Ladies, was your DH mad that you changed your original e-ring?

[jellybean]

I''m wondering if anyone else has gotten as much slack from their DH as I have for changing their original e-ring.

Briefly, I changed my original e-ring in February after being married for 5 1/2 years. I had the diamond that was in it put in a solitaire - long story, but I just didn''t like the setting and my husband was not the one that picked it out (his mother did).

DH wasn''t thrilled but didn''t say much at the time. He did admit he liked the new solitaire better.

We were out with friend this weekend and I overheard him talking to one of his guy friends whose wife wanted to change her original e-ring to a more modern setting. My DH said "Jellybean isn''t sentimental b/c she changed her ring too." I didn''t say anything until we got home and I asked him if it really bothered him that I changed it. He admitted it did.

I told him that people change settings and rings all the time that it''s the meaning behind the ring is what''s important. He didn''t buy it.

So now what do I do? My DH thinks I''m not sentimental and I don''t think there''s anything I can do to change that besides going back to my original e-ring.

Any advice?

 

[Jennifer5973]

When I am happy, he is happy.

In all seriousness, i went through this when I wanted an upgrade--my hiusvband was actually ok with changing the setting but NOT the stone, so I had my orignal stones reset a couple of years ago. I remember how surprised I was that he felt so strongly and I felt I had to respect that.

Maybe you could tell your DH that it is the stone that has the true meaning, not the metal--the metal is a transient material that can be molded and changed at will with a torch,while the diamond is forever--like your love for eachother.

 

[IrishEyes]

I would explain to him that while you are so happy to have recieved a ring from him in the first place, some time has passed and you are wanting to have a setting that not only makes you happy to be married, but also one that makes you happy because of its design. Your wedding ring is supposed to be on your finger for the rest of your life, it would be a real shame to wear something that long and not be completely happy with it! I hope he comes around!

 

[Mara]

Hmm well I am not really a super sentimental person about material items....aka I could care less about an original e-ring stone, but I have special cards from Christmases a few years ago from Greg.

When you say that the only way he will think you are sentimental is to go back to your old ring...do you really believe that? I mean at this point going back to your old ring would just be done to please him right? Wouldn't he know that?

Also, are you actually sentimental? If so, shouldn't he know that after spending X many years with you, and respect that you feel differently on this matter than him? Some may say, well to respect him you should go back to the old ring. But personally I think that there is some sort of compromise. Isn't he happy that this new ring and stone makes you happy?

I think the solitaire that you did was a great compromise...maybe he wants to wear it?

 

[Logan Sapphire]

My husband is quite sentimental as well about the rings, Jellybean, so I know how you feel. Although he may unexpectedly change his mind in the future, he''s made his feelings known on how he feels about upgrading or altering the rings in any way. (I did make a small change and had Quest put a Tiffany crown head on, replacing the standard 6 prongs and DH was OK with that. In fact, he likes it better now.) I''m a little less sentimental, but the more and more I''ve thought about it, I''m not sure I could change them. However, DH has said that there will be more diamonds in the future for my right hand

and my current goal is an asscher in a Daniel K like setting

I''m not sure what to tell you. Perhaps since the new ring is already made, you can just promise yourself you won''t want to change that one in the future. I would certainly think that he would understand that you wanted a ring that his mother didn''t pick out (not sure I would be too happy with that either). This is a big stretch, but maybe the two of you could pick a new setting out together, and put another gem or something in the current one. That way it''s yours AND DH''s, as opposed to just yours or his mom''s.

 

[FireGoddess]

Upon first mention I think DH was a little surprised I mentioned upgrading my ring, but it happened to occur just before we went to a friend''s wedding and she had a HUGE 3-stone ring...each of her side stones was just 0.25 ct less than my solitaire...so that pretty much put him on the "I''m going to get you a huge rock" wagon.

His only real concern is that I''m happy....and wearing a ring that he bought me. I told him he could upgrade his ring whenever he wanted...so it''s fair and square.

