Kids at the reception

[Gwyn]

I didnt want to highjack the "how rude" thread so I made another. What do I do about children at the wedding. Fiance and I already decided we didnt want children at the event. There are a couple people we are inviting with children that already seem okay with the deal, our problem is my sister.

She is currently trying to get pregnant. Our wedding is less then a year away, is she succeeds she will have a newborn about the time of our nuptual. Is it even possible for me to ask that she not bring her child? I will feel like a total hypocrite to have a baby there after i stressed no children to all others invited. Not to mention the fact that i dont want a baby there.

I know there are alot of "ofs" in my question but i asssume some of you had to deal with people with newborns and such that couldnt leave their child with a sitter in one of the hotel rooms or inlaws....

 

[zoebartlett]

This could be a little tricky. I can understand your "no children allowed" wish but with a newborn, some parents might be a tad upset over this. Plus, if the mom is nursing, she may need to be in close proximity to the baby. Maybe you could hire a babysitter for the wedding day (on the property if possible so the mom and dad could stop in for a visit occasionally). If the baby is a brand new baby, the parents may not feel comfortable with a babysitter, but it could be an option if they''d be fine with it.

 

[ktkakes]

I am doing the no children thing as well. and my aunt has a infant and as my mom put it she may have to bring him to the reception because she may be a single mom by then, or she may not go
i told my mom that i didnt want to know so that way if she has to bring him i can say with all honesty that i didnt know about it
the only children i have attending are the ones in the bridal party..and even then they are only stayin partially for the night!

dont know if that helps at all!

 

[Independent Gal]

You can easily say 'no children except nursing infants'. I think anyone with children understands that there's a principled difference between a newborn baby's need for their mom to be close by and a 5 year old's. Newborns need to eat several times a day, and they need mom for that, and 5 year old's obviously don't. People who are parents will get why you're saying that. This is what we are doing for our wedding.

Are there any other nursing infants you would then have to worry about? Because this strategy is perfect if your sister is the only one with such a young baby!

But yeah, I think telling your sister she can't bring her newborn is a bit much. Literally, a newborn baby NEEDS her. Also, because mom's feeding baby, YOU don't have to feed baby. Costs you nothing, and the baby doesn't take up a seat. The baby can't run around and tear tablecloths off tables or hurt himself, so overall, it really is a different kind of case. People will understand that.

 

[sap483]

I agree with the others, your guests should understand that the situation is different. You didn''t specifically mention this, but to help in any situations during the ceremony or the reception where the baby starts crying, FI''s cousin (who also had no children but allowed newborns) had a nursing mother''s room at the church and her reception venue. The wedding coordinator was told that if any babies starting crying to please escort the child and the mother into the nursing mother''s room. It actually worked out very well.

 

[pennquaker09]

Like everyone else said, it is kind of tricky because of the etiquette involved, but there aren''t any babies actually coming to mine, just kids ranging from 3 to about 14. Since there is going to be a lot of adults and alcohol involved, what I did was bought a Playstation 3 and a Nintendo Wii and a bunch of games, and 2 babysitters and they''re going to be at my home.

You don''t have to feel bad though. It''s perfectly acceptable to not want kids there.

 

[Pandora II]

I''ve said okay to babies under 1.

My mother has been trying to convince me what a darling my 1 yr old nephew is going to be.

I just don''t think weddings are for kids. They have to sit through a ceremony, then my venue has a 50ft drop from the terrace where we are having drinks so all kids must be held onto by their parents during cocktail hour. Plus I have croquet for the adults, which children don''t mix with.

Speeches are a BIG part of our wedding and you are talking an hour solid for the three. My sister has to have my nephew on her knee as there are no baby seats allowed and I don''t have enough spaces (told my mother I was not inviting a 1 year old over my friends.)

My mother suggested a separate table in another room, and I said yeah right - they either be tearing round the place and in and out during the reception, or destroying the buffet.

It''s my biggest stress and dilemma so far!

Grrrrr, why do people have to breed, or why don''t children have an off or standby button?

 

[surfgirl]

Date: 11/10/2007 6:22:27 PM
Author: Pandora II

Grrrrr, why do people have to breed, or why don''t children have an off or standby button?

Word!

 

[Munchkin]

We had a child-free wedding with the sole exception of a newborn. My cousin was actually hilarious and wrote me an email about the situation, as she knew she would be delivering a few short weeks prior to my wedding. She jokingly offered to wrap him an a box with airholes so that others wouldn''t know he was there.

My specialty is pediatrics. Whether a newborn is nursing or on formula, they eat every one to four hours; depending on the time of day, amount of prior feeding, typical schedule, etc. In the newborn period, feeding schedules also change without warning, so parents have a tougher time planning ahead. I think it is totally reasonable to expect other guests to understand this (especially other parents as they lived through it!). Further, in the newborn period, a baby hasn''t had their first vaccines, so most parents wouldn''t feel as comfortable with a non-family babysitter. (Not that it actually makes much of a difference, but it is an instinct thing that kicks in.) Your sister''s family will obviously be at the wedding.

So, in long (because I rambled far too much to say ''in short''!) I think allowing newborns it totally reasonable, and most people will understand. The sole complainers would be the same parents who never understand why their precious Johnny who stuck his face in the cake at a previous wedding wouldn''t be welcome. I would be a bit cautious, though, in only making an exception for ''nursing'' newborns. The inability to breast feed is often a catalyst for depression in new moms, and that policy could make someone feel a bit worse about it. (Overly sensitive, I know, but I do a LOT of lactation consulting in my newborn visits and it is a REALLY emotional thing if nursing does not work for mom and baby.)

 

[Anastasia]

Gwyn,

I completely understand not wanting children at your wedding.

That being said, I think you should let your sister bring a potential newborn to your wedding. If she is comfortable with using a babysitter, that is fine, but if she wants to bring the baby, please let her do so. For various reasons (physical and emotional)it can be hard to be away from your baby when they are that young.

Honestly, a newborn won''t be running around causing a commotion. I would just ask your sister that if the baby is crying to please leave the church until the baby stops, or go to the crying room if your church has one. During the reception, I can''t imagine that anyone will even notice.

This is YOUR wedding, and you can invite anyone you please, without needing to explain yourself to anyone. This is your sister. I think the rules are different for siblings than other wedding guests.

It is very sweet of you to be concerned about other people''s feelings, but you are allowed to make the rules.