Ladies in Waiting

[Garry H (Cut Nut)]

I see Leonid and Irina changed the name of this Forum to one entirely more appropriate.

It has become a huge social phenomenon that seems to have worried guys very little, but intensified the problem for LiW''s

I have many times seen the look on a guys face the first time he slides a ring on to his left ring finger in my store.

It is often like he has been grabbed around the throat. Often they seem to have a fabulous relationship - and the guy seems to worship the ground she walks on - but the instinct to not commit

is just that I think in guys - an instinct.

So go easy on us blokes, marriage and commitment is as alien to many of us as it instinctive and natural for you.

But I think you have all hit on a huge social problem, that while probably not easily solved, it seems you have made a place where a bit of self help and therapy can happen.

 

[snuga]

This Forum is the only therapy I can afford for my ODD (Obsessive Diamond Disorder)

 

[Garry H (Cut Nut)]

We need to make a stronger link in a guys mind between giving diamonds, and the things guys want......
A place to throw dirty shirts (behind bed room door?), food, cold beer, quiet when watching sport on tV, oh, and that other thing

 

[valeria101]

Date: 10/19/2005 8:10:18 PM
Author: Garry H (Cut Nut)
We need to make a stronger link in a guys mind between giving diamonds, and the things guys want......

... things that guys want... such as non-commitment!

You said it

 

[Erin]

I think the growing number of co-habitating couples - myself included - have further complicated this non-commitment divide where the guy can throw his shirt wherever, have a beer, and receive benefits regardless of the diamond. It''s like we''ve left little for the argument of ''why.''

 

[MissAva]

Seriously I am going to see if I can find any research on this. It is fascinating how this works, and how gender roles are so strongly dichotomized in their representation here.

 

[ello]

-Homer Simpson would say - doh!

 

[Garry H (Cut Nut)]

Date: 10/20/2005 2:54:15 AM
Author: Matatora
Seriously I am going to see if I can find any research on this. It is fascinating how this works, and how gender roles are so strongly dichotomized in their representation here.

The dicotomy is real Matatora.
I am an employer of predominntly femailes (more than half are LiW, or not attached) because I believe in many cases women are more produstive workers. 12 to 7 ladies to guys is my ratio.
of the 12, 5 are pure LiW with partners, 2 are single and probably do not want to be, and 5 are happily married.

But there must be a fair bit of research out there.

I think the main issue is that since the pill it is possible to avoid little people accidents that previously led to marriage. And as a result, we now have ladies working in careers for many years. Some become more senior / higher status than available men folk, many of whom persued manuall / trade skills - but our society has moved more in the direction of sophisticated services as a result of computers. There are more and more work places being supervised or managed by women because they are more suited to managing complex social environments.

So many women are working longer and playing the field, only to find that at about late 20''s they want to settle down with a good bloke - but the blokes are all scared off by these high powered sophisticaded execs.

They just want a sheila to wash sox and keep beer cold. Cant ask HER to do that.

Ladies get desperate
Blokes sense it
They get a mother replacement (many live at home for longer with mum)

ramble ramble

 

[MissAva]

I know it is, and I have to wonder why. I tried doing a quick search on a few pysch databases but I have not been able to find anything.
I think your point about the pill is an intresting one, though I disagree. I am wondering more if this is an extension of gender typing.

 

[Garry H (Cut Nut)]

Nah - your being too high felutin

Its all about the birds and the bees

Daddy birds like to be able to fly around mating with a variety of mummy birds. Kommitment cramps daddy birds style; Daddy bird gets a guilty concience after Cumitment.

Also it is easier to score with the bird next door when she knows daddy bird is not commited.

 

[ello]

You are so funny – I agree…it’s sad but it’s true.
Someone’s got to wear the skirt and someone’s got to wear the pants and in some cases both wear the pants and the skirt

Men will be men and I think that’s what makes them adorable!
Thanks for a good laugh Garry!

 

[MissAva]

Maybe, that is a downfall with being in school. I guess I am a goof but related to what you think boys need to offer marriage, there are certian chemicals relleased to help tie the man to the woman. Really though I am less intreasted in why boys dont want to ask, I would not want to either. It seems like a sucky situation you hope and pray that after dropping a huge amount of money that one thing. Then if she says yes everyone in her life will jude you and your love my what you have jsut spent a year or two saving up for. Seems like a bit much pressure to dump all in the mans lap. Though when you consider what they get in return, which is of course that other thing every day forever and someone to keep them from putting something red in with the white laundry is quite the deal.

Now to be honest I too am acting like a bit of a nutter, I am definately a LIW. I have been dating the same guy for nearly five years. But why am I so nervous, giddy excited and on pin needles? I am amzed at how many females I meet who think their lives will be over if at 25 they are unmarried. Does that not seem unhealthy? I am not a fan of womans studies, but seriously.....

 

[AsscherGirl]

style="WIDTH: 99%; HEIGHT: 87px">Date: 10/21/2005 4:12:46 AM
Author: Matatora

I am amzed at how many females I meet who think their lives will be over if at 25 they are unmarried. Does that not seem unhealthy? I am not a fan of womans studies, but seriously.....

It''s odd that this was mentioned, b/c just last night my boyfriend asked when I would want to be married by. I told him I''d be sad if we weren''t married by the time I was 25. (I can be pretty sure it will be before then because he thought that was too long to wait

) I don''t think my life would be over, but I would be disappointed. When I am 25 (am 22 now, btw), we''ll have been dating 10 years and living together for almost 4.