 

[Dancing Fire]

my wife never bought a diamond jewelry in her life,she knows nothing about diamonds.i decide what to buy her.she isn't really picky about the setting,anything simple will do.i don't think she would change the setting, even if she does,it wouldn't bother me at all.

 

[LadyluvsLuxury]

In our case the e-ring that we could afford when we got married was DEFINITELY not my DREAM ring so hubby said to me "one day I''ll be able to get you what you truly want", well that day is here! So hubby doesn''t care about me upgrading because although it does speak of our young, dumb love

it wasn''t something that either one of us thought of as a permanent ring. Needless to say I still have my first e-ring to this day, along with the one I''m wearing now. And now I''m upgrading again...go figure!

 

[mrssalvo]

When my hubby gives me a hard time for wanting to upgrade i give him a hard time for being so girly and sentimental

 

[ame]

Jennifer has said it well...but that said: considering the HELL we went through to get AN e-ring for me...I think he doens''t give a crap what happens as long as I have one and occasionally wear it amid all the inspecting

 

[AChiOAlumna]

My DH always hoped I would get an upgrade because he felt bad when we first got engaged that we could only afford $800 for my original e-ring. As much as I love my original e-ring (I still have it and will never alter it), he always wanted to give me more than my original 1/3 carat Marquise.

 

[jellybean]

Date: 6/21/2005 6:33:05 PM
Author: Logan Sapphire
My husband is quite sentimental as well about the rings, Jellybean, so I know how you feel. Although he may unexpectedly change his mind in the future, he''s made his feelings known on how he feels about upgrading or altering the rings in any way. (I did make a small change and had Quest put a Tiffany crown head on, replacing the standard 6 prongs and DH was OK with that. In fact, he likes it better now.) I''m a little less sentimental, but the more and more I''ve thought about it, I''m not sure I could change them. However, DH has said that there will be more diamonds in the future for my right hand

and my current goal is an asscher in a Daniel K like setting

I''m not sure what to tell you. Perhaps since the new ring is already made, you can just promise yourself you won''t want to change that one in the future. I would certainly think that he would understand that you wanted a ring that his mother didn''t pick out (not sure I would be too happy with that either). This is a big stretch, but maybe the two of you could pick a new setting out together, and put another gem or something in the current one. That way it''s yours AND DH''s, as opposed to just yours or his mom''s.

Actually, we recently bought a diamond together. I alternate with that solitaire and my MIL''s diamond (I have two solitaires). It doesn''t matter - neither one is the ring he proposed with. In his mind the only e-ring I''ll have is the one he proposed with.

Yes, at this point going back to the old setting would just be to make him happy. Then I wouldn''t be happy because of the same issue why I changed the ring in the first place!

To make things worse I feel incredibly guilty about this whole situation so even if I went back to the original ring I feel the damage is already done.

I''m not a RHR wearer. All I''ve ever wanted was a nice wedding set - I don''t need hundreds of rings.

Ugh. This bites.

 

[Diamonds4Me]

I thought i was the only that went through something like this, lol.

My stone is still set in the original setting which is only supposed to be a "display" setting..very high prongs, very much different from what I have always liked (although I did go back a few months ago and have them cut the prongs in half to lower it because I was constantly beating it to death on my desk, door jambs and such and caused one of the prongs to have a hairline fracture..he wasn't too happy about it but he did seem to get over it because it was still the same ring). We never argued about anything until I started looking at different settings for the stone. He was so upset that I would want to change it because that was THE ring he gave me. If I had known that in the beginning I would have never even considered looking at different settings for it but I do clearly remember him saying in the jewelry store that I could come back later and pick out a setting for it...hmm, I guess he reconsidered.

He isn't the sentimental type so I was totally shocked when he flipped about a new setting. It was completely out of left field. But he did tell me that if I ever wanted another engagement type ring I could have ANY kind I want in ANY setting BUT it would have to be a right hand ring.

