Lost loved ones....

[Pushin40]

Just a question for any brides and grooms that have alraedy lost a parent:

How did you honor them at your wedding?

Both of my parents are gone and FI lost his dad a few years ago, so all we have is his Mom.

What''s a good way to incorporate them into the celebration of the day without being so over the top that I will just cry the entire time? I''m still extremely emotional over the loss....

I''m open to any suggestions. It''s very important to me that I do something, but I''m just not sure where to go with this.

Thank you!

 

[Bella_mezzo]

Pushin 40, I am sorry for your loss

I''m not sure how to work them into the ceremony. We made a donation in our grandparent''s honor as part of our favors. People appreciated that, and we felt like we were honoring them as part of our big day.

I know some people use candles, or a a rose on a designated chair to honor someone. I probably would have cried seeing that though. Also, I carried special earrings that my grandfather gave to my grandmother as part of my bouquet (they were like decorations on the bouquet wrap).

 

[dani2142]

Date: 1/19/2010 1:09:41 PM
Author:Pushin40
Just a question for any brides and grooms that have alraedy lost a parent:

How did you honor them at your wedding?

Both of my parents are gone and FI lost his dad a few years ago, so all we have is his Mom.

What''s a good way to incorporate them into the celebration of the day without being so over the top that I will just cry the entire time? I''m still extremely emotional over the loss....

I''m open to any suggestions. It''s very important to me that I do something, but I''m just not sure where to go with this.

Thank you!

Hi Pushin40. My fiance'' lost his Dad to Pulmonary Fibrosis in 07''. He was 59 years old. We are having a destination wedding and are thinking about having a single rose on a chair during the ceremony.

BTW ... sorry for your loss.

 

[Elmorton]

Pushin 40, a friend of mine carried a locket wrapped around her bouquet with her dad''s photo on it. It was a meaningful way for her to carry her dad with her for the ceremony, but also very private.

For my wedding, we had candles on two pillars (already at our site) with a pearl edged photo frame (really a Christmas ornament) tied around the candle in a hurricane glass, and had a note in the program about the family members we were remembering.

I believe I saw a wedding recently posted where brides have laid single roses in the chairs their parents would have occupied - again, a small, but very sweet and meaningful tribute.

And if I can inject some humor: a friend of mine recently married a great guy whose father had passed away years ago. During the wedding planning, she called her MIL-to-be and said "We''d like to do a tribute to honor your late husband...do you have any suggestions" The MIL didn''t miss a beat - she said "Well, I think whatever you do, it should be by the bar." So at their wedding, there was his photo and a quick message explaining it, propped up on the edge of the bar.

The same friend told me that prior to the wedding, she asked her future SIL if she had done anything to remember her dad at her own wedding. The SIL said "No, I really hadn''t thought of it until my brother was about to walk me down the aisle. He leaned in and said, ''Just so you know...I''m wearing Dad''s socks - it was the only way I could think of to have him walk you down the aisle today.''" This is the sweetest tribute to a parent I''ve ever heard of.

 

[marlie]

I''m so sorry for your loss.

i think if you want to do something that is just for you, maybe you can include something into your bouquet. That''s what I''ll be doing to honor the people I''ve lost. In my family, we''ve got an inside joke about pennies, so I''ll be including a penny from the year that each of them was born. maybe there is something that would be meaningful and bring up a happy memory that you can attach.

or, if you are doing programs and want to share with your guests, you could write something about your parents and your FI''s dad.

or, could you dance to your parent''s wedding song and have FI dance with his mom to his parent''s wedding song?

 

[grace10209]

Both my parents are gone and DH lost his dad a few years ago.
We made note in the Ceremony Programs

We Rememember.......................
XXX XXX Bride''s Mother
XXX XXX Bride''s Father
XXX XXX Groom''s Father

 

[parrot tulips]

My husband lost his mother a year or two before I met him. He was really uncomfortable with the idea of any visual reminders that she wasn''t there, for fear of upsetting his family. This meant no candles or photos. Not even a rose placed in a seat during the ceremony. So I ended up getting him locket cufflinks with a picture of his mother, plus pictures of his grandparents (who are still alive, but were not well enough to travel to the wedding). He loved the idea.

