M-word slip?

[LeggoMyEggo]

Hello ladies! I posted about a month ago that my boyfriend and I had not yet used the "m" word, despite having many discussions about life together, loving each other forever, etc. I know he''s a marriage-minded man from discussions we''ve had before we were dating, so I was never worried that he''d be the dating forever type.

Tonight on the phone, he was telling me that I''m his dream come true. I teased him back a little, and he said, "Are you kidding? It would be any man''s dream to marr-- uh, to have a girlfriend like you."

I didn''t comment on the slip up because his brother was sitting right next to him, so it wasn''t the time for that conversation. But it made me happy that it was in there and wanted to come out

. I''m wondering though if I haven''t made it clear enough that I want it too, since he seems to be afraid to put it out there? Or maybe if his brother hadn''t been there, he''d have been more open about it.

How did y''all make it clear to your FFs that it would be ok for him to come out and say it? I know it''s silly, but I don''t want to say it first because I *know* he''s thinking about it, and I want him to feel like when we do talk about it, it was his idea. I am super paranoid about making him feel pressured. Any ideas or advice?

 

[trillionaire]

LOL! I totally did this a month or two ago. I INSISTED that SO and I complete our planning for our anniversary at least 3 months prior to the date, because we have run into problems with things being booked up in the past. Anyway, we need to get through our final discussions, and I blurt out, "Do you know what you want to do for our engage-- ur, anniversary weekend?" He asked me to repeat myself, and I said anniversary again, but he definitely called me out. In my defense, I had just looked at some tabloidy news on the web about Paris Hilton being engaged, but it was still a funny gaffe. He laughed, but I don''t think he was freaked out. *shrug* What can you do? Plus, I am more of the one who has dragged my heels about it than him.

Though in hindsight and retrospect, women should probably tell men they are ready long before they are, since so many men seem to take their sweet time asking! lol

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

Date: 7/31/2008 9:27:51 PM
Author:LeggoMyEggo

How did y''all make it clear to your FFs that it would be ok for him to come out and say it? I know it''s silly, but I don''t want to say it first because I *know* he''s thinking about it, and I want him to feel like when we do talk about it, it was his idea. I am super paranoid about making him feel pressured. Any ideas or advice?

I remember it like it was yesterday and it was actually something like 4 or 5 years ago - FI and I were at a wedding for a couple of our friends. The bride looked absolutely stunning and I was in love with her gown. I remember I was all teared up and FI grabbed my hand and I said, "she looks so beautiful. Her gown is perfect. I will never get to wear something that beautiful" and he turned to me and said, "and what makes you think that?". I shrugged, not knowing how to put my thoughts into words and he smiled and told me "you will most certainly get to wear a dress like that some day".

Incidentally, that conversation what what finally allowed me to return the L word to him. It took me 4 months to say I Love You back to him but he was incredibly patient with me. Incredibly patient.

 

[trillionaire]

At some point it just kind of started happening, because so many people were getting married and engaged, but all of those convos were hypothetically what each of our individual preferences were about marriage, but not specific to each other. We got more concrete using a book of questions for couples. It was nice because it was kind of a no pressure way to ask, and didn''t feel loaded, because we were asking each other TONS of questions.

 

[LeggoMyEggo]

Date: 8/1/2008 10:56:56 AM
Author: trillionaire
At some point it just kind of started happening, because so many people were getting married and engaged, but all of those convos were hypothetically what each of our individual preferences were about marriage, but not specific to each other. We got more concrete using a book of questions for couples. It was nice because it was kind of a no pressure way to ask, and didn''t feel loaded, because we were asking each other TONS of questions.

It''s funny, we''ve been doing this for months, and are just now at a stage where we talk about the future as if it''s implied that we will be together (e.g. "When we move to that neighborhood, we should get a dog," or "I''ll let you do all the cooking since you like it so much."). And I do know that he wants to marry me, but I want him to SAY IT so that I can figure out whether that means this year or five years from now.

We do talk about friends who are engaged or married and their weddings, and we''ve talked about our own only not necessarily as our wedding to each other. I think he is very relieved that I don''t want anything elaborate. We were at a wedding a couple of weeks ago and he grabbed my hand in the middle of it and squeezed-- oh so romantic! It isn''t as if I don''t know what he''s thinking... but why can''t he just say it out loud? LOL

I suppose I''m getting too caught up in it and should just enjoy it, but it''s hard to resist the urge to make plans or at least have some idea in your mind of what will unfold.