Looking at rings together..

[princess_natalie]

Hi everyone,

I am new here! I stumbled across the board in a fit of insomnia worrying about some new developments..

and asking google whether you should shop for a ring together.. and I am so relieved to be able to post here!

To give some background information - my boyfriend and I have been together for about 2 years. We know we are each other''s "the one" and look forward to getting married. We talk about it all the time! And incredibly so, its initiated equally by both of us. For various reasons that can stray this post off track, our plan is to get engaged next year...

This past weekend, we were at a mall and we walked by a jewellery store and he looked at me and asked, "Do you want to go in and look at engagement rings

?" I just about died! I was so excited.. I even got a bit teary.

So, we looked.. and then later in the weekend, talked about this one ring - a Scott Kay Crown Setting - that I had once showed him a picture of from a wedding magazine. I am in love with this ring - he knows it. We proceeded to look up more about Scott Kay designs and research different things having to do with rings...

And he even told me that he doesn''t want me to think that he asked us to look together because he has a blank slate.. That is re-assuring.

We then found a jeweller in our area that sells Scott Kay and I asked him if he wants to go see them.. He was totally enthusiastic about it.. But for some reason, I am not...

Suddenly, I am worried that the surprise - the romance - the specialness - has been taken away..

At first I thought, I rather him get me a ring we find and agree I like than to find one I love with him and he pick another one that I will compare it to the rest of my life..

But now.. I think I rather the romanticism of the surprise?

But how can that even be possible when he now knows that that particular Scott Kay ring is my to-die-for-number-one-choice?

I don''t know what to do.. I want to talk to him about it, obviously.. My fears and such, but its 2 am so I''ll wait till the morning.. So, I''m posting here - hopefully for some advice from the LIW about what you think about shopping for rings together?

If anyone knows of anyone who has.. or anyone is shopping together.. pros? cons?

I can see where it is a VERY good thing.. and yet, now.. I feel like I have doomed the proposal..

Thanks for reading & I look forward to anything anyone has to offer.

 

[FrekeChild]

This is my engagement stone thread. Link

He gave up control of the stone to me. I am giving control of the setting to him. Plus, I don''t care anymore. I gave him a general idea of what I want, and I want nothing to do with it.

It has nothing to do with being surprised or the romanticism. Having said all of that, I chose the stone from pictures on the internet, but I don''t see it until he proposes. FF likes it, the cutter likes it, fantastic. I''m sure it''ll be great.

 

[honey22]

Don''t stress about it! I understand your feelings.

FI gave met the go-ahead to pic my ering, have it shipped to Australia and put in our safe for him to ''suprise me'' with. So, I even got to try it on. Well, he held that little stunner hostage for nearly 5 months before he popped the question, and even though I knew it was on the cards at any time (always had perfect nails in readiness for the occasion), my heart skipped a beat and I was totally floored when he dropped to one knee and presented that ring. It sounds silly but I was still shocked and overwhelmed and excited that it was happening! It didn''t ruin it all for me. We got the best of both worlds, a ring I truly love, and he got to suprise me with the ring I truly love that I will wear for the rest of my life.

The biggest suprise for me was that he waited 5 months to do it!! I couldn''t believe it, the patient little bugger

 

[fieryred33143]

I was the one that did the research on the diamond, went with him to the jewelry exchange, tried on my ring, was there when he bought the ring, saw him bring it inside our home, eventually found the hiding spot, and knew exactly where it was until he proposed.

And yet...the day he proposed was the greatest day of my life.

Research to your heart''s content. It''s still not going to take away from the moment.

 

[SparklyLibra]

Welocme Princess Natalaie

I know where you''re coming from about wanting the romance that comes with the surprise....

At first I wanted to be all in the process of my ring shopping too, but my S/o managed to convince me that it was important to him to have that thrill of shopping behind my back and me being blind-sided by the actual proposal. I really didnt get what the big deal was, I mean, we have dates and alternate dates in mind already

He managed to get it thru my thick skull that it really meant alot to him for me to let it go and let him do what he has in mind to do..... I finally get it now, but worry that i ruined it already..

