made me happy but wish it were sooner

[akw94]

Well, this weekend I had this long talk w/my bf. It wasn''t planned, we were about to go to sleep and occas. start talking about stuff then. I asked him if he ever thought about us planning our wedding together. Of course, he said no. Well, I wasn''t really surprised about that. He did say that he thinks about the actual wedding and us being married but not really the planning. I also asked him if he minded talking about this sort of thing and he said that he didn''t, which was nice to hear. We talked about tentative months, who would be bridesmaids, and other fun stuff like that. I really enjoyed talking about it. One good thing is that he''s always very open to talking and will even bring stuff up on his own. But on the other hand, we don''t have any real dates and obviously, he has not proposed. We''re moving in together in the summer so I know he won''t propose until some time after. And this had been discussed on here, but I know his soon is not mine. We are planning to move out of state in 2008 and he''s said he''d be fine w/the proposal, wedding and move to all be close together.

That doesn''t make me happy. The good thing is that we''ve talked about it and i''ve expressed my desire to have time in between. I also think talking about what month we''d have a wedding is important so that he can use that in determining when to propose.
I just wish it was happening a little sooner. I am excited but want to start planning and not just thinking about planning. I want to share my ideas w/him and make decisions. What I really want is the proposal. It''s hard to wait sometimes!! We haven''t even looked at rings yet so I know we''re not nearly close. Patience is definitely something I have yet to acquire!
Thanks in advance for "listening".

 

[sumbride]

He wants the proposal, move and wedding all to be close together? Does he want to make you explode with stress???? I sometimes think men just DON''T get it... He may not really understand how much planning is involved in both moving out of state AND a wedding... I would hate to have to do both even in the same year! If it counts for anything, I think you should get married BEFORE your move... I had a friend that got married about a month before she moved from TX to MA. She said it was a nightmare to do all the paperwork on the name change and move at the same time. Her utility bills were in her old name because they had to be... then she couldn''t establish residency... it was a MESS. She called me and said "Don''t change your name... it''s NOT worth it..." See, maybe that will help convince him??

It''s great that he likes to discuss it. It does make it feel a little more real... but then there''s the "If he''s willing to talk about it, why won''t he propose?" issue. That goes on a while. (I''m there right now.) I think the "what month" thing is classic! Just this weekend he was jamming to "September" on the car radio and said "we should get married in September so we can play this song!" I said "That''s football season! No way in Hell I''m doing that! ''Gee, honey, I know it''s our tenth anniversary and everything, but the ''Skins are at home today!'' NO THANK YOU!" He just sort of chuckled and said "You know me so well!"

 

[JenStone]

Amy and Sumbride,

I totally know what you mean about ''talking about it'' vs giving us something concrete. My boyfriend doesn''t mind talking about it BUT only if he''s the one who initiated the conversation. Whenever I ask about a general timeline (I tell him "I need to make plans for my future and I would like to know...GENERALLY....when I''m getting married, have kids, etc") he won''t tell me anything. Or he says "Don''t worry, I have a plan." What about my plans?!?

Amy, I agree with Sumbride that you should not move in the same year as your wedding. It is just way too much stress and additional work. The next time the topic is brought up, tell your boyfriend nicely that you need some time between large life-changing events. Good luck!

 

[akw94]

Sumbride and Jen, I agree!! We have had a timeline discussion and that''s when he said he''d like to do everything close together. I was in shock and it was actually a hard conversation b/c I felt like he''d propose this year or early next, wedding in 2007 and move in 2008. So we did talk about it that day. I told him how I felt and that I needed time. I want to enjoy each part, not rush through or have to stress about planning. He said he understands how I feel and wants to take that into consideration. So hopefully he really means that when figuring out when he''s going to propose. Yeah, I kind of think it''s weird to be able to talk so much about it and not just go ahead and propose. If you know that''s what you want, and we can even go as far as planning to move out of state in 2yrs, why can''t you propose? But i''m trying to be patient, just not ridiculously patient. If nothing happens this year, at least not more concrete planning, I will begin to worry but for now, i''m ok. I really don''t want to rush him or myself. I am ok w/taking our time, just as long as it''s reasonable and takes into consideration a wedding and move w/in 2 yrs.
Sumbride, we are definitely getting married before our move out of state but not before we move in together this summer. We have both said we wouldn''t move w/o being married so I do have a general timeframe. It would definitely be hard to plan a wedding and move at the same time. I know he doesn''t totally get it b/c his ideal wedding would be very easy to plan...immediate family, very small ceremony, etc... Mine won''t be huge but I do want a traditional wedding more than just immediate family, dress, cake, pretty location, etc... Also, I have a lot of planning career wise before I can just move. It''s much harder for me than for him. I have to do major planning in advance to work out of state so that''s a huge thing in itself. That''s something i''m already thinking about and could easily start planning if I wanted to. I have told myself though that I won''t do any real planning and take any major steps until after we move in together. One thing at a time!
Jen, that is very hard having no idea about a timeframe. It would be very hard for me to wait patiently while he plans everything. I am a planner so I like to know things well in advance. They can be quite difficult at times!!

 

[Cailet]

wow - boys really are crazy! To think you would have all that stress all at once! Hopefully he understands better now that you guys have spoken about it. Nice that you have a firm deadline too of when the wedding will be- sucks that it will involve extra stress but still!

hopefully he will surprise you with a quicker engagement than you are thinking?? you never can tell what these tricky boys are up to....

 

[anchor31]

I definitely agree with what''s been said. He doesn''t think about the planning, so of course he doesn''t think how stressful it would be on you to do everything so close together... Men tend to be clueless this way...

I hope you can talk to him and make him understand how important it would be for you to have some time between the wedding and move. Just sit down and talk about how you feel and what you think would be best. You should be able to figure out a plan that would be suitable for both of you!

Good luck!

 

[Blenheim]

When my BF and I first started talking about marriage, he admitted that he thought that you proposed and then you got married. Like, almost immediately. He had no idea just how much can go into planning a wedding. (Boys can just be so clueless.) I agree that it would help if you explain that having all of those events so close together would be a ton of stress.

 

[akw94]

Thanks Cailet, Anchor and Blenheim, I agree completely!! The funny thing is, he''s been married before so you''d think he''d get it a bit more. Of course, his first wedding was very simple, just the two of them and then they did a bigger ceremony w/family. But that bigger one was a destination wedding so he didn''t do much planning. Also, she and her family kind of took over so maybe he doesn''t realize what''s all involved. He''s probably also not being that realistic about what I want vs. what he wants. I figure as these next 6mo. or so pass, after we''re living together, we''ll be able to talk more. I try not to push too far ahead, but don''t want to be so overwhelmed. He already knows how overwhelmed I am about moving out of state. Maybe since I don''t talk much about the wedding, he thinks that''s not a big concern for me. That makes sense so I guess i''ll have to start talking a bit more. It''s just hard when he hasn''t proposed. It seems kind of weird to talk about wedding details w/o an engagement.

Thanks for the support!