Just wrote the *most* uncomfortable email!

[Hudson_Hawk]

A little background...my parents are divorced and my dad is comfortable but stingy whereas my mom is poor but generous. They both agreed to contribute $3500 to the wedding. We''re ~51 days from the big one and all I''ve received is $1000 from each. I basically just had to send them a collection notice. I *hate* asking for money and I know they agreed to do this, but I still feel like I''m begging. Why is it that at 29 years old I have trouble talking about money with my parents???

Okay, vent over.

 

[FrekeChild]

You aren''t the only one...the only difference is that I''m 27...

 

[mrscushion]

Well done for getting that e-mail out of the way. Would be hard for me, too.

 

[alli_esq]

Oh, have I been there. This past weekend, in fact.

Plus, although my mom put $$ in my account for the wedding, every single time I use it to pay for something wedding related (all of which is in a budget that I have shown to her and discussed with her on multiple occasions), she says, "THAT''S part of the wedding budget??"

Just try this mantra: "I love my parents. I am so grateful they are helping me with my wedding. They are lovely people."

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Well, it''s over and done with...you did what you had to do.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

I bet that was uncomfortable!

Look at it this way..at least they''re helping at all, right?

 

[tlh]

don''t feel uncomfortable (understandable that you do though) - they agreed to give you the money to help out. They should feel bad by making you have to chase down the money instead of following up and asking when you''d need the money by after they offered to gift it.

HUGS!

 

[princessplease]

I''m glad you did it. It had to be difficult, though, Hudson.

 

[brendaman]

It doesn''t matter what age. I"m over 40 and FI is over 50 and it''s (money) still a sensitive subject to discuss with parents . . . and I''m paying for the whole wedding. I don''t like telling our parents how much I''m spending, because I fear their judgement. I know they feel that I''m spending too much on this and being cheap on that.

It''s a challenge, but something you need to do. Good luck!

 

[Lilac]

Yep, I know how you feel.

 

[sammyj]

I''d actually say it''s a good sign that you feel uncomfortable asking them for money...it just means that you''re a grown, independent woman and you don''t expect (or want) your parents to pay your way anymore. Good for you for getting that email done and over with.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Sorry, but at least you did it! And it''s over and done with now

My parents didn''t give me a budget per se, but I''ve been keeping everything under 10k because I feel bad spending their money. Haha, they''ll probably end up reprimanding me for having a too-modest wedding, lol.

 

[Octavia]

Aww, H_H, I hate dealing with my parents on money-related matters, too. I hope yours respond appropriately

 

[iheartscience]

I hope they cough it up and you don''t have to write anymore collection e-mails!

I must say that I always think it''s interesting when people don''t like to ask their parents for $-my fiance is the same way. I think I must just be a spoiled brat because I do not mind at all!

 

[Blair138]

Date: 5/14/2009 8:42:47 PM
Author: thing2of2
I hope they cough it up and you don''t have to write anymore collection e-mails!


I must say that I always think it''s interesting when people don''t like to ask their parents for $-my fiance is the same way. I think I must just be a spoiled brat because I do not mind at all!

I must say I agree, NOT that I EXPECT my parents to pay for anything, because I am paying for the wedding myself. However, they did offer to pay for my gown and alterations. So when the bill came, I didn''t mind asking my dad to fork over a check

, I did it nicely, but he''s my dad, I''m not shy. On the other hand, FI''s parents offered to pay for the rehearsal and FI is hesitant to ask them for deposit, etc. It IS generous of them to pay, but I think FI needs to man up and ASK! THEY OFFERED! They are HIS parents, I would feel uncomfortable , asking his parents, but I just know we are going to get stuck with the bill. Again, FINE, but THEY OFFERED. (mini threadjack over)

Sorry you have to send that email, it is annoying to have to ''bug'' people when they offered or agreed!

 

[Lynnie]

Haha, HH... My parents are the same as yours... divorced, and my dad is comfortable and stingy, and my mom is poor but generous! My dad offered nada, while my mom was always trying to hand me a couple hundred bucks to put towards whatever - which I always refused, and told her to put towards bills. I know if I were you, I would''ve absolutely dreaded sending that e-mail, so hats off to you for doing it! I hope it all works out...
About the whole uncomfortableness about asking for $$, I don''t know if this is the case for you, but for me, I think that it''s because money was always really tight growing up, and that''s why $ is such a touchy subject? I dunno...