 

[redfaerythinker]

This is a good thread because my dad died two years ago and I''m at a loss for what to do that wont depress everyone or make me cry.

 

[Pushin40]

Date: 1/19/2010 1:30:19 PM
Author: Elmorton
Pushin 40, a friend of mine carried a locket wrapped around her bouquet with her dad''s photo on it. It was a meaningful way for her to carry her dad with her for the ceremony, but also very private.

For my wedding, we had candles on two pillars (already at our site) with a pearl edged photo frame (really a Christmas ornament) tied around the candle in a hurricane glass, and had a note in the program about the family members we were remembering.

I believe I saw a wedding recently posted where brides have laid single roses in the chairs their parents would have occupied - again, a small, but very sweet and meaningful tribute.

And if I can inject some humor: a friend of mine recently married a great guy whose father had passed away years ago. During the wedding planning, she called her MIL-to-be and said ''We''d like to do a tribute to honor your late husband...do you have any suggestions'' The MIL didn''t miss a beat - she said ''Well, I think whatever you do, it should be by the bar.'' So at their wedding, there was his photo and a quick message explaining it, propped up on the edge of the bar.

The same friend told me that prior to the wedding, she asked her future SIL if she had done anything to remember her dad at her own wedding. The SIL said ''No, I really hadn''t thought of it until my brother was about to walk me down the aisle. He leaned in and said, ''Just so you know...I''m wearing Dad''s socks - it was the only way I could think of to have him walk you down the aisle today.'''' This is the sweetest tribute to a parent I''ve ever heard of.

Elmorton VERY cute thing about the bar!
And the socks are so so sweet!

I do like the locket idea very mcuh.....

 

[Pushin40]

Thanks everyone for the great ideas - I have some things to consider now. I''m sorry for the all of others that are in this position, too. I think that no matter how much I try to prepare and keep it together, its going to be difficult since it''s such an important day.

Even when I bought my house 6 years ago I, very unexpectedly, had a surge of emotions right after we left the bank and all I could thing was "my Mom would be so proud". So it will come out...I''m sure. I told my MOH that its her job not to let me "go there"!

I plan on walking down the isle myself. I considered a stand-in but the fact of the matter is I am alione in this world, I have no strong male influences in my life except my FI, and there is no one, really, that I would want to give me away. I still may ask my cousin (hes my age) in case I just feel like I need an escort so I don''t get too nervous. We''ll see. He was VERY close to my Dad.

I really like the idea of doing something private, like adorning the bouquet with something special, and maybe having FI carry something that was his Dad''s in his pocket. I do have a pretty aquamarine and diamond ring that was my mothers, so I plan on wearing that on my right hand for my BLUE.

I think the rose in the chair might be too much for me - I''ve thought about that before. It''s too much like "LOOK WHO''S NOT HERE".....know what I mean?

 

[Treasure43]

Date: 1/19/2010 1:30:19 PM
Author: Elmorton
Pushin 40, a friend of mine carried a locket wrapped around her bouquet with her dad''s photo on it. It was a meaningful way for her to carry her dad with her for the ceremony, but also very private.

For my wedding, we had candles on two pillars (already at our site) with a pearl edged photo frame (really a Christmas ornament) tied around the candle in a hurricane glass, and had a note in the program about the family members we were remembering.

I believe I saw a wedding recently posted where brides have laid single roses in the chairs their parents would have occupied - again, a small, but very sweet and meaningful tribute.

And if I can inject some humor: a friend of mine recently married a great guy whose father had passed away years ago. During the wedding planning, she called her MIL-to-be and said ''We''d like to do a tribute to honor your late husband...do you have any suggestions'' The MIL didn''t miss a beat - she said ''Well, I think whatever you do, it should be by the bar.'' So at their wedding, there was his photo and a quick message explaining it, propped up on the edge of the bar.

The same friend told me that prior to the wedding, she asked her future SIL if she had done anything to remember her dad at her own wedding. The SIL said ''No, I really hadn''t thought of it until my brother was about to walk me down the aisle. He leaned in and said, ''Just so you know...I''m wearing Dad''s socks - it was the only way I could think of to have him walk you down the aisle today.'''' This is the sweetest tribute to a parent I''ve ever heard of.

