Long Distance Relationships...

[Amanda.Rx]

Hey Ladies!

Have any of you every done a long distance relationship? I''m in one now, pretty much.

My wonderful boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 3 years, looking at engagement rings, and spending lots of time on the phone!

We''ve never spent a summer together, but this coming year, he will spending an entire year in Germany. He''s been in Washington DC all summer doing an internship- I get to see him about once a month, but when he goes to Germany, I won''t see him for 3 months at a time.

I knew it was coming... and I''m OK with it, but I''m sad. He came to visit this past weekend, and it was wonderful, but it''s SO hard to say goodbye to the person you love when you know it will be another month before your next hug or kiss.

Have any of you experienced this? If so, how did you cope? I''m madly in love with him, and the distance isn''t a strain on our relationship at all- I''m just really sad and lonely!

 

[radiantquest]

i cant say that i understand. i believe though that absence makes the heart grow fonder. i think that knowing that you dont have every day together really makes you cherish your time together. sometimes i try to get away even. the important thing is that you have quality time which may be better than quantitiy. chin-up. you will make it. you can still talk on the phone when he is in germany cant you? i hope so. do you write love letters?

 

[PearlDahhhling]

I definitely agree with Radiant in that whole "absence makes the heart grow fonder" belief. I personally haven''t been in a LDR but I know that when I was away from FF last summer for a week at a family members wedding across the country it was AWFUL! So I can only imagine how hard 3 months will be! But I do believe that distance can make strong relationships even stronger. It''s easy to take someone for granted if you see them everyday, but like Radiant said, when you have limited time to spend together, it makes it all the more special when you actually ARE together, and it makes you both cherish each moment. And if you two don''t already write love letters, I think that it would be a terribly romantic thing to do while he is in Germany! Good luck!

 

[princesss]

I planned. Planned planned planned. Planned special surprises for him. Planned ways to feel more attractive and confident and happy so that when he came I felt like myself but times a billion. I planned projects for myself that would take a while (and end just before I saw him). I wrote letters and e-mails and text messages. I got Skype and called him each night.

I''ve done LDRs a few times, and they''re never easy, but always worth it. You really don''t waste a moment when you''re together.

You also have PS to help. There will be days when it''s miserable and it sucks and you just want it to be over, but it''ll be okay.

*hugs*

 

[TravelingGal]

Been there, done that, twice.

First was SoCal to Jersey. That one died.

Second was So Cal to South Australia. That one lived to be my husband.

We only saw each other 4 times in 2 years...how''s that for sucky eh? One time we went SEVEN months without seeing each other.

I coped by having a great life of my own. Didn''t help the ache, but it did help the time go by faster.

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 8/2/2008 12:10:19 AM
Author: TravelingGal
We only saw each other 4 times in 2 years...how''s that for sucky eh? One time we went SEVEN months without seeing each other.


I coped by having a great life of my own. Didn''t help the ache, but it did help the time go by faster.

Yeah, this is basically how it was for me. I worked a lot, to keep myself busy and to earn extra money to fly to see him in the UK (I was in the US). We did that for two and a half years, and then upgraded to being in the same country but still 200 miles apart, so we saw each other once every couple of weeks instead of two or three times a year. It sucks, but it is so much better knowing exactly when you''ll see each other again than when you don''t. Trust me. That takes ''suck'' to a whole new level.

