M.I.A Bridesmaid

[soontowed]

Hi ladies! Hope you are all doing well.

So one of my friends from high school is supposed to be a bridesmaid. I asked her when I first got engaged and she said yes. We haven't talked about it since but that's only because I hadn't done any wedding planning. Well anyway, BMs and I are starting to plan stuff so I've been trying to touch base with my friend. I called her a month ago and again a week ago but she isn't getting back to me. What do I do? Should I assume she doesn't want to do it?

 

[wannaBMrsH]

Is it possible for you to swing by and see if you can get some face to face time with her?

 

[Dannielle]

Date: 7/30/2009 11:33:58 PM
Author: wannaBMrsH
Is it possible for you to swing by and see if you can get some face to face time with her?

Agreed... invite her to a coffee and sit down and have a chat about it?

Or send her an email asking if she still is interested.. straight to the point

 

[soontowed]

I tried sending a message on facebook and nothing. I really don''t understand. She lives about 2 1/2 hours away so I can''t just show up. Besdies she recently moved so I don''t even know where she lives.

 

[brightlight]

Date: 7/31/2009 3:32:31 PM
Author: soontowed
I tried sending a message on facebook and nothing. I really don't understand. She lives about 2 1/2 hours away so I can't just show up. Besdies she recently moved so I don't even know where she lives.

How recently did she move?
Sometimes, bridesmaids don't want to do anything but show up at the wedding. Some people don't really understand the responsibilities that come with being in the bridal party. This may explain what's happening.

 

[soontowed]

Date: 7/31/2009 3:41:15 PM
Author: brightlight

Date: 7/31/2009 3:32:31 PM
Author: soontowed
I tried sending a message on facebook and nothing. I really don''t understand. She lives about 2 1/2 hours away so I can''t just show up. Besdies she recently moved so I don''t even know where she lives.

How recently did she move?
Sometimes, bridesmaids don''t want to do anything but show up at the wedding. Some people don''t really understand the responsibilities that come with being in the bridal party. This may explain what''s happening.

The last time I spoke to her she was in the process of moving so maybe three months ago? My girls are actually not doing much of anything (I''m a control freak), except helping to pick their dresses and what hotel to stay at in Vegas for the bachelorette. I know I was not in any way demanding anything of my girls, I have a planner so she''s doing almost everything. Basically her only responsability is to pick her dress and show up.

 

[musey]

Date: 7/31/2009 3:32:31 PM
Author: soontowed
I tried sending a message on facebook and nothing. I really don''t understand. She lives about 2 1/2 hours away so I can''t just show up. Besdies she recently moved so I don''t even know where she lives.

I know everyone is different in how they choose their ''maids, but... she''s important enough to you that you want her to stand up on your wedding day, but you can''t get her to return phone calls/emails and you don''t even know where she lives?

Something about that wouldn''t sit right with me, personally. That doesn''t seem like nearest-and-dearest to me... but that''s just me. My choice in bridesmaids was contingent upon them being the closest of friends, which is why I ended up with only one

Honestly if it were me, at this point I would proceed as though she has changed her mind. If she reappears, great, if not, you won''t have wasted any more time trying to track her down - which you shouldn''t have to do with a best best friend anyhow. They should be easily available to you.

In my humble opinion.

 

[musey]

Date: 7/31/2009 3:49:56 PM
Author: soontowed
My girls are actually not doing much of anything (I''m a control freak), except helping to pick their dresses and what hotel to stay at in Vegas for the bachelorette. I know I was not in any way demanding anything of my girls, I have a planner so she''s doing almost everything. Basically her only responsability is to pick her dress and show up.

I was the same, but at the same time she should be available to you as a friend... even if she doesn''t need to help in any planning capacity. You haven''t been able to get any communication out of her in three months'' time? Of course, maybe there are extenuating circumstances, but it would have to be pretty extreme...

 

[brightlight]

Date: 7/31/2009 3:49:56 PM
Author: soontowed

Date: 7/31/2009 3:41:15 PM
Author: brightlight

Date: 7/31/2009 3:32:31 PM
Author: soontowed
I tried sending a message on facebook and nothing. I really don''t understand. She lives about 2 1/2 hours away so I can''t just show up. Besdies she recently moved so I don''t even know where she lives.

How recently did she move?
Sometimes, bridesmaids don''t want to do anything but show up at the wedding. Some people don''t really understand the responsibilities that come with being in the bridal party. This may explain what''s happening.

