Maid of Honor- one or two?

[regalada]

I have been postponing making a decision about whom to pick as maid of honor because I have two close friends, both of whom could in theory serve as maid of honor. I''ve have known them for about the same amount of years (over 15 years), both are back home where my destination wedding will be, and I love them both dearly. I could ask them both and have a maid of honor and a matron of honor but I''d rather not since my fiance will have his one best man and no one else, and I''d like to keep it even.

The role of maid of honor is more like a "godmother" role where I come from. This person is supposed to offer guidance and support throughout your marriage, so it''s more like a lifetime role than a wedding day role. The person is also supposed to be married because they are supposed to provide an example for us.

Well, between my two friends, there''s a married one and a single one. The married one''s marriage is not what I consider an example and she knows this. My single friend has been very supportive and understanding since I started dating my FI, I have confided in her more than on my other friend, who has two kids and a full schedule that keeps us from communicating as much as we''d like to.

Ever since there was a mention of an engagement, it has been my single friend who has withstood the barrage of panicked phone calls, e-mailed pictures of ring finalists, and who went dress shopping with me the day I found my dress. She already has someone who will make the cake for our wedding, a hairdresser, and now she''s into finding flowers. She has truly done more research than I have and she does this out of the goodness of her heart, it is fun for her and a big help for me since I cannot be there to research in person.

So I am thinking I''m going to ask her to be my MOH, she is not the traditional "godmother" but I know she will stand by me come hell or highwater, get me through the wedding weekend in one piece and sane, and be there for me from there after.

I sense that my married friend thinks that I''m asking her because she is the married one and because we have known each other longer, and have recently become "comadres" when I baptized her little boy. I have to break the news to her and I''m not sure how to do it without hurting her feelings. I want her little girl, whom I adore, to be my flower girl, and I want my friend to be part of the wedding, most likely in a hostess role. Most of all, I want her to be happy.

Should I have a maid of honor and a matron of honor so that they are both happy? If not, any ideas as to how to break the news to my married friend? I''m so not looking forward to this

 

[Caribou]

Are there going to be more in your wedding party than just the MOH and BM? If so, you could have both of them be MOH''s. Otherwise, I think the host idea you had is good...or you could tell her that you want both the friends to be a part of it and since you want the married friends'' daughter to be your flower girl than she (MF) will be apart of the wedding so you are going to ask the single friend to be your MOH. Hopefully, she''ll understand....it is your wedding after all.

 

[Erin]

I don''t know if ''hostess'' is a good role for someone who will more likely be looking after two small children. Maybe to read a passage would be more meaningful. Otherwise, it sounds like a clear choice whom you should choose. Since her daughter will be the flower girl, you could ask her mother to dress similarly to appear as part of the wedding party.

 

[JDgirl]

I was in a wedding this summer where the groom had only one best man, but the girl had a matron and maid of honor. It was beautiful, and it didn''t upset the balance at all. Pictures with the attendants actually turned out nicer, I thought, because you had two girls on the side of the bride wearing the same dress, then two men in suits on the other side.

 

[Mara]

I had a matron and a maid of honor at my wedding because I have an old friend who I have had for years who I felt obligated to give the position to even though we have grown apart a bit (she was married) and a more recent friend who was more of a close friend to me now...so by doing the maid and matron, it was a way to make everyone happy. The matron was not really too involved, so I leaned more heavily on my maid...and it all worked out in the end. Good luck with your decision!

 

[Momoftwo]

I''m one of 3 girls and at my youngest sister''s wedding, she refused to pick just one of us to be matron of honor, so we both were. It worked fine.