Not going to lie, as someone who lost her father, I cried when I read that. So beautiful!

I''m having my stepfather walk me down the aisle and we will be having a candle in memory of my dad. Then during the reception we''ll be doing some slides of my dad to Tim McGraw''s My Little Girl

 

[Pushin40]

Date: 1/19/2010 4:59:48 PM
Author: Treasure43

Date: 1/19/2010 1:30:19 PM
Author: Elmorton
Pushin 40, a friend of mine carried a locket wrapped around her bouquet with her dad''s photo on it. It was a meaningful way for her to carry her dad with her for the ceremony, but also very private.

For my wedding, we had candles on two pillars (already at our site) with a pearl edged photo frame (really a Christmas ornament) tied around the candle in a hurricane glass, and had a note in the program about the family members we were remembering.

I believe I saw a wedding recently posted where brides have laid single roses in the chairs their parents would have occupied - again, a small, but very sweet and meaningful tribute.

And if I can inject some humor: a friend of mine recently married a great guy whose father had passed away years ago. During the wedding planning, she called her MIL-to-be and said ''We''d like to do a tribute to honor your late husband...do you have any suggestions'' The MIL didn''t miss a beat - she said ''Well, I think whatever you do, it should be by the bar.'' So at their wedding, there was his photo and a quick message explaining it, propped up on the edge of the bar.

The same friend told me that prior to the wedding, she asked her future SIL if she had done anything to remember her dad at her own wedding. The SIL said ''No, I really hadn''t thought of it until my brother was about to walk me down the aisle. He leaned in and said, ''Just so you know...I''m wearing Dad''s socks - it was the only way I could think of to have him walk you down the aisle today.'' This is the sweetest tribute to a parent I''ve ever heard of.

Not going to lie, as someone who lost her father, I cried when I read that. So beautiful!

I''m having my stepfather walk me down the aisle and we will be having a candle in memory of my dad. Then during the reception we''ll be doing some slides of my dad to Tim McGraw''s My Little Girl

Thats really beautiful - there won''t be a dry eye in the place.

OK I''m all teary eyed now too!!!

 

[beltane]

When my neice was married last summer she had a little table off to the side with a portrait of her Dad (my brother) and a letter explaining that instead of favours, they made a donation to the Cancer Society.

I know it was meant to be a loving tribute, which it was, but as some have already mentioned, it actually made many of us upset because his portrait was a visual reminder through the whole time of the reception that he wasn''t there. I found myself avoiding that area of the room so I wouldn''t see his beautiful face and remember that he SHOULD have been there for that special day. Personally, I would have perhaps had his photo near the guest book, and then later put away so that we could then concentrate on the celebration of the day. All the tears over missing him SO much (he has only been gone 2 years) was very sad to have at such a joyous occasion. He wouldn''t have wanted all the crying that was happening over at that table, I think.

When my daughter was married this past fall, she too wanted some kind of tribute to her favourite uncle and so they had little "bell" namecard holders, but instead put a beautiful little card saying that they were making a donation to the cancer society in lieu of guest favours. The bells were used to "ring" to have the bride and groom kiss, instead of clinking glasses.

For my own wedding, I plan to do something personal and private to remember my brother. Perhaps a locket with his photo tucked in my bouquet. I know his love is with me on my special day... I''m going to be crying enough, I don''t want to cry even more because I miss him so much.

For my daughter''s new husband, they had a more light-hearted tribute to his Grandad -- a toast to him with his favourite whiskey at midnight. Those who knew him and wanted to join in were told ahead of time to meet at the bar at 11:55 to get their shot glass ready for midnight. It was exactly what he would have wanted!

...just my thoughts on my recent experiences.

 

[FrekeChild]

Neither of our moms are with us any longer, so the hubs placed a long stemmed white rose on the front seat next to the aisle on each side. He did this before anyone else got there, so it was a very private moment for him. I don''t think anyone really noticed it except those who were already acutely aware of the women that were missing (my dad and his sister).

 

[beltane]

"I plan on walking down the isle myself. "

I was at a wedding this summer and I thought the couple did a sweet thing because she didn''t want an ''escort'' either: they met halfway down the aisle, her from the back and him from where he stood waiting at the front, and then they walked the rest of the way to the front together.

