Littlelysser!

[zoebartlett]

Hi!

I began a thread last night about constantly changing my mind about what my FI and I want our wedding reception to be like. We THINK we know what we want, but then other ideas pop up and we''re back at square one. Anyway, I love your plans of having a backyard BBQ for your reception. This is the latest idea we''ve talked about with my mom. I''m about to go read your original thread where you described what you wanted, but I''m wondering if there are other details you''ve come up with. I just read the t-shirt idea you had.

Do you mind describing how you envision your day, from ceremony to reception? How many guests do anticipate (I know most are younger)? Will you encourage guests to wear casual clothes such as shorts, t-shirts, etc. or will it be the type of food served that is more casual and relaxed? Does that make sense?

Thank you!!

Zoe

 

[zoebartlett]

So I just read your reply to my thread about what type of reception you chose to have. We sound a lot alike in terms of what we want. I think I figured out part of my dilemma. I WANT to do a casual, relaxed reception where, as you put it (paraphrasing you), "...and there will be a wedding too." I want the focus to be on people having fun and yes, acknowledging (sp?) a wedding, but I don''t really want the focus to be all on me. The dilemma is that people EXPECT certain things, based on other ceremonies and receptions they''ve attended in the past. I want so much to please my guests and I''m finding myself trying to fit us into the mold of typical wedding stuff -- my dad walking me down the aisle, classical music, cocktail hour, dancing the father/daughter dance, etc., and all that other stuff.

Also, my FI and I are 35 and 33 respectively, so we''re a little older. We''re not so much into the whole bridesmaids and groomsmen issue. That stuff isn''t as important to us as it might have been if we had gotten married in our 20s.

Part of me likes that but part of me knows that I may prefer a party with a wedding attached. I fear I''m bordering on not making sense. It''s been a long day and I''m so tired. It''s taken me 20 minutes to write this.

So after rambling all this time, I''m wondering if you felt pressure to have things a certain way based on others'' expectations.

 

[littlelysser]

Hey Zoe-

I totally understand what you are talking about when you say you kind of worry about other people''s expectations!

I guess my thinking on the whole thing is this...I want my wedding to be an expression of what my FI and I are all about. I want to marry FI and have a party with the people that we care most about (eesh, that is some bad grammar there). I''m 32 and my FI 36. We bought a house together three years ago, own dogs together...Frankly, most people were surprised we even got engaged...I think most had figured we''d just live together forever and not really make it official. So really, I think folks are happy we are even having a wedding at all!

And we are lucky because my sister had the big-old-bells-and-whistles-250-people-wedding a few years back. She definitely took the pressure off of me in that regard. Really, it is going to be immediate family and a bunch of friends...I think my dad might be a bit disappointed that we are being so non-traditional, but he''s okay with it.

We''ve figured out the logistics a bit more. We are having two tents, one 20x40 and another 20x20. We are going to get married under the smaller tent. Ceremony is going to be short. I suppose my dad will walk me down the isle - but it is just going to be folks standing around, so who knows. My sis is going to be my bride''s maid, FI''s bro is his best man. They''ll wear whatever they want. My friend''s mom is a minister and she is going to marry us. Then, I guess we''ll go take a few pictures, while our guests hang out and drink good beer and mojitos. We are planning to eat, buffet style, in the bigger tent. After dinner and relaxing, we are going to use the smaller tent for dancing. My FI has promised that he''ll make some great cds we can put on and dance to. No dj.

The one thing we are doing pretty traditionally - we hired a real photographer. Despite my anti-bride leanings, I do want some nice pics of my wedding day.

Like you read, it is going to be a very laid-back affair. And because our guests are all of our friends and close family, they all know each other. The food is definitely going to be casual. One friend is making our wedding cake. Another is cooking some fabulous side dishes. Another friend is hosting. I figure that the dress is probably going to end up being a dressy bbq. Most of my girlfriends are going to wear sundresses, I''d imagine. Boys can wear whatever they want. I''ve had a change of heart about my dress...I''m thinking of doing a full length dress that is really simple...and some flowers in my hair. I figure I should be a bit more dressed up than the guests.

Okay, I''ve totally babbled on here...My wedding is just very much on my mind right now...gah!

Anyway, how many folks do you think you are going to invite? Will it be friends, family, extended family? I know that if we were having my great aunt millie and her husband bob, I probably wouldn''t feel as comfortable bucking tradition as much as I am.

What are you thinking about the whole thing?

 

[zoebartlett]

Thanks so much for your detailed reply! My sister and I are missing the bridal gene too and I think my parents have given up hoping for the ultra-traditional wedding. If either one of us was going to choose to go the more traditional route, it would have been me (I am more traditional in some ways) but that's not happening.

When my sister got married, there was NO WAY she was wearing a wedding gown or having our dad give her away. She was very clear from the very beginning that she didn't want any of the traditional rituals. Her and her husband got married at a camp that they have been working at for years. There was a tent, dancing, a coffee house where guests had been invited and encouraged ahead of time to "perform" if they wanted. The ceremony was lovely - spiritual but not religious. My sister and her husband decided to have both families walk in together- my sister and her FI at the time, both parents, grandmothers, siblings, and close aunts. Both sets of parents, all 5 siblings, and a few extended family members did readings at the ceremony. They had a cocktail hour and then everyone made their way to the tent for dinner, the coffee house, dessert (no wedding cake but a fabulous dessert table), then dancing. To end the evening, they had a huge bonfire (again, this was at camp), complete with people playing their guitars, and muching on snacks such as s'mores and toasted marshmallows.

So anyway, my sister and her husband's wedding was exactly THEM. Maybe my FI and I haven't quite figured out what is US yet.

I think I mentioned that my FI is 35 and 36 - we'll be 36 and 34 when we get married. We own a condo, have lived together for a while now, we have cats, we had individual lives on our own before moving in together. I guess what I'm saying is that we're not just starting off in the "real world."

The things that are important to us are that good friends and family spend the day celebrating with us. We want the day to be special and memorable for our guests as well as us (my words). We want them to be comfortable, enjoy themselves, and be glad they came (his words). We want the ceremony to be meaningful but not religious. We also want the ceremony to be fairly short if possible. We're both quiet and neither one of us likes to be in the spotlight. Having a casual, relaxed reception like the one you're describing would take the pressure off, which is one of the reasons I like it so much.

I also like the idea of having it at different venues and other, more scenic areas of our state. There's the mountains, the seacoast, and a few local places too.

I forgot to mention the guest list. Right now, we're looking at anywhere from 80-120 guests. We're thinking maybe an 11:00 ceremony and then the reception. This way, our guests can still have part of the day to themselves if they wish.