Lots of help moving...really?

[KCCutie]

Just had to share!

SO I and were talking about moving into our new house....hopefully by the end of the month or middle of September at the latest. I was asking him if he would bring me home some boxes from work and he said on the 20th he''d have a bunch.

That would give us like 10 days to pack...yikes! Then he says "it''ll be okay we''ll have lots of help". I''m all confused b/c my family is not too excited about the whole thing especially since we''re not officially engaged yet. He says his family will be excited and want to help....then he says my family will be excited and ready to help by then too.....I tell him I''m not so sure and he just smiles and says something like "you never know" then he smiles really big and doesn''t say anything...kinda like he''s already said too much and doesn''t want to open his mouth again for fear of spilling the beans completely.

I think he has a plan for us to be engaged officially before the big move and he thinks that once we''re engaged my parents will finally be excited!

It''s so cute and so exciting!

I''m really hoping to be moved in by Sept. 15th so that''s only 5 weeks away!

I''d start a countdown but we don''t have a closing date set yet. I''m guessing one day they''ll just call and say...okay we close in 2 weeks (that''s how short sales seem to work)! This is all so exciting I just had to tell someone!

 

[Lauren8211]

You THINK he has a plan!!??

Girl, he DEFINITELY has a plan!

That is AWESOME AWESOME news!! So happy for you!!!

 

[ash313]

Date: 8/7/2008 9:53:35 AM
Author: elledizzy5
You THINK he has a plan!!??


Girl, he DEFINITELY has a plan!


That is AWESOME AWESOME news!! So happy for you!!!

I''m with Elle!!! He practically asked you to marry him right there!

Congrats, girlie, I''ll count down for you

 

[jcarlylew]

ooo! how exciting! i think he has a plan!!

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

Super exciting!!!!

I wish you the best of luck with your closing too!!

 

[Italiahaircolor]

I hate to be the one to point this out, but...

I would try to focus on the move and be really excited about. A lot of girls/women on this sight have had that fleeting moment where they *think* their SO slipped up, and it turns out, it really was just an innocent comment. I mean, it can get to the point where the guy goes to take out the trash, smiles and the girl gets the hes-about-to-pop-the-big-question butterflies. I would hate for you to be disappointed right before this big, truly exciting event because you thought he was going to purpose and didn''t. And then it slowly becomes a source of aggravation..."why hasn''t he purposed????" "maybe he doesn''t love me!" "whats wrong with me???" "why God why???" .... those are feelings you do not need right after buying a house with the man, girl!!

With that said however, you know your BF and maybe you''re 100% right and he will pop the ? before you two move in together....

But, incase he doesn''t....just remember, you have a lot to look forward to right now as is, and a big change right around the corner...that, in and of itself, is reason for excitement enough!

 

[KCCutie]

Date: 8/7/2008 3:58:43 PM
Author: Italiahaircolor
I hate to be the one to point this out, but...


I would try to focus on the move and be really excited about. A lot of girls/women on this sight have had that fleeting moment where they *think* their SO slipped up, and it turns out, it really was just an innocent comment. I mean, it can get to the point where the guy goes to take out the trash, smiles and the girl gets the hes-about-to-pop-the-big-question butterflies. I would hate for you to be disappointed right before this big, truly exciting event because you thought he was going to purpose and didn''t. And then it slowly becomes a source of aggravation...''why hasn''t he purposed????'' ''maybe he doesn''t love me!'' ''whats wrong with me???'' ''why God why???'' .... those are feelings you do not need right after buying a house with the man, girl!!


With that said however, you know your BF and maybe you''re 100% right and he will pop the ? before you two move in together....


But, incase he doesn''t....just remember, you have a lot to look forward to right now as is, and a big change right around the corner...that, in and of itself, is reason for excitement enough!

That is true I''d hate for it to be one of those moments.

Actually he knows that being officially engaged before we move in is what I have always wanted and it''s what he wants too. We have discussed this several times and we both agree that it''s what we want and it''ll make our families happier so it has been our plan all along.