In my situation he knows my "to die for" cut, setting, and specs too. At this point you can let him know that even though you''ve been so involved in the process that you don''t want to miss out on that flutter in your tummy that comes with a surprise. Just be honest with him, let him know how much the surprise would mean to you, and hand over the reigns where timing for the actual proposal is concerned. I''m sure he will find a unique & creative way to surprise you.

HTH,

SparklyLibra

 

[EmptyLeftHand]

Date: 9/16/2008 1:54:10 AM
Author:princess_natalie
Hi everyone,


We then found a jeweller in our area that sells Scott Kay and I asked him if he wants to go see them.. He was totally enthusiastic about it.. But for some reason, I am not...

Suddenly, I am worried that the surprise - the romance - the specialness - has been taken away..

Hello!
I can''t seem to highlight the bit of the quote I want to, but the bit that struck me was that he was "totally enthusiastic" about seeing the rings with you. Just run with it! He might just be really pleased to see you so excited trying on rings and he might appreciate your extra help in picking the ring out. It is a big purchase and a big responsibility for your BF to take on and he maybe wants to make it a joint venture. Either way, when he asks the question I am sure you won''t be thinking "hang on, this isn''t romantic"

Instead you''ll be totally delighted!

 

[dcgator]

Hi Natalie,

First off, welcome to PS. I am sure that you will find the kind of support you are looking for here

.

As for being involved in picking the ring, I feel the same way as a few of the other ladies have in that being involved in the ring/diamond choice in no way makes for a less romantic experience. I have been extremely involved in picking both the e-ring and the diamond. In fact, we are in the process of getting a diamond now. At first, I think I had some of your reservations about picking it with him as well. But, as my e-ring choice has changed three times throughout the process, I have thought that being involved is good for several reasons. 1) If I hadn''t been involved, he might still have gotten the first setting I looked at, and while beautiful, I may have wanted more of a say after the fact. 2) Especially in diamond selection, but in e-rings in general, you will learn that man are otherwise clueless when it comes to the whole process. They definitley need a bit of education when it comes to places to buy and what to look for. While they could take the advice of some brick and mortar jeweler who is just looking to push his own product, woudln''t it be better for him if you all got educated together from a number of sources so you get a higher quality product at a better price. 3) As I told my FF, however he wants to do the proposal, I''m sure it will be great and romantic, and his, and that is going to be the part that I really remember. Finally 4) My FF sent me an email yesterday thanking me for all the tips and help and saying how he couldn''t have done this without me. I think that says it all and makes me certain that being involved is not a bad thing at all.

I wish you good luck in your search and just have fun with it. Either way, you will get the setting you want, and the proposal will be just as lovely.

PS I was looking at a Scott Kay as well, but decided on a Ritani setting. I would also recommend you check out Jeff Cooper, as his designs are somewhat similar to Scott Kay.

 

[LaraOnline]

You could always get him to venture out once or twice .. and then get you to come along and pick between a selection of, say, five. That would be my dream.
My man didn''t step foot inside a jewellery store...hmmm I don''t know what that says about him!
Personally, I would almost definitely require some input into the ring design. I can''t imagine having to wear a ring that I hated, forever... I don''t understand why the lucky dip is in itself that romantic... but to each their own.
You might get a better budget if he does some shopping on his own. Men can be startlingly out of the loop when it comes to jewellery costs unless they actually go looking themselves!
I guess love the man, then you eventually love the ring, no matter what the style.
I had a really hard time deciding myself, and I can''t imagine a man sweating sooo much about it.
The idea of stone (his choice) and setting (hers)is an interesting idea, too.

 

[Inanna]

Hi Princess Natalie!

