LIWitis strikes again - Vent

[dreaming of the day]

Just found out some friends of SO and I''s got engaged. It is always so hard because I am thrilled for the couple (and genuinely thrilled), but at the same time that little bit of jelousy strikes. I don''t mean to be jelous, but it hurts and just makes me sad that I am not there yet, especially when we have been together more than three times longer. I guess this one stings cause I could have sworn we would get engaged first (I know I am being petty about the whole we have been together longer thing and that it doesn''t really matter, but I am upset so I am venting!)

 

[absolut_blonde]

I think it''s a normal reaction considering your LIW status. It does sting a bit. That hasn''t happened to me with any friends yet, but I have a boatload of acquaintances who ''lapped'' me and I have to admit, some of them... surprise (and ok, maybe even slightly irk) me. Doesn''t make you a bad person, IMO. It''s not like you''re posting on here that you hope they break up, while making a voodoo doll

Though to be honest, the best thing to do is just not think about it too much. For me, thinking about it makes me think about it more and then I start reading into things, it just becomes a miserable cycle! Go do something fun with your SO tonight and try to put it out of mind.

 

[vita*dolce]

ditto, ab!! i think your feelings are normal, and it definitely seems like you recognize that they''re not entirely rational feelings. i''ve had this experience, too, but every couple is different. you''ll get there!! keep your chin up, even though it can be trying to be a LIW, you''re in a wonderful relationship and that makes you so lucky!!

 

[jcarlylew]

oh vent away! I was feeling that way last weekend when i meet up with some friends who started dating one month before E and I, and just got married last week

BUT that only puts the idea more into E''s head

 

[GoingCrazy29]

Here is the perfect place to get those feelings out, because lots of us (including me, big time) are having the same feelings.

Just last week as FF and I were talking about our engagement timeline (hopefully BY April), one of our good friends called to tell us he proposed. Although I was really happy for him, my eyes almost teared up because I''m just so ready for US to be making those calls...

Oh well, I''m focusing on the fact that we actually have a timeline and I can just look forward to it being me while being happy for all of my friends! Plus, he moves back into my town in December- so I''m trying to focus on that being my main excitement!

Hang in there girl!

 

[dreaming of the day]

Thanks for letting me vent, and for being so understanding. I can''t shake the feeling of ''almost in tears'', and at the same time be excited for my friends. The thing is these friends are in the same position financially as us, and they too are living with the rents'' so it just makes me feel like ''they can do it, why can''t we?''

I''ll get over it, and as jcarlylew said it puts in their heads, and we have a timeline to look forward to. I will think positive!

 

[Dreamgirl]

I can understand how you feel because I sort of feel the same way when I hear about this kind of stuff. It''s not that I mean to feel that way, it just happens!

 

[Blair138]

Date: 8/26/2008 5:12:16 PM
Author: dreaming of the day
Thanks for letting me vent, and for being so understanding. I can''t shake the feeling of ''almost in tears'', and at the same time be excited for my friends. The thing is these friends are in the same position financially as us, and they too are living with the rents'' so it just makes me feel like ''they can do it, why can''t we?''


I''ll get over it, and as jcarlylew said it puts in their heads, and we have a timeline to look forward to. I will think positive!

DOTD-Sorry you are feeling this way, I know EXACTLY how you feel, it didn''t happen with friends, but acquaitances and would really upset me, our friend''s sister got engaged to a guy she had BROKEN UP WITH! He showed up on her doorstep with a ring (seriously) and proposed in order to get her back and she said YES! I almost cried over this one because the girl had been BROKEN UP WITH THE GUY! I promise, you get over it eventually. And about your comment that I bolded, just because they can do it, doesn''t mean you WANT TO. As much as you want to get engaged (and trust me, I remember how that feels) you want to do it on your own terms when you guys have enough saved or whatever the case may be. I know it is really hard now, but once you get engaged, you won''t even remember this junk (I speak from experience, so I promise you

)

 

[Deelight]

Date: 8/26/2008 5:12:16 PM
Author: dreaming of the day
Thanks for letting me vent, and for being so understanding. I can''t shake the feeling of ''almost in tears'', and at the same time be excited for my friends. The thing is these friends are in the same position financially as us, and they too are living with the rents'' so it just makes me feel like ''they can do it, why can''t we?''


