ladies, would you give the E-ring back to the guy if....

[Dancing Fire]

the wedding was call off ?

 

[JSM]

I''m sure this has been discussed before, but I''ll answer anyway.

Depends why the wedding was called off. If he called it off, I''d keep it. If I broke up with him, I''d give him back the ring. The person who breaks the promise shouldn''t keep the goods!

 

[absolut_blonde]

Date: 8/17/2008 2:08:22 AM
Author: jsm
I''m sure this has been discussed before, but I''ll answer anyway.

Depends why the wedding was called off. If he called it off, I''d keep it. If I broke up with him, I''d give him back the ring. The person who breaks the promise shouldn''t keep the goods!

I agree with this. This is fairly standard as far as etiquette goes (as far as I know).

But some of it would ultimately come down to what we felt was right. I would hope that things would end between us on a relatively civil note.

 

[Rhea]

It''s not that simple of a question.

I''d say yes, but in our case I did pay for a bit of the ring, plus he has an engagement ring. We also agreed that I''d pay for our more expensive wedding so had I already spent for that as well I''d be more tempted to keep the ring and make our losses even. Not that it matters much in my case, my ring wasn''t worth much, I just wouldn''t want to be out of more money than he was. No point in my having to spend thousands paying off wedding contracts while he gets the ring back and keeps his own engagement ring.

 

[hairgirl95]

It depends for me too. I was engaged once to my highschool boyfriend. I knew how much he spent on that ring and worked really hard to get it. When I called it off (thank goodness as I was a very wet behind the ears 19 year old) I gave him the ring back. I figured he could sell it for a few bucks or give it to someone else someday.

If the bride to be calls it off for her own personal reasons, I say give the ring back. If she calls it off because her groom to be is being a jerk, abusive, cheating, or other immoral and flat out wrong behavior, then girl, keep that rock!

If the groom calls it off, for any other reason other than the bride to be cheated on him, then she keeps the ring. If bride to be was philandering, then she should cough that ring up and give it back.

Just my opinion

 

[fieryred33143]

Absolutely. It doesn''t matter to me why or how it ended. I don''t need a piece of jewelry sitting in my home reminding me of a failed relationship. It also doesn''t matter to me what etiquette says. Once a relationship is over, its over. I can very well buy myself a piece of jewelry if need be and I''m positive I would be able to find another guy that will want to marry me later and give me a whole new diamond

Plus what would you even do with the ring? Wear it as a RHR, turn it into a pendant? I don''t even like keeping teddy bears given to me by exes for Valentine''s Day, I can''t imagine keeping a whole diamond that was originally meant to be a promise to marry.

 

[Po10472]

Date: 8/17/2008 4:06:06 AM
Author: fieryred33143
Absolutely. It doesn''t matter to me why or how it ended. I don''t need a piece of jewelry sitting in my home reminding me of a failed relationship. It also doesn''t matter to me what etiquette says. Once a relationship is over, its over. I can very well buy myself a piece of jewelry if need be and I''m positive I would be able to find another guy that will want to marry me later and give me a whole new diamond

Plus what would you even do with the ring? Wear it as a RHR, turn it into a pendant? I don''t even like keeping teddy bears given to me by exes for Valentine''s Day, I can''t imagine keeping a whole diamond that was originally meant to be a promise to marry.

I''ve been in this situation and I offered to return the ring, he didn''t want it back so I kept it. I didn''t wear it and it lay in my jewellery box for years. I''m now happily married and have my beautiful diamonds which my DH bought me with love and I''ve since sold my old engagement ring. I was never going to wear it again ever so I figured someone else could benefit from its beauty and I sold it to a young couple who got engaged and she got her dream ring so it worked out for me as I got 50% of what he paid for it and a girl got her dream ring from her boyfriend. All good.

 

[fieryred33143]

Let me add on to what I said so that no one takes offense.

I would give the ring back no matter what. But in the event that he won''t take it back (and there would have to be a huge effort by him to not take it back), then I would keep it and sell it or give it to goodwill.

 

[purrfectpear]

I''ve been engaged three times where I called off the engagement. I always offered the ring back, and all three guys told me it was a gift and they wanted me to keep it. This just goes to show that while I might have changed my mind about forever, they weren''t shallow jerks

I''ve subsequently sold all the rings over the last 30 years, but I never had any negative feelings about them

Zsa Zsa was once asked if the woman had to return the ring. She replied "Of course you must return the ring darling. Remove the diamond and return the ring" LOL.

 

[trillionaire]

It''s Mine!!! ALLLL MINE!!!!!!

 

[FrekeChild]

That''s a good question. I probably would. He probably wouldn''t take it. But I''m not worried about it, because the wedding won''t be called off.

I like what Zsa Zsa has to say on the subject. That made me laugh.

 

[trillionaire]

The more important question is what in the world does the man do with it if you return it? I would be more than a little bit uncomfortable accepting an e-ring that was "re-gifted"! (Imagine: "Wow, that looks spectacular on you, much better than on Becky."

) I can''t even imagine, not to mention that I like an unusual fancy cut, so the likelihood that they would be the same would be pretty slim. Maybe he could give it to his mom? Or hopefully he bought from a store with an upgrade policy, so he could trade it in for something different?

Weirdness....

 

[vespergirl]

If the man called it off or cheated, you should keep it. If the woman called it off, she should return it. I was married once and then engaged (I called it off) before I met my husband. When my first husband and I divorced, I kept my ering. In my engagment, I had called it off after being engaged for several months, and I returned the ring to my ex-fi.

