long engagement exhaustion

[sumbride]

We''ve been engaged for one year and 3 days. Our wedding is still 60 days away. I realize this isn''t "that long" of an engagement, but at this point, it feels like it''s taking forever!!! People at work keep asking me "when is the wedding?" and are surprised that it isn''t next week. I''m tired. I think I''m kind of "over" the whole planning thing... but I still have stuff to do. We still need to:

- design and print and assemble programs
- decide on wedding toss, purchase and assemble
- finish the music list and get songs to dj for editing
- order the GM''s formal wear
- find shoes for FI
- buy parents'' gifts
- take dance lessons
- decide on contents of out of town bags and assemble
- rehearsal dinner invitations
- "night after" dinner invitations
- decide on and purchase GM gifts
- signage for getting to wedding
- toasts and such
- bridesmaid luncheon invitations

The wedding invitations are going out this week. I''m lucky that my mom and her friends are addressing them. I suppose it will help when the RSVPs start coming in, but I''m just so burnt out!!! My bacherlorette is in 2 weeks and I''m looking forward to going out to the mountains with my girls and getting away from it, but as most of them are in the wedding, will I really be "getting away" from it?

How did/do you cope with planning burnout?

 

[decodelighted]

Why not take a "wedding free week" ... just decide not to talk about or do anything re: the wedding for a solid week. If people call -- say I''m not discussing it until ___ date.

60 days out, a week won''t kill you -- and it''ll just make you more focused & efficient when the week is over.

BTW -- have you noticed the same thing with celeb pregnancies ... it''s like: haven''t they had that baby YET???? And that''s only 9 months ... generally 6 months of public knowledge & maybe 3-4 months of "showing". People just like to get things over with ... don''t take it personally!

 

[zoebartlett]

Summer, it sounds like everything is going well. There is an end in sight to all the hard work you''ve done.

I can''t say I''m completely burned out yet since my wedding isn''t until next July, but I''ve had a few moments where I''ve been stressed. We have the officiant, the DJ, and the photographer booked, and a block of hotel rooms near our venue has been reserved. We''re planning our RD BBQ on the hotel''s lawn (in a private area), so we''re talking with the caterer to get price quotes. I asked my sister to be my MOH and my FI is deciding who he wants to ask to be his best man. The girl who is working on our save the dates and invitations is in the middle of sketching out ideas for us. I have my dress, veil and jewelry.

I think we''re in a good place now so I''m thinking of winding down for the time being. I wish my FI''s parents wanted to get involved but they''re leaving everything up to us. I know some would see this as a blessing but it leaves me feeling like they don''t want to be involved in the planning of their son''s wedding. For some reason, I take that personally. If I could hand off just ONE THING for them to take care of, I would.

I''ve been trying to think of it as a part time job since I have the summer free for the most part. When I begin to get stressed out, I remind myself that it could be worse - I could be doing all of this while teaching during the school year. Yes, I''m lucky to have the time now to devote to planning. My FI''s also been involved with most things so far, so that''s been great.

Sorry if I rambled! I hope I actually answered your question!

 

[sumbride]

A wedding-free week sounds delightful... but will be hard to implement! Which is probably why I''m so burned out... but maybe if I take the time and spend it playing with my new kitten and not thinking about vellum and guest books, it would do me some MAJOR good. But FI is NOT allowed to be part of this because I just got him rolling on his duties... i.e. the music and the formalwear. Though if I don''t bring up the wedding, he''s not really likely to.

Zoe... I hear you on the FIL''s thing... M''s mom isn''t in the least bit interested in helping. Oh sure, she has opinions... but they aren''t constructive! In fact, M and his mom "aren''t speaking" right now over the jr. bm''s shoes. yes. Really. I''m staying out of it. I bet that has something else to do with the burnout.

 

[rainbowtrout]

Yeeeeeah, I hear you. We have a slightly over 2 yr engagement. People keep asking, I finally made a webpage to point them to!

 

[E B]

Ugh, I hear you. We''re at 53 days out, and I still have so much to do, yet I''m really tired of planning. Let it be September 29th already!

 

[blushingbride]

I'm at 18 days and counting and I must say that I am completely burned out! Everyday and everynight there is always something to do. Plus, we are trying not to do much the week of since a lot of my FI's family are flying in from Europe so he wants to spend time with them. Anyway, I was engaged for just under a year and it was honestly the longest year of my life!!

I still have to assemble welcome boxes, buy bridesmaids gifts, buy rehearsal dinner dress, finalize place cards with calligrapher, look for jewelry for bridesmaids, finalize songs for DJ, finish shower thank you notes and our dance lessons start tomorrow.

My head is spinning just thinking about everything!

 

[sumbride]

a RD dress? ARGH! I forgot that too!!!

Rainbow - I don''t know how you do it... but I''m glad I''m not going through what you are. Morrocco must be a little distracting though.

 

[cara]

Sumbride, you are totally where I was a month ago. I was two months away from the wedding, I had already been engaged for a year, there was a ton of stuff to do that needed to be done NOW and I was really really ready to be done.

Prior to that, when I got burned out on wedding I''d just take a break - a week or a month or whatever. But at two months out, breaks are not a great option. There is to much to be done to stay on top of things.

What saved me was two things. One was that my FI finished residency and returned to being a useful collaborator in wedding planning. Second was lists. We just started making lists and tackling things on it and assigning tasks. I assigned a lot of stuff to my FI.