I''d really like to have a family and be fairly (but not too) young when we have kids. My parents right now are just turning 50 and both their kids are out of college and on their own. They still have MANY good years to spend together enjoying their lives before retirement and fixed income comes into play. Personally, I don''t want to have to worry about funding college tuition & worrying about the last chance I have to contribute to my retirement fund at the same time.

I think for many women (and some men), marriage is a goal just like any other. Some people want to be a millionaire before they are 30 - others want to be a parent. And I certainly do believe that there are some "over-reactors" who do actually believe their lives will be over if they are not married by a certain age, but there are also over-reactors who believe their lives will be over if they don''t get a certain job, or don''t make enough money or can''t buy a new car....I think it''s pretty much one in the same a lot of times, but that''s just my opionion.

 

[Garry H (Cut Nut)]

Some of you have already seen this photo of a 9ct diamond we made recently for a 50 year old widowed lady who has been having a hard time finding a bloke.
She is very nice, easy going and very self made rich.
The money frightens a lot of guys away, but probably attracts some that she would be best without.

hard.

My GM is wearing the ring - she is lovely. Divorced about 10 years ago, and currently a LiW with a man who aint in no hurry.

Di definitely wants a diamond this size for her engagemnt ring. she might be waiting a looonnnggg time.

 

[Tybee]

Zowie,
Heck of a ring. Lovely woman!

 

[Garry H (Cut Nut)]

Date: 10/27/2005 6:41:05 AM
Author: Tybee
Zowie,
Heck of a ring. Lovely woman!

I have met very few women who were not lovely. Some even took more than 30 minutes to turn around. All women are lovely, deep down.

It is rare to find a bad to the bone woman, but there are plenty of inherently bad men. Remember the book Dune - the male author invented a way to stop wars - make all the soldiers female.

 

[MissAva]

Date: 10/27/2005 6:52:30 AM
Author: Garry H (Cut Nut)

Date: 10/27/2005 6:41:05 AM
Author: Tybee
Zowie,
Heck of a ring. Lovely woman!

I have met very few women who were not lovely. Some even took more than 30 minutes to turn around. All women are lovely, deep down.

It is rare to find a bad to the bone woman, but there are plenty of inherently bad men. Remember the book Dune - the male author invented a way to stop wars - make all the soldiers female.

Did all the women die? And then there was no one?

She is lovely btw, she looks like she has a secret.

 

[njc]

I have to say ive enjoyed reading through this thread... i only wish i had something intelligent to add to the conversation.

My question would be with all the womens lib out there... control of our bodies, control of our careers, control of our money... why hasnt there been a larger percentage of girls proposing to their guys? I think that is what really drives the LiW... its seems to be the one thing in our lives that we dont want to give up and thus have no control over and we are very used to having all the control. I work, have a good bit of money for my age, am self-confident, was in a better finacial position to purchase my ering, or one for DH, but i have to admit... the thing i love the most in this world is coming home to my DH and putting on the wife hat and taking care of him... cooking dinner, washing his clothes, etc. It is very satisfying.

Mata - I agree that she does look like she has some sort of secret... but its a happy one!

 

[MissAva]

Eh, I was told that I had internalized sexism by my woman''s studies teacher. She could not beat it into me, though she did make a good faith effort. When I had to bring in female based things I used Dorothy Parker....

(Whose works I love!)
I think some of it maybe that regardless of how much of a control freak you are there is that little, teensy, tiny bit of you that wants to be swept off your fet for that one moment.

 

[njc]

Date: 10/27/2005 10:26:04 AM
Author: Matatora
I think some of it maybe that regardless of how much of a control freak you are there is that little, teensy, tiny bit of you that wants to be swept off your fet for that one moment.

I totally agree... its one thing we let go of in the hopes that our Prince Charming will come along the way Disney always told us he would when we were growing up, but it kills us and thus LiWs...

 

[Erin]

Why don''t I propose? I''m afraid it would be an assassination of his ego.

 

[nytemist]

I agree with Starset- if I proposed to my BF, he would definately say no. Not because he doesn''t want to get married, but because it would be yanking the rug out from under him. Also I think most guys would get that feeling of ''oh crap, I''m not ready... she''s putting pressure on me... she''s not supposed to do this...''

 

[njc]

Now mind you i am TOTALLY playing devils advocate, I completly agree it can/could be ego shattering but...

Dont you think men had similar thoughts when women started working in fields that were traditionally men only (doctor, banker, etc.)? Not that their egos were shattered but, a kind of "women cant do that kinda thing" and now its pretty much the norm. Enough girls propose to their men and it could become the norm...

 

[Garry H (Cut Nut)]

Date: 10/27/2005 1:13:48 PM
Author: njc
Now mind you i am TOTALLY playing devils advocate, I completly agree it can/could be ego shattering but...

Dont you think men had similar thoughts when women started working in fields that were traditionally men only (doctor, banker, etc.)? Not that their egos were shattered but, a kind of ''women cant do that kinda thing'' and now its pretty much the norm. Enough girls propose to their men and it could become the norm...

I thought it was the done thing on a leap year?
But still not done that much.

I think genetics might not be in favor of the idea; but if ten of you who are LiW want to try it we can start to see what % and if it will work - or just frighten the guys away?

 

[door knob solitaire]

Regarding this boards old title... " Are We There Yet ?"

When I read that title... my minds eye had me viewing the back of my fathers head as my little fingers gripped the avocado green vinyl upholstered head rest of the infamous deluxe 1974 four door Ford LTD. Father driving, mother in the front seat, and my brother and I in the back seat... I could stand fully upright ...with room to spare...and still not see out of the windshield.

"Daddy....Daddy....ARE WE THERE YET?

So...I am thrilled the name was changed. I hope that some day soon that this forum will also be but a fond memory to all of you ladies, in waiting.

DKS