Lets THROW OUT the idea of a diamond ''engagement'' ring!

[Steel]

Just give me a second here.


In retrospect, I would have suggested to my ''then FI'' to propose with a plain (plat,18ct etc) wedding band.

My reasons are as follows, plus I have added some I thought of recently just for fun

:

1. Can propose even if FI does not have lots of cash to put away for a ring. Esp. if in college, apprenticeship, buying house or 1st child etc.
2. No need to be driven insane finding the ''one'' - the ring I mean. Only choose the metal.
3. Very cheap.
4. FI can propose without any deep down niggle that she might ''run off with the ring''.
5. I think it is silly that you get such a magnificent ring just for committing to committing together. But on the wedding, the actual commitment the ring is usually much less flamboyant. I prefer the other way around. You get the basic ring for a promise then you get it ''all'' when you wed.
6. Can be sure that his reason for delaying is just financial. If not, he will have to come out and say it. None of this ''soon'' crap.

7. No pressure between engaged ladies. The silly twits who ''compare'' their (usually larger) diamond ring to everybody else’s as if it means something that she has a larger stone. All she can so is compare bands, perhaps a diamond band at the most. Or, if you have a band and she a 4 ct rock, it is because you haven’t chosen your ring yet. Its the commitment that matters - ''don''t you know''

?
8. If it dosen''t work out

, it is one less thing to argue about and there is no great financial loss.

I have lots of other reasons but can''t think of them now.

What do you think?

Would you advocate this? Why? Why not?

All the LIW - would you get engaged today with a band? Do you want the ring as is traditional? Does it matter? Is it your FI that wants to gift the diamond (or gem) ring to you?

 

[neatfreak]

I think most of us on here DO advocate for guys to propose with a plain band if he can't afford the ring he'd like to right now. I certainly would have said yes to my FI if he had proposed with nothing, because to me all that really mattered is that I wanted to marry him! I do think it would be nice if there was no "financial" excuse as well, because there seem to be many guys who use that as a crutch too...and I think you should be able to communicate honestly about everything with someone you are in a LTR with.

But if you really want your idea to get more mainstream, you'll need to take out the negative ideas in your list! No guy wants to think about the girl running off with the ring when they're about to propose, he's scared enough as it is!

And as for the comparing, women would STILL compare. And they would compare for the rest of their lives after the wedding when they do get their diamond. Not having diamond erings is unfortunately not gonna work to stop the comparing...And for certain cultures (Judaism for example) you couldn't wed with a diamond ering because it needs to be plain metal without holes. So there goes that idea at least for certain cultures...

 

[Stardust]

I would generally agree with you, however, there''s no way I wanted a plain band. My wedding ring, which I paid for, was almost the same price at my e-ring and I was a thousand times more picky with it. It literally took me 9 months to find it. Of course, I would have accepted a plain band as an e-ring but I probably wouldn''t have ever worn again once I had my fancy wedding band.

I think for us this would have led to hurt feelings. 1 - all of our rings were inexpensive (not one over $1,350 - and I paid for 3 of 4 - we both have an engagement ring - I ended up spending more on the rings than he did). And 2 - he''s deeply sentimental, not wearing my plain e-ring/w-band would have hurt his feelings while I would have wanted my fancy w-band as the e-ring.

 

[Steel]

Hmm, it seems the idea is certainly flawed!

Great points Neatfreak & Stardusk. Its great to get different points of view. Religious differences would have never occured to me

.

In theory anyway, I think the idea ROCKS! - Pun intended.

 

[musey]

I wish people were more open to this idea! Most women still want the solitaire/3stone/some other permutation BUT, there are probably plenty of women who [/i]would[/i] like to have some sort of band instead, but feel like it''s too far from the norm to be "accepted." So, I think there''s some real merit to promoting the idea in the context of "if you want a band, that''s just fine, too!" as well.

Some celebs sport the eternity + solid band look and I think it''s GORGEOUS and so chic. There''s really no need to slap a center stone on there, unless it''s what you want.


Anyway, good points, Steel! I hope that this idea becomes more mainstream in the future, because it would remove pressure from quite a few parties during the engagement process

 

[bee*]

I would definitely say yes if my bf proposes with a plain band. I think that the diamond can be an excuse for some men in terms of delaying the engagement due to financial or other problems. If you can afford it though and you would like a diamond ring, I don''t think there''s anything wrong with that either. It''s each to their own as far as I''m concerned. It''s definitely an interesting concept though Steel.