Now, in all honesty, I have to say that I absolutely love my ering. I never looked at it as it IS, I always looked at it as HOW I can make it look. But after I really thought about how he felt and really took a good look at it and really thought about what it meant to the both of us, I've come to the conclusion that I really do love it the way it is and don't want to change it. Besides, now I can pick out wraps, different style eternity bands and the like to give it a whole different look without altering its true form. That idea he really likes because it will always be the same ring.

I know that is different from what you are going through with your ring. It would be confusing to me too if he liked it more than the one his mother picked out but still felt it shouldn't be changed. I wish I knew what to tell you. I can't say anything different than what has already been said by everyone else.
I just hope that maybe the two of you can come to a solution together. I personally like the idea of picking out a setting together that you both like.

 

[hoorray]

We upgraded my stone after 17 years (after my prodding), and I am on setting #4. (The first broke,and it was down hill from there since the original had to be changed). He never admitted it until recently, but it bothers my DH. Until recently, he loved to remind that his ring was his ORIGINAL wedding ring. I know exactly where you are coming from. All I can say is that I make sure he knows how much enjoyment I get out of all the jewelry he has given me. I wear the oriignal stone in a pendant, which makes him very happy. It''s all sentimental to me, and I try to let him know that.

About his ring... he seems to have lost it. This is the second time. I bought him a second ring when he lost it the first time, but then the original finally showed up 2 years later, and he was so happy. The replacement never had the same sentiment to him. I''m hoping it will show up again, but it isn''t looking good. My plan is that if it doesn''t, I will have a duplicate made for our 20th anniversary next year. I just can''t seem to find that hands picture taken at our wedding that has a good close up of the ring.

 

[diamondsrock]

I experienced a similar awkward situation with my husband. My original e-ring is a .25 round which I absolutely adore but no longer wear as we purchased another larger stone from a friend at a really good price (we just sort of fell into it, weren''t looking for one.) Plus now I am attached to this larger stone and stare at it daily even though I''ve had it for almost 2 years.
I suggested to DH maybe I could put my original .25 into a pendant so I can use it and he said no, he''d really prefer to keep it as it is even if it just sits in my jewelry box.

I was like, what? Why? He explained it was for sentimental reasons.
Now I could undertstand this but I was wearing that ring when we went through a (to put it mildly) "difficult" stretch and so the ring itself has some not so good memories for me (as well as some great memories from early on in our relationship.) To be honest, he cheated on me while I was wearing that ring. Wow, that was honest and I can''t belive I just typed that. We have since worked things out but I think of those bad times when I see that ring and so can''t see myself wearing it again as an e-ring. I was hoping to use it for something else (pendant) but apparently it will continue to sit in my jewelry box which stinks because I"m always trying to recycle things and hate to see something that''s not being used. Plus I have a sparkly that isn''t being worn!!!

 

[sparklechick]

I haven''t even gotten my ering yet but a friend of mine was only married for less than a year when she upgraded her ering. Her hubby didn''t understand and even now, almost a year later, still doesn''t.
The funny thing is that she got him a watch for his wedding present and not even 6 months later he bought another, more expensive watch which he wears all the time. The watch she got him sits in a drawer!

Go figure!!!!

 

[saturn]

Do you still wear your original wedding ring? If so, then your wedding ring is what should really carry the sentimental value, IMO. I mean, so many people don''t even get an e-ring at all. The wedding band is what gets blessed at the wedding and truly signifies the beginning of your life together.
Maybe you could try that approach with your husband. Good luck! I hope that you can work this out so that you don''t feel guilty about the new ring. I just got engaged, and although I absolutely

*LOVE*

my ring, I wouldn''t rule out ever changing it in the future. My wedding ring, however, I never ever intend to change - I''m planning on getting a plain band so that there is nothing to break.
It certainly doesn''t sound to me like you''re being unsentimental. Best of luck.