Just tell me what you want....

[cyn77]

I just wanted to rant tonight. So - my bf and I started seriously shopping for a stone since the beginning of this year.

Local store & internet vendors alike - everytime we''d get a quote he''d always aim the higher range. Since we started our search, he''s been asking everyone what they have in approx 1 and a half ct and above for about 8000-9000. to my surprise this was definitely steeper than what we had initially decided, which was about 5-6K. anyhoo, after searching high and low the last month for rocks that fall within the higher specs per his request mind you........ we finally! finally found a kicken deal. great specs AGS, great price and everything

f/forward to tonight - "let''s keep looking. this isn''t the last one on earth. and we still haven''t decided what our budget is. i mean - it''s not that i don''t want to spend that much on you. i know we have the $ to spend but if it was 4000, i''d still be hesitant and take my time. i need to think about it some more. I just wanted to see what we could find"

O...K - did we not have this conversation already? If this wasn''t the range you wanted to look at, why bother exhausting yourself, me, and the local & internet vendors by asking for it?! I feel like I''ve wasted my time... really. If he wanted me to look lower, why didn''t he just say so?

I am gloriously happy with anything he gives me, but as a logical being - if what you''re looking for is not in the range/level you''re shopping in, why bother looking there? know what I mean? Is this just a guy thing?

I love him - but I''d like to smack him sometimes too. Has anyone ever had this argument with their FI''s?

SO - instead of making this an ''us'' thing like he wanted originally, I just told him to go rock shopping on his own moving forward. Personally, the fun is lost now.

Thoughts and/or advice appreciated. Nite!

 

[surfgirl]

It sounds like you''re being a bit childish, to be honest. You''re going to regret not doing this together if that''s what you really wanted to do in the first place, and it''s going to hamper your engagement. It sounds like you''re pouting. I''m sure you dont want your BF to think that either. So...I think you simply need to sit him down and discuss a budget. Firm. What are you willing to spend IN TOTAL on this ring. Then go from there in selecting your stone and setting. But dont sit back and pout. It''ll ruin what''s supposed to be a wonderfully special time in your life.

 

[honey22]

Hi there! Two options immediately spring to my mind:

1. he is trying to throw you off, and plans to secretely purchase this stone and suprise the pants of you (just a term, not meant literally!) Maybe he is having regrets at shopping together and not be able to suprise you?

or

2. he is feeling a tad freaked out, and is maybe feeling a bit rushed? Even though he was happy to look, now reality has hit, maybe he is started to have second thoughts, shoppers remorse etc?

I am honestly not sure what''s going on in his mind, but I would certainly sit down and have a chat to him about it. My SO really caught me by suprise when he told me I could buy my dream ring, but I couldn''t have it until he officially proposed. I honestly had no idea that he felt uncomfortable proposing without a ring, but he knew how much it meant to me to have a say (ok, all the say lol!) in designing the ring, and he knows I am totally neurotic and didn''t want me to be disappointed. Maybe your guy really wants to be able to take over from here and work his magic. Talk to him about it, it can''t hurt!!

 

[swingirl]

I tend to agree with honey22. He could be working behind the scenes or he could be getting cold feet.

Best thing to do is have a conversation and ask him if he wants your input about the stone and budget or if he wants to think about "it" some more. You probably want to find out what the problem is. Is the budget too high? Does he want to do it on his own? Does he not like the stone?

Even though it seems like you have found the perfect stone, it’s not perfect unless both of you are happy. And there are many stones out there and sometimes it can take a while to find one that you are 100% sure about.

This whole process should be fun so don’t spoil it for either of you by being frustrated. You guys are a lot further ahead that some of the LIW. At least you are looking, educating yourselves and thinking about the budget.

 

[peridot83]

Seconding what Honey22 & Swingirl said:

You are not childish in having concerns about this whole process. I would be pretty upset if my SO sat down with me to discuss a ring budget: we decide on X amount, we find an awesome diamond well within that price range..and all of a sudden he''s like...WAIT I need to think about this.

