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Shiny_Rock
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Jun 25, 2005
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The good news...

We''ve started to plan for our wedding!!

found a wedding/reception site that we both like

http://www.southernmansion.com/

have found two phtographers, need to make final decision (tough for me since I''m on a budget but have a photo hobby of my own!!)

found a jazz trio, for the reception and that can play just accoustic guitar and flute for the ceremony (we''re thinking of walking down the aisle together to someone to watch over me)....bonus, they''re quite reasonable.

Here''s the problem. We are becoming overwhelmed with...$1500. deposit here, $1,000 deposit there. We''ll be ok it''s just making our head spin right now.

Eric''s parents are thrilled with the plans and have offered financial assist, which was so sweet of them...we did not ask, they just want to particitpate.

My dad, who is not financially well off, has said that we also wants to contribute. I said dont''worry dad, it is my 2nd wedding, I don''t expect anything...he said "you''re my daughter, I should help you with all your weddings"
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What a guy!

Let me get to the point.

My mother and her husband will not offer a dime. But they will come to the event and enjoy it.

yes, I''ve been married before, I won''t get into details but let me just say that EVERYONE is thrilled that I found someone who is decent and kind...even my ex mother in law is on the guest list and she''s thilled, too. My Eric has asked to forget the past...that our wedding is about us...I''m not his second time bride...I am his bride and he loves me...life is good.

I''m considering asking my mom to pay for the music. They''re not around now since they travel all the time and spend a lot of time golfing...maybe a nice email...over the phone? How?

A part of me HATES to ask for anything. I put myself through college, and have been self reliant. I''ve never asked them for anything, nor have they offered. That''s ok.

My mother is very interested in the wedding plans and wants the event to be nice. THe music is (suprisingly) going to be the least expensive aspect of the wedding.

I feel a little embarassed, resentful, hurt...you name it. It would make me feel better if she made an effort. On the other hand, why should this be any different. It will all come together and be beautiful with or without support.

I feel a little weird, like I have my hand out. But I really could relate to Punchinpie when she mentioned that some in the family were treated better than others. I could write a book.

That''s why I''m coming here, airing my dirty laundry...sorry.

Please no flaming...I already feel awkward brigging this up at all.
 
First off I want to say congrats on all the planning you''ve done so far! and that mansion looks gorgeous!
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About your mom, I really don''t know! If it were me, I''d probably have the same feelings- kinda hurt, embarrassed, etc... but like you say, if you''ve been so independent, she may not think that you need any help.

perhaps you could throw it in during a conversation, say regarding the music - hey mom, I found this jazz group I think you''d really like, but they''re a bit over our budget... and kinda feel her out. It''s definitely something I would try to do at least over the phone, if not in person - It''s easier to send an email but for something like this I think it should be directly from you.

really though, why is it that you want your mom to put in money? It seems like from what you said, you can make it out alright with what you have, is it really that you just want some gesture from your mom on her part to feel like she cares? you mention that you related to PnP about unfair treatment of siblings.. is it really that you just want to feel like you''re being treated equally? If that''s the case, IMO, you should let it go... because, like MY mom says, nothing is fair in this life!
 
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