I''ll get over it, and as jcarlylew said it puts in their heads, and we have a timeline to look forward to. I will think positive!

It doesn''t make you a bad person for feeling the sting, heck I have officially been lapped by every single one of my friends that is in a couple and around my age (actually I am the oldest) and as much as your happy for them it does make you feel a little crappy at the same time.

On the upside, you have a timeline you know it will happen sometime before then and from my experience the closer it gets to the end of that line the little stingy feeling goes away and you can just enjoy being happy for your friends.

Just try and enjoy this time of being the GF it will be over before you know it, and when the going gets tough you can always post here and we will make you feel better .

 

[aggal06]

You are not alone, girl! Most of my friends beat me to engagement and I know it stinks. My boyfriend and I have dated 5.25 years and most of them have only dated a year to two years before hand. Even his brother only dated his new fiance for a year and a half (that one really stung me). They just recently got engaged. I fortunately have a friend that is in the same position as me. They started dating a month after my bf and I did. We like to vent to each other about it and I think it helps . That way our bf''s don''t have to hear us vent to them about it. I''m going to be so thrilled when they get engaged because I know what she''s going through. So keep venting here on the forum. It really helps control the LIWitis! I usually get over the jealousy part of it after a few days. I think jealousy in this situation is just a normal thing that people have to go through. Good luck!

 

[Izzy03]

Congratulations! You are human!

When this type of jealousy would hit me, I always felt like a horrible person! But the feelings passed, and I realized I didn''t wish ill upon others who "beat me", I just wanted to be engaged too.

It will pass, and probably again, but trust me, once it finally happens you wouldn''t want to change a thing!

 

[Blackpaw]

Aahh i know how you feel! So vent vent vent away

it is hard after all... and it doesnt mean you dont love your friends!

 

[dreaming of the day]

Thanks again everyone for your non-judgemental support!!! I feel better now, you were right it just takes a little time to get used to. However, I have become extremely obsessed about weddings again. I am always obsessed but it has gotten to the point that I have a hard time getting to sleep because I am thinking of wedding stuff that I can do - and I am not engaged yet! Plus I bought my first wedding magazine the other day - what is wrong with me - I can''t seem to shake it!

 

[SparklyLibra]

Date: 8/26/2008 3:33:24 PM
Author: absolut_blonde
I think it''s a normal reaction considering your LIW status. It does sting a bit. That hasn''t happened to me with any friends yet, but I have a boatload of acquaintances who ''lapped'' me and I have to admit, some of them... surprise (and ok, maybe even slightly irk) me. Doesn''t make you a bad person, IMO. It''s not like you''re posting on here that you hope they break up, while making a voodoo doll

Though to be honest, the best thing to do is just not think about it too much. For me, thinking about it makes me think about it more and then I start reading into things, it just becomes a miserable cycle! Go do something fun with your SO tonight and try to put it out of mind.

Great advice AB! it''s so true that thinking about it just leads to more thinking about it!

 

[sammyj]

I feel the exact same way as my BF and I had a discussion on the engagement topic yesterday that made me cry. It is only natural for you to feel anxious, sad, jealous, confused....

As absolut_bunny said, the best way to get over it is to just live in the moment and enjoy your time with your BF. You''ll be surprised how easily you can put it out of your mind...if even for a little bit.

What did we do yesterday after our talk? We went grocery shopping (a favourite activity of mine) and made dinner together.

 

[emeraldlover1]

I had a conversation a few weeks ago with my fiance right after we got engaged that brought some light on my situation. We have been together for over 5 years and in that time I was lapped by many of our mutual friends. Sometimes I got jealous, sometimes not. In the end, it doesn''t matter. My fiance mentioned that had we met a year and a half ago that we''d probably be getting engaged at the same time. Meaning that we were bound to get engaged when we were ready. I hope that makes sense. Basically he wasn''t ready when we were younger, he was ready this year so it wouldn''t have mattered how long we were together. He said he always knew I was the one for him, that was never a question, more he needed to feel ready for marrige. Knowing this made me feel so much better about how long we have been together.