The last time I spoke to her she was in the process of moving so maybe three months ago? My girls are actually not doing much of anything (I''m a control freak), except helping to pick their dresses and what hotel to stay at in Vegas for the bachelorette. I know I was not in any way demanding anything of my girls, I have a planner so she''s doing almost everything. Basically her only responsability is to pick her dress and show up.

You know, now that I think about it, I had a similar experience with a guest. I invited a friend of mine from highschool. We were really good friends throughout highschool and became even closer in college. Then, we slowly drifted apart. Out of an appreciation for the frienship we used to have, I called her to tell her I was getting married and to get her address several months before the wedding. We chatted, and she seemed excited and happy. Then, I never received an RSVP from her. I called her numerous times and left messages to verify she was not coming to my wedding. I never got a call back. That''s when I realized that I was the only one who still appreciated the friendship we still had.

 

[soontowed]

Date: 7/31/2009 4:40:43 PM
Author: brightlight

Date: 7/31/2009 3:49:56 PM
Author: soontowed

Date: 7/31/2009 3:41:15 PM
Author: brightlight

Date: 7/31/2009 3:32:31 PM
Author: soontowed
I tried sending a message on facebook and nothing. I really don''t understand. She lives about 2 1/2 hours away so I can''t just show up. Besdies she recently moved so I don''t even know where she lives.

How recently did she move?
Sometimes, bridesmaids don''t want to do anything but show up at the wedding. Some people don''t really understand the responsibilities that come with being in the bridal party. This may explain what''s happening.

The last time I spoke to her she was in the process of moving so maybe three months ago? My girls are actually not doing much of anything (I''m a control freak), except helping to pick their dresses and what hotel to stay at in Vegas for the bachelorette. I know I was not in any way demanding anything of my girls, I have a planner so she''s doing almost everything. Basically her only responsability is to pick her dress and show up.

You know, now that I think about it, I had a similar experience with a guest. I invited a friend of mine from highschool. We were really good friends throughout highschool and became even closer in college. Then, we slowly drifted apart. Out of an appreciation for the frienship we used to have, I called her to tell her I was getting married and to get her address several months before the wedding. We chatted, and she seemed excited and happy. Then, I never received an RSVP from her. I called her numerous times and left messages to verify she was not coming to my wedding. I never got a call back. That''s when I realized that I was the only one who still appreciated the friendship we still had.

So should i just do as Musey said and proceed with my plans as if she weren''t a bridesmaid. I don''t want to be mean and "de-bridesmaid" someone but my wedding is creeping up.

 

[brightlight]

Date: 7/31/2009 4:51:08 PM
Author: soontowed

Date: 7/31/2009 4:40:43 PM
Author: brightlight


You know, now that I think about it, I had a similar experience with a guest. I invited a friend of mine from highschool. We were really good friends throughout highschool and became even closer in college. Then, we slowly drifted apart. Out of an appreciation for the frienship we used to have, I called her to tell her I was getting married and to get her address several months before the wedding. We chatted, and she seemed excited and happy. Then, I never received an RSVP from her. I called her numerous times and left messages to verify she was not coming to my wedding. I never got a call back. That''s when I realized that I was the only one who still appreciated the friendship we still had.

So should i just do as Musey said and proceed with my plans as if she weren''t a bridesmaid. I don''t want to be mean and ''de-bridesmaid'' someone but my wedding is creeping up.

I think you should try one last time and send her an e-mail asking if anything is wrong, please let you know if something is wrong, explain you''ve tried contacting her for three months with no response so you''re going to assume she''s no longer interested, and you need to start planning without her. Try calling her one last time too.

 

[brightlight]

Btw, does she post on her Facebook page regularly or does she post on her friends' pages? That should give you some clue as to what's going on in her life. If she's posting about silly things a lot, she's probably not too busy. If she's posting about moving and other serious stuff, she's probably got a lot going on in her life right now.

 

[soontowed]

Date: 7/31/2009 5:05:42 PM
Author: brightlight
Btw, does she post on her Facebook page regularly or does she post on her friends'' pages? That should give you some clue as to what''s going on in her life. If she''s posting about silly things a lot, she''s probably not too busy. If she''s posting about moving and other serious stuff, she''s probably got a lot going on in her life right now.

She doesn''t seem to have much of anything on there but that''s just her personality. I feel like this is just a bad spot to be in.

 

[ficklefaye]

hi soontowed, i was in the same situation and posted on here as well, my bm was mia for months and i tried contacting her several times, i received an email from her recently apologizing and explaining that she had been really busy, i understood because she does have a lot going on in her life, i considered debridesmaiding her at one point, but the great people here on ps convinced me that it would ruin our relationship and that''s not what i wanted

i say give her some more time, maybe there''s more to it than you think