I think you can see from the variety of responses, that every couple needs to decide what works for them when it comes to ring shopping. If your "gut" is telling you to remove yourself from the ring shopping process, well, that''s most likely what you should do. Now at least your boyfriend has an idea of what you like - there are still many details he has to finalize (including the center stone!). I am certain his proposal will be a delightful surprise and the happiest day of your life!

Personally, my boyfriend urged me to be involved in ring shopping. He already knew that I was not a round brilliant solitaire type of gal and I had dropped hints that I really wasn''t even sure about a center diamond (I think they''re beautiful, just not my style). Like you, I was initially worried about ruining the romance, but ultimately I had to just admit to myself, "I''m incredibly picky and he''s most likely terrified of disappointing me." Honestly, it''s made me love him even more that he was so concerned! So... I became involved. He made contact with several jewelry stores in our area. When those jewelers got stones in, I went along to look. It took 5 MONTHS for us to find a stone (a cushion cut natural ceylon sapphire) that we both loved! Luckily the shop that found that stone happened to be a custom design jeweler, so we decided to go custom all the way. I gotta tell you, it was a blast designing the setting (trapezoid side stones/micro-pave halo & split shank) with my boyfriend! Now, even though I was SO involved, I haven''t actually seen the finished product - I don''t even know if the jeweler is finished with it - and I AM SO EXCITED! I have NO IDEA when he''s going to propose and the anticipation is almost killing me!

Anyway, I''m sorry for writing so much. I just wanted to get the point across that an engagement is exciting and romantic regardless of what you''re involvement is with the ring.

Whatever you both decide, GOOD LUCK! I''m quite sure you''ll be ecstatic when that proposal comes along.

-Erin

 

[blondebunny]

My BF and I picked out my ring from start to finish I was there when he bought it... Sometimes i kinda wonder about will I be surprised... but I know I will be, I mean so what if u know wht the ring looks like... Id rather have helped picked out the ring then have to wear a ring on my finger that i hate... itd drive me batty everyday just thinking why would he pick out a ring I HATE?!? But I LOVE my ring

What you could do... assuming you have tried on that scott kay setting... just tell him you are going to step out of the procss now... I mean you wont know WHEN he buys it or if he decided to buy that one ya know!?!? Let him pick out the diamond and stuff... just tell him what you''d like and give him some good education from pricescope on diamonds!!

I mean afterall the surprise is when he proposes not really the ring right?? the proposal to me is the romantic part...

 

[absolut_blonde]

We've looked at some rings & I've given him ideas. I don't feel it takes away from anything at all. In fact, I'm glad we did because when we first set out I was thinking that I wanted a RB or princess cut. After looking around, I realized that princess cuts aren't 'me' at all and that I definitely want a RB. (I'm sure I would've grown to love a princess had he surprised me with it, but aesthetically I just much prefer RBs!)

SO has a few ring ideas I've sent him via email and that has pretty much ended my involvement in things. I gave him a few ideas - pave bands, plain bands, etc. Mostly I said I liked RB solitaires, the rest is up to you. It could happen any time within the next year or so and I would be completely surprised.

Simply looking doesn't mean you have to know when it's coming or how. If you're open to some of the other Scott Kay settings, you could give him a list of a few (3-4) so he can pick one - that will make the specifics of the ring a surprise as well as the proposal.

 

[jcarlylew]

wow.... I could tell my story, but i''d be repeating everyone else!

i do understand that it might feel like you are taking over, but trust us, if he wants to go shopping... GO FOR IT! i have two styles picked out (and we''re using my gma''s stone) so i dont know which style i will get, but thats not the surprise for me. its the actual proposal, to me, that is the romance. Just remember to step back regarding the actual proposal. Let him control that.

 

[trillionaire]

I definitely understand where you are coming from. I was formerly the type of romantic that wanted everything about the engagement to be a COMPLETE surprise! And that would have been fine, until I learned more information about rings! I would MUCH rather give some important input than get something that is not really me. Before, he just knew that I wanted a Trillion center. Then, for a while, I kind of hi-jacked the process

. I did ultimately decide that the final decisions should be his, so I gave him my wish list of cut parameters, color preference, setting ideas, band widths, etc. He has the stone, or the whole ring, but I have never seen it. I have no idea what I am getting, except that it will be a trillion

. If nothing else, I would WANT to give input because I will always have this ring to wear, and I would like something that looks like me. (and me is pretty non-traditional!)