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

I know some of you ladies, and others on PS, have been in super-LDRs - and I have to say I admire you all immensely for it! BF and I have been apart for 7 weeks - the longest apart before now was 3 weeks during the holidays. It probably doesn''t seem like that long to some of you - but our time difference (I''m in Japan, he''s in NY) has been killer, as well as crazy work schedules. Even though I''m here, and having a great time and experience (that I''m lucky to have), it''s no exaggeration to say that I''ve been counting down the summer weeks since...oh...Week 1. BF''s much more practical than I am (lol) but he was right when he said this is good for us to take a step back, and make sure our relationship''s strong enough to get through the summer (and it is, knock on wood!), especially since we see each other a LOT more frequently when we''re home (we go to school together, live together, etc.). So Amanda, I wish you the best of luck in the next 7 months, and keep busy! Reconnect with friends, take mini-weekend trips with them, and also take care of yourself. And like Princesss said, there''s always PS

 

[aliciagirl]

SO and I are also LD and I can relate to that feeling of sadness and loneliness. I try to just keep busy. School definitely keeps me busy most of the time and I like to read and scrapbook. I''ve also started watching a lot more TV.

It was really hard for me because I don''t really enjoy the whole party scene and it''s hard to make friends at 22 who enjoy quiet evenings in. It really lets me focus hard on school and it''s also made me appreciate going to the gym and working out. I don''t know when you guys start therapeutics, but ours was during our second year and well, that kept me pretty insanely busy.

I also always have a shirt or something of his that I can cuddle up to when I sleep. It''s not exactly the same but it does help your heart a little when it''s a really hard day.

I''ve never done the really, really long distance thing, but I imagine the same things would help. I''m moving in with SO in exactly a month from today (after doing LD for over 2 years) and looking back, I feel proud of myself for handling so many things on my own. It definitely is liberating to know that you can rely on yourself.

 

[Sabine]

I studied abroad in college, so I was away from now dh for about 4.5 months (although he did visit once). I think the hardest part was the very beginning, when he was at home wanting to hear every little thing about what I was doing, and I was still trying to get acclimated to a new country, find my way around, get settled, etc. Once I was settled and we worked out a schedule of when we could normally talk it was much easier.

I totally feel for you. My dh is in the Navy, so we are expecting to do some LD in the near future, and are not looking forward to it. Having an end date is definitely a help though! Oh, one other thing we did in college was give each other one small gift to open every week (I think it was 1, you could do every month, and then you have something special each month to remind you the other person still loves you.

 

[cbs102]

I have done the lost distance relationship thing twice. the first time, i was in college and my then boyfriend went off to the marines. the day he left i wrote him a letter and i continued to write him a letter a day until he came home. the long distance was so so hard but i felt so close to him mentally... we really established wonderful communication skills. obviously that relationship did not work out... he became very abusive..

my now fiance and i also started our relationship long distance. we lived in different states and we would see each other every other weekend. there is no doubt about it, it is hard as hell.. but you become great at communicating with one another and that helped us so much when we moved in with one another. we were able to talk through our problems instead of running away from them

you guys will be fine. it is so hard, cherish the time that you have with one another.. write letters, cards and emails and get a great long distance plan...

good luck!!

 

[Amanda.Rx]

Thanks, ladies!

It is hard... and agree that the beginning is the worst.

I can count 4 airports that I''ve cried in- and I''ve done it in the driveway numerous times... I HATE goodbyes... hate them! I''ve never gotten through a single one without crying!

I like all of the love note, letter writing, and gift giving ideas. We do some of that anyways, but I''ve started a journal too... I''m hoping that will help some and give me an opportunity to write at night.

But anywho... I''m sure there will be more posts to come from me and my lonesome!

Thanks for the support! *hugs*

 

[star sparkle]

Hey Amanda,

FI and I were in a LDR for 3 years, me in CA and he in London. One thing that we started doing that really helped was that we kept a little journal together. I would have it for a couple of weeks and write in it everyday about things I had done that day, what I was thinking, and really anything I wanted. Then I would send it to him, and he would read it and then he would keep it for a few weeks and do the same thing. We sent it back and forth many times, and it was just a really nice way to feel connected in each other''s daily lives.

People were always amazed that we were able to keep our relationship strong over the 5000+ miles for so long, but we always said that it was hard, but in the end it would be worth it. And it totally was worth it! Everything worked out.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

It sounds like it would extremely hard...and very lonely. I wish you comfort and happiness during his absence