I also started taking shortcuts and doing the minimum and making decisions quicker and without such exhaustive research as before. FI did drive me a little crazy cause he wasn''t burned out and wanted to explore other options and still wouldn''t make up his mind on certain items in his domain (his ring, tuxes for guys, groomsman gifts) but he really stepped up and did certain things (that I''m really glad we have now but I wouldn''t have done on my own.)

So I don''t know if you can lean more on your FI or not, but its worth a shot, even if he also has stuff on his personal list. Otherwise, make detailed lists and just start tackling it. Checking items off as easily as you can.

Also, maybe not taking a whole week off but try one night. We went to a baseball game last weekend and it was really fun to do something non-wedding out on the town.

Good luck! It will be over before you know it!

 

[sumbride]

Thanks Cara! That''s exactly how I''m feeling!

FI is actually just about to bow out to football season... argh... but I think that he only gets a pass on Sundays... and Mondays, and sometimes Thursdays and occasionally Saturdays...

He''ll have to deal with the wedding all the other times though! He has finally started dealing with the music. He said last night "oh wow, it''s 2 months away!" and revealed that he''d been thinking it was so far away he still had plenty of time, but he''s realized that he doesn''t now so I expect him to get stuff done... like sending out the GM measurement cards so that they are back in before the Sept. 1st deadline. He did sort of humor me when I was talking about the lavender toss last night. We talked dimensions of baggies and he could participate in that.

 

[Pandora II]

I have a 19 month engagement with just under 12 months left to go.

Other than booking the venue and photographer I''ve just looked at bridal **** and thought about the general look of the day and found sources for bits and pieces.

I haven''t even tried a dress on yet

It''s been quite nice as I haven''t felt stressed about it at all so far, but my ideas list is slowly taking shape which will help I hope i the last 6 months.

I would try getting away from the whole thing for a few days and then you come back with more energy and fresh eyes to look at things!

 

[janinegirly]

hi sum, dont worry, you''re just having a temporary burn out. we all do!! you don''t have a long engagement at all, i hear 1 yr is the average, so you''re right on target. as you know there are girls here who are planning 2009 weddings! now that would drive me batty!

looking at your list of things to do, it looks pretty manageable for 60 days..so enough time to get things done, but not too much time that it seems forever away. there are also some things there that you could eliminate if you really wanted to. you can also delegate items since when it''s this close, people are more willing.
so just take a break/breather from it all, or go for some drinks with friends..and soon it''ll be 40 days, 20, 10....

 

[janinegirly]

ebree--we''re date twins! sept 29th..yeaaa!

 

[sumbride]

Last night we went out to a neighborhood bar and only talked about the wedding a LITTLE bit! That''s progress! And the only reason it came up is the jukebox was full of disco music so FI started asking about more songs for his list. We had a good evening with our neighbors and I felt refreshed. I''m a wee bit hungover today, but don''t feel I have to figure out everyhting this morning!

 

[rainbowtrout]

Sum: it works fine because I only think about it when I want to be happily distracted with pretty pictures. I don''t worry a ton about it yet, I''m sure I will!


Seriously, here is the text from the wedding page I just made, I would give the link but it has my real name:

Right now, what I have is a fairly firm date, a location, and a formality level. In the coming months I''ll be putting up useful things such as information on accommodation, flights, fun things to do in and around Boston, directions to the ceremony and reception, our registry, all that useful stuff.

So without further ado:

Date: May 25, 2008. Close family and friends: if you have a conflict with this date, speak up soon or forever hold your peace.

Location: The home of Col. Robert and Catherine ***** in Dunstable, MA. (slightly north of Boston). Both the ceremony and reception will be held outside in the back garden, weather permitting. If it isn''t permitting, well, we''ll figure out something. It might involve getting married in the kitchen, but hey, we''ll still be married, and you''ll still be there to celebrate with us, and that''s what it''s all about.

Dress: Semiformal to formal, with a shoe caveat--remember you will be walking on a lawn, so stiletto heels might not be the wisest idea in the world.


So....yeah. I''m not the most wedding-stresser type person in the world, although I have my moments!!!

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 8/7/2007 2:53:53 PM
Author: cara
I also started taking shortcuts and doing the minimum and making decisions quicker and without such exhaustive research as before. !

YES!!! I remember this stage too ... the "let''s git ''er done" stage!!! It *does* help to kinda give yourself permission for things to be "okay" & not "perfect". Usually they end up pretty awesome anyway w/ MUCH less time/energy/waffling. Somehow being RUTHLESS keeps you focused & somewhat calm. At least it did for me. Also if you look at the list with two things in mind: a) can this be eliminated entirely b) who else could do this for me.

 

[ChargerGrrl]

Date: 8/8/2007 9:24:28 AM
Author: sumbride
Last night we went out to a neighborhood bar and only talked about the wedding a LITTLE bit! That''s progress! And the only reason it came up is the jukebox was full of disco music so FI started asking about more songs for his list. We had a good evening with our neighbors and I felt refreshed. I''m a wee bit hungover today, but don''t feel I have to figure out everyhting this morning!

Sum- glad to hear that you took a night "off" and this morning feel relaxed about making decisions. awww- the power of booze!

 

[Kit]

Girlfriend, I just wanted to chime in and say, I hear you. We''ve been engaged for 19 months and our wedding is in March. 7 months to go! I am so over it...

I kind of feel like I never had that giddy, just engaged phase because we got engaged and a couple months later decided to have a really long engagement to give me time to go to grad school...then we had to push back our date even further due to family issues. When strangers find out I''m engaged they''re so excited, and I''m like, Hmmm yeah thanks.

All I can say is, in a few years you will just look back fondly on your wedding day and not remember how dull it was to have a long engagement. That''s what I''m hoping.