So relax and enjoy. It''s great to try rings on. Some rings that you love will look great on, and others awful, and you won''t know until you try them. For example, I loved some of the complex pave bands, but they felt to wide and awkward on my finger. I prefer simple 2mm bands, or smaller if possible.

Also, congrats on such an enthused FF!!!

 

[sugarjo]

hey princess.
I can totally feel you. I felt the same way, I totally feel in love with a ring (Tiffany''s Novo) and that is all I wanted. FF and I started looking around, and after a few weeks, I told him that it was completely up to him. I felt like you do, that the surprise and romance was totally lacking. It sounds like your honey knows your style now! He clearly has good taste if he picked you, so why not let him off of the ring leash? Just an idea! Good luck!

 

[vita*dolce]

princess--

i understand where you''re coming from!! i feel that way too, and i''ve decided just to try not to be a part of the process any more. i''ve given my bf enough feedback that he should be able to do a good job all on his own, and your boyfriend is probably the same way. my advice is just to back off, since he has an idea of what you like he''ll probably do fine, and you won''t be so certain of budgets, time-frames, etc.

good luck! either way, i''m sure it will be wonderful! consider yourself lucky that you at least have some input!!

 

[PrincessDijon]

Hello Natalie and welcome to PS!

Honestly, all of the other ladies have covered all of the possible scenarios....being said, every couple is unique as are their circumstances, finances, feelings, ect. I agree with doing what your intuition tells you...every time I second guessed mine, I''ve regretted it (just my opinion).

It is definitely thrilling that your bf and you are on the same page in regards to ring shopping. It makes the process so much more enjoyable! Enjoy it!

 

[jaylex]

SO and I have been together for almost three years and we are in the same situation you are in. I was worried, at first, about looking for diamonds together..
i wanted to be taken by surprise and was afraid that it wouldn''t be as special if i helped pick it out.
But then I realized something...
Bf (bless his heart) knows even less than I do about diamonds. So i tried to "educate" him a little bit and he caught on to it really fast... especially when we started going into stores. but I was still uneasy. Especially since we ended up decided that we were probably going to get our diamond online... and some of the jewelers that sell online have been so sneaky that it is has been hard to tell if they were ripping us off. I realized that i was much more comfortable with selecting the diamond with him. I can see it only long enough to get it appraised and then... not again until we get engaged.. (which is probably in about 2 years.... my stepsister just got engaged and we don''t want to take away the specialness of this time for her... amoung other reasons.).

Also, he chose that our rings would be in yellow gold and he will choose the setting. So it will still be personal and a surprise!

And the way I see it, I know he is going to propse eventually... so knowing that he has a ring isn''t killing my suspense at all. I still don''t know when, how, or what the ring will look like!

Plus I figure I wouldn''t DARE try to buy a house without his oppinion and help. Buying a diamond is a big investment too!

Hope I helped!

 

[princess_natalie]

Ladies!

Wow! Wow! Wow!

I thought I signed up to receive an e-mail when someone replied to my thread, but apparently I didn''t. I got antsy and checked back and surprise - Thank you so much for all your input.

You have all really offered me every possible situation

There is so much comfort in my heart now. Thank you.

As of now - we are still going on Saturday to look more at the Scott Kay rings. From reading around the boards, I''ve seen that girls have changed their minds about what their style is after trying a few on, so I think it would be good. And, I am super thankful for having such an enthusiastic fellow to call my own.

He too has provided more reassurance that I will not know and it will be a surprise but he wants this to be romantic also - which is nice

I will definitely keep everyone posted as our journey continues

And, I sincerely hope to offer similar support in the future

<3