 

[doodle]

I was in the EXACT same situation! Actually, I just wrote a very similar email to my dad this morning because he still hasn''t finished paying our photographer (and we got married last October!), so I keep having to remind him that we still owe her money. We split the cost of our wedding, so Dad paid about 1/2, and of the remainder, about 3/4 of it was us and the other 1/4 my mom. I totally feel you, and good for you for getting it out of the way. Hopefully, they come through soon and you won''t have to feel uncomfortable about it anymore!

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Date: 5/14/2009 11:30:32 PM
Author: Blair138

Date: 5/14/2009 8:42:47 PM

Author: thing2of2

I hope they cough it up and you don''t have to write anymore collection e-mails!



I must say that I always think it''s interesting when people don''t like to ask their parents for $-my fiance is the same way. I think I must just be a spoiled brat because I do not mind at all!

I must say I agree, NOT that I EXPECT my parents to pay for anything, because I am paying for the wedding myself. However, they did offer to pay for my gown and alterations. So when the bill came, I didn''t mind asking my dad to fork over a check

, I did it nicely, but he''s my dad, I''m not shy. On the other hand, FI''s parents offered to pay for the rehearsal and FI is hesitant to ask them for deposit, etc. It IS generous of them to pay, but I think FI needs to man up and ASK! THEY OFFERED! They are HIS parents, I would feel uncomfortable , asking his parents, but I just know we are going to get stuck with the bill. Again, FINE, but THEY OFFERED. (mini threadjack over)


Sorry you have to send that email, it is annoying to have to ''bug'' people when they offered or agreed!

Well money has always been a touchy subject in my family. Mainly because my mom never has it and my dad never spends it. I think I was more afraid with one or both of them coming back saying "yea...um...about that...I''ve been meaning to talk with you." We literally wouldn''t be able to have this wedding without their contribution and so it''s a source of anxiety for me.

 

[NuggetBrain]

Ugh, I''m sorry to hear that. My parents are divorced so my dad hasn''t offered to pitch in anything at all for the wedding. I don''t even know if I''d take it if he did considering it would probably be laden with strings and conditions and "you have to do X, I gave you money for the wedding". I felt bad too though asking my mom and his parents to help out - we felt at 27 we should be able to pay for the whole thing ourselves but once we started actually looking at prices (and not being willing to take out a loan) we realized it wasn''t feasible. I hope they come through for you though!

 

[PilsnPinkysMom]

Date: 5/14/2009 11:30:32 PM
Author: Blair138

Date: 5/14/2009 8:42:47 PM

Author: thing2of2

I hope they cough it up and you don''t have to write anymore collection e-mails!



I must say that I always think it''s interesting when people don''t like to ask their parents for $-my fiance is the same way. I think I must just be a spoiled brat because I do not mind at all!

I must say I agree, NOT that I EXPECT my parents to pay for anything, because I am paying for the wedding myself. However, they did offer to pay for my gown and alterations. So when the bill came, I didn''t mind asking my dad to fork over a check

, I did it nicely, but he''s my dad, I''m not shy. On the other hand, FI''s parents offered to pay for the rehearsal and FI is hesitant to ask them for deposit, etc. It IS generous of them to pay, but I think FI needs to man up and ASK! THEY OFFERED! They are HIS parents, I would feel uncomfortable , asking his parents, but I just know we are going to get stuck with the bill. Again, FINE, but THEY OFFERED. (mini threadjack over)


Sorry you have to send that email, it is annoying to have to ''bug'' people when they offered or agreed!

Blair!! I''m in the EXACT same spot! Parents paid for dress and alterations, and I am A-OK with that.... FI and I are paying for the rest of the wedding. BUT- is mom offered to pay for the rehearsal dinner and he DECLINED the offer!

I requested that he call her up and re-accept and he is dragging his feed big-time. :sigh:

HH: Keep us updated on the response.... I''m sure it''s really nerve wracking when you are really dependent on the money. It''ll work out, and i''m certain your parents will understand

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

My mom actually took the letter well. She knows herself and she knows I know her, so she didn''t have a problem with it. I don''t really foresee my dad having a problem with it either. He''ll be more annoyed with the fact that I sent it to them both instead of individually. But it was so much easier to write it to both of them instead of each of them. It helped me approach the situation in a more business-like manner.

 

[doodle]

My dad finally finished paying our photographer this morning, so maybe you''ll have the same luck! Here''s hoping!

 

[kama_s]

HH: Good luck! The hard part is over, now the waiting game begins! It''s definitely a difficult position to be in, asking anyone for money is awkward. But your parents (hopefully) can''t remain mad/annoyed at you, so why not?! And they did promise, so it''s only fair.

Doodle: Woohoo for you! Hope your luck passes on to HH!