just venting

[nytemist]

But what else is new? I guess I''ve just been thinking more about my current situation and reading Greengirl''s post about starting to feel ''detached'' is hitting me. I made the comment in that thread about how stressed the weekend was, with the bickering we were doing and him backpeddling about when we are getting engaged. He wanrd to wait until I was done with school to seriously talk about our future, since it seemed to panick him so badly the last time. Well, now it''s here. My course finishes in 3 weeks. It''s fall. High time to discuss what 2006 will be for us. I don''t think that''s too far in the future- do any of you?
I feel like I''m going around in circles. I''m officially fed up. I tried very hard in the past year to not give up on this, becasue I do love him to pieces. No one else has ever given me a chance, he doens''t care that I''m not skinny, he likes my nutty sense of humor. The highs are great highs but the lows have really started to get to me. Unfortunately have to ask am I wasting time? Should I go into 2006 single? I know relationships take a lot of work, I''m old anough to know it''s not always a bed of roses, but how much torture should there be?

Maybe it''s the rain making more upset than I should be.

 

[MissAva]

I wish I had something more positive to say. You classes are finishing in less then a month and it sounds like your SO is running out of excuses. I am not a fan of ultimatums typically but I think your situation might need one. If you are at all like your post you are a bight funny caring woman. However ya''ll have been together for quite sometime and you are getting ready to go through a major change. If he cannot be there for you in the capacity you need him to be then perhaps it is time to move on.
I am not saying that relationships don’t take work, but the reason people keep trying even when there is a low point is because the highs are more often and far outweigh them. Only you know what you need from a life long partner, if he cannot or will not be that man then I think it is time for you to find someone who deserves you.

 

[LAJennifer]

Matatora gives great advice, doesn''t she? That girl is wise way beyond her years. I''m with her on this one. Your SO needs to know that he is extremely trying your patience and that you''re nearly ready to throw in the towel. Its time to put up or shut up.

 

[aljdewey]

I''m a little reluctant to offer any insight because last time, it was taken way the wrong way. But I feel for your situation, so I''m going to take a chance here.

He said you''d be engaged by the end of the year. Since that time, you''ve asked him about it on such a regular basis that he may feel he''s losing the element of surprise. That might be why he''s saying next spring now....to try and throw you off so he can salvage some small amount of surprise.

It may not be that, but it may be. I don''t know....you know him best, I''m sure.

I guess my take on it is this: You''ve already invested 4+ years into this relationship. There are only 3.5 months left in this year; not a terribly long time. It''s hard to imagine how giving another 3.5 months to this is going to slow life down unmanageably. I think that if you do end up walking away after that, you can truly know in your heart that you gave every opportunity for this to work by staying through the end of the year.

If this were me, on the next opportunity/discussion, I''d just be really clear and say "I agreed to give you until the end of this year to propose, and that''s what I''ll do. But if it doesn''t happen then, we''re done....no begging, no let''s work on it, nothing. We''re done. I cannot have an adult or lasting relationship with someone who cannot make and keep their commitments. I''m not giving you an ultimatum; I''m telling you what I NEED from a relationship, and if you cannot provide it or are unwilling to provide it, then I need to find someone else who can." And then leave the entire thing alone.....don''t bring it up again for the entire time left. If he brings it up and wants to waffle, you should just be clear and say "I told you what my plan is; if we aren''t engaged by the end of the year, I''m taking my life in another direction."

I know it sounds like an ultimatum, but it isn''t. It''s saying "I''ve given the benefit of the doubt, and I''m done waiting....I''m moving on."

Good luck to you.

I really hope it works out.

 

[nytemist]

We plan on talking tonight. He called me here at work a moment ago for the usual ''how is your day'' phone call. I said ''this has to fixed. I''ll call you when I get home tonight.'' He was about complain since I don''t get home from class until about 11. I asked ''do you want this to end now or talk about finding a solution to the horrible communication that happened over the weekend?'' I didn''t mean it to come out so harsh, but boy, did it get his attention. He asked was I really thinking that? I said honestly had to tell him yes, a part of me is becasue I''m long tired of running into the same walls. I said if your intentionally trying to sabotage my feelings for you because you want out, there''s no need. If you don''t want this relationship anymore say the word and we''re done, you''ll never be bothered by me again. But if you actually give a crap about this, this needs to happen I don''t care how late.'' He said he didn''t know I was this upset and was sorry for not paying attention. I asked him didn''t you learn anything from the fight we had in July? Or did you forget about that already? I know women feel more, but there is no way you are this clueless. Or maybe you don''t really give a rat''s ass. You need to open your mouth and explain to me where your head is because this has been out of balance for far too long. You have until tonight to get your head together and talk to me. Otherwise I may be single by the weekend.''
I ''m not trying to be a bitch, a princess or telling how to live. But I''m ceretainly not asking a lot. I''ve been annoyed to varying degrees for most of this year. But now I''m getting mad. I hate it. It kills me to think of not going into the New Year without him. You can''t help but think what is wrong with you that the guy can''t get it together. I''ve taken the choice from him. I''m trying to get a life together and I have no fear of NY on my own and I''ll do it if he keeps acting tyhis way. I''ve reached my limit the past couple of days. The two halves of me are fighting. I love him so much, but if I get one more ''I don''t know... let''s see what happens... that''s too far in the future...'' he will never see my face again.

What would I do without you ladies?

 

[nytemist]

Just to clarify- the bickering wasn''t about the whole engagement thing. It was little stuff... he didn''t want to watch a certain show, giving him directions driving somewhere and him not listening, us talking baout one thing (like music) and then he hops on the computer and completely tuning me out, him suggesting a place for dinner then complaining it sucks when we get there... a bunch of little things. It seems he was in a bad mood but instead of saying so, mostly it was directed at me.

Also, the past couple of months, it was him that would mention some topic related to marriage-engagement. He brought up rings, he brought where/when we should have it, good place for a honeymoon...

I''m annoyed at this ongoing communication problem. It seem we do well for a while then fall off a cliff.