Le Sigh ;-)

[AdanaEsq]

Hey ladies,

Just introducing myself. My name is Adana, I'm 28 (for a few more weeks), I'm an attorney living in NYC. My BF and I have been together since July 2009. He turns 30 in December. We've talked about getting married, our timelines, pre-engagement counseling and even having a destination wedding possibly in Hawaii. Any way, I may be here for quite awhile or maybe not. K (my BF) is in med school and expects to be finished sometime in 2012 or so (he's in an MD/PhD program so his finish date isn't definite). Around the new year we had a convo and he said something like everything is great and I really want to make sure you feel like I do because next year around this time I might be ready to propose and I want to make sure your feelings won't change. Something along those lines. That said, I could be here for another year because he wants to finish school before he gets married and also start his charter school. He's making progress with each goal so I'm just trying to be patient and not drive K nuts bringing this up.

 

[AdanaEsq]

LOL I couldn't edit my post to add that K and I are going on a cruise in January so there's a chance he could do it then but I'm trying not to get my hopes up.

 

[Grlsbestfrnd]

Welcome! Hopefully you won't have too wait a whole year but if you do we'll keep you company and hopefully help keep you from going crazy! Haha I know I've felt like I was going insane waiting a couple times and these ladies have helped me through it. Congrats on finding a guy who is willing to talk to you about it. How wonderful! Any ideas on what you want your ring to look like?

 

[AdanaEsq]

Thanks for the welcome! I like more of an antique style. I'm leaning towards a cushion or asscher cut stone with a halo. Sort of like this settinghttp://www.simoneandson.com/viewitem.asp?idCategory=48&idProduct=421&priceRange=0x999999

 

[PrincessNatalie]

LOL I couldn't edit my post to add that K and I are going on a cruise in January so there's a chance he could do it then but I'm trying not to get my hopes up.

LOL thats ok! We'll get our hopes up for you!!!

Seriously though, this is a great place to come so you at least have somewhere to talk about it, I have taken the crazy down about 10 notches in the months since being here. From not wanting to bug constantly bug my SO not wanting to talk about it to friends (they always try and read into things or offer "advice") I was ready to burst with frustration and confusion, but this place is great for keeping level headed and happy. Anyhow welcome!

Also I am hoping on a end of year/new year proposal too! ***DUST***

 

[Glitz]

Welcome AdanaEsq

Sound like your SO has a good head on his shoulders. I'm also going on a cruise in January to Cozumel Mexico with my SO (and people he works with), and I'm secretly hoping for a proposal then too lol. I'm trying not to get my hopes up either so I know how that feels, at least we'll get a nice cruise with our SO's out of it though. Where are you guys cruising to?

 

[blacksand]

Welcome! Enjoy the cruise, proposal or no proposal. You know you have a good man and you know it's coming, so try to relax and enjoy the ride! Easier said than done, I know....

 

[AdanaEsq]

Natalie: looks like lots of us are hoping for a holiday/new year proposal!

Glitz: he definitely has a good head on his shoulders but in this instance being a little less pragmatic would make me happy! We're going to San Juan, Puerto Rico; St. Thomas, Antigua, St. Maarten and Tortola. I'm excited! It's his first cruise and he just bought a digital SLR so I know he'll be taking lots of pics. This is my first long cruise (last year I went on a 3 day cruise to the Bahamas). I told him we have to workout because I refuse to gain weight like last time.

Blacksand: I will enjoy it! I love to travel and this is my first real vacation since last November. That's also why I don't want to get my hopes up because I just want to enjoy the cruise and seeing the sights.

I read a thread on here recommending this book "His Cold Feet" I got it this morning and it feels like a God send! I am identifying myself in so many of these pages! It's funny I did a search weeks ago for a similar book and didn't come across it. I think it will help me a lot as well as hanging out here!

