall through and find an acceptable venue in December/January. They probably got really lucky just to get July 18!

Anyone in their twenties has gone through the year of a million weddings. I graduated from Texas A&M, and have lived in both Houston and Dallas, with friends getting married in both. I personally would have no problem making the trip two weekends in a row for friends and fun. There really isn''t any additional cost for them, if they''d go to both weddings anyway, and if the budget is usually paycheck-to-paycheck tight, then they do have plenty of time to plan ahead.

Anyways, the people that are important to you will be at your wedding. Anyone who would not make the trip from Houston to Dallas simply because they don''t feel like traveling two weekends in a row honestly isn''t a close enough friend to miss on a very busy day.


I think you should be glad that at least your wedding is second!!! Then people are looking forward to yours, and yours stays in their head longer:)
 
Date: 1/8/2009 5:26:52 PM
Author: Pandora II

Honestly I wouldn''t worry, people will find a way to be there - just get those STDs in the post pronto!
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Well Said! I was thinking the same!!
 
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