Just need a little advice!

[ticktock]

My boyfriend and I looked at (and I tried on) rings in May. Since then...nothing! Not much talking about engagement, marriage, anything! A small bit of joking here and there (if there''s a commercial on tv or something) but nothing major. I started a conversation about it one day in July and my boyfriend says that I need to stop asking him because "it''s supposed to be a surprise." Then we went out to eat with his parents and his dad was talking about how he was 28 when he got married, so then my BF has at least 2 years left. (we''re both 26) I just smiled at that comment and the subject was changed.

I''m getting soooooooooooooo impatient! We''ve been together for five years in November....what is he waiting for?!?!?!

Oh...and I''m a teacher so I really want to get married in the summer so that I can take a honeymoon right after. If it doesn''t happen soon...we''ll have to wait another year! Yikes!

 

[absolut_blonde]

Ugh, I hear ya. No real advice but mine is hung up on the surprise thing too.

Sometimes I feel like telling him that he had his chance for it to be a surprise, but by making me wait this long, it''s kind of moot. That would be mean, so I don''t actually say that, but you probably know what I mean.

 

[suchende]

who initated trying on rings?

i would take his father''s comment the way it sounds like you did-- i wouldn''t be at all surprised if that''s his idea of a reasonable engagement window. i understand your wanting to be able to honeymoon in the summer, but those kinds of artificial deadlines can make you crazy. be careful with that, in my personal experience, it made me feel justified in being demanding and made my (now-ex) feel too pressured and stressed.

 

[katomm]

I think most of us can relate. I don''t think the BFs realize just how torturing it is. Then when you know they the ring it''s worse!!!

Getting engaged in the next year to get married next summer isn''t really too bad. Does he know your feelings on this?

 

[Nomsdeplume]

My advice is to find a new hobby that takes up a lot of time, learning a new language, for example. That way, you''ll be so busy that you will distract yourself, and hopefully he will propose when he sees that you are not preoccupied with it.
At this stage summer doesn''t seem like a realistic timeline. Why not plan a trip somewhere you have always wanted to go instead? (maybe to put your new language skills to use?) That way, you will still look forward to it, but for a different reason.

 

[LilyKat]

Tricky. On the one hand you don''t want to pressure him, but on the other, it''s kind of annoying to be "teased" with ring shopping and then left in limbo. My guess is he probably just doesn''t realise how much it bothers you.

I would sit down with him and tell him clearly and calmly that you aren''t going to keep bringing it up, but you do want a brief conversation about it now to give you a rough idea of his plans, to see if you are on the same page. That you understand that he wants to make it a surprise and you aren''t in any way asking for details or specifics, but you do need to know where you stand for peace of mind. If he gives you an approximate time frame, I''d then keep my word and not bring it up again until after that had lapsed.

It is reasonable to want to know where a relationship that you''re half of is going, and at roughly what speed! Don''t let him fob you off. Good luck.