Just feeling kinda stressed and needed to vent

[Treasure43]

Six months to go and I''m feeling really stressed about the planning.

Our officiant cancelled on us, we had a bad meeting with another officiant last night, and another possible person we had in mind is already booked. I also have no clue on how to find officiants. Luckily my FMIL is on a mission to find us one and has three potential leads. I have no idea why this is stressing me out so much. I think it''s because I thought it was all done and now it''s back to sqaure one.

My FMIL and I went to where I want to get all the hair and nails done. They have our date open which is great, but require us to fill out all this paperwork about who is getting what and pay 50% down to reserve the date. I wasn''t expecting to have to call everyone and have them tell me what they wanted so that was an added stress. Then the total is up to almost $800 which means a deposit of like $400. Luckily, my FMIL has agreed to put it on her credit card and have all the girls pay her back. Otherwise I would be having them write me checks and send them from all over the country. I also fell guilty about how much this whole thing is costing everyone. Even though I know they agreed to be in the wedding knowing there would be expenses. I''ve let them choose which things to get (ex. hair, makeup, nails, pedicure, etc) but it''s still shocking to see the amount of money we''re spending on pampering.

One of my roomates from college who I''m close to informed me that she''s a bridesmaid in a wedding that''s on the same day as ours and won''t be able to come. I understand, but it''s still sad because I feel like so many of my family and friends are out of state and worried there won''t be many people there for me.

My mother is freaking out because one of her friends mentioned I posted something about my wedding on facebook. My mother is not my facebook friend (trust me there are GOOD reasons for this...all it does is create unneccessary drama) and now my mother is calling me and crying and saying she feels left out because she''s not my facebook friend. I''ve explained to her that she''s VERY in the loop with all the wedding plans even though she''s 9 hours away and I''m always calling her and updating her. I''ve tried to explain I use facebook to keep in contact with people who I don''t talk to often but she''s still really upset. I think the facebook issue masks another issue (maybe her fear of losing her only daughter who she is very close to) but I''m not sure.

I feel like my to-do list is dominating me. I just want to get everything checked off so I can relax. I''ve truly enjoyed planning most of the wedding thus far (minus the officiant part) but I feel like it''s becoming a bit of an obsession. Or maybe I''ve just too focused on it. It doesn''t help that this is my spring break from work so it''s my only chance until June to really plan.

 

[jcarlylew]

**HUG***

now, say it with me.. "woooosaaaaaa".

 

[monkeyprincess]

Before I got engaged, whenever anyone talked about how stressful it is to plan a wedding, I wanted to roll my eyes and thought they were being dramatic. BUT now that I''m engaged and planning my wedding, I totally get it. And I''m not even having an elaborate wedding! There are just so many little decisions and there is pressure from a lot of directions. When I feel like you''re feeling, I talk to my fiance and he reminds me just try to take it a day at a time and not lose site of the real importance of the wedding - the two of us becoming husband and wife. Everything else is just small potatoes

 

[zipzapgirl]

I know you just wanted to vent, but is there any way you could set you mom up on the "very limited view" of Facebook. The problem is only going to get worse as pre-wedding events take place and people start posting pictures, you know?

Hang in there! It seems like everyone gets overwhelmed at the beginning, about 4 months out and about 2 weeks out. It''s normal.

 

[RaiKai]

This is one of the reasons I am glad we only had a ten-week long engagement Sure there was some "can we get it altogether in time" stress because of the timeline, however, once we realized we could, it was quite low stress. Still, though we had a rather casual and laid back wedding with a very small guest list, I sometimes felt a bit of stress and there would be some occasional family drama which we quickly nipped in the bud (mainly drama arising from fact we were NOT inviting all of our family).

I honestly cannot imagine planning for months or years and being in "wedding planning mode" that long so I feel for you! We were more interested in just getting married than planning a wedding and would have eloped, though we decided we did want to have a unique and somewhat untraditional celebration with our very close family/friends. Fortunately my husband actually handled putting about 85% of the planning into action (though of course we shared both participated in actual decisions and such!) as he likes that sort of thing more than I and he had a bit more spare time than I did.

I would not feel too bad about the cost of the pampering stuff - they aren't each paying $800 and had option to choose what they wanted to get done. My husband and I did not have a wedding party but as we were doing a destination wedding at a spa resort, he and I both opted for manicures, pedicures, facials, hydrotherapy walk, couples massage....so our pampering bill between us (including my hair and makeup) was easily $800 (about 1/10th of our final wedding cost...ha!)for that weekend.

Make sure that it does NOT become all about lists and checks, and certainly that you have totally "wedding free days" - both on your own and with your fiance. So many people seem to spend so much time focusing on the wedding, they suffer burnout or a let down of sorts after the wedding is actually over! Seriously, it's a party. Yes, a party with an important legal ceremony, however it is just one day. All you REALLY need at the end of the day is you, your fiance and your officiant. The rest is just details....and believe me none of your guests will notice the details as much as YOU do. All I remember about weddings I have been too (other than mine) is whether there was a positive atmosphere or not and whether it seemed "warm and friendly" or sort of cold and overdone - I cannot remember what the centerpieces looked like, whether there were monogrammed napkins, what the officiant said, what the bride wore, whether her hair was up or down....and I do usually have a pretty good memory I really would not have noticed if something went "wrong" as being a guest I had no idea how something was supposed to go "right" anyway!

And don't focus on having things perfect - how can you enjoy the process OR the actual day if you are worried about something going wrong? Expect that some things won't work out as planned, and accept that as something to just "flow with". We never expected "perfection" on our wedding day, and we felt so relaxed on it NOT worrying about it we had a GRAND time. Sure there were a couple hiccups (such as only being delivered my bouquet and not the rest of the flowers!), however, they were not a big deal. We made do, and pilfered the resort for other arrangements to set up and it looked beautiful like it was meant to be that way (and even then I remember thinking it was a blessing as we just saved ourselves a good chunk of money because of the error - ha!)! We are just as married had they not happened Neither of us would change a thing about it and our guests still talk to us about what a wonderful time they had and that is was up there as one of the best weddings they had been to.

Good luck with finding an officiant - there are so many of them out there and MANY good ones, I am sure you can find one! Have you contacted your venue to see if they have any suggestions or have worked with anyone in the past?

 

[PumpkinPie]

I`m sorry you`re feeling so stressed - please feel free to vent more if it`s helpful.. things will come together in the end though

 

[Treasure43]

Thanks for all the support

I''ve gotten several reccomendations for officiants but unfortunatly so many of them are already book for our date. I''m so frustrated with this whol process and I wish I''d done my own searching from the beginnng instead of taking someone else''s word without meeting the person that they could do it.

 

[honey22]

Sheesh, it sounds like your Mum just wants to be a nosy thing, so honestly, if you are not comfortable making her your friend, then don''t.

As for the to-do list, try not to stress about it. I was fairly organised, but everytime I ticked something off, another thing got added. If you keep chipping away at it, it will get done. I found the hardest part was to make actual decisions, I had an idea of what I wanted to do for various things, but actually biting the bullet and placing the orders etc would take me ages. Be decisive and you will get through it!