However, now that you got your anger out, please don''t leave things where they are! Talk to him to find out why the hold up is:

a. Maybe it was all fun, games, specs, getting deals, and then he realized WOW i now have to make an adult decision..and it hit him. Now he has to process it.

b. Maybe he''s rethinking that original budget..as in wow..what we could get for $4000...

Maybe it''s something completely different! But you won''t know until you talk it out! You want this to be a fun and exciting time, not an anxious and disappointed one. At least for me, if we didn''t have a talk, I''d just dwell dwell dwell on what the status is, how he feels about me etc.

Good luck!!

 

[bee*]

you definitely need to sit down with him pronto and talk to him about it. Telling him to do it himself isn''t what you want in the long run although I can understand your frustration. Sit down and discuss how he''s feeling, is it just the budget that''s worrying him, is it cold feet or what is it. It sounds like you''ve looked at quite a few rings so why hasn''t he jumped when you''ve found one that you both like. Pick a time when you can discuss it without getting upset etc as you won''t find out what''s going on properly if you''re upset with him.

 

[cyn77]

Thanks Ladies!! Many thanks. I slept on it, and well, still kinda annoyed. I also thought that too though, that maybe I was being childish.. but I just think if we''re really going to make a big puchase such as this - we really do need to stick to a $ budget. And me being the way I am, I don''t like wasting time looking in places I know I''m not gonna buy.

I don''t know if he''s trying to throw me off. But here''s to hoping. I''ll let the man be a man and decide on his own which diamond he wants to buy. Reading posts here on Pricescope has definitely prepped him enough I do believe. I love PS!

I just need to stop being annoyed now that I did all that legwork for nada. Have a great day Ladies!!

 

[Bashful]

I think you should give kudos for your BF for being so picky and idealistic about your rock, no? He is obviously taking this task very seriously knowing how much it means to you...

Try to smile. I''m sure you''ll be in heaven when he finally chooses THE one

 

[Anna0499]

If his fickle behavior got you annoyed and you want him to choose a diamond on his own, I would *at least* give him some guidelines (I''m assuming you haven''t already but if you have, disregard!) for the specs and setting. That way you will be somewhat surprised and he can figure out the budget given your preferences!

Good luck!

P.S. I don''t think you''re being childish - my SO & I have discussed a budget (okay, he asked and I told him

) but if he suddenly reneged and acted shocked after I had done some research and shopped around I would be annoyed as well!

 

[LaraOnline]

My totally virtual guess:
I reckon he just doesn''t want to put his hand in his pocket right now. Either he''s holding out for the ''super duper total day-dream deal'' which doesn''t exist, OR he''s started to think about all the OTHER expenses you have in your life OR he''s waiting for a Christmas bonus/some other windfall/payrise which will be coming later in the year and is trying to stall you.

Maybe he wanted to give you a fun shopping experience but doesn''t actually feel comfortable parting with the cash, now it''s come to the crunch. Maybe he wants to save for a bit longer before putting the money down?

I''d be annoyed too. Shopping is exhausting. But, like children, men need to be handled carefully.

Do you really want to be excluded from your ring/stone shopping experience here on in? Although, you did say he''s primed by pricescope, which is a blessing!

Maybe just let it rest for a week or two, no ring/stone talk at all, and then you might feel some clearer about any ''little chats'' you need to have, about budget or timelines, specs etc...or whether just to leave the whole thing in his capable!

He might feel more confident about ''value'' if he does the legwork himself. Annoyingly, because you''ve probably been incredibly thorough in your research...

 

[designchica]

I have not had this issue, but girl, I feel you. I say back out and let let him do the work. He will pick up on your frustration and pick up the pace and it will probably take some pressure off if you give him some breathing room. easier said than done, I know.

 

[Rhea]

I''d be frustrated if he told me and every jeweller a budget and then cut it after finding something as well.

I don''t think that you should back out of the process as that could just lead to disappoint in the end but letting him at it on his own to figure out his true budget sounds like a good idea.