I try not to bring it up b/c how do you say..."um honey you know I can''t live in our new house with you until I have a ring" without it sounding hideous? Seriously I have thought about it a lot and I will not move into the house without a ring on my finger if this means I have to live with my parents or even in Hotel. I''m not bending on this one I will not live with him before we are engaged....that''s just that way I need it to be.

PS: I say "officially engaged" b/c we both feel like we already are engaged.

Thanks ladies I really do hope you are right and there is some sort of plan.

 

[Booper717]

Ohhhh this sounds like GREAT news is coming! This must be a very exciteing time in your life, new home plus a looming engagment!!! Enjoy the excitement!

 

[blondebunny]

yay!!!! so exciting!! Lots and lots of dust for you :-0

 

[EmptyLeftHand]

It sounds v exciting and v promising.
Guess you just need to keep the manicure up to date...! (though packing will wreck havoc with your hands)!!
Good luck with the house too.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Date: 8/7/2008 4:09:28 PM
Author: KCCutie

Date: 8/7/2008 3:58:43 PM
Author: Italiahaircolor
I hate to be the one to point this out, but...


I would try to focus on the move and be really excited about. A lot of girls/women on this sight have had that fleeting moment where they *think* their SO slipped up, and it turns out, it really was just an innocent comment. I mean, it can get to the point where the guy goes to take out the trash, smiles and the girl gets the hes-about-to-pop-the-big-question butterflies. I would hate for you to be disappointed right before this big, truly exciting event because you thought he was going to purpose and didn''t. And then it slowly becomes a source of aggravation...''why hasn''t he purposed????'' ''maybe he doesn''t love me!'' ''whats wrong with me???'' ''why God why???'' .... those are feelings you do not need right after buying a house with the man, girl!!


With that said however, you know your BF and maybe you''re 100% right and he will pop the ? before you two move in together....


But, incase he doesn''t....just remember, you have a lot to look forward to right now as is, and a big change right around the corner...that, in and of itself, is reason for excitement enough!

That is true I''d hate for it to be one of those moments.

Actually he knows that being officially engaged before we move in is what I have always wanted and it''s what he wants too. We have discussed this several times and we both agree that it''s what we want and it''ll make our families happier so it has been our plan all along.

I try not to bring it up b/c how do you say...''um honey you know I can''t live in our new house with you until I have a ring'' without it sounding hideous? Seriously I have thought about it a lot and I will not move into the house without a ring on my finger if this means I have to live with my parents or even in Hotel. I''m not bending on this one I will not live with him before we are engaged....that''s just that way I need it to be.

PS: I say ''officially engaged'' b/c we both feel like we already are engaged.

Thanks ladies I really do hope you are right and there is some sort of plan.

I think that you''re right to stand your ground...as I think any woman should do when it comes to the "living together" thing.

But, I also think you need to tell him this ASAP.

It could cause big problems IF he doesn''t purpose and you just decide not to move into the new house you just bought as a couple.

And no... you don''t say "I cant live with you until I have a ring" (it makes it sound like you''re all about the ring)...you could say...

"Honey, I never thought I''d live with someone before I was engaged or married. And now we are. But my parents feelings about the issue are really weighing on me...and I think we should do something about my feelings prior to the big move!"

 

[KCCutie]

Date: 8/8/2008 9:45:29 AM
Author: Italiahaircolor

Date: 8/7/2008 4:09:28 PM
I think that you''re right to stand your ground...as I think any woman should do when it comes to the ''living together'' thing.


But, I also think you need to tell him this ASAP.


It could cause big problems IF he doesn''t purpose and you just decide not to move into the new house you just bought as a couple.


And no... you don''t say ''I cant live with you until I have a ring'' (it makes it sound like you''re all about the ring)...you could say...


''Honey, I never thought I''d live with someone before I was engaged or married. And now we are. But my parents feelings about the issue are really weighing on me...and I think we should do something about my feelings prior to the big move!''

I like the way you think Chica!

