kids on the guest list?

[RebeccaLynn]

Ya''ll might think I''m a terrible person for saying this, but I generally dislike seeing groups of kids at weddings. I personally think a wedding is an adult event, and it drives me crazy when there''s a group of munchkins jumping and down in the middle of the dance floor all night and getting in the middle of every photograph.

Now on to my dilemma-

My father''s immediate family is large and spans big age range. I have 1st cousins ranging in age from 40 down to 9. I will invite all of them since it wouldn''t make sense to cut out the youngest few while the rest of them are on the list -- if I cut the yougin''s I''d be splitting families up, as there are older siblings in each family too. The problem is a crew of 2nd cousins from age 7-14 that probably wouldn''t know who I was if they saw me on the street...they live far away and we only see each at large family functions (which occur rarely).

I should also mention that I intend to invite a bunch of 3rd cousins that are much closer to my age and live in the general area, who I am overall much closer with than the other groups.

With all that said (sorry if I confused anyone out there with my family tree!) do you think it''s a huge no-no to overlook the crew of 2nd cousins since I technically will have a few kids on the invite list (the bottom of the 1st cousins list)...especially since there will be 3rd cousins that are further "removed" included (although these are adults)?

 

[lucyandroger]

Are you inviting the parents of the 2nd cousins? Since they live far away, it might be difficult for the parents to travel without them or it might be a welcome vacation. It's hard to guess since we don't know any of the people involved. I will say that since these cousins don't get to see family a lot because they live far away, it would be kind of sad to exclude them from a large family event like this.

In the end it's your wedding...I'm sure everyone in your family will have an opinion and someone will always think you chose incorrectly but it's ultimately your decision.

 

[Hest88]

I think if you''re excluding children it has to be all or none (with perhaps the exception of very obvious additions, like one flower girl or ring bearer, or a young sister), otherwise you end up with hurt feelings and misunderstandings. I had a child-free wedding, except for one mature pre-teen---who was actually present when my DH met my parents. It *is* your wedding, so you can invite whomever you want, but from a family point of view, the last thing you want is to have someone wonder why Billy was invited but Bonnie wasn''t. The line has got to be more clear, I think, than 1st cousin vs. 2nd cousin. Again, though, it''s your wedding and if you decide to go ahead with this it''s your call, as long as you''re aware that this might come up with some people and be ready with a clear explaination.

 

[blacksand]

I think most people will tell you to invite whomever you feel close to and want to invite. That''s good advice, generally. I''m not too worried about the second cousin/third cousin distinction (sounds like my family), but I would advise you to either invite all the kids or none of them. I''ve been to weddings where every attendee had to be over 18 (and everyone understood; no problem) and to weddings with millions of screaming children, but the worst ones, the ones that caused lasting family drama and that still cause arguments and hurt feelings today, were the ones where some of the kids were invited and others weren''t. Oh dear God does that cause drama in my family. So I''d say, if you don’t want kids, you should set an age limit and invite all first, second, and third cousins above that age. Otherwise, you can exclude anyone with kids you do not want at the wedding altogether (i.e., exclude all second cousins). The latter option will probably cause drama, depending on your family. I’d ask your father what he thinks, if you’re afraid of offending people.

 

[yssie]

We'll have 20+ kids at our wedding of 150

We're organising a separate room nearby with a few tvs and a bunch of dvds and a couple of gaming consoles of some sort, to keep them occupied (read: not jumping on the dancefloor and in the middle of every photo!).. we'll most probably also hire a babysitter. Is that something you can consider?

 

[ladypirate]

I personally love kids at weddings and we invited them to ours (although a lot of people are leaving them home), but if you don't want them at your wedding that is your decision and people should respect it. The parents would probably be glad to get a break!

ETA: Although I do think you have to go all or nothing on the kid thing--if you invite some people's kids and not others it may lead to some issues.

 

[zipzapgirl]

We''ll have 20+ kids at our wedding of 150
We''re organising a separate room nearby with a few tvs and a bunch of dvds and a couple of gaming consoles of some sort, to keep them occupied (read: not jumping on the dancefloor and in the middle of every photo!).. we''ll most probably also hire a babysitter. Is that something you can consider?

This sounds like a good compromise. Also, the parents might really appreciate a chance to relax at the reception once the kids have done their rounds .
I agree that excluding some children and including others will cause problems. Some people take it very personally when their kids aren''t invited.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

We just invited direct nieces and nephews since some of them were in the wedding as flower girls etc, and it seems mean to invite them and not their siblings, lol. With the exception of one 16 year old cousin who''s mom couldn''t make it (so she came instead), there weren''t any other kids there. As far as I know there weren''t any hard feelings from the extended family (and it was also a large family).