 

[AdanaEsq]

So of course I idiotically brought up the topic to clarify that my understanding was the same as his re engagement and marriage...I'm sure you know where this is going *smh*

The highlights: he loves me, he wants to marry me. We need to be together longer for him to KNOW I'm more than likely the one and we won't end up getting divorced in the future because we didn't take enough time to get to k ow each other before hand. Bottom line he is not ready. I can show him rings, talk about wedding ideas (like a destination wedding, city hall etc) that doesn't annoy him but this topic of his not being ready vs me being ready and he feels like I don't trust him or believe him when he says 2-3 years toget married. Keep in mind he said 2-3 years ion December or January when we talked about this and he's still saying 2-3 years almost a year later. He doesn't see what I mean when I say this. I said to me it's like me saying I want to go sky diving in 3 months them when 3 months is up I'm still saying I want to do it in 3 months. I think when he disagrees with me he totally misses my point.

Bottom line: I will be here for at least another year if not 2 since he said when we talked about a general timeline this summer we "agreed" up to 2 years to get engaged and max 3 years to get married. I would swear that I meant 3 years from the beginning of our relationship i.e. Getting married in 2 years but he keeps stressing that 3 years is the max.

In this situation I feel like he's not taking my feelings seriously and once again we women have to just wait the guys out. Theoretically I get it but it still sucks for me. Before anyone asks why I don't
Propose to him, he's made it clear he thinks the traditional route should be followed there and that he would laugh and think I was joking if I ever did that and asked me not to do it. Le sigh for real...

 

[Blackpaw]

Dont be disheartened AdanaEsq - you have your whole lives to spend together whether you're engaged/married or not

But yes, LeSigh, about the goddam injustice of being a woman who has to wait *desperately* for a man to fulfill that milestone that we've been taught to think we need to reach...

I love 'Le Sigh' by the way, its awesome

And welcome to pricescope i hope you're on the list for a very short time!

 

[AdanaEsq]

Thanks Blackpaw! Le sigh just embodies how I feel about the whole thing. I think he's unreasonable sometimes and he thinks I'm crazy (I assume). I love him and he loves me that's why we put up with these stupid differences of opinion; but thank God they are few and far between.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I just posted about my daughter's boyfriend asking us to lunch Friday to discuss his asking our daughter to marry him. I just want to encourage you a little because they had some problems earlier on. In fact, last Feb. they broke up for a few months for several reasons including him being down because his business was not doing well and he knew that he had told her they could get engaged after dating a year that he just wasn't going to be able to make that timeline. So call it temporary financial difficulties combined with cold feet! The odd thing was it was a gentle break-up which paved the way for them to get back together fairly easily. They agreed not to live together until they get married and I do think that has helped to give him incentive to work toward the engagement. She also learned that he didn't react well to her being clingy, so she made herself be busy and did things with friends a few nights a week so he could pursue her. And I'll have to say, it must have worked!

So my words of wisdom are to continue to love him but stay busy and act like you aren't anxious for the proposal. They used to call this reverse psychology! Hope your wait is shorter than you think!

 

[AdanaEsq]

Thanks so much diamondseeker! I've been thinking the same thing. I already told him I'm taking living together off the table for the same reason you've mentioned and he was already not necessarily in favor of the idea. I've had other friends say the same thing about being busy and not seeming too clingy or obsessed with getting married right now so he has time to get ready. I have some ideas of things I can do to keep myself busy other than posting on here

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Lol!!! It is easy to become entirely too obsessed with PS! Been there! Fortunately, you live in one of the most exciting cities in the world, so there would be an endless amount of things to keep you busy aside from work! Hopefully he'll realize that he is ready sooner than he thinks!

 

[AdanaEsq]

From your fingers to God's eyes! Lol yes NY definitely has a lot going o. So I can always find something to do if I feel up to it. I'm feeling pretty calm about all this. I feel like every 3 months I freak out and bring ul the subject and then it causes a tiff. I think this strategy will work best.