Just a quick vent (not angry)

[HaloBelle]

Hi Ladies!

I don't post often but I've been a member for about 2 years now. Just needed somewhere to vent!! I just got back from a lovely trip with some of my best friends in the world. BF and I have been together for...ever. Ha. We are both in agreement about wanting to be debt-free (or at least credit-debt free) prior to getting married and paying for our own wedding. Yes, we have a long term plan and we both know it and communicate about it frequently. Here's the vent part...

My girls and I had the day to ourselves while he went out with the boys. Most of the girls are dating one of the guys and have been for a good long time. Not 45 minutes into girls day, "so, when is he popping the question?" followed by the usual conversation of y'all should ask him, not right now, when we aren't broke, when he settles in (just got his first job), etc. They didn't push the subject but they did include bits about how they know that their boyfriends are waiting on my BF to ask before their's do. They claim it is out of respect for how long we have been together. If true, I seriously thank the guys for it. If not, well, it really would hurt but most of them have been dating more than 2 years so I would understand if they took that step.

Not an hour after getting home, I tell the BF about how the girls ambushed me again about when we would get married (note, yes - they skipped the engagement they want to know when we are getting married.) and he replied that they guys did the same to him. Goodness, its like they planned it!! And might I add, this is the first time he has had to deal with these questions from his boys. (I kinda liked it, hehe)


WORLD: We want to get engaged. We are not in any rush!!

 

[madelise]

Hello! You seem to have very considerate friends that I, and I'm sure many of us, all wish to have! Congratulations on that!

Maybe one or a few of them are sick of waiting for you and yours, and meant it as a way to "get your blessing" to go ahead on an engagement first? How would you feel about that? If you're okay with it, I think you should extend that courtesy of their extra considerate-ness back to them, and let them know that they don't need to wait for you and yours.

I'm happy for you and your SO to wait until you are all financially "ready" and stable to get engaged and married. It's your choice, and I really don't feel like your choice should affect others. Though I don't "look down" on others for their putting extravagant engagement rings on credit (my coworker is considering getting a 50k loan to buy a 2 carat Tiffany e-ring despite my pushing them not to buy Tiffany), I definitely feel your route is better. Less stress = the best!

 

[maebelle]

Agreed! Maybe you should let them know that you thank them for the sentiment of waiting, but You are going at your own pace and that no one should feel obligated to wait.

ETA: Madelise! I hope you manage to get your friends to at least get a tiffany style e-ring without the tiffany pricetag!

 

[pandabee]

good for you and BF for having a good head on your shoulders and waiting until your are debt-free before spending a lot of money on a ring and all the wedding stuff that follows. We are in the same boat but we have not been together long enough to get the questions yet hehe. I hope that your friends are comfortable with doing their own thing while you do yours though and while it is extremely considerate of them, maybe they just need a gentle reminder that everyone has their own timeline best wishes to you!!

 

[HaloBelle]

Thanks for the replies and support ladies! I definitely told them all that. I said that I thought it was cute and that I didn't think that was how it is but if so, I thought it was a very sweet thought. I've been friends with the guys longer than the girls and so, I guess I could see it.

While I understand, it is still an incredibly awkward situation. We aren't changing our plans because of it, they know that. I can say I won't mind all I want, but truthfully - all the ladies here can probably understand that I will mind. Not until after, and I will hate myself for it, but I will care. I try to stay out of their relationships but if they are ready then they shouldn't wait for anyone's approval.

The BF got an entirely different vibe from the guys, more of a "what are you waiting for? Its got to be killing her" and it was followed with all sorts of sweet comments about how I must be the only girl NOT going stir crazy and begging to get married (ha. as I vent on pricescope...) and how they look at our relationship as the gold standard. Love them to death.

Like I said, I'm not angry. I just needed to spill. Y'all are the best support system. Dust to all of you!