 

[FrekeChild]

I have a friend who''s engagement was broken (a mutual thing-not amicable though). They had been together only 3 months when he bought the ring, 4 months when he gave it to her, and 7 months when they called it off. He bought it on credit, and insisted on getting it back from her when they broke it off. It was a lot of hoopla because she had paid off some of his credit card bills, etc etc etc. But the ring wasn''t even paid for-and I''m not sure if it has been by now or not (it''s been about a year since they broke up). He still has the ring. And he has no idea what he''s going to do with it.

My cousin''s engagement was called off about 10 years ago-not sure by who-and he still has the ring. I think he''s planning on selling it, or maybe he has already...

 

[TryingAgain]

In my previous marriage and only engagement... Our ending was pretty mutual towards the end, but it was originally suggested by me.

I had first received a 3 stone ring from him when he proposed. Then when a close family member died 3 months before my wedding and left me a beautiful old (rb) diamond the ex had told me she had originally wanted him to use it for my e-ring but he declined because I then loved princess a lot. So we had a second set made since I couldn''t find a band I love to go with my 3 stone.

When she split I offered him the 3 stone back and the setting from the 2nd set, but told him I would be keeping my diamond since is was my families. He told me he didn''t want the ring and setting and that I could sell it or if I could ever look at it without thinking of him I could reset the stones.

In short... I think it should go to woman if the man breaks it off or the man if the woman breaks it off... Unless someone was cheating.

 

[~*Alexis*~]

depends why it was called off, I have an old ring my ex gave me and was planning on giving it back, but after I found that he cheated on me, I kept everything, even after he asked for them back so he could give them to her....

 

[iheartscience]

If I called it off I''d offer to give it back. If he called it off or if we broke up because he cheated or something I would keep it.

 

[Octavia]

I would give it back, full stop. And if he didn''t want it back, I''d get that in writing, and get rid of it some other way. Why would I get it in writing, you ask? Because in my state, the engagement ring is considered a conditional gift (contingent on the marriage taking place) and technically belongs to the giver until the marriage certificate is filed. The reasons for a breakup don''t matter. If the giver doesn''t want it back, that''s his/her prerogative, but being a lawyer-in-training, I''d want it in writing that the condition was being dropped (therefore making it a "real" gift).

I know it goes against fairness and etiquette, assuming the receiver of the ring wasn''t the one who called off the wedding, but it''s not worth getting sued over a chip of carbon and some metal. Yes, my state sucks.

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

I''m not helping to pay for my ring, so I''d give it back. However, if he called off the engagement, I''d insist that he pay any deposits or money lost due to the cancellation of the wedding. If I didn''t give it back right when he broke off the engagement, then I''d have time to collect my wits and hold the ring until he''d paid the money for the broken vendor contracts.


Also, I''d rather him pay the money for the vendors and give back the ring than keep the ring and sell it to cover the costs. Why should I have to go through the added stress of selling my engagement ring?


If we married and divorced later, I''d keep the ring and have it made into other jewelry or keep it for our children if we had any. My grandparents divorced when my mom was a child, but I love looking at their wedding pictures and I cherish the pearls my grandfather gave my grand mother on their wedding day. They belonged to my mother, and now they are mine. So maybe the kids would want the ring even if it doesn''t mean anything to me.

 

[Dancing Fire]

you girls are funny....
always say "if he cheated"

what happens to the E-ring "if you cheated on him?"

 

[Tuckins1]

Depends on who called it off and why... If he called it off- probably not. If it was me who called it off, then maybe.

 

[princesss]

I would definitely give it back. (It might be more complicated if I put money towards it.) I just wouldn''t be able to handle having that reminder around, I don''t think. And if he wouldn''t take it back, I''d probably see if I could sell it to a couple so they could have some happiness out of it. I just can''t wallow and have it around, you know? I like to make as clean a break as possible.

 

[Honestly]

Regardless of why, I''d give it back. If he called off the wedding or he was unfaithful, I''d give it back by throwing it in his face making sure I hit the eye.

If he offered to let me keep it I would!

I guess knowing the state law would be good.

 

[bee*]

Date: 8/17/2008 5:53:52 PM
Author: thing2of2
If I called it off I''d offer to give it back. If he called it off or if we broke up because he cheated or something I would keep it.

yeah I''d be the same.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Legally, the ring must be returned.

You''ll hear me preaching on here all the time about how a "ring doesn''t make an engagement" and it doesn''t. Legally speaking, a ring is a contract. If you do not meet the goal of the contract...marriage...then the ring goes back to the one who gave it.

Now, the only way a woman can skate around that is if a man purposes on her birthday or a holiday...where she can play "dumb" and claim she though the ring was a gift with no strings attached.

Also, if you''re paying money into the ring, or diamond or whatever, make sure you have singed paper work noting that...in case it goes to court.

 

[CrookedRock]

This is kinda a joke for us bc technically he gave me the ring on my birthday. Legally that means I don''t have to return it. I think we would probably sell it. I generally in the camp of it depends on who broke it off. If it was him... It''s all mine!

 

[jcarlylew]

I say yes, UNLESS the ring (or diamonds) were in the girls family to begin with. Then, sell the band but keep the stones. Same with (god forbid) divorce.

I think either way, i would not want to be reminded of a love lost like that

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Or, and I''m just being twisted and corrupt...but you could always simply "lose" the ring...

Perhaps at the bottom of a lake? Or on a jog? Stranger things have happened, you know...

But, of course, losing it is simply for his benefit...you could, in reality, sell it and take a nice, long, post-engagement vacation...a single gals honeymoon with a close friend of two.