I totally understand what you mean. Going into a huge purchase like this without having a conversation like that would not be something I would do, ever. In fact we have had several conversations about this both in person and in the original e-mail exchange we had discussing moving in together to save for our wedding. He knows how I feel and knows all too well how my parents reactions have weighed on my mind and heart (I''ve cried on his shoulder more than once over this). Even within the last week or so I have brought up that I just think my parents aren''t sure this is all real, and maybe they''ll come around when I have a ring b/c then to them his commitment will be real (of course to me it''s real now)and he agrees.

I do think, however, that I may need to make it clear to him that I don''t want to turn in my 30 day notice on my apartment until I know everyone is going to be happy about our move. But I also feel like by doing that I''m forcing him to propose in a very small time slot, which he has no control over. Once we hear more about how soon we''ll be able to close on the house maybe I''ll ask him if it is safe for me to turn in my notice if EVERYONE will be happy that I''m moving out and if he assures me that everyone including my parents will be happy then I''ll take his word on that.

I trust him to do what is right but since I want to be surprised, at least a little, I''m completely in the dark about the ring....if he has one or how much shopping he''s done etc.(although I know he''s been shopping b/c he knows all the clarity and color terms and about different settings). It seems a little too materialistic for me to be so focused on the ring, but really I told him we could go to Wal-Mart and buy a simple band for now just so we''d have the symbol my parents are dying for and he didn''t want to do that.

So I''m in limbo for now (what''s new right?) and to be fair it''s really not all his fault this whole short sale is really a pain. I usually get an update form out Realtor on Friday so let''s hope for some good news (although I''ll settle for any news).

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Of course you want your parents to be happy about your move. If you''re anything like me...when my mom is unhappy about something, I can''t get into it. No matter how old I am, I still strive for their approval.

In my opinion, I don''t think you''re giving him a very slim timeline. I think you''re actually being very fair with him. If he knew, going into it, that you wanted to be engaged before living together--and then proceeded to buy a house with you--he knew full well. In reality, you''ve given him the entire course of your relationship together as a time line...he has just opted to take it down to the wire. This is not your fault...and keeping quiet will only leave you in limbo romantically speaking, even longer.

I, of course, hope that there is a beautiful ring waiting inside the threshold of your new home...I hope that this house is the beginning of a beautiful future for the two of you.

I have a story about a similar situation:

My friend M was in this very rocky relationship with her boyfriend T. They were off and on...and he was a scumbag, always talking to his ex-girlfriend, blowing her off, breaking up with her in really shameful ways--like kicking her out of his house in the middle of a snow storm. But M loved him to the moon and back (guess we love the things that hurt us the most sometimes) and nothing anyone said ever "stuck"...she''d get brave enough to call it quits and then back down the minute she saw him. It was a nightmare.
Well, T finds out that his dad has decided to sell their home and move in with his girlfriend. T starts to panic, because he''ll have nowhere to live once the house sells. T is eyeball deep in debt with student loans (he''s 23), a car payment, credit card debt. He started making noises about possibly buying (thats right, buying) a home...and M could move in with him. M jumped all over it...couldn''t wait. They weren''t approved for much (120k) in Chicago...and instead of buying a nice starter condo or townhome...T insisted he need a house, because he liked to mow the lawn. So, M mortaged the home---an old, old, old house ... they paid full price (even in this market). M said she wouldn''t live with him until he purposed...so he did....but refused to set a date.
It''s a sad situation...

Thank God you''re not her.

 

[KCCutie]

Oh Goodness. Yikes! I''m very grateful that our relationship is not like that.

Yeah. It''s weird I''m 31 and darn it I can''t help myself I care what my parents think. But it''s not just them b/c they''d want us to be married before we move in together and I don''t agree with that standpoint. I do want to be engaged before I live with a man...I knew that well before I even met E so this really is for me, the parents being happy ( or maybe a little less upset is a better way to put it) is just the icing.

You''re right. He''s the one who''s procrastinating so the fact that he''s going to be working on a very short time line is not my fault. Although I talked to my sister about this today and she said she has no doubt he''s working on it, but she thinks maybe he''s hung up on getting "the perfect ring." I''ll try to fit a little convo. in this weekend just to make sure he is crystal clear on where I stand.