I thought it was very romantic.

 

[Gypsy]

Our memory table with pics of lost grandparents and DH''s father (also passed). Submerged flower vases with candles in them added a nice touch, solemn but still festive.

 

[Deelight]

Date: 1/19/2010 3:55:17 PM
Author: Pushin40

Date: 1/19/2010 1:30:19 PM

Author: Elmorton

Pushin 40, a friend of mine carried a locket wrapped around her bouquet with her dad''s photo on it. It was a meaningful way for her to carry her dad with her for the ceremony, but also very private.


For my wedding, we had candles on two pillars (already at our site) with a pearl edged photo frame (really a Christmas ornament) tied around the candle in a hurricane glass, and had a note in the program about the family members we were remembering.


I believe I saw a wedding recently posted where brides have laid single roses in the chairs their parents would have occupied - again, a small, but very sweet and meaningful tribute.


And if I can inject some humor: a friend of mine recently married a great guy whose father had passed away years ago. During the wedding planning, she called her MIL-to-be and said ''We''d like to do a tribute to honor your late husband...do you have any suggestions'' The MIL didn''t miss a beat - she said ''Well, I think whatever you do, it should be by the bar.'' So at their wedding, there was his photo and a quick message explaining it, propped up on the edge of the bar.


The same friend told me that prior to the wedding, she asked her future SIL if she had done anything to remember her dad at her own wedding. The SIL said ''No, I really hadn''t thought of it until my brother was about to walk me down the aisle. He leaned in and said, ''Just so you know...I''m wearing Dad''s socks - it was the only way I could think of to have him walk you down the aisle today.'''' This is the sweetest tribute to a parent I''ve ever heard of.

Elmorton VERY cute thing about the bar!

And the socks are so so sweet!


I do like the locket idea very mcuh.....

OMG the socks thing made me cry - that is one of the sweetest tributes I have ever heard of.

Pushin40 I lost my mum when I was 13 and to honour her on the day I plan on wearing a locket with her picture in it (that way on the day she stays close to my heart). As it is I know not having her that day I will be a mess anyway so I want something private for myself that know one needs to know about. I also like the flower idea as well.

The other thought is to play there favourite songs, something else I possibly plan to do that way you can remember them in a good way

I am really sorry your parents won''t be in there in person with you that day but they will be with you in your heart

 

[wannaBMrsH]

Pushin40, before she passed away many years ago, my grandmother gave me a small cross as a necklace. It wasn''t real gold and I couldn''t wear it without getting a rash...but I tied it with a ribbon to my bouquet and carried it for my wedding. That is the picture below.

For all of our grandparents, we dedicated the flowers at the altar to them in the program:

"The flowers at the altar are dedicate to the loving memory of (GPs of Bride) and (GPs of Groom) who we believe are here today in spirit and always in our hearts."

One friend of mine, had each of her father''s brothers (her uncles) walk her a part of the aisle...and I''ve also seen what someone else here mentioned, which was to walk halfway down the aisle alone and have FI meet you halfway to walk you the rest of the way.

 

[Pushin40]

Date: 1/21/2010 1:58:51 PM
Author: beltane
''I plan on walking down the isle myself. ''

I was at a wedding this summer and I thought the couple did a sweet thing because she didn''t want an ''escort'' either: they met halfway down the aisle, her from the back and him from where he stood waiting at the front, and then they walked the rest of the way to the front together.

I thought it was very romantic.

Great idea - thank yo for this!

 

[elrohwen]

DH''s father died about 6 years ago and the whole family misses him very much. We had the judge say something brief that DH wrote, then the quartet played a song in honor of him.

Someone else mentioned putting up pictures of both sets of parents at their own weddings - it''s a nice way to include a picture of the deceased without having it be an obvious shrine/memorial (and of course, wedding pictures kind of fit with the theme of the day

). I really liked this idea though we chose not to do it.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Just wanted to say I am sorry..

 

[LtlFirecracker]

I am sorry for your losses.

I lost my mother 5 years ago. I am going to have her mentioned in the ceremony. And the other things are subtle ways to remember her. When she was sick, she loved to cook for us. So I am going to use a salad similar to what she made. I am also considering using chocolate chip cookies as favors because